Ok, here's the deal.

   I'm constantly amazed by what people will believe. I mean seriously, Scientology? A system of belief created on a bet made by a mildly successful and throughly unreadable sci fi author?

   That's fucked up.

   So I wanna see some cult stuff here. Comics that satire those crazy cult ideas or the oily prophets that expound them.

   The Midnight Sons of the Revolting Platypus sorta stuff. 

   Show me what ya got. Rules:

1) Old comics allowed if they're followed up by a new one.

2) Series encouraged. Bonus points if I like it.

3) Comics made in a drunk state will receive bonus if I really believe you were drinking.

4) No limit to the absurdity of the cult, please.

   That about covers it. Have fun kids!

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Kill Whitey.

Church of Bovinus and the Lactate-Day Saints by AngryAmerican 7-28-08

Thank you for attending Brothers and Sisters. Harken now to the wisdom of the Mighty Bovinus, Whose words I will now convey! Moooo, mooo. Mooooo-Moooowha!..........Moo. Welcome Adherents! Your wives, children and money are now mine and will be blessed in due accordance with my whims. Blessed be! Moooo-ooooo.

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Kill Whitey.

CC396: Auditing by TheGovernor 7-28-08

Tom, why were you sticking your penis into that dogs mouth? Scientology Katie, Scientology! Ok, but why were you simultaneously giving a hand job to the paperboy? Scientology! and the fact my gran was shitting on your face? Actually that one was just for kicks

CC 396 Cult Stuff by crackpanther 7-28-08

We have got to get him in to see Father Pascarelli. Yeah, I just really feel like it's now or never.

based on a true work of complete fiction:

CC396: from the mind of Jizzy Night into her pockets by themushroom 7-28-08

And now, our milleniums-old spirit will give us guidance though his vessel, Brother Tom, who channels the voice through the chicken he felches.... Tom? Ram-Urethra! ... Ram-Urethra! alter reality in 4 days! - www.ramtha.com Ram-Urethra! ... Ram-Urethra! ungh... hommina.. unf... Douche! ahhh *gasp* Okay, folks, that's the word for today. Tomorrow's message will cost another $200.

 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" 1 by biped 11-18-07

KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. What? "Kell-nesh go-lar-cho"? That doesn't mean anything, sweetie. Why...why are you saying it? KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!! (gasp) Stop it, Sally, stop it! You...you're SCARING ME! If you keep doing that I'm going to take you to the DOCTOR! Is it serious, doctor? What's wrong with her? WHAT'S WRONG with my precious little Sally? KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!!

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" 2 by biped 11-18-07

KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!! "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!!" What the FUCK?!? Sally's new religion is sweeping the world. We've already received 500 billion dollars in donations. Oh. Well...kell-nesh go-lar-cho.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" 3 by biped 11-18-07

Welcome to the holiest of the holy temple of Sally. I am Sally's mommy. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! And I am Sally's daddy. Deposit your life's savings on your way in. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! Sally! Why aren't you saying "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" anymore? Why? WHY??? I was just playing, Mommy. Can I have some Milk Duds? Uh, we'll be returning all of your money now. Please don't sue us. It was all just a funny joke, ha ha. Our Sally is very mischievous.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" 4 by biped 11-18-07

KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!! Oh, SHUT UP! Mommy, why is the 'lectricity off and everybody is in the streets crying? Well...society has collapsed and regressed back to the Dark Ages because of your funny game, sweetums. Did you complete your study of the Earth civilization so that our clone spies may infiltrate-- KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO. KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO! KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" (follow-up 1) by biped 7-29-08

What's for dinner, Mommy? Rats, sweetums. Again? Well, not just plain rats. I've whipped up a really nice recipe for ratloaf. Garnished with, uhh...rats. I got that job in corpse disposal. Since money is useless now, they're paying me with rats. "The incredible, edible rat." Ha, ha. Oh--I got gang-raped by crazed maniacs again today.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" (follow-up 2) by biped 7-29-08

Dad, I got gang-raped by crazed maniacs again today. Wha--and you're still alive? Talk about a charmed life! High five! I lost a tooth today, Mommy! You did? Aww... looks like somebody can expect a visit from the Rat Fairy tonight! Well, what do you say--we kill the kids, I strangle you and hang myself. Let's wait till Christmas. It'll give us something to look forward to.

Sally in "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" (follow-up 3) by biped 7-29-08

KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO!!! GAAAAAAAAA!!! What just happened, Mommy? Well sweetie, the aliens have proclaimed you their Deity. All you have to do is say "KELL-NESH...GO-LAR-CHO" to them twice a day. Didn't feel like saying it, eh? No. Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving. I'll start stuffing the rat with rats.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Lord, though I walk through the Frankie Valli of Death by christopher7murphy 7-29-08

You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. You suck! I LOVE YOU BABY And if it's quite alright, I need you, BABY, To warm a lonely night. Oh, pretty baby, Don't bring me down, I prayyyyyy. Get a real Job! She Bangs! She Bangs! Mr. Cowell, do you call that praying?

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

Church of Christ by RedfeatheR 7-29-08

So... Rule #1: Anyone who isn't Christian goes to hell... Rule #2: Anyone who isn't a Church of Christ Christian goes to hell don't stop Rule #3: If you're not baptized in the correct and willing way, you go to hell even if you die on your way to the river to be baptized...

Church of Christ II by RedfeatheR 7-29-08

Rule #4: All children go to Heaven... Wait... What's the cut-off age? When the child knows about Jesus and that you can only be saved through him Couldn't a 3-year-old understand that? I've heard tell of 2-year-olds understanding it So a 24-month-old baby is responsible for choosing whether or not to save its eternal soul, yet has to wait until 18 to vote for president Are you kidding? Voting doesn't decide anything

Church of Christ III by RedfeatheR 7-29-08

Rule #5: All of God’s "chosen people" (read: the Jews) go to hell... except for Jesus Sounds sound What about all the people that came before Jesus? God judged them individualy I suspect. Either that or hell Why did God stop judging individualy after Jesus died? Because that's when the church of Christ was born

Church of Christ IV by RedfeatheR 7-29-08

Rule #6: Ref: Rule#3; You must be baptized by someone who has been baptized Solid Who baptized John the Baptist? I don't know... I'm not sure if he even was Didn't he baptize Jesus? Wait, lemme see that

Church of Christ V by RedfeatheR 7-29-08

Rule #7: "No one may enter the Kingdom except through me" Thus baptism Thus nothing. Couldn't he have meant he'll be there at the gate and no one will get by him unless he lets you? Thus baptism

[Click to view comic: 'Church of Christ VI']

[Click to view comic: 'Church of Christ VII']

RCL no. 1881 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-29-08

That's quite a teensy pecker you got there, Chen... Tell me about it! Last time I was in the restroom, I mistakenly pulled out a pubic hair and peed all over myself... Well, if you join my "Cult of the Angry Cock", I guarantee you'll be hung like the Menendez jury! But, won't my soul be damned to hell for all eternity? Yes. But, it's a small price to pay for you to be able to knock over small table lamps with your "joystick" from three feet away... From three feet away? SIGN MY ASS UP!!

RedfeatheR

According to Dante, they go to Hell... but a kind of pleasant, waiting-room part of Hell without the tortuous burning and stuff.

Of course, also according to Dante, anyone whom Dante owes money to goes to hell, too.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

CC 278/396: Devilish by NeoVid 3-14-05

I've never seen a good reason to be an atheist. After all, what are you losing by believing you're going to heaven after you die? Wow, believing that really got me here. Not exactly. We just brought you here to show you what happens to smartasses who try to break the system. Saint Guido, get the lead pipes.

CC 396: Ungodly by NeoVid 7-31-08

I've been thinking, and I realized that the only way every religion's beliefs can all work is if whatever you think happens to you when you die is what does happen. So, I came to the logical conclusion that I should believe that'll I'll replace the current God after I die. Then I'll limit people's ideas so that no one else can think of the same trick... Wait... uh oh. Pretty original idea there. Think I'll take it. Enjoy your new personality as a strict atheist.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

cc396: New recruit by mandingo 7-31-08

...and so to know that we're all the same energy is to know we're all just freckles on mother earth's breasts, and to know that is to love one another. Amen. what the hell kind of cult is this? all they've talked about is love and peace and the environment. i wanted to see some crazy shit. this has been lame as fuck AND NOW WE PLUNGE THE UNDERWEAR MODEL!!! teehee so, what did you think, Brother Greg? to be honest, i've got mixed feelings. most of it was boring as hell, but that said, it's been 20 minutes since they carted the redhead away and it seems pretty clear to me that i'm still cumming

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what if nigger meant kite

RCL no. 1885 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-31-08

...and, if you decide to join my cult, the dues will run you, say, $500 a month. Ok! But, that's just so you can stare at them for one hour per week. Jiggling will cost $1000 per month... OK! If, you want that sans bra, it bumps the price up to $3000 a month! What can I say..? I'm a sucker for big tits!

All right, note to self: Cults=not a great CC idea.

That being said there were some damn fine entries here folks, and it sucks worse than Cthulu eating my soul to have to pick a winner.

Notable entries and why the were notable:

Biped: Kell-Nesh Go-Lar-Cho. This is a cult I would be proud to be a member of. Well done sir.

The Govenor-Its like you can see into Tom and Katie's house...

RedfeatheR-Spotlighting the madness inherent in Christianity.

Mandingo-Do I need to say anything more? Consistently funny. It was an honor, AN HONOR sir to have you participate in my contest. (your lemur is in the mail)

So for me it came down to Neovid with Saint Guido and lead pipes (brilliant) VS. RCLG with The Cult of the Angry Cock.

And the person responsible for the next CC is...............................................................................................................

.................................................................................................................

RandomComicLayoutGuy

Congrats man. You earned it. Please PM me as to where I can join this cult immediately.

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Kill Whitey.

w00t! free lemur!

and RCLG is gonna be stoked. he's had a contest idea for ages. all i know about it is that it involves 17 Norwegians, a Nissan Stanza, and a hand whisk

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what if nigger meant kite

OMFG!!  I actually won?  YAY!  Thanks for choosing me, AA.  I will have the new CC up immediately because I've been waiting to use an idea I came up with a year ago in case I actually ever did win a contest...