So I'm really excited about the new artowrk. Thank you Injokester. If you haven't already, go to the Read My Damn Comics forum and read the new comics made with the new artwork and add your own.  But that's not what this CC is about.

I want you to take any historical figure and wonder what they might do for a stand up comedy routine. Then make a comic about that historical figure doing their stand up comedy at a club.

That's it.  The mic is yours. Have at it.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Oops! You wanted a "historical" figure, huh?  My BAD!

Joan of Arc's Husband

Stake my wife, please.

by kaufman, 8-01-14

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 585: Khaaaaaaaan! by kaufman 8-02-14

People wonder why I had my hordes rampaging across Asia, laying waste to everything in sight. My wife's like "Genghis, ever since you quit drinking, you've had some serious anger issues." I tell her, I'm hardly angry. In fact I'm doing just what they said, taking one steppe at a time! ... THANK YOU, I'll be in Minsk next week.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC by HCRoyall 8-04-14

...So I had t' be askin' 'im, "What's with the ship's wheel in yer pants?" And he says to me, he says, "Arr! It be drivin' me nuts!" My name be Blackbeard, and ye can be seein' me later as I rob ye blind!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC: Dr. Kevorkian by brycekain 8-04-14

What did the doctor say to the ailing patient...? BOOOOO!!! Excuse me for a second... Ok, so what did the doctor say to the ailing patient...?

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC: Hasid what you did there by brycekain 8-04-14

How many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how many were gassed the night before. HEY! Is that Mel Gibson dressed as a Rabbi?? shit.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC: Khalid al-Mihdhar (think I'm going to hell for this one) by brycekain 8-04-14

Ok ok, here's one: Why did the Jihadist hijack the airplane? Wow. Dead audience...

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC: Wanda Sykes by brycekain 8-04-14

WOOOOO! SHOW US YOUR TITS!! I don't have any tits. *VOMIT*

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

cc 585 or something by arbi 8-05-14

legendary invisible pink unicorn here. i couldn't pass this one up could i? but i dont really do stand up. that's more the centaur's gig. i don't tell jokes as such, i just tell stories about my life. they aren't laughing with me, they're laughing at me, if that. perhaps i can edit this later if i think of a punchline.

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woof

Socratic Method by TheGovernor 8-05-14

Everyone knows about my apprentice Plato No-one ever seems to remember my other three students though... ...Knifo, Forko and Spoono

Groovy! - Christ, you know it ain't easy... by edoggydog 8-07-14

This morning, Mary asked me why I was in a bad mood... I told her I was feeling a little "cross". *crickets* Okayyy... Let me try this one: the best part about being me is I never need a towel after taking a shower... I just hang dry! *CRICKETS* DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE AUDIENCE DAMNED TO HELL BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LAUGH AT MY JOKES??? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I'm going to put this thing to bed in the next day or two so get any last minute entries in before then.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Show's over folks! Don't forget to tip your waitress. She's got drug issues just like the rest of us.

So I'd like to mention some of the ones that stood out for me.

The 1st is kaufman for

Joan of Arc's Husband

Stake my wife, please.

by kaufman, 8-01-14

Simply awesome.

Also for arbi's

cc 585 or something by arbi 8-05-14

legendary invisible pink unicorn here. i couldn't pass this one up could i? but i dont really do stand up. that's more the centaur's gig. i don't tell jokes as such, i just tell stories about my life. they aren't laughing with me, they're laughing at me, if that. perhaps i can edit this later if i think of a punchline.

You saw the opportunity and took it. I wanted to give this win to you just to see you host your own CC. Please keep entering these things.

But, I found this one so good I could not deny the win to TheGovernor for

Socratic Method by TheGovernor 8-05-14

Everyone knows about my apprentice Plato No-one ever seems to remember my other three students though... ...Knifo, Forko and Spoono

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Great contest topic.  I wish more people had entered, but some among us might be on vacation.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Cool, thank you

I shall post a new competition forthwith, or fifthwith since Im off for a cuppa first. 

foghdf by kirbycats 5-12-14

wana hear a joke i wont eat ur fuckin soul aha fuk u