I think it looks like time for a relatively simple contest. Therefore, that's what you will get. The only rule:

A character in your entry has to believe something that is clearly false, either in the context of the comic, or of the world in general. As for what that something is, let's try to stay away from politics and inside jokes (e.g., "Tobor is celibate"). Other than that, you have free rein -- other characters can agree with, dispute, or ignore the falsehood per your whim.

Bonus points for using the secret word if and when I decide what it is.

Enter single comics, series, whatever. Judging sometime Tuesday.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I hope the secret word is "Grovel."

One day that never will happen by Spankling 6-04-03

sigh...   ?   You are, like, a GOD! If only you would let me rub myself all over you! LET you? [grovel] I am unworthy! [grovel] So this is how the other half lives...

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Woohoo! Hopefully this'll earn me my second dishonourable mention...

CC 191: Horribly Non-Rules Compliant by MaxPayne 6-04-03

It's not about oil, I swear! Tobor wait till marriage!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Fine, a real entry.

CC 191: Value-sized Cholesterol Count by MaxPayne 6-04-03

Objects in mirror Welcome to Blockage Burger, home of the Heart Attack Meal! What can I get for you? Yeah, let me have 5 of your HealthBurgers. are just as large Sir, every day you come in here and ask for "Health Burgers", and every day, I tell you THEY DON'T EXIST! Fine then, let me just have 5 of your triple-stack bacon burgers. as they appear. Would you like and cheese sauce to go with those, sir? No, thank you, not today. I must go, I have to teach an aerobics class in twenty minutes.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Three to be considered each in their own right.

Now That's Hell by choadwarrior 5-25-03

I was told if I martyred myself, I would get 72 virgins. Yes, they're all yours and they can't wait to see you... Oh, praise Allah! ...that is your punishment. Punishment? Yeah, don't be surprised if they still won't put out.

I Rebuke Thee by choadwarrior 5-23-03

Satan, I think I lead a good life. I'll do anything to get out of here.. Anything? [Slurp. Slurp. Slurrrrrp.] Oh, this is great... So do I get to go to Heaven now? Well, to be honest, that's God's call, not mine--and what you just did isn't going to help your case at all.

Don't Forget the Nashville Network by choadwarrior 5-21-03

See, television is all part of the Jew conspiracy to control the world. Jews such as Michael Eisner run Hollywood, so they only allow programs on TV that support their Jew philosophies. Coming up next on ABC...the Country Music Awards!!! Nevermind.

I hope you enjoy them even though they suck. I present to you, Smash!!!!!! The Series

Smash!!!!!! Part one by Ewwwww 6-05-03

HULK SMASH!!!! Bruce I know this isn't what you want. Im your friend Betty Ross, do you remember me ? Hulk remember, Hulk sorry Hulk try to hurt. Its ok, I know you didn't mean too. What hulk do now! Get your lazy ass a job!

Smash!!!!!!! Part Two by Ewwwww 6-05-03

Betty Ross's House Im going to the bathroom for a minute, make yourself comfortable. Hulk no want job. Hmmmm. Hulk see whats on tv. What!!! Opera is one 3 times a day!!! Thats it, everyone crazy but Hulk...Hulk Smash!!! Along with that news, Everyone at fox has now committed suicide. Also just in, Opera is now suing the decease's family for tarnishing her name Hulk why do you have a knife!!! Hulk think we go have cake....(whispers)Betty cake...

Smash!!!!!! Part Three by Ewwwww 6-05-03

2 hours after Hulk kills and eats Betty... Father, I have committed a sin, This is my first confession. Why is it only your first? Hulk was raised Jewish, that not point. Hulk killed friend Betty, then baked her into a cake. There is nothing wrong in what you did it was natural. Natural like touching little Hulk think obvious what happends in next comic... And thats whys it ok, hulk, kulh are you there?

Smash!!!!!!! Part Five by Ewwwww 6-05-03

Hulk think story going downward. Ewwwww hulk is going to spice things up. What did you say? hulk is going to drag you into a field and kill you. Then eat you. Ohhh, That sounds kinky! Listen, im comming in the comic to help the story. Hulk think it ok as long as you bring betty cake...

Smash!!!!!! The Real Part Five by Ewwwww 6-05-03

Who are you??? I finally found you, Hulk I your father! Really you Hulk dad??? Yes, But me come to tell you I hate you. Goodbye This is where I show up! Im here, Wow man you really did spice that up. Nice work!

[Click to view comic: 'Smash Part SIX: The End?']

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

Theories by crabby 6-05-03

I'm telling you don't brush your teeth before you go to bed because if you let fluoride sit on your teeth all night it will rot them away. You don't want to drink more than two glasses of milk a day. To much calcium can lead to osteoporosis. I once met Kareem Abdul-Jabaar and he's only like 4'9. The camera adds at least 3 feet. The sames true about all basketball players.

CC 191: Brad's Soliloquy by MaxPayne 6-05-03

But.... I DON'T suck!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

***** Note to self **** Remember to TITLE your strips BEFORE saving them *****

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-05-03

.. OK Brad, the boss really let me have it. But he said I can get you this beautiful 1977 Valiant for just $3995 What? No way I'm doing that. Are you crazy? Look, I'm not supposed to do this, but if you buy today, I'll throw in the extended warranty for only... $400 more SOLD! heheh... sucker heheh... sucker

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

CC191: M Butterfly by mmyers 6-05-03

I'm so happy that we're together, Butterfly. This is the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had with a woman. Me too, Brad Sucky-sucky san. Yeah, here's a weird thing. I found a bottle of Rogaine in your medicine cabinet today,and I don't use Rogaine, and it's only for men and all that. I don't know how that got there, Brad-san. Also, I walked in while you were using the shower today and your silhoutte through the curtain, well, it kind of looked like you had a penis. That was a shampoo bottle, Brad-san.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

CC 191: If it's on TV, it must be true. by KungChiFu 6-05-03

"In just 20 minutes, 3 times a week over 6 weeks, you could lose up to 30 pounds and replace it with lean, hard muscle!" "Bowflex. The ultimate in home fitness." Sweet.

Too obvious? Hopefully, though, "sweet" or "Bowflex" is the secret word.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Probably too wordy, but I have a bad habit of making wordy comics. This, amazingly enough, is based on a true story.

CC191: To Square The Circle - A True Story by descolada99 6-05-03

Indiana House of Representatives, 1897 Ladies and Genltemen I am Dr. Edwin Goodwin, Representative to this fine body, and I propose the following legislation: I have trisected the angle, duplicated the cube, and squared the circle. House Bill 246 will use my discovery and set pi = 4! These problems had been long since given up by scientific bodies as insolvable mysteries and above man’s ability to comprehend. Even better, I will allow Indiana to copyright this value and charge other states a royalty to use it in their math books. It's free money! Furthermore, I propose legislation that will make up down, black white and me the emperor of Taffy Land. mmmm. Taffy.

Except for that last part I suppose. Heh.

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"Fascist Clay was my most favorite totalitarian boxer!" - Indie Rock Pete from Diesel Sweeties

Ok...it was driving me crazy. It's OPRAH not OPERA. Opera is not a person, it is a theatrical art. Thank you. Good day.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Also, how can you be "one three time a day" ?

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Well, these are my entries. It's a four part series about a guy named Greg who thinks he can fly.

CC 191 Part I: It Gets Worse, But Not Yet by codehappykid 6-05-03

Son, lookie here. All those techie-type people wouldn't have spent all that time making airplanes work if people could fly. No! I won't believe it! I can fly! Who in tarnation put that fool idea in your head, boy? The tooth fairy! ...Go jump off a cliff, if you want to.

CC 191 Part II: Squirrels Are Evil by codehappykid 6-05-03

He thinks I can't fly, but I know better! I'll show him! Attaboy, Greg! Go make your old man proud! I will! I'll jump off Desert Mountain and fly to Tahiti! You're a brave man! Get out there and show gravity who's boss! We're slowly winning the war.

CC 191 Part III: Desert Mountain by codehappykid 6-05-03

There it is! I see it in the distance! I'm here! Now I just have to climb to the top! Then again, if I can fly, why did I climb up here?

CC 191 Part IV: Shattered Dreams And Some Broken Bones by codehappykid 6-05-03

GERONIMO! I wonder if Dad will come and get me?

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HALPUU!

Why do I still need to have this conversation with the idiots I work with?

Very Important--Forward This Comic To Everyone You Know by choadwarrior 6-05-03

You know hoax e-mails about getting lavish prizes for forwarding a message to everybody you know have been around since the mid-nineties. Do you really imagine Bill Gates would think the best way to test an e-mail tracking program would be to pay $1,000 to millions of internet users? How long would Gap, Banana Republic, Old Navy, and Abercrombie & Fitch be in business if they gave away $100 gift certificates to everyone in America? I worked for Disney. They're a bunch of cheap asses. What makes you think Roy Disney would give away millions of lifetime Disneyland passes and lose out on all that admission revenue? And finally, why do you waste my time by sending me these stupid spams? Hey, it's worth a shot!

CC 191: I believe in Father Christmas by jes_lawson 6-05-03

Santa! But I thought you didn't really exist! Ho ho ho! I exist alright! As long as little children believe in me! So if I don't believe in you, what happens then? Well...I....um... Thought so.

CC 191: Who's Max Cannon? by jes_lawson 6-05-03

I used to believe the maxim "What they don't know won't hurt them." But I was wrong. Those kids didn't know about the landmines I laid in the playground and...well...here I am!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC:Joan is airplane secruity! by MDMM 6-05-03

I am not a terrorist. You can have your machine gun back then. I'm in first class... Okay so you're not Jason...Move on ahead! DAHMIT! I'M TWEETY! Tweety was a duck!

Is the mystery word "Dandruff"?

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I mean this in a Non racist,sexual,or threat to kill your family way!

Puff Puff Puff that Cigarette by Spankling 6-05-03

Suck me big guy! I'm good for you! But wont my teeth turn yellow and my breath smell like a damp ass full of campfire ashes? I build strong bodies 12 ways! I'm not convinced. I hear you're addicting and deadly. C'mon! The feds don't even let you smoke pot. Do you think they would keep tobacco legal if it was bad for you? Okay. You got me there.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I am going to post all old comics for this contest, mainly because I'm on a downward spiral. :-P

The Last Temptation of Christ by Bargaintuan 2-06-03

It is finished. Not quite. Damn.

Delusions of Grandeur by Bargaintuan 2-08-03

I AM THE WAY AND THE LIGHT! No you're not! I am! THROUGH ME ALONE CAN YOU MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! You're getting warmer... OK, can I just be the Light? You can still be the Way... Uh, sure. *sigh*

Why Knock Knock Jokes Don't Work in Real Life by Bargaintuan 2-10-03

Knock, Knock! Who's there? A little old lady. F@#k off.

Owlleluia by Bargaintuan 2-22-03

Nocturnal by nature, owls prey on small animals after dusk. THAT'S "PREY ON", NOT "PRAY FOR", YOU IDIOT! No wonder I'm so hungry...

Dude Looks Like the Lady Is a Tramp by Bargaintuan 3-04-03

Hey, check out that chick! She's wearing next to nothing, and she's almost attractive enough to pull it off! Dude, that's a man! Uh, yeah. But if he were a chick, he'd be hot!