Hey all. I'm quite new to this whole thing (never fancied myself a cartoonist until I saw this site), but I decided to try making some comics, and well... Some of my friends think they're funny. I'd like some more opinions. My comics are here...

[url=http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=Undaunted][/url]

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=Undaunted

They make slightly more sense if you start from the begining ("A Lame Introduction") and move forward. You know, chronological order and all that happiness.

If you like the 20 or so I have so far, I have plenty more ideas to come. And, if you don't like them... Just tell me to shut up and go away, I guess.

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

I really like your comics. Your delivery of the jokes is really cool.

Plus, your life sounds pretty much identical to mine...which isn't really a good thing, but oh well.

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what happened to my rustic monologue? ...i'm not sleeping with that producer again

Hey, thanks man. Positive feedback is always welcome.

And so is constructive criticism, by the way...

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

I've added a few more... And to be honest, I'm running out of ideas. But more will come... I only started to days ago, and I already have about 22... I'd like as much feedback as possible, from anyone.

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

I think you're spending too much time setting things up. Let the characters' words and actions speak for themselves. Less exposition, more jokes. Find some other people around here who write ongoing series and study them to see how it can be done.

I personally almost never like it when the characters speak directly to the audience, but some folks around here disagree with me on that, so you can make your own call.

My favorites so far are probably the two crucifix strips (one and two).

You seem to have promise. Keep at it. Welcome to Stripcreator.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Thanks, Evil D, for the criticism. I can see from your own comics that you have a pretty good idea as to what you're talking about. However, do you think you could be a bit more specific? Maybe an example of where I spent too much exposition? Or maybe a link showing me a decent, ongoing strip (I have yet to find one myself...)

Thanks for the feedback everyone. More is always welcome.

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

Your first strip, A Lame Introduction is a prime example of what I mean. Lots of needless exposition, no punchline. You could use your profile if you wanted to tell us that the strip is based on your life, but to be honest, I don't think it's important information. Introducing: Zack! is another one. There's some comedy in there -- the idea of avoiding sunlight, and I especially like the idea of making him African-American just because of Affirmative Action laws -- but the introduction doesn't have to be so dry and straightforward. "This is Zack. He's my friend. We talk online." You don't need to tell us that stuff -- just show it, and we'll figure things out. A Question: an interesting observation, I guess, but no real joke. What's the point?

I think the strips that you write that are actually part of the story, that tell jokes, are pretty good. I like your latest three, about the food court. I just don't like having to wade through punchline-less exposition to get there.

For an example of another ongoing series, see Scyess, who writes what is probably the longest-running serial strip on this site. Read his first dozen comics to see a number of recurring characters introduced seamlessly.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Here's my latest. My few critics have said good things about it. Any thoughts?

Spencer's Interview by Undaunted 7-13-03

So... Spencer? What makes you think you'd be a good employee of Bob's Grocery Store? Well, Mr. Jones, I'm very patient and polite, and I always thought I'd work well with customers. I'm very organized and good with numbers, and people tell me all the time that I have a great smile. Yeah, you and every other applicant. What if I promise not to turn you in when I catch you banging one of your fifteen-year old employees? You're hired. I thought so.

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

*Sigh* What do I have to do to get comments on my comics? Because whatever it is, I'll do it. Should I dance? Do you want me to dance? Will dancing get you to look my comics?

*Dances pathetically*

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

Dance like this. Always works for me.

I definitely have too much free time. :-/

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Hi - I really liked the last 3 I've read ("Bob's Grocery Story", "Spencer's First Day" and "Sarah's Birthday Present to Spencer"). I didn't really know what to say about the earlier ones - I was reading them, but I thought other people would give better advice or more valid responses than I could. Our approaches to making comics are so different - mine are kind of indirect and conceptual, and yours are really likeably grounded in situations and characters - it seems natural for you to be making the series that you are. In your recent strips, the dialogue seems more considered and clear - as a result, the pacing works better and I think that helps your humour a lot.

Thanks Speedboat! I'll be sure to check out some of yours and return the favor.

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

I've liked everything I've seen from you. Keep up the good work.

I liked quite a few of your comics; the timing is getting better and I'm glad you took evil d's advice to cut out the over-explanation. The comics that I didn't like, I didn't hate.

I'll be interested to see more.

You're definitely getting better as time goes on. I think it would be helpful if you could avoid the vertical stretching of the panels if at all possible, unless the particular background is built to accomodate it... unless it somehow is part of the gag, of course.

I remember the days when characters actually floated up away from the bottom of the panel when the vertical stretching took effect. Oh, so many levitation jokes ruined. :p

Hi everybody. This is basically a shameless method of bumping up my sagging thread. But, hey, at least I didn't add to the clutter here by making a new thread, eh? See how aware and considerate I am? Anyways, here's my latest, I proclaimed it a success by myself. I'm fairly indifferent to the previous 'commercial' comics, though I feel the Burger King one was decent. Basically, this is my only good one in a while. I'm only funny when making fun of myself or Zack, and I hit two birds with one stone this time.

Everyone Sometimes Questions Their Sexuality by Undaunted 7-21-03

You know Zack, they say everyone is at least a little gay. To be honest, I'd say I'm about 10% gay... I like silk boxers just a little too much. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'd say I'm about 15% gay... I'm mildly attracted to Leonardo DiCaprio. Let us never speak of this again. Agreed.

Anyways, I'm getting a bit desperate for ideas. Since this comic is based on my life, and I've spent most of my life on this comic lately... Then, well, inspiration is kind of lacking. I know my critics haven't enjoyed the comics in which I had characters speak directly to the reader, but I'm consdering making another one or two of these. Mostly because I'm running out of ideas and need the 'filler', but I feel they stand a fair chance of actually being funny. This is your last chance to object to another 'exposition' comic before I make it. Please, some one stop me before I resort to using TOBOR!

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Don't trust your food proccessor. It's out to get you.

I read through a few of your comics. I agree with what most said, try not to drag things out too much, by the end of some of them, even if the punchline was decent i felt robbed of all the time i spent sifting through the meaningless banter and couldn't appreciate the punchline as much as i would've liked to.

I really liked The Food Court: Aftermath, Defensive: Part 1, and Spencer's First Day. Your jokes are getting alot more focused and amicable, keep it up :-)

Oh and btw, no one actually believes that you think that about porn. Just so you know :-P

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Adventures in Bad Taste.