choadwarrior
Crash Magnet
Member Rated:
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| Welcome back to "This Old House of God." Now, God, you were telling us you wanted a new look for the place, but you were on a budget. | |
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| That's right, Bob; I'm also a hands-on kind of god and I'd like to help out wherever I can. | |
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| Well, you're in luck. Norm and I have a project that is perfect for the do-it-yourself omnipotent deity. | |
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| All you need is two strong beams of wood, some nails, and your only begotten son. | |
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| I like where this is going. | |
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Okay, this character is literally left hanging, but i'm not sure if he's figuratively hanging...
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| How do you endure the suffering, messiah? | |
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| I just try to look at the bright side. | |
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| You mean that you will get to take your place along side your father in heaven? | |
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| Yeah, that's all good, but i was also thinking... | |
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| I'll bet I'll be able to use these nail holes to simulate a vagina when I masturbate. | |
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| So how about after Saturday night's mass you come back to my place and hang out? | |
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| Um, sure, father...what would we do? | |
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| I thought I would open up a bottle of sacramental wine, light some votive candles, and then we'd take off these uncomfortable frocks and mess around. | |
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| I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that. | |
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| Awwww, c'mon...think of it as your first cum union. | |
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| I've got ten major projects going on right now and I need you to do something for me. | |
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| I'm sorry, I just went on my break. What do you need me to do when I'm done? | |
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| Look, I'm really sorry I tricked you into believing I could get you into Heaven. | |
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| I'll go easy on you for the next 1,000 years, but first you have to do one thing for me. | |
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| You aren't lying to me again are you? | |
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| Shut up and take your dentures out. | |
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By the way, like Kaufman's friend, illyanadmc, I am also a 9-11 baby, but 2001 was not a landmark birthday like turning 21.
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