I just love Spankling's latest CC entry, I told him I wish there were more overweight characters so I could make more strips making fun of the typical American diet. First...here's my nod to Spankling...then a few of my strips on the same vein...

Can't you just smell the fat hitting the sidewalk? by Spankling 7-26-03

sizzle... sizzle... Sweating like a pig is getting to be a hobby! That's why the fat cats in DC named August "Sizzling American Month!" sizzle... sizzle... Marketing Obesity can't be the most important thing on the books! Standing in the sun, you just burned off 176 calaries! sizzle... sizzle... Then eating this burger can't possibly do any harm! Note to self: Buy more McMadcow stock.

Now Mine...

Salad Is Healthy by choadwarrior 7-20-03

My doctor says I need to lose weight...what do you have that's healthy? We have a salad with wilted iceberg lettuce, bacon, cheese, a slice of tomato and croutons. I'll take that, with extra bleu cheese dressing. You realize that's like 40 grams of fat and iceberg lettuce has about as many nutritional benefits as water, right? Okay, make it two.

Why The Atkins Diet Is Successful by choadwarrior 7-01-03

Before I administer the probe, I must ask you what you ate in the last twelve hours. Well, I'm on the Atkins diet... So I ate a cheeseburger and pickled eggs for lunch, and for dinner I had a 72 ounce buttered steak. Well, I'm going to send you back...you have no idea how hard it is to clean these things. Thanks, Dr. Atkins...your high fat, low fiber diet has saved my life!

Eating with more hands than Ganesh by choadwarrior 7-01-03

I've never noticed this restaurant here before, how long has it been open? Just two month's time...My brother recently brought me and my entire family over here from India. That's cool, so you like it here? Oh, yes, very much so. In India, we were so poor I could barely feed my family. So now you run an all-you-can-eat buffet for fat Americans? I hope you find the food as delicious as the irony.

What I Really Want To Say by choadwarrior 6-17-03

I'll see you up in the office, I'm going to take the elevator.. Maybe she wouldn't be such a big, fat, ham-filled beanbag if she took the stairs like I do. I don't know why, but the stairs hurt my knees. Um, no, the stairs don't hurt your knees, your torso does with every step you take. It must be because I played sports when I was in high school. That's right--it couldnt possibly be the thirty years of eating fast food every day at lunch and fried food and ice cream for dinner every night.

[Click to view comic: 'Chomp!']

Grumble by choadwarrior 6-14-03

Damn, I haven't eaten anything all day and I just had one of those nasty belches you get when you're hungry. What do you mean? You know, those burps where you can taste the bile in your stomach because there isn't any food down there to absorb it. Hmmm...that's never happened to me. Probably because your stomach has never been empty.

Total Eclipse of the Porch by choadwarrior 6-05-03

Hi! I'm your neighbour from next door! Yeah, I know, I've seen you around. I think it's crazy that we've lived next door to each other for seven years but we've never met. People in California are so unfriendly. Not when you're skinny.

We Were Founded By Puritans, You Know by choadwarrior 6-01-03

Americans are such prudes. Whenever I go to the beach wearing my little Speedo, everybody stares. Maybe they're staring because they can't tell you're wearing one.

Res Ipsa Loquitor by choadwarrior 7-23-03

Dude, you really need to lose some weight. I would, but I hurt my back three years ago. You know, must soft-tissue back injuries fully resolve in six weeks. Yeah, I don't know why but mine never got better. Kinda makes me wonder if that extra sixty pounds you're carrying up front has anything to do with that. I told you--I'd exercise, but my back is killing me!

How About A Nice Sausage? by choadwarrior 7-23-03

My mom still can't get over the fact that I turned vegetarian. She doesn't shut up about it. That bitch pushes more meat than Ron Jeremy.

[Click to view comic: 'Celebrity Encounter']

Oh, there's more...christ, i'm a shallow prick.

Awesome.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

An big improvement on what I did, particularly "How About A Nice Sausage?".

But let me go on record as saying that I believe properly positioned body fat to be quite appealing.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

as a fat person, i couldn't just stand idly by. mostly because it hurts to stand.

Counterpoint by habnem 7-28-03

Look at you. You're so fat, you big fat Fatty McFatterton. You should really lose some weight, fatass. I want to throw up just looking at you. Oh, crap. I feel a breeze coming. Could you stand behind me? Sure--right after you go fuck yourself.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

ha ha

Very good comic. Yes, I know I'm being insensitive. I acknowledged that I'm being a shallow prick.

Unfortunately, I've become just like ex-smokers who pontificate about how unhealthy, stinky, and inconsiderate smoking is. Or maybe I'm more like a death row inmate who finds Jesus and now wants to spread the gospel.

This comic explains my perspective...

Proportion by choadwarrior 7-28-03

Good lord--cheese must be running through your arteries. I wish I had your metabolism--it's not my fault I'm fat. I used to be as big as you, but I started eating balanced meals and exercising and lost over 70 pounds. Well, I guess I'm just big-boned. And how many big bones are in that stomach of yours?

I wanted to do one.

Your body is a Happy Meal by mmyers 7-30-03

And if you want ribs, I'll make 'em, swim in a deep sea of bacon. Take all your big hams and bake 'em, dinner's bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. I can't find my hands.

I'm not the only one who sings to his food, am I?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I'll Never See Obese a Burden by kaufman 7-30-03

Haven't you ever considered losing some weight? It must be inconvenient for someone like you in a made-for-svelte society. Not really. On the contrary, there are places that cater to all my plus-size needs. Like what? Big-& tall clothes stores, places that sell oversized chairs, supersized meals ... why, there's even a special scale made for people like me. Richter, right?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Cleophatra by choadwarrior 8-08-03

You need to go talk to our daughter about losing some weight. She's only three--that's all baby fat. That's what they say about Drew Barrymore too, and she's 28. I've tried to boost her self esteem by stressing that it's what's inside that counts. What is inside her is a tub of Crisco. You just don't understand--It's a mother's job to teach her daughter how to deal with problems through denial.

A Head Start by choadwarrior 8-08-03

Honey, we need to get you off all the junk food. But it's soooooo yummy! But you're only three and you have a neck like Michael Moore! I thought it's what's inside that counts. You may as well learn this lesson while you are young and can do something about it...Relying on my personality instead of looks is how I ended up with your father.

Wow! It's as if you're funny or something!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Perhaps it's the fact that I'm well on the road to obesity myself, but I didn't find any of these comics funny.

(Except kaufman's -- his punchline was rather unexpected.)

It's weird, too. I really don't think I'm the overly sensitive type.

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This is not my empire.

Thanks again, Spankling. Oh, and I forgot to compliment Kaufman and mmyers--nice work.

And Flickguy--I knew there would be a backlash against these strips and/or me when I posted this thread. I thought more than twice about doing it since I have a fairly good reputation among the regulars and for the most part have no idea what they look like.

My motivation in these strips is not to hurt feelings. Most of the strips revolve around the choices people make about their eating habits and activity, which should have no bearing on any genetic predispositions (but I also recognize that some strips are just cheap shots like Total Eclipse of the Porch).

But if someone finds them unfunny simply because they find them unfunny--that's fine too.

(Holy moses! It just dawned on me that the last "lash-out" I had was also on a thread you started, Choadwarrior.)

I'm sorry. It didn't even occur to me.

Please don't take it to mean I don't find your strips funny -- quite the contrary, in fact.

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This is not my empire.

Bypass by choadwarrior 9-18-03

Welcome to McDonalds...may I take your order? What's in the Big Breakfast? About 74 grams of fat. Mmmmmm! Yeah, there's nothing like eclipsing your RDA of fat during your first meal of the day.

Saw this while waiting in line at Taco Bell.

The Fat Man's Jeff Foxworthy by mmyers 10-03-03

And if you're at a drive-thru and you're eating something while you place your order, you might just be a fat ass. Uncle Tom! Hey fuck you, buddy. It takes a lot of gas to make this engine go and I don't see you footing the bill. I got grocery bills to pay.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Messed up Mort by boinky33 10-01-03

My goodness you're fat! Yes, I am. You're like a freaking blimp! I know.... Can I ride you?

Boinky, I liked that strip when you posted it in RMDC. I still like it here.

here's my latest:

As Plain As The Chins On Your Face by choadwarrior 10-09-03

When I was 38, I had my gall bladder removed; then they took out my appendix six months later. Gawd...surgery scars and stretch marks. Then last year they yanked out my ovaries and uterus. Well, that explains it. What? Where you found all that room for your stomach.

Fit by choadwarrior 10-19-03

Is that a new shirt? Yes. Do you ever do anything remotely physical? No, why? Nike really needs to stop making XXL t-shirts.

Close-Ups by choadwarrior 10-20-03

Did you really lose 70 pounds? Yes. You must be really proud of that. The happiest day of my life was when I got to take a new driver's licence photo. I'll bet. I never knew those pictures had backgrounds.

Denial by choadwarrior 10-20-03

I'll never lose weight, this is just my body type. Maybe if you watched what you eat, you might see some changes. I do eat healthy--I had fish for lunch. Yeah, but it was deep fried, you slathered it in tartar sauce, and you had sides of au gratin potatoes and cole slaw. Fish and vegetables! You can't get a more balanced meal than that. Did I mention that she's a registered dietician?

Overzealousness by choadwarrior 10-21-03

Are you done losing weight, or are you trying to lose more. I'd like to get back down to my original weight. What was that? Eight pounds, six ounces.

Inside Trading by choadwarrior 10-21-03

I decided if I'm ever going to lose weight, I'll have to get my stomach stapled. Hey--Where are you going? I need to call my stock broker and tell him to sell everything and put it into Bostich.

Ennui by AccentuateNegative 3-07-04

What do you want to do today? I don't know, what do you want to do? I don't care. It's a nice day; I just want to go out and do something. You're the one with the car, so you pick. Want to go to Dairy Queen and watch fat people eat? Let me get my jacket.

Fatty by boinky33 3-11-04

Does this shirt make me look fat? No, but that big gut of yours does! So, the shirt looks fine?