All comics by MikeyG

Profile

 

by MikeyG
6-07-04
Hewwo! Wiww you be my fwiend?
Oh. You must be the Gentle Gutter of Grosse Point.
I have ta go to da baffwoom!
Umm...I'm the Night Noogier. I jam my knuckles into people's heads until their brains ooze out.
I pooed my sewf!
How do you Noogie someone who's wearing a 'tard helmet?

 

by MikeyG
6-08-04
Reservation for one?
Light dis ray, Meestah.
Yes, what do you have to drink?
Waitless be wiff you velly soon. Enjoy you dinnah, Meestah.
Yes, there you are. What kind of beverages do you have?
Sake Sake, fie dolla!

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 once ate a bird's nest on a dare.
boinky33 is currently serving ten to twenty in Sing Sing for bear cub molestation.
boinky33 made a Sri Lankan boy cry.
boinky33 flies over gypsy caravans and drops styrofoam peanuts on them.
boinky33 is addicted to slow-motion gymnastics.
boinky33 is the name of a Belgian colon cleanser.

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 will only ride Clydesdale stallions.
boinky33 can't fake the funk on some monkey spunk.
boinky33 actually wrote the Godfather II.
boinky33 was known as "Sammy the Sniper" back in the 'Nam.
boinky33 once paid for his abortion with his paper route.
boinky33 throws his poo at monkeys.

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 sleeps with a Spongebob doll because he thinks his daddy won't touch his pee-pee when he holds it.
boinky33 made my momma dig her own grave at gunpoint.
boinky33 chews the legs on his mom's bedpost down by a third of an inch every two weeks.
boinky33 tried to convince his mailman he was a rottweiler with a taste for human flesh.
boinky33 only masturbates on the sixth minute of every hour out of fear of sending his grandmother to hell.
boinky33 can't help touching produce at the supermarket.

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 smells like curry powder when he sweats.
boinky33 loves to cut the mustard.
boinky33 walks around town hiding kosher dill pickles under things.
boinky33 makes me wash his socks in lemon kool-aid.
boinky33 once made love to me and then threw a 20 at me and told me to buy myself something nice.
boinky33 has a pigeon-punting team that tours Guatemala.

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 can't seem to find his overalls.
boinky33 has never tasted the sweet nectar of manhoney.
boinky33 drinks manhoney like water.
boinky33 ate all of mama bear's porridge.
boinky33 is the Weapon of Mass Destruction the government has been looking for in Iraq.
boinky33 has a black belt in your mother's ass.

 

by MikeyG
6-14-04
boinky33 coined the term "vaginal blood fart".
boinky33 can't take a punch.
boinky33 makes Lou Reed sound like Stevie Wonder.
boinky33 cornered the market on lowercase comic strippers.
boinky33 is really Jesus.
boinky33 is a genetic byproduct of syphillis.

 

by MikeyG
6-15-04
boinky33 makes marmalade using motor oil, cheez whiz, and twinkie cream. And manhoney.
boinky33 got pregnant with with MikeyG's child and the child ate its way out of his ass.
boinky33 is madly in love with a lamp on his mother's nightstand.
boinky33 is just like Viagra because he gives old men hard-ons.
boinky33 is the Keanu Reeves of Napanee, Canada.
boinky33 starred in a high school production of Point Break: The Musical.

 

by MikeyG
6-15-04
boinky33 sometimes scratches his crotch in front of his mother just to see her reaction.
boinky33 puts ketchup and mustard on his Frosted Mini-Wheats.
boinky33 is not my lover, he's just a girl who thinks that I am the one.
boinky33 strangled seven chickens in his Uncle's farm. He was never caught.
boinky33 once sawed off several pig penises and told his girlfriend they were special Twizzlers.
boinky33 is under the impression that he is quite a Lothario.

 

by MikeyG
6-16-04
Hey, I got the shit beat out of me yesterday.
What happened?
I shouted my surprise as I realized that the world has no one definition and that it can only be defined by each individual's perception, making no one perception better than any others.
So how did that get you beat up?
I was jacking off onto my sleeping dad's face at the time.

 

by MikeyG
6-16-04
My boyfriend called me up from Scotland to have phone sex last night.
Oooh, kinky! What did you do?
I stuck the receiver up my twat and he stuck his receiver up his ass.
So you two fucked yourselves with the receivers on the phone with each other?
We made squishy noises to each other across the expanse of an entire ocean.
How romantic!

 

by MikeyG
6-18-04
Stop strugglin' bitch, and shut da fuck up!
No, please! NO!
I said SHUT UP, BITCH!
PLEASE! Stop, PLEASE!
What, bitch? Yo' ass don't wanna get raped?
Well, it's just dat da cops gon' ruin my manicure when they scrapin' yo DNA out my finganails.

 

by MikeyG
6-18-04
Man, I'm hungrier than a Twinkie-deprived overeater. Look, a nun!
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall NOT rub my bible against my naughty spot...
Be my lunch, bitch!
AUUUGGGHHHH!!!!
Marijuana: It could turn you into a nun-eating cannibal.
Mmmm....Filet Mign-nun....

 

by MikeyG
6-21-04
Mom, I'm so in love. She and I had a little thing when we were younger, but now we're reunited and in love. I am sooooo happy!
I mean, she's just so cool and calm. Whenever bad shit happens, she doesn't even flinch. Mom, she's SO awesome.
Mike, you dug up your dead sister and had sex with her.
You hate ALL my girlfriends!

 

by MikeyG
6-21-04
Dude, so rember the party last night?
Yeah, it ruled!
I know, and I told Debbie Skinner to meet me in the dark bedroom after I slipped her some roofies and I fucked her in the butt!
SWEET!
Later...
Dad, why are you lying prone on the floor?
I can't remember. I went looking for you last night at that party and fell asleep in the dark bedroom. Now my ass is killing me!

 

by MikeyG
6-22-04
I'm soooo wasted! I took too many bong hits.
I'm all horny now and stoned. What am I gonna do?
Marijuana: It makes dead people really, really sexy.
I'm gonna fuck this dead guy I dug up in the butt!

 

by MikeyG
6-30-04
What have you been up to?
I've been studying an ancient Egyptian flutist.
Why?
He had a reputation for producing haunting, strange melodies with his flute.
What was his name?
Toot Uncommon.

 

by MikeyG
6-30-04
boinky33 makes Dennis Rodman seem like a down-to-earth guy.
boinky33 is a lot better than boinky32, but not much.
This is the seventh time today I've caught boinky33 rooting around in my toe-condom gallery.
boinky33 makes love uncannily like Rabid_Weasle does.
boinky33 isn't as tough as his dad says he is.
boinky33 used to put my bras in headlocks.

 

by MikeyG
6-30-04
boinky33 cannot twirl a baton to save his life.
boinky33 makes ridiculous claims about the size of his penis, but we know it's only semi-microscopic.
boinky33 can't eat meatballs or meatloaf because he's allergic to unnatural-shaped meat.
boinky33 gets really upset with himself when he masturbates, and cries.
boinky33 raped the bejesus out of my Uncle Steve at the Disco Rally.
boinky33 is banned from Starbucks for impersonating a beverage.

 

by MikeyG
7-06-04
Meanwhile...
Yeeeeeeee haw!!! What's next on the lists, Uncle Dickie?
Since we did such a good job shitting all over Iraq, I think Satan's gonna give us that shot at England.
YEEEEEEE HAW!!! We'll rule the world!
Let's just see what he says, m'kay?
I like what you've done with the place.
Oh, that? We just forgot to take that down after Reagan's Welcome party.

 

by MikeyG
7-07-04
We're here a bit early.
Let's hang back.
I wish I'd been there when Jesus threw Saint Lucifer through the Pearlies.
Well, motherfucker done gave Mary Magdalene a foot massage.
Don't you think that's a li'l fucked up?
Not when a motherfucker massage's your girl's feet with his asshole, motherfucker.

 

by MikeyG
7-07-04
Did you hear about the guy who swallowed an entire sheep?
He died of massive internal bleating.

 

by MikeyG
7-08-04
Hey Christina! Did you hear Britney is getting married?
What? To that back-up dancer?
She bought her OWN engagement ring and won't even get a pre-nup!
Oh my GOD. What a stupid bitch.
So what are we doing tonight?
The chapel's all rented. I've already put your name on all my credit cards!

 

by MikeyG
7-08-04
But yeah, I do speak English.
Listen, pal, I've got it on good word that you can kiss my ass.
POW!!!!!
Uh-oh....
AUUUUUGGGHHHHH!
I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?
Did you just knock off my Dick?

 

by MikeyG
7-09-04
Why do you use the Kaddar dog as your avatar?
Because I love dogs.
That's it?
That and no other avatar really looks like me.
Boorite's kind of looks like you.
Yeah, but I wear pants and don't gobble cock.

 

by MikeyG
7-09-04
Do you know the taste of a well-aged brick of rotting toe-fuzz from bewteen the gnarled pedal digits of a crazed hobo?
Hell, I spread that shit on a Ritz cracker.
Ever snuggle the cold, clammy grundle of a dead Zebra carcass while engorging your anus with frozen snakes?
Yes, and it feels like home.
Have you ever had a candlelight dinner with your lover?
You sicken me.

 

by MikeyG
7-20-04
YOU CUNT-CHEWER PISS-FLAP CUNT-LIKE FUCKING CUNT GODDAMN MOTHER CUNT STUPID CUNTING FUCKING PIG CUNTING PIECE OF GODFORSAKEN CUNTASTIC CUNTERY!
YOU FUCKFACED CUNT-BLOODY DOUCHESTAIN CUNTING CUNTHOLE PIECE OF FUCKING CUNT-EATING MOTHERCUNTER CUNTAPHOBIC FUCKING GODDAMN SOPPING CUNT!
How'd you end up in prison?
Cunt if I know.

 

by MikeyG
7-22-04
First we're gonna go to the polls! Then we're gonna get in the booth!
Then we're gonna pull down our pants! Then we're gonna bend over and spread our cheeks!
Then we're gonna vote for Bush! YEEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

 

by MikeyG
7-22-04
Do you like to fuck cunts, cunt fucks, cunt cunts, fuck fucks, and get mouth-fucked by dykes with shit-stained strap-ons?
Your fucking-A I do, you twat-haired piece of explosive diarrhea.
Do you like to fuck kids in the ass, cut off their little fucking limbs, suck out the blood, and fuck the stumps till they rot?
All the motherfucking time, you COCK-vacuuming, SHITGOBBLING, FUCKING CUNTFLAP!
Wanna chop off my fucking head, fuck a dead goat in its festering gut-pile, suck a priest's cock, shit on a soccer mom, and cut holes in old ladies?
Is it Thursday already?

 

by MikeyG
7-27-04
Hey kids, drugs are cool. Don't listen to those pesky DARE people or you'll be sorry.
I don't believe you.
Wow.. these drugs are making you look.. rather fine!
Want me to.. give it to you?
Panel Censored by FCC

 

by MikeyG
7-29-04
Princess Di will be remembered differently from now on.
Princess Died.

 

by MikeyG
8-02-04
Hey, honey! Whatcha doin'?
I'm trying to make cookies for tonight's dinner, but Dr. Pedantic is a diabetic!
Hmmm....that means no sugar, so chocolate chips are right out.
And I don't know where to buy carob at such an hour!
*plop*
Unnngh! Here, I found a substitute.
Well, at least it tastes better than carob.

 

by MikeyG
8-03-04
Introducing a team to break the barriers of comic History: THE X!
Malcom X!
X-Pac!
OS/X!
X-acto Knife!
Coming soon to a newsstand near you!
X Salad Sandwich!
Not a chance, my brother.

 

by MikeyG
8-03-04
New from Def Rowboat Rekkidz! Da Money Cash Change Crew!
Yo, yo, yo! Dis be Buck-n-a-half comin' atcha! These mah boyz...
Dolla Fo'ty Seven!
Kuppla Bux!
2 Bits!
Ten Pence!
and I be Woodn Nikkel! Holla back. y'all!

 

by MikeyG
8-04-04
Duuuuuhhhh.... Me make stoopid comic contest and make stoopid entreez for other contests.
Please, Jesus, save me....
Duuuuuhhhhhh...... me not follow rules and me get disqualified! Me flame peepul!
Jesus, Buddha, Odin, Zeus, Zarathustra, ANYONE! Kill me!
Duuuuhhhh..... what me do?
Yessss! Thank you!

 

by MikeyG
8-05-04
Shiriqua Jones was a mild-mannered but still oppressed young black woman in search of opportunity.
It's tough being a mild-mannered but still oppressed young black woman.
Until the day she was bitten by a radioactive Nerd!
Oh no a radioactive nerd.
I am biting you now!
Their gravitonic turbinatrons fused and Shiriqua became...
CAREER GIRL!!!

 

by MikeyG
8-06-04
*knock knock knock*
Who is it?
A guy in a leather submissive's outfit here to rape you!
No, that's quite implausible. Who are you really?
I'm you from the future.
See? Now how hard was that?

 

by MikeyG
8-06-04
Hi!
Wow, you really ARE a guy in a leather submissive's outfit here to rape me!
Yes, but I am also you from the future.
You came all the way back in time just to rape yourself?
No, YOU came all the way back in time to rape yourself.
I came all the way back in time to rape yourself?

 

by MikeyG
8-06-04
No, no, no! You, who is me, came all the way back in time, to rape ME, who is YOU!
So you came back in time to rape myself?
Wait, no. I came back in time to rape myself.
Right, so go rape yourself.
Right-o. See you around.
Jesus, I'm stupid.

 

by MikeyG
8-06-04
Hello, citizen! I am here to apply for a teaching position, and show the children all the beauty they possess inside!
And give them a sense of pride? Let me tell Mr. Ivey you're here.
Mr. Ivey, there's a young black woman outside who appears to have been bitten by a radioactive nerd.
I hope she doesn't want a job. I filled my Affirmative Action requirements last year when we hired that retarded Guatemalan janitor.
Sir, we DO have a teacher's position we desperately need filled.
Fine. Send her in, but put some paper towels down on the chair first. I don't want fried chicken grease all over the vinyl.

 

by MikeyG
8-08-04
Hey Dave, what's the frikkin' matter?
Darn ocelots stole Conrad!
But he was on his way to register to vote! Damn those ocelots! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!!
Dammit, I'm mad!
Well, maybe Cupid will come and strike us with love arrows so we can "cool each other off".
Eros? Sidney, my end is sore!

 

by MikeyG
8-10-04
Why don't you like me?
It could be the fact that you have eight eyes, nine arms, and three penises.
No I don't! You made that up!
Oh. Well, then maybe it's that giant, throbbing, pulsating boil on your neck.
Oh my god, I have a boil?
Oh, my bad. That's your head.

 

by MikeyG
8-13-04
when mikeyg says he was riding the mechanical bull, he means that he fucked a fat chick with a pacemaker!
No, it meant that I went to a bar and sat on a fat guy, then hit him in the head with a wrench
You idiot, that doesn't make any sense!
Oh.
She blinded me with science, then raped me with western philosophy!
I thought people usually got raped with penises.

 

by MikeyG
8-13-04
Mr. Ivey, is there not an application for me to fill out, or must I hit you with my Cosmic Resum-ray?
Listen here, Chaka Khan, I don't know how you "roll" in the "hood", but around here I'm the law. Just call it "Hangin' With Mr. Ivey".
Sir, I respectfully request that you allow me to interview for this position.
Well, as long as you don't get up on my desk and booty-dance in my face if you catch me drumming my fingers.
Sir, please refrain from culturally stereotyping me lest I zap you.
You got it, Missy Elliot. I just waxed the vinyl on the chair though, so you may want to take the 'fro pick out of your pocket when you sit down.

 

by MikeyG
8-16-04
What seems to be the problem, young Asian girl?
You just rook and risten.
me so honee
sucky sucky fie dorra
What? Who's responsible for this?
Arr of da membas of Stlipcleata dot com!

 

by MikeyG
8-16-04
Where's Jeff? What's he doing?
He's been sitting on the toilet for the last two days eating ice cream, Mexican food, curry, and drinking corn oil.
Won't that give him diarrhea?
Yeah, he's "training" for the Olympics.
How is giving yourself diarrhea training for the Olympics?
Somebody told him there'd be a lot of "runs".

 

by MikeyG
8-19-04
So is your job officially up now?
Yes, and I will be starting a new one in a couple of weeks.
Cool! New faces, new places, new spaces.
Yes, now I can ingratiate myself with and then completely detatch myself from a whole NEW set of people!
So we won't be seeing you around the chat often?
Just for a little bit until I can work my way up to cacking off again.

 

by MikeyG
8-19-04
Hi, I'm Scott Stapp!
Hi, I'm some other guy from Creed!
When we're not busy sounding like a retarded Pearl Jam and sucking tankerloads of ass, we like to relax and smoke a bowlfull of CreedWeedâ„¢!
But we're not Pearl Jam!
***(actual Pearl Jam lyrics)
CreedWeedâ„¢ may not get you high, or taste good, or even look like the real thing, but that's okay man, cuz we love God!***
Yeah, God rules.

 

by MikeyG
8-20-04
Hello, oh Secretary of Fate! I have returned to speak with Mr. Ivey.
Mr. Ivey is pretty upset that you rushed out on your interview.
Mayhap I can convince Mr. Ivey to give me a second chance.
Well, maybe I'll send you in. He's been blasting Gospel music since you left in an effort to understand your people.
Mr. Ivey, I would like to continue the application process if I may.
Praise Jesus and Jehovah, you have RETURNED! Lordy LORDY, can ah get a witness?

Showing page 10.

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