All comics by Spankling

Profile

 

by Spankling
10-29-02
What is he doing?
Yeah... he's giving me the kreeeeps.
He's just lining us up to take a look. nothing to worry about. It'll be over in a minute.
Wow. The last time he did this I was Martha Stewart. He has NO life, does he.
You wanna look ass-wipe! Than take this, bitch-boy!
You like, sonny? 5 dollars, American for sucky sucky! he he he

 

by Spankling
10-30-02
Get thee behind me demon!
That's a nice offer, but I never take sloppy seconds from priests.
Boo Hoo!
Nice wiggle when he runs though...
Get thee between my milky-white theighs horned demon!
YES'M! Right NOW!

 

by Spankling
10-30-02
Okay Spanklette, you obviously have no tallent. You suck. and you have like 2 jokes after more than 400 comics...
Sigh... yes?
I don't care why you do it. Maybe you really are that sick. What I want to know is how?
How do I typo so many retched comics year after year and make no progress as a person or comic?
Yes.
I teabag the keyboard. It's messy but fun.

 

by Spankling
10-31-02
Whot stange creature be thee?
What? Get the yarbles out of your mouth honey.
*GASP* The floating abomination hath shifted shape and become the walking dead.
Hey sister, new in town? I can do things with this arm you are gonna love!
Ye olde fuck thees. I am outeth here.
MOH

 

by Spankling
10-31-02
It was nice of you give me a lift from the bars, but I thought you meant to the dorms. Is this were you live?
I have much to teach you, young man. Learning can be painful, but fulfilling.
If you're hitting on me, I'm with you. Lead the way and tell me what to do. A woman of your experience...
Just shut up and do as you're told.
Uhm... this isn't exactly what I had in mind, Ms. Jason. Can't we fool around?
Maybe later. When you're done typing up my lesson plans you can get to work on that kitchen floor. I'm going back to the bar.

 

by Spankling
11-01-02
Cloths? Dresser? Bed? Books? Piano? Couch? Dinning room set? Fridge? Stove? Washer? Drier? Dishes? Books?
*pant* -yes- *pant* -got- -it- *gasp*
Yes, more books! Keep moving! Records - careful with that? CDs? Stereo? Pots? Pans? Tables? Rugs? Pets? Knick knacks? Books?
*pant* -yes- *pant* -got- -it- *gasp*
Well, that's done. thanks for your help. You can kiss my ass and leave now.
-you're- *gasp* -welcome- *flop* [grov---] Snore.

 

by Spankling
11-07-02
Me-sa You-sa much in common!
Now what would all might me and a... a... chicken-dino-thingy like you have in common?
We-sa both make power-grabbing. Court public fava. Cause much suffering.
Hey, Welstone and all those oil-babies had it comin! How would you like to be made into a hat rack?
Me-sa fist-a fucking you-sa. You be me-sa bitch-sa!
[gulp] Uncle Dick? Come out come out wherever you are!

 

by Spankling
11-08-02
OPEN UP! Open up or I'll break your door down with this battering cat!
Israpheal Aint home, Kaufman! Go away!
So were is he?! That bastard got people to egg my house and break up my jack-o-lantern!
Uh... He's out looking for funny golf pictures!
Oh... well... GREAT! So long as I don't have to name that stupid fart joke of Spankling's as the winner.
Like anyone else would ever enter a contest that lame...

 

by Spankling
11-09-02
I still don't see why the union made me come to see you Dr. Redfish. Captain Bursts Into Flames is fit, both in mind and body!
Yyyyyyesssss.... It's the mind part I'm interested in Captain Flamer.
That's Captain Bursts Into Flames!
Sure princess. Whatever. Say, didn't you used to be fridged?
Captain Bursts Into Flames does not like the direction of this conversation.
Well none of the flamer crap pal. This office has a don't ask don't tell sprinkler system on duty.

 

by Spankling
11-11-02
Hon, you're sweet to think it up but I would like you to stop using the pet name you gave me.
But Humpy-muffin, what's wrong with it?
Let's just say it lacks subtlety.
How 'bout Fuckpony? I like that image!
I don't think you get my drift. NO PET NAMES!!
Are those too girly? Maybe something more grown up? How 'bout Mistress Lovegrip? Or Beast-Mommy?

 

by Spankling
11-13-02
Son, I'm taking your video games away for a while. I don't like how you've been acting lately.
...
Momentary Dream
Do you understand me, son?
Sure dad.

 

by Spankling
11-15-02
DIE DIABLO! MY AMAZON WILL KICK YOUR ASS! SHE'S GONNA RIP YER LIVER OUT THROUGH YER NOSE!
Hello? I was passing by and couldn't help overhear...
Yow! An old, naked faggot! What are you doing here? My mom's going to KILL you when she gets home!
Now I'm going to HAVE to stay! But while we're waiting for her can you make that computer babe jump around some more? She's hot.
Sure dude. I was stuck at level 50 for days. But then I gave up school and friends. Now I'm doing great!
Sure you are... Say, how tough is she when you strip all that armor off of her?

 

by Spankling
11-21-02
OK, already. I'll play... We'll play...
YES! Now, what are the rules? I always use the safe-word "bluebell." do you use one? And if someone starts bleeding, the first to see it uses their word too...
Rules? Fuck that! I'm just gonna bust your ass with a chair and keep going until I get tired.
No rules? Where is the sex? I'm gone.
God lord it actually worked!

 

by Spankling
11-24-02
( . )( . )
What are you thinking?
If I wanted you to know I would be talking.
Oh... sorry.
Are you doing anything later?
I'm checking my score on Rate-a-Rack. Yesterday I climbed past the twins!

 

by Spankling
12-10-02
I am Roy Dubay the Suriname psychic. I can tell you are about to give me romping good sex, plus all your valuables.
Really? Why?
It is a cleansing ritual you stupid whore! Now make with the naked!
Uh... well... If it will get the devil out of my system...
[hump fumble] Hot damn! It worked!!!
[gobble gobble]

 

by Spankling
12-10-02
Sayyyyy.. That's a nice looking ass ram you're holdin'.
Ass ra...! That's it you northern 'mo! I'm a pittin' you to death fer that!
Big talk for such a little man...
Little?!? I'll have yer ass for that!
Oh yeah! I knew you were the type!
What gave me away?

 

by Spankling
12-11-02
Here's your card back Grandma. Thanks for the shirt.
No troubles, Nate honey. By the way, the card company called and wondered about the $300 in digmysnatch.com web cam viewing charges...
Oh... Ya... Thanks for that too Grandma.
That's okay, honey. So, what did you think of my web cam service?
You are the hottest, gran!
Bet yer ass, boy!

 

by Spankling
12-12-02
This country would be a damn sight better off if we were allowed to round up the coloreds and have a good ole cross burning bar-B-Q! I tell you what!
. ! .
Crap. Was that my out loud voice agin?
Imagine what we would hear if we could eavesdrop on Cheney's secret meetings.

 

by Spankling
12-16-02
Please?
NO!
But I've been good all year!
LIKE HELL!
OK. If you can't put an end to arch-conservative evil, how 'bout a new leash for me and thigh-length boots for the Mrs.?
*sigh* Only if you promise to stop writing those prattling letters to me!

 

by Spankling
12-25-02
C'mon Aunt Cindy! It's Christmas!
Touch me again, and I'll crack your slimy candy cane dick with my bare hands.
*sigh* This is about the gift, isn't it.
You promised me a PS2 for that Thanksgiving facial, you bitch!
Would it do any good to butt-snorkle on you for a couple hours? I'm just looking for some family togetherness.
That works. Follow me, boy.

 

by Spankling
1-02-03
Sometimes it feels like there just isn't enough time... I mean, I could use a double.
Ka-blammmm
I know! HEY CLONAID!!!!
Oh Yeah!
That's more like it! Hey you, clean up this mess.
Fuck off, pretty boy.

 

by Spankling
1-05-03
JEEEZ Dude! Cantcha even spell Jean Luc's name?
Have you read my comics? It's not easy spelling when you type with your dangly bits.
But that was ST man!
I'm sorry. I've spent my life getting roped and branded by the likes of your mom. I must have skipped that sci-fi class in college.
Really? So... what's mom like? She stopped spanking me when I was ten.
Too bad. She has fabooo timing.

 

by Spankling
1-05-03
Today I turn 44.
44? Really? You could be my dad.
It is possible. Where was your mom 20 years ago.
College - Midwest - U of I, I think.
Her name is Lisa and she has above average upper body strength for a woman.
Okay. This is gonna cost double just for the weirdness factor.

 

by Spankling
1-09-03
I am so sorry I almost knocked you over just then. I should watch where I'm going.
Not at all! I am to blame as always! I beg forgiveness.
No. I should do the begging. I just...
PLEASE! Let me show my sorrow for what was obviously my fault. I pray...
I SAID IT WAS MY FAULT YOU FLATULENT HOLE AND I SAID I'M SORRY!!!!! DON'T MAKE ME SMACK YOU LOPSIDED!
I wouldn't blame you! Go ahead! I deserve so much worse!

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
I got downsized today?
You mean you used to be bigger? It wouldn't take much...
NO! I mean I lost my job! Until this morning I was a web designer. Now I have ta dress up and impress people.
You get used to it. You think I like hawlin' on these fish nets and this leather mini?
Fuck! I hope I never sink as low as you!
You should be so lucky! Good luck findin' work that pays $50 fer 20 minutes on yer back, chump.

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
Wait! I'm feeling very fragile here!
K-RYST! Not another sobbing mamma's boy. How do they find me?
I... I don't know what I'll do without someone to talk...
Shut up and listen. I got a soft spot for stupid boners like you. I'll give you my sad-sap special. You buy me lunch and give me $20 and I'll tell you what you need to know to get by for a while.
*sniff* Thanks!
I know. I know. I'm a fuckin' angel. By the way, you lay a finger on me and the price doubles.

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
Lesson one: You are lower than yesterdays jiz dripping from my ass. you don't deserve to lick my sticky feet.
What? Is that supposed to cheer me up?
Do I give a fuck how you feel? Well, neither should you, puss-face.
Why you filthy slut...
Lesson two: be nice to everone. I happen to suck dick for 57% of the highering managers in this town.
Is it too late to beg to lick your sticky feet?

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
Now look in that mirror and tell me what you see.
I see potential? uh... skills? What do you see?
I see a fast $50 bucks in my pocket.
I thought you said $20...
She meant from me, tight ass. Now are you gonna take that suit off or do I rip it off you?
I had sick days! I could-a stood in bed and missed this entire day!

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
Thanks Leon! Cum again!
Let the pain end!
Pull youself together, fuck-meat. Final lesson comin up.
That was a lesson.
No that was rape as far as you're concerned. I pimped you out. Do you want the final lesson or not?
*sigh* Give me a minute?

 

by Spankling
1-21-03
You clean up nice.
Thanks, but the ooze just keeps dripping out of me. And I feel sick.
BREAKTHROUGH!
What?
You'll never feel clean again. That's the final lesson. Now go out and sell you ass for chewing gum. You want money? Start sucking dick. Welcome to America 2003.
I... I see the light! You are my guru! Bless you Holy Hole!

 

by Spankling
1-26-03
Spankling? I've never seen you in this club before! WOW! Can I buy you a drink?
My anus is bleeding. I don't think I can party with you tonight. Sorry.
That may be more information than I needed to buy you a beer. A simple yes or no will do.
Opps. My face must be as red as my ass by now.

 

by Spankling
1-28-03
you lazy bastard.

 

by Spankling
1-30-03
Say Red, what ever happened to V-girl? She showed up, ripped shmuck7's ass open and left.
Yes. I miss her too.
I haven't seen a raping like she gave that boy in ages. When she was done he had no place in cyberspace.
She took my glory! I am the one who rapes men around here!
Don't worry big boy. My anus is bleeding.
Really? You're not just saying that?

 

by Spankling
2-04-03
The endorphins, the body's own narcotic-like substances that produce analgesia, were identified in 1977.
So?
These substances are involved with preventing transmission of the pain impulse from reaching the conscious level. They instead prduce a_feeling_of_well_being.
You're like a cross between a wet dream and a nightmare.
For $20 I'll fill your ass with analgesia, bitch-boy.
Wet dream it is!

 

by Spankling
2-09-03
Young Spankling meets his mother for the first time.
wow! I got a mom just like all my friends. You're beautiful, mom! I love you! I REALY do!
Mom? Can you talk? And what are all these empty gin bottles doing all over your apartment?
*blink*
Mom...
GIN! That's what this calls for! Let me call down to the tavern. They have a big sweaty boy who runs more up to me when I need some.

 

by Spankling
2-09-03
Son, did you help yourself to daddy's nightly tonic. Tell me the truth, now.
How does he handle this shit!?! This doesn't look a thing like our livingroom!
Don't try to avoid me, young man! I can tell you're not feeling right!
So THIS is how you can stand porking mom!
oh... uh... I think we can let this be our little secret. Okay? Wanna 'nother sip?

 

by Spankling
2-12-03
Excuse me, but this burger you just sold me tastes like ass.
Do you mean in a good way?
What? NO! *sputter* There IS no good way!
Calm down lady. I'll make it up to you.
That's better.
Just step in the back and I'll give you some of my super special sauce.

 

by Spankling
2-18-03
*snarl* *not dancing*
Three cheers for these peace officers who are working overtime to be here and ensure our safety! Though our views on the war may differ at least we all value the right to free spreach_and_assembly!
I know 4 ways to kill you with your own No Iraq War button.
Reduce that to molest and you got a deal, blue-boy.
That's it smartass! Your file is gonna be on Ashcroft's desk in the morning!
No thanks. I'm not perverse enough for him.

 

by Spankling
2-18-03
Sorry Spanks. I've got a toad boiling back home. Gotta fly.
Don't tell me it's over already! Can't I go too?
what? On my broomstick?
Don't you think I would make a nice hood oriment for that stick? *wink*
*sigh* Okay turn around and bend over, but this is the last ride!
Life is good!

 

by Spankling
2-18-03
Dear God, I pray you will hear me and answer! Please send me a being as loving and as pure as myself. You know my heart! Please answer!
YES! Hot demon sex!
C'meeer little girrrrrrl!

 

by Spankling
2-18-03
You think you're tough? Let's find out just how tough!
You asked for it.
Ouch! Hey! How 'bout a safe word! Ouch!
Call me when you get untangled.
Come back and fight!

 

by Spankling
2-19-03
you could make it happen.
Thatz rite, lil filly. I'm jus the prezidink that came make it happen. I'm gonna drive Saddam out.
That will only cause more pain. Pain that will last through my lifetime.
Did the evildooers worry about pain? Yer either with me or agin me!
I just want to grow up in a sane, safe world.
No can do.

 

by Spankling
2-26-03
Jesus, grant me the courage to change the things I can...
DONE!
The serenity to accept the things I can't...
DONE!
And a billion dollars.
SOD OFF! WHAT ARE YOU? A TERRIST?

 

by Spankling
2-27-03
Hi. Jesus Dubyu Christ here. And I'm here to bring Evildoers to justice.
Don't confuse me with Pappy. The holy father is Jesus H. W. Christ. And the economy wasn't his fault either.
I'm asking all-a you to make some sacrifices.
No. Not like this nail thing. That's jus fer show.
I'm talking 'bout you poor people. You 98% of the slobs breathin my air.
Stop whinin 'bout jobs an schools and go die getting me some free oil! That's the spirit!

 

by Spankling
3-04-03
My anus isn't bleeding.
___ ! ___
Why the fuck did you even bring that up?
Because I can see through your flimsy disguise, TOBOR! I've no raw meat for you!
Curses!

 

by Spankling
3-06-03
I don't think so.
No, but thanks for playing.
Damn! I gave him the raised eyebrow and he still didn't bite. I mean - I don't actually WANT his paws on me, but a girl likes to feel like she has something to offer!
Such a conundrum. The two best tupperware sluts in town can't sell to Spanky. He must REALLY be locked in to non-plastic food storage.

 

by Spankling
3-06-03
And you say it works?
Consarnit! I tol' yu I had the treatmint durin the Ray-gum years and haint been able to pull my dentures free since!
That's for me! I'm tired of removable teeth!
Just see that slanty ho downtown. She got the stuff.
I hear eating you out works wonders.
Get a grip with Fix-a-Gash!

 

by Spankling
3-06-03
One day in the park
Kid, when I was yer age I could ride a bike twice that fast! An' it didn't have no high-tech frame an gears neither!
Yes sir. Thank you for your valued input.
Are you being mouthy? How old are you anyway?
I'm 8.
Heh! When I was your age I was 10!
Yes sir. And were you a smelly stupid asshole back then too, sir?

 

by Spankling
3-06-03
I got a rockie Mark Grace and I got a Hank Aaron card I ripped off of my dad.
Nope. what else you got?
JESUS! you're passing that up? What the hell can I give you for the signed Barbra Streisand Nixon Now pin?
Keep thinkin... By the way, is yer hot sister at home?
Hmmm... I would like to have sex with you, but I would also like to screw my brother out of anything that makes him happy.
What a conundrum, eh? Would you mind turning around and bending over while you think it through?

 

by Spankling
3-14-03
*CLICK*

Showing page 10.

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