All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
9-26-14
Behold! Planet WTF in all it's glory!
WTF??
Yes, I'm talking about Planet WTF.
WTF are you talking about?
YES! That is EXACTLY what I am saying.
Abbott and Costello can suck it.

 

"GAWD DAMM MUTHRFUKING RANDOM COMIC SHIT CUM FUCK CUNT SCROTUM-BURGER!!!"
That robot was right. This job sucks.
This guy makes Samuel L. Jackson look like Marcel Marceau.
by brycekain, 9-26-14

 

by brycekain
9-26-14
Hi, boys and girls! Today we're going to play FILL IN THE BLANK!
What are the rules again?
A sentence with a blank space will be presented in the next panel. Complete it by entering your guess in the comments section below!
No one's going to comment, you know that right?
This guy over here needs to ______!

 

by brycekain
9-26-14
Normally I would let you off with a warning, but I'm afraid I'll have to write you a ticket this time.
Why? Cause I'm BLACK?! Cause I'm a LESBIAN??
No, Ms. Sykes. It's because you're a raging douche nozzle.
Gay.

 

by brycekain
9-26-14
Is it...
fuckin' HUGE!

 

by brycekain
9-28-14
`FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LEAST! By gawd, all mighty, I am FREE AT LAST!
No more running around like a crazy person, saying and doing random things, or being stuck in a cell.
This comic has more to do with the RCLG challenge than black people or the mentally retarded.
POTATOE!!!

 

by brycekain
9-28-14
Lower...... Lower...... Lower......
This is the last time I hire a midget MILF to fist me!!
BOOT TO THE HEAD!
PLANETWTF??

 

by brycekain
9-29-14
This Metallica concert sucks. I can barely see them on stage. I'm never paying for lawn seats again.
Complaints... complaints....
And now the girls in the front row are showing their tits! I'm at a Metallica concert and I can barely see nipplage! This is a travesty.
*sigh*
Fuck it. I'm going in. If you see me get tazered by the cops, be sure to Youtube it.
I'll go grab the toilet cam from your bathroom.

 

by brycekain
10-01-14
Welcome to Helga's Erotic Rectal and Poonanny Express Shack. Let me tell you about our Christmas specials.
The "Casual" package is fifty dollars and that's for oral. Vaginal is the "Slippery When Wet" for one hundred and any backdoor stuff is called the "Groovy Cave Diver." That's one hundred and fifty.
SO... what kind of love would you like to buy?
Groovy.

 

by brycekain
10-01-14
Good morning! I am from the Cult of Cthulhu. Would you like to donate today?
Ok, I'll bite. Tell me about your religion.
* according to cultofcthulhu.net
The Cult of Cthulhu is a religion of blood, slime, darkness, sorcery, and tentacles! Aeons ago, our evolution was made possible by the Great Old Ones. They allowed consciousness to take shape.
So you guys sit around in squid costumes all day and tell fart jokes in your mom's basement, right?
Um...
Sorry. Can't join. Lost my virginity years ago.

 

by brycekain
10-01-14
*****clears throat***** Ok, vut are ve vaiting for?
We're waiting for Bryce Kain to come up with a joke for this comic.
Oy vey.
I seriously hope that asshole doesn't try to make an Isis joke out of this one.

 

by brycekain
10-01-14
Hello, doctor. I'm here to view the body of my late wife.
Give it to me straight. Did she suffer long?
Straight? What is that? Some kind of dig at my sexuality?
What? NO! I mean... I just... Look, I'm not really a homophobe...
And I'm not really a doctor. But I did fuck your wife at a Holiday Inn last night.

 

by brycekain
10-04-14
In this next round you will be scoring DOUBLE the points! But you will also be facing some tougher questions. Are you ready for Round 2?
Groovy!
Ok, we'll start you off with something easy. Question #1: Why do you hate your fucking cat so much?
WHAT?? I don't HATE my cat! It's just that... uh... just that... um...
Oh, I'm afraid you didn't answer the question in time. You know what that means! TESTICULAR TORTURE! Bring in the catnip!
*fap fap fap fap * *fap fap fap fap * *fap fap fap fap *

 

by brycekain
10-05-14
Oh yeah, baby! Play with it. Rub it up n down nice and slow. That's it, honey. Oh, right there. Make that kitty purr.
?
You know what? I'd like to try something really kinky. I want you to go on and eat the kitty. Eat it, baby.
I ain't stupid!
Ooh. Yummy.

 

by brycekain
10-05-14
Meow?
Not now, kitty. I'm trying to use the bathroom.
I would feed myself, but I'm not entirely independent and I need you to help me so I can eat. I'm very hungry and can't get into the cat food. Can you please help me?
I SAID NOT NOW, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT!
*clears throat* and I said GET ME SOME KIBBLES N BITS, FUCKER!
AHHHHHH!!!! PLANETWTF?!?

 

by brycekain
10-05-14
I had the weirdest dream last night. I drempt that some people comissioned you to do a poster for AIDS Awareness. So you drew a pink teddy bear saying "AIDS POWER!" They were not impressed.
Yeah, sounds like something I'd do.

 

by brycekain
10-05-14
You will play... Greensleeves.... for my entertainment...
Sorry. Don't know that song.
You will play... that Korn song with bagpipes in it...
Which one?
*sigh* Fine........ Play some Skynyrd, man.
YEEE-HAW!!

 

by brycekain
10-05-14
Foul on the 40 yard line! Penalty is no hot showers after the game!
I don't know if that's the correct flag or not, but I am pretty sure you can't make the football team not take hot showers. It's like against some rules or something.
Fuck it. I'm tired of being the penalty guy. Everyone hates me! I'm going to just throw out the rules, grab a mascot uniform, and get out there n get me some bare back action!
What the...? Oh yeah, I forgot that our team is the Cincinnati Sweatshop Workers.
I'm going in! BINGBONG! DINGDONG! SPLOOOOOOO!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Eggsforknockers is iconoclastic? I wonder if MY human has an alter ego? Better check his closet.
Oh my god.
Ok, I can deal with the fact that he likes dressing in all black, but a beret? That is NOT groovy.

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Please, sir. I'll do anything.
Nope. And I'm leaving.
Look, I understand that you don't want me dating your daughter...
BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO LITERALLY NAIL MY ASS TO THE WALL!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Hey, Butch. Wanna play?
No.
Why not?
Cause I'm an interrupting fat ass.
Interup-?
CRIPPLE!!!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Hey, Butch. Now that we're all grown up and I can walk again, want to go play?
No.
Why not?
Cause I'm an interrupting fat ass.
I'm not falling for THAT aga- AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
♫ Here I go again on my own... ♫
♫ Going down the only road I've ever know... ♫
♫ Why I'm singing by God's asshole, I'll never know... ♫

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
♫ Here I go again on my own... ♫
♫ Going down the only road I've ever know... ♫
♫ Why I'm singing by god's asshole, I'll never know... ♫
Did you hear...?
Ebola's the new AIDS? Yes.

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Do NOT give me any more of that nonsense! I quit! I've had it! It's done! It's over! Finished! Stick a fork in me! Fuck off! I am OVER IT!
WEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE !!!
Have no more shits to give, none, nada, zip, zippo, zilch, zero, ничто, fresh the fuck out!
WEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE !!!
OK I'LL HANG YOUR FUCKING POSTER OF GERALDO RIVERA!
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NNNNNNNNN !!!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Wow, Wanda Sykes. You sure do have some big boobies.
They're fake, you sexist cracker! I got both them titties cut off cuz I got the boob cancer. See, this is why I'm a lesbian! Cause all you men are nothing but ugly, gross, disgusting PIGS!
Weren't you married to a man for seven years?
That don't count! It was the 90s! Everyone was experimenting back then!

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Hey, baby. Want to see MY oval office?
That is a highly inappropriate question.
The question you should be asking is: How much do I have to pay my proctologist girlfriend to stick her finger in that Jackson Pollock I got going on down there?
Do you take food stamps?

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
(except Markie Post and Night Court)
Hello?
Mr. Iporã? This is Mrs. Marquee Moon with the Daily Newspaper.
Markie Post?? Hubba hubba! You have no idea how many times I've masturbated to Night Court!
NO! Marquee MOON!
You want me to do what with a bag of Smarties and your turd cutter? I have vaseline if you think it'll help!
*click*

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
So your oval orifice is detachable?
Yup.
♫ DETACHABLE ANUUUSSS.... ♫

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
I was told there would be serenading and a chance to touch god's asshole?
*SPLOOGE*

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Pull it again!
STOP! YOU KILL EVERYONE! TOBOR ONLY RECOURSE IS PULL FINGER TO FEED SULFER ADDICTION!
*sigh* planetwtf...

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
Just please stop.
No, I can do this.
It's not working.
Almost therrrre....
No matter how much you try, you're never going to be able to blend your flat ass with the background.
):

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
I'm sorry, Eeyore, but I can't fuck you anymore.
It's bad enough that I'm your teacher, but what would everyone say if they found out that I had engaged in bestiality?
Inter-species erotica, fucko.

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
I'm here to dispense JUSTICE!
*sigh* Ok, let's just get this over with. Hello! I am the Karmasaur and I'll be your worst nightmare for today. First I think I'll start you off with an appetizer of razor blades in a fine vinagrette.
5 hours later
...and finally, to finish it all up, I will gracefully strap you down to a cactus while you get a nice tongue lashing by one of those Geiger alien things.
WTF??
Planet. Yes, indeed.

 

by brycekain
10-07-14
"To whom it may concern. My name is Butch and I'm a simple man. I work an honest wage and I don't complain."
"But now The Kain is making so many comics, it's flooding Planet Stripcreator and he doesn't even realize it! The Kain must be stopped. Tell my wife and kids that I love them."
Well since he's going to die anyway: *******ahem******* YOUR KIDS ARE REALLY MINE AND I FUCKED YOUR WIFE WHEN YOU CAME DOWN WITH EBOLA AND HAD TO BE QUARENTEENED! HAVE A SAFE TRIP!

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
This is the line for Ebola Vaccine tickets, right?
No, they're playing tomorrow. This is the line for Anthrax.
Wow. Kids these days are really hardcore.

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
Such beautiful elegance. Monet. Picasso. Rembrandt. A person could get lost in these things.
The grace of every brush stroke. The glistening of the paint in the light,
Actually most of the paint you see has been dry for hundreds of years. Any glistening you see would either be preservative or just an optical illusion cast by the overhanging lights.
Just finish jerking me off and shut up.

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
I just can't get him to come out and I'm worried he's going to kill himself.
Sir, you have every reason to live!
No I don't! My dad sucks! He won't let me get another Nintendo Wii!
But you already have one, son, and it works just fine!
Why would you want another one?
So I can hook 'em together and blow away those online n00bs that keep calling me HOLEy HANDS!
*sigh* I guess I'll go buy one so he can play with his WiiWii...

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
In science, a theory explains that parallel universes could exist, each with an exact copy of us all. But in each universe, we all do things slightly different. Here's an example: (Universe 1)
Wow, Butch. You really aced that spelling test! I'm very proud of you.
Awww :)
(Universe 2)
I can't believe you failed that spelling test, Butch. I hope you die a cold, lonely death.
Awww :(
(Universe 3)
... ro ,pihsralohcs a ,amolpid loohcs hgih a sa hcus ,stifeneb tnatropmi sah gnissaP ]1[.rekat tset eht rof secneuqesnoc tnatropmi htiw tset a si tset sekats-hgih A
PLaNeT wtf??? :)

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
A black wall?? Ok, now I KNOW that CEO is an old racist goat!

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
Nope. Not big enough.
Ok, let me show you my mansion.
Nope, not expensive enough.
I thought you were the Lone Fanny Fucker? What does any of this have to do with showing me a good time?
Listen, little lady. I will loan you a fanny fucking, but I need to see some collateral of equal or greater value.

 

by brycekain
10-08-14
Are you ok, President Deuce?
Just popping the zits on my back.

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
Lemme at 'im! I'll punch that clown that called my mama a pickled goat fucker!
PICKLED GOAT FUCKER!

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
It's the top of the 8th with three squigle-plooms on the asphalt.
That's right, Bill. And the stakes couldn't be any higher! With Beagle McFallguy running 12th in the league, the Invisible Man team has their spone cut out for them!
OOH! And there comes a gracious bizzly from Icor of The Dark Matter team. Who could have seen THAT coming?
No one! That's for sure! Not if they don't wear their special Inviso-Ray 9000 ultra high def viewing goggles, sponsored by Google! Google: We're Awesome and Still Can't Kick Facebook's Ass!
I don't watch sports.
It shows.

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
Save it, hippie! There's no way we're not going to war!
But dude, listen.
For every bomb you make, the life of an innocent you take. For every bad guy killed, an innocent child ain't thrilled. For every move you make...
♫♫ I'll be watching youuuu... ♫♫
♫♫ I'll be watching youuuu... ♫♫

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
Dammit! Can the questions! I don't know if this is the right decision or not, but I'm going through that radioactive-shark infested time portal WITH or WITHOUT you!
Roadhouse.

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
Is this building the Facebook headquarters?
Why yes, son, it is! Are you a street bum like me?
Oh heavens no. I'm here to drop a flaming bag of dog poop on their front porch.
Front porch? But I don't think they...
Roadhouse.

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
*sigh*
I said I wanted the wallpaper to show a giant war TOME!

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday toooo meeeee...
I don't have to pay royalties for songs stuck in your head.

 

by brycekain
10-09-14
♫♫ I love you... You love me... ♫♫
I fucking hate you so bad right now.

Showing page 10.

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