All comics by ivytheplant

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by ivytheplant
8-02-04
We haven't had a good volcanic eruption in a while.
Not one in a populated enough area, anyway.
Even a devastating earthquake would be nice, if a bit cliche.
How about this: A large magnitude earthquake, in D.C., on election day!
Yeah, but if most people vote for Kerry, Bush's side will claim the earthquake was God smiting the unbelievers.
The sad thing is, you're right.

 

by ivytheplant
8-02-04
What are you having for lunch?
Steroids.
I thought I heard your voice deepen.
They're prescribed anti-inflammatories for my tooth, you ass!

 

by ivytheplant
8-02-04
I had a dream last night that you sent me a nookie-o-gram.
Haha! What the fuck?
A guy showed up with a message from you and then he was supposed to ravage me.
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Though it never happened because a dragon attacked my barn and I had to fight it on a flying horse in order to save an empty school bus.
So what were those meds the dentist prescribed again?

 

by ivytheplant
8-02-04
I just learned something new from CSI.
Uhoh.
A hurricane is a great way to cover up a murder.
This is Wyoming.
Give me time. I'll think of something.
I gotta get out of here...

 

by ivytheplant
8-03-04
BOOYEAH!!
What's all the ruckus?
I gots me a Gmail account!
You bitch!
Kiss my boots, worm!

 

by ivytheplant
8-03-04
So how'd you get the Gmail invitation anyway?
I knew someone who knew someone who blew someone.
You've been waiting a long time to use that line, haven't you?
Suddenly, my life is complete.

 

by ivytheplant
8-04-04
I hear a throat begging to be cut!
Are you so eager to see blood flow?
As you are to drink it!
Mmm...tasty...
May be innocent, may be sweet... ain't half as nice as rotting meat.
Goddamn goblins!

 

by ivytheplant
8-04-04
my name si stripm4ker!!!!!!!!!!!~~~
nice to mewet y0u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I'm h0tguRl42!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 ~~~~ Y2OU SUCK BECUZ YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
do u ike midgte pr0n!??!?
ho yes!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~ mDget pr0n is the 733tyset evar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~
let"s go fuX0r soMe midgets and 3at slusheus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ LLLLOL....
awespme !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 111~~~~~

 

by ivytheplant
8-04-04
This is a cowboy in a desert, also known as "matter."
This is the best likeness of Stripmaker found in this comic category, also known as "anti-matter."
Meedget purn is cuul.
This is a double hit of LSD, representing the collapse of the universe as we know it when Stripmaker tries to interact with the real world.

 

by ivytheplant
8-04-04
Wow. You updated your web page.
Yup.
It's been, what? Almost four months?
Yup.
Guess you've had nothing to rant about for a while.
Howbout you shut up and unglue me from the floor?

 

by ivytheplant
8-05-04
Halt O dishonorable one! I demand you give me money forthwith!
Ivy, is that you?
Just give me my goddamned paycheck.

 

by ivytheplant
8-09-04
Something smells good.
I made angel food cake. Go ahead. Have some.
Why is there a feather in this?
Hrm. Thought I got them all.
I always suspected you were going to hell, but this confirms it.
Just don't get crumbs on the floor.

 

by ivytheplant
8-10-04
Well, I finally got my beer all bottled.
What are you gonna call it?
I was thinking "Hair of the Cat."
That doesn't reflect it's ingredients, right?
Hey, you try keeping equipment sterile while surrounded by three cats.
When the brew is ready, let me know so I can be as far away as possible.

 

by ivytheplant
8-13-04
Hey Jonny, I--
GAH!!! Ivy! What the hell happened to you!?
I cut my hair.
Christ Almighty! What were you thinking!?
Oh come on, it's not that bad!
You haven't looked into the mirror lately, have you?

 

by ivytheplant
8-15-04
Dum dee dum...
RARGH!
I do not look like that, you putz!
I call 'em as I see 'em.

 

by ivytheplant
8-15-04
Dum dee dum...
RARGH!
I do not look like that, you putz!
You do after you wrap your hair, put on the mouthguard, glasses, lotion...

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
What's up?
I'm correcting some of the sales entries on the computer.
Um...okay.
"Dong collar"? What the hell is that?
Hrm...that's interesting. Wonder how that happened. La dee dah.
And guess whose name I see as the salesclerk...IVY?

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
The pants are growing in number. We need to fight.
I'll look for a champion or something.
I have won the race, and all without pants! I will never wear pants again!
You are indeed The One.
I'm off to save the world! Without pants! Wish me luck, Pantscess!
Whatever, kid.

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
So, what's up kemosabe?
There's a massive army of pants being created. This could be bad.
Are you going to stand there or help us fight?
My god, she's hot!
We can never be together, as I am a Pantsless Knight and can never know love.
Yeah...

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
So I'm evil now.
Uhoh.
So I'm evil now.
I'm pregnant.
With what?
Nevermind...

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
Who the hell are you?
I'm here to teach you the ways of the...oh hell. Just come with me, kid.
Hey hottie! I'm here to "rescue" you, if ya know what I mean!
Whatever, twerp.
Nyah nyah! We beat your ass!
Fucking kids.

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
Well this bites. My nuts are freezing off.
Just wait til you have to crawl inside a camel.
You've been betrayed and your best friend is frozen in pantsonite.
You are so dead!
By the way, I'm your dad and I just cut off your pants.
You limey bastard.

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
I'm bored, wanna get laid?
You're my sister. Like ew.
What the fuck are you?
I'm an underpants gnome, you jackass. I'm here to help.
The End
I'm not longer evil, but I still refuse to wear pants.
Whatever, dude.

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
1. He traded them for the beer.
Heya schweetie!
Close the flap, homeboy.
2. He fell victim to a gang of international pant smuggling ring.
I feel so free all of a sudden.
Scr0e!
3. He really has no pants.
I saved so much money since I quit smoking.
That's nothing...

 

by ivytheplant
8-24-04
1. He drank away his pants money.
I (hic) need to (hic) use the (hic) fac(hic)ilities.
I think it's too late.
2. Jedi mind tricks.
These aren't the pants you're looking for.
Righto. Not the pants I'm looking for.
3. They've all been filed.
Abercrombie through Zoot! It's perfect!

 

by ivytheplant
8-26-04
Wow. That must be the earliest known depiction of gay porn.
You have entered my domain, she-devil. Now you must face ze wrath of El Squirrablo!
What is that thing he's shoving into the other man's--
Do you hear me, gringo!? Turn around and face your opponent!
Ooohh! Now I get it!
Ay dios mio! I give up!

 

by ivytheplant
9-02-04
In 1807, a time traveler and his motley crew were wandering about the US West, trying to find a good bar and whorehouse. They went from territory to territory, not finding anything suitable.
Finally, they decided to form their own damn state. And so, they built their own bars and brothels in present-day Wyoming and named the capital after their leader, Moondust Cheyenne.
The rest of Moondust's fellows named towns after themselves: Matt Casper, Kitty Laramie, Kenneth Evanston, Jes Rawlins, Chris Rocksprings, Eric Greenriver, Todd Kemmerer, Mikey S. Jacksonhole...

 

by ivytheplant
9-02-04
Once upon a time, a group of outcasts searched for a new land of opportunity rich in resources and able to support a huge colony.
Eventually, they ended up in Arkansas, a land rich with wildlife, rivers, diamonds, and rusted cars. And so they settled there, naming the capital after their leader: Billy Bob Littlerock.
Other towns were named after the first settlers: Bobbalu Bullshoals, Igor Threebrothers, Zelda Zinc, Henry Rush, Archibald Yellville (good story here), Glen Toadsuck, Suzie Snow, Bob Hope...

 

by ivytheplant
9-02-04
So once upon a time, eh? These here Canadians migrated south, eh? and found a pretty cool place to live, don'tchaknow. Course there was a lot of Vikings there, eh? but that meant no harm, eh?
So the Canadians settled down and married Vikings, eh? and made a lot of Jello salad, eh? and named their capitol after their leader, eh? John St. Paul, eh?
So then, eh? they named the other towns after his cousins, eh?: Doug Minneapolis, Joe Duluth, Culkin McCauleyville, Eustace Euclid, Denise Wyoming, Tom Grandrapids, George Redwing, Mary Owatonna...

 

by ivytheplant
9-08-04
Here's an interesting headline: "Actress Pam Anderson lends image to help chickens"
I didn't think a chicken would need breast impl--
If you finish that sentence, I will kill you.

 

by ivytheplant
9-09-04
She's been in the bathroom for an hour now.
Maybe she's taking a bath.
I doubt it. She lost her job today. They said they needed someone stronger, even though she can lift 100 lbs over her head.
Well, it means she can spend more time home with us.
Actually that means she won't be earning any money to buy you things.
Those fiends!

 

by ivytheplant
9-09-04
"Leave me alone. I want to cry in peace."
You can find another job. With dental.
I'm cute and snuggly and I want you to cuddle with me. Purr.
"No I can't! This was my last chance! I spent all summer paying off debts and I have nothibng saved to live on and no prospects! I can't take anymore of this new-job-every-three-months crap anymore!"
You have a furry family to think of.
I said I'm cute and snuggly and I want you to cuddle with me. Purr.
"...Oh damnit, send the cat in here."
It's for you.
There's no power greater than the Purr.

 

by ivytheplant
9-10-04
So I scored big time at the farmer's market today.
Anything good?
Yeah, picked up some buffalo steak and strawberry rhubarb pie. Figured I'd invite you over for supper and Stargate.
Sweet!
But I couldn't get ahold of you so I ate it all myself.
*sob*

 

by ivytheplant
9-10-04
Zzzzzzz
Gasp! I sense a disturbance in the Nap!
I know that look...
Just as I thought! My old archnemesis, The Dust Menace, is at it again!
Secure the breakables! Time for the 10 PM frenzy!

 

by ivytheplant
9-10-04
Using my super-secret Captain Furtron skills, I must infiltrate the secret hiding place of The Dust Menace!
But first, a nap!

 

by ivytheplant
9-10-04
So Mr. Dust Menace! We meet again to do battle!
Have at you!
Try to run away from me, will you!?

 

by ivytheplant
9-10-04
*purr* I am victorious! *purr*
The fierce warrior is unmatched in battle!
Awww...look Anubis! I found your favorite mousie!
The end?
The Mouse Menace! We meet again! Prepare to die!
Why are you looking at me like that? Anubis?

 

by ivytheplant
9-12-04
I heard there's a Beer Fest in town.
Really? Where?
Over at the fairgrounds. I thought it would be fun to go wander about.
And taste some brew! Hell yeah!
It ended yesterday.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The fantasy world...
He fired you because you're a girl! That bastard! I'll sue him for everything he's got! And how would you like a $30/hour job as my assistant torturing stupid bastards?
Marry me...
The real world...
Well, since he only implied that you were fired because you're the weaker gender and obviously unworthy of employment, there's nothing we can do.
You're on my list, pal!
My world...
You're being sued for libel.
I knew those comics would get me in trouble someday.

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The rest of the world...
Dust alert! Better get the vacuum!
Me...
Ooo! Mystery dust! Better get the geiger counter to see if it's radioactive and therefore worth saving!
The cats...
Gasp! The Dust Menace! We meet again! Prepare to die!

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The rest of the world...
Awww! Look at the adorable baby! Nothing's cuter than babies!
Me...
Awww! Look at you my little floofball! You're the cutest thing ever! Yes you are!
Purrrr
The cats...
There's no doubt I'm cuter than you, but for a human, you aren't overly repulsive.

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
You call this a pyramid! Bah! Stupid Israelite! The glorious Pharoh is going to beat you senseless tonight!
Moses better hurry his ass up.
You haven't completed your work satisfactorily so the guards are going to beat you and sell your children to a fellow in Mississippi.
Lord, set me free from this cracka.
MeYOW!
I'm coming already!

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The fantasy world...
What will you have?
I have so much money! Tra la-la la-la! Here's a C note! Keep the change!
The real world...
What will you have?
Burger value meal.
My world...
Hurry up and order already!
Shuttup! I'm trying to calculate tax to see if I have enough change for a small fries!

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The fantasy world...
Can you break a hundred?
The real world...
Here, exact change.
My world...
What the fuck?
Here, exact change in this Ziploc bag of pennies.

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
Step One: Identify the situation.
"There is no spoon!" -Neo, The Matrix
My Spidey sense is tingling.
Step Two: Voice your opinion.
"I deny this reality!" - The Doctor, Doctor Who
Uhoh...impending doom alert!
Step Three: Take action.
"Computer, deactivate iguana." - The Doctor, Star Trek: Voyager

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
*giggle!*
?
eBay high.
Ah, gotcha.
Note to self: Suspend all credit card privelages.
*gleeful laughter*

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
It's quiet.
Too quiet.
Where the hell is everyone!?
We were having our 2pm nap when you woke us. Now we're going to destroy something in retaliation.

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The real world...
Hey, I'm Don.
I'm Amy.
Psychiatric patient world...
My name is Don Juan. I am de greatest lover de world has ever known!
Take me now!
My world...
Hey, I'm new in the neighborhood and I thought I'd just--
Please don't come any closer. There's been an incident involving radioactive materials and Ivytopia is under quarantine.

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
The internet world...
OMG!!! Ur liek soooo hot! Wanna cyber!!>?
OMG I want 2 cyber 2!! Ok so I rub my hands down ur--
The movie world...
Well, despite destroying all of L.A., at least the alien menace is gone. Let's go shag!
Wheee!
The real world...
Wanna go for coffee?
For the last time, I am not contagious!

 

by ivytheplant
9-13-04
Ashy, did you pull all my scarves out of the drawer again?
It wasn't me. The bed is my alibi.
I found short black fur on them. You're the only one with short black fur.
It's just a coincidence.
And your collar.
...Look at me! I'm snuggled cute in the bed! You can't blame cuteness!

Showing page 14.

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