All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
5-15-04
This town ain' big enough for the both of us!
Arr.
I challenge you to a gunfight at high noon!
Swab my poopdeck, matey.
Did you just insult me, boy?
That depends. How big is your swab?

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
I'm the sheriff 'round these parts, and we don't take kindly to your kind 'round here, mister!
I'm 'fraid we're just gonna have to hang ya!
Aw shit...Uh, nice gun!
It's not a gun, weak earth being. It's a combination camera-portable satellite dish. You're live on our TV show, "Earthlings Gone Wild".

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Well, what do we have here...A fellow law enforcement official! Howdy, pardner!
Good morning.
What brings you to these parts?
I was told there were serious violations of citizens' rights here. HAHAHA!
HAHAHAHA!
Say, do you got a donut shop in town?

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Hey, you hippie freak! We don' take kindly to your kind 'round here! I'm taking to you down to the county jail!
For what?
Fer bein' a dirty hippie, that's why! You smell like that wacky tobacky!
What about you, man? You smell like Jim Beam.
Hey, don'chu tawk shit about Jimmy! Jim Beam is my brother!
Man...So I guess you do kiss your brother with that mouth, man. Man. Man. MAN.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Hey, cripple boy! We don' take kindly to your kind 'round-
Is this the way to E3?
E3? What the hell are you talkin' about, boy?
It's a video game convention, brainiac.
You need to come on down to the church, boy! Put 100 dollars on that there collection plate and the preacher'll make you walk again! Hallelujah!

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Hey, you diaper wearing punk! We don' take kindly to folks hangin' on crosses 'round here!
Help get me down off of here then.
My hammer doesn't have that there claw thing on it.
Shit.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Hey! We don' take kindly to gangstas 'round these parts!
Yo, blood...I ain't no gangsta. I'm a pimp!
Where da white women at?
Aw hell. I'd challenge ya to a gunfight, but I know you're packing little somethin' more than just a Magnum.
Magnum? Ya'll sell Magnums in dis 'hood? Yo, I'm havin' a bitch of a time finding rubbas that fit.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Hey, you...you...you smart lookin' person! We don' take kindly to smart folks 'round here!
This town just ain' big enough for the both of us! I challenge you to a gunfight!
Gunfights are for the mentally inferior and utterly pathetic, like yourself. Neanderthals like you also use guns to compensate for a lack of penis size.
Huh..what?
I said, you're an idiot.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
So have you seen the video yet?
Of course. Who hasn't?
What did you think of it?
I think it's awesome. Film quality could've been a little better, but overall...I loved it.
WHAT? A video of someone getting their head chopped off is "awesome"?
I was talking about the Paris Hilton video. Jesus H. Christ, you're morbid.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
Alright kids, we have a special guest today. Right up here with me is none other than the President of the United States, Mr. George W. Bush!
Thank you, Mrs. Crabapple. I'm here to talk about something very important in all our lives, and that is my re-election campaign.
So please...do your part to ensure that I get re-elected by passing your lunch money forward! Keep this country safe for 4 more years!
A bully screaming "GO USA" knocked me down and stole my lunch money earlier.
I already did my part. I supported big business by outsourcing my lunch money to the Wal-Mart down the street for NASCAR gear and candy bars.

 

by niteowl
5-15-04
It looks like you are writing a letter. Would you like some help?
No.
Should I morph into the MSN Butterfly instead?

 

by niteowl
5-16-04
1979.
"WM, likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, making love at midnight, chicks with half a brain, hates yoga. Inquire within."
Today.
"DWM, currently in AA, also been dealing with a bout of pneumonia for the last 15 years. Enjoys sex, with the help of Viagra. Still hates yoga. Inquire within."

 

by niteowl
5-16-04
You just about ready over there?
Yep, camera is set and ready to go.
3 hours later...
This'll be great, wait 'til everyone on the internet sees my penis!
We've got bad news, dude. Richie called. Him and his 12 inch love snake can't make it.
Aww fuck. What will we do now?
Hang on, I'm Googling "John Holmes".

 

by niteowl
5-16-04
I'm so sick of seeing these cartoons ripping on Republicans. Like Doonesbury for example...
Arnold is still harassing women? Give me a break. Baseless charges and allegiations! That's all it is!
You know what Doonesbury's political stance is. If it offends you, don't read it.
But what will I have to bitch and complain about?
What about Michael Moore?

 

by niteowl
5-16-04
You do the same thing, whining about how Democrats are dissed for their stance on the Iraqi invasion.
I do not!
Yes, you do.
Whatever. Typical idiot Republican.
Remember when you went to that pro-war rally with a sign that said "GROW UP YOU UN-AMERICAN MORANS"?
I just held the sign, I didn't make it!

 

by niteowl
5-16-04
Look at that, you checked me and I did a triple somersault, crashed through the glass, landed on some hottie's lap, and her top came off!
This NHL game is so realistic!
Dude, You've completed 56 of 57 passes for 1,245 yards and 12 TDs! That's ALMOST a record!
Madden NFL is so realistic!
Man, you just lapped the entire field 5 times, without changing your tires or refueling!
Dude, this NASCAR game is oh-SO realistic!

 

by niteowl
5-17-04
You really don't remember what happened at the party last night?
Nope. I was pretty drunk, you know.
We dressed you up and took pictures. You're pretty damn cute as Little Orphan Annie.
You BASTARD.

 

by niteowl
5-21-04
This has got to be the longest cut scene ever in a video game.
You got that right.
And pushing a button doesn't fast forward past this shit. We gotta sit through the whole thing!
This sucks.
1 hour later.
Did I just see Bruce Willis in a dress run through the scene?
Yep. Man, I hate these war games.

 

by niteowl
5-22-04
Wow, what a weekend. Drank 2 cases of Coors, 3 bottles of Southern Comfort, even smoked 2 joints. So how was your weekend?
Great! Did a lot of coke, heroin, all the usual stuff.
Did you eat anything?
Nope. Did you?
No way. I tell ya, this is the best diet idea you've ever come up with. I didn't feel like eating at all!
Thanks!

 

by niteowl
5-26-04
Damn, you were in the bathroom for a long time. What the hell were you doing in there?
Shaving.
But you've still got your beard...
Oh man, I don't want to know what he was really doing in there.
No more hairy buttcrack for moi!

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Good morning.
Good morning! Oh my God! I'm so glad Fantasia won American Idol last night!
Oh. I don't watch American Idol. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a lot of work to do-
Oh my God, all REAL Americans watch American Idol! What are you, some kind of terrorist?
No, I just don't own a TV.
OH MY GOD, you ARE a terrorist! SOMEONE CALL 911, WE'RE ALL IN GREAT DANGER!

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Ok, voices in my head...I've called this meeting because my strips have been lacking lately. Any ideas on making them better?
More drug references!
More sex jokes!
I'm just a clown, don't ask me.
Stop the jokes about me! I'm a good President, gosh darn it!

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Guys, I'm thinking of doing a 125 part series on the Stanley Cup Finals. Good idea, or not?
Stanley Cup Finals? What the hell is that?
Only if it's portrayed after the game, and in the shower! Woo woo!
You should do whatever you think will be funny, not what you think might be popular.
What kind of shitty advice is that, Assclown?

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
I've got another idea, a spoof on the Olsen Twins...say, what happened to the President?
I impaled him with my "Just Say No" sign. His self-righteousness got on my fuckin' nerves.
Way to go hippie freak!
I would've killed him, but I was too lazy.
Five dolla. Holla.

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Maybe I need to do more smart, intelligent strips...with words more than 2 syllables.
Marijuana! That's more than 2 syllables!
Fornicate! That's more than 2 syllables!
Where's Dr. Pedantic when you need him?
Hello.

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
I got it! More stripcreator in-jokes!
Nah, man.
When is this meeting gonna be done? I need to rub one out.
God help us all.
RARRR! NO!

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Damnit, help me out here guys! I'm drowning in a sea of mediocrity!
Hey man, why are there different backgrounds in every comic?
I like the different backgrounds! Makes me feel like I'm going "Around The World"!
He's just trying to be an artsy and pretentious bastard.
Did someone say artsy?

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
More violence? More nudity? More horrible misspellings used in a humorous fashion?
Violence is not the answer, but I bet you knew I'd say that.
More penis! Bet you didn't think I'd say THAT!
And just what are you doing, little girl?
I'm totally kicking the Fourth Wall's ass!

 

by niteowl
5-29-04
Alright gang, meeting adjourned. Very productive, as I wasted a full 2 hours making comics before the hockey game started. Good job everyone!
Thanks man. Can I have my bong back now?
Share hippie dude, I'm jonesin' over here!
This asshole needs to die. Where is that ax?

 

by niteowl
5-30-04
Look at this smug little bastard back here. Thinks he owns the company just because he provides refreshment to the employees and is attractive to look at.
Yeah. But what can Mr. Watercooler REALLY do though? He has no computer chip, no AI, and he can't even move!
Maybe we'll grow to accept Watercooler boy though. Remember when Microwave started here? He was stuck up at first but he turned out to be a pretty cool guy.
I don't know...I don't think we'll ever be on the same wavelength as this fucker. At least Microwave was someone we could communicate with.
Should we take this bastard out then?
Not yet, I'm kinda thirsty.

 

by niteowl
5-30-04
While on WinMX...
blink182rulezall: PLZ SHARE YUOR FILES
Ok hang on.
blink182rulezall: WHO THE FCUK R RUSH AND KINGS X???
They are the hottest upcoming bands. You'll see, they will dominate the Pop charts in a few months. Download 'em now and impress your friends!
blink182rulezall: KEWL CANT WAIT TO DL AND SHOW MY BUDZ,, THX, YUO GOT ANY D12 MP3S
Yeah, all 15 Steely Dan files are really D12 remixes and unreleased tracks. I had to rename them, too many people downloading them from me.

 

by niteowl
5-30-04
Good afternoon, oh hooded bringer of death.
You must come with me now. Our records show that you attended a Loverboy concert in 1986, and you're going to hell because of it.
But I-
No buts. Going to a Loverboy concert is a sin of the highest order, you should've known better. And about those Def Leppard concerts...
What about 'em?
You went to concerts in 1988 and last year with different chicks and didn't get laid after either show. What gives? Def Leppard concerts are like Spanish Fly!

 

by niteowl
5-31-04
stripcreator.com/comics/ObiJo/202178
Hey...
Go away. I'm busy.
Obi, I'm here to bust you out.
Sure you are. Hit the road, punk.
Seriously!
Will you get the hell out of here? I'm almost done exacting my revenge on this fucker!

 

by niteowl
5-31-04
Aw hell! Lookit the ternadoes headin' awr way!
Dayum! Ther's 5 of 'em droppin' down at once! Lookin' like cow udders and boy, oh boy am I gettin' horny-
Moo.
Don't even think about it. You already milked me 18 times today.

 

by niteowl
5-31-04
What a beautiful day.
Yes, it is...but don't you get that sense of impending doom?
1 hour, 12 minutes later...
We're drowning in 10 feet of water.
My hair!
49 minutes, 7 seconds later...
Now we're buried under 29 and a half feet of snow and ice and it's -150 degrees Fahrenheit.
Who cares about that, kiss me you big lug!

 

by niteowl
6-01-04
Hmmm, special effects were good. So what did you think of it?
Gotta agree on the special effects, not too shabby.
Did you feed the cat today?

 

by niteowl
6-02-04
Artist's rendition of how slow my internet connection has been the last 2 days.

 

by niteowl
6-02-04
So you say you don't scare easily...how about if Jason and Freddy were chasing you down in a cornfield?
Pfft. I can run faster than those two clods.
What about camping out in the woods and hearing weird noises all night long?
I'd just cover my ears.
Ok. Try to imagine what life would be like without MTV.
AAAAGGGHHHH!

 

by niteowl
6-06-04
October 10, 1965
We should declare war on North Vietnam... We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and be home by Christmas.
August 11, 1984
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
Ol' Ronnie was a funny fella, wasn't he?

 

by niteowl
6-06-04
FOOD FIGHT!!!!!
Shit, that chocolate cake hit me in the mouth! My low-carb diet is ruined!

 

by niteowl
6-09-04
So what did you get at the hardware store?
A caulk gun.
That thing that shoots white stuff?
Yeah.

 

by niteowl
6-09-04
It'll be $100 upfront for the normal stuff, and $25 more for anything extra.
Ok, just the regular package then. Here's your $100.
Alright. You ready? You start...
Ok, here goes. THAT'S IT! YOU ARE A HORRIBLE GIRLFRIEND, YOU WON'T EVEN SUCK ME OFF RIGHT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND YOUR CHEATING, I'M DUMPING YOUR ASS!
Oh my God, don't leave me Jake! I beg of you! I love you! You are the most incredible man I've ever been with. I'm sorry Jake! Don't leave me like this...
This is the best time I've ever had with a woman!

 

by niteowl
6-11-04
This comic commemorates 3 years here at SC. So without further adieu, here are the Good...
Hey man, wanna go to Taco Bell? You can win free gas when you buy a drink.
Don't you think Taco Bell gives us enough gas already?
The Bad...
Well well, looks like my ebonics lessons are helping. Not bad for a cracka.
Thanks, hizzomie skizzillet.
And the Ugly.
I AM TROLL-BOT. READ MY COMICS, THEY ARE THE FUNNY. LOL!
Did you just say "LOL"?

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
♫ Get up, get get get down...911 is a joke in yo' town... ♫
How can you sing a song that makes fun of the greatest tragedy in American history?
But it's not about the WTC attacks.
You said 911 though!
That song was released in 1994 by Public Enemy, long before September 11th.
I hate Public Enemy!

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
In the year 2029, a teacher takes her students to visit the Internet Museum.
Alright kids, get ready to see some amazing things from years' past, when people throughout the world communicated freely with each other!
Oh boy, we'll get to see a REAL home computer!
This is gonna be great!
I just can't imagine what life was like before home computers were outlawed!

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
Behind me, we have the very last home computer manufactured for use in the USA. This beauty was made in 2005. It has a 3.66 ghz processor, and 300 GB hard drive.
After the re-election of Presdient Bush in 2004, he signed a bill which outlawed all home computers in the US. Bush and his Republican buddies deemed computers to be evil...
It was something Democrats used to slander honest Republicans via Internet message boards, and a tool for liberals to support terrorism by questioning the administration's policies.
Bush also said he needed to even the playing field, since because most poor Republicans didn't own a computer, they didn't have a voice. And it just wasn't fair, gosh darnit!
Damn those Democrats and their grass-roots organizations!

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
And here we have a young man surfing the internet. By 2004, 50% of people in the United States used the internet on a regular basis.
Look! He's surfing the 'net with AOL!
That poor, poor kid. Hey, he's got an AOL For Dummies book on the desk.
Sucker!

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
Here's a youngster downloading songs off of Napster. Napster was a free program where you could download mp3 music files illegally, that is until Lars Ulrich of Metallica put a stop to it.
My daddy told me once that CDs used to be only $15 each when he was a kid.
Man, they had it so good back then.
I had to agree to give Lars my first-born son for a copy of Metallica's latest album. It was worth it though, an album of 4 guys farting and pooping in their Depends is hilarious.

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
As you all know, the Internet was shutdown except for a few sites, namely The White House's site, and other government related sites. All other sites were deemed offensive and eliminated.
Why is there a picture of a postman with a gun at the site that kid is looking at?
Going postal at USPS.
Wait a second...that's The Onion!

 

by niteowl
6-13-04
Ok kids, that's it for the tour, time to head back to the school. Any questions before we go?
Is it true that Bill Gates fucked a penguin?
Dude!
Dude! Haha!

Showing page 15.

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