All comics by pslock

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by pslock
10-01-05
NOPE. UH-UH. FORGET IT.
NOT EVEN JUST A *LITTLE* RAPE?

 

by pslock
10-06-05
I think I'm in the wrong comic...
....
That depends on whether it's time for dinner or not.

 

by pslock
10-09-05
Wow, this basement is kind of creepy without the lights on! Kind of like a horror movie or something!
Yep, sure is creepy!! Creeporoony!
This isn't the basement, Lisa, it's your dad's room. It's also 3am, can you please go back to bed?

 

by pslock
10-11-05
Boy, there's like a huge natural disaster, like, every week now. God really does hate us.
Oh, keep your shirt on. God is dead. The disasters are just cause by our ever fragile ecosystem that's being more fucked by pollution.
But God hating us is an easier explanation. WAY easier.
...
Ohhmmm...we bow before you and worship you, oh great one. You are magnificense and all that shit and wonderful as well.
Shouldn't we sacrifice a baby or something too? Just to be sure?

 

by pslock
10-11-05
Now, I know this is a fixer-upper, but it has great potential, and..
..this is a school. Like, as in a middle school.
What? Oh, no....the previous owner was a teacher and she felt that making the home SCHOOL-LIKE would help her to become a better teacher.
No actually it's a school. I just saw some kids walking with their books and there was an announcement on the PA that lunch is hot dogs.
Pretty realistic modifications she put in, huh?
...

 

by pslock
11-14-05
GRRARRR! That's right kiddies, bacon is BAAAD FOR YOU!! MEAT IS BAD FOR YOU!
But meat tastes good, Mr. Baconman. Why is it bad?
Because animals are KILLED FOR IT!! CUTE LITTLE PIGGIES ARE SLAUGHTERED SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT TASTY BACON!
Nuh-uh. My bacon is a mixture of soy by-products and grain extracts.
Oh....uhh..well...in that case...
HAHA! Just kidding, it's fresh from the farm, it almost SQUEALS!!!

 

by pslock
11-24-05
Ahhh....Thanksgiving. A time for thanks and....uh..stuff.
Indeed. Say, have you seen the turkey?
Nope.
Damn...I've looked everywhere. Oh well. I'll check our auxilliary shed.
Is he gone yet???
I kept my side of the bargain, now fork over the cash. And it better all be there this time.

 

by pslock
11-27-05
.....
..
Hmm..the underwater peepers club isn't as much fun as I expected it to be.

 

by pslock
11-27-05
Did I mention I took Thanksiving weekend off?

 

by pslock
12-02-05
So, I, uh, assume you have places to go, people to see, etc.. You probably need to be on your way.
*growr*
I...uh...is..erm.. that a 'no'?
Bed. Now.
It's a 'no'....
You were saying something? I didn't catch that....

 

by pslock
12-02-05
Sorry sir, but the surgery didn't go QUITE as planned. And it was a little on the messy side, and...
NO, NO! Don't apologize! I like it! I mean, I wanted total body enhancement but I never figured CYBORG! Cool!
Yyyeah, well, see the thing is the process isn't quite done, it's stil rough around the edges..
What do you mean? I can feel the cyborgery power FLOWING through my veins!! Err...well, circuitry I mean. Or whatever.
Mr. Smith, I'm going to come clean with you. You have no ass.
No.....cyborg....ass?? Cyberass-less?

 

by pslock
12-03-05
I realize we are stranded on a desert island, but you must know that my infant beast will be getting most, if not all, of the supplies. It's only right.
That's OK. I understand.
Wow...you're being remarkably progressive and accepting of this. You must come from a very socially aware circle of people who understand and appreciate all forms of life.
Nah. Not really. I just figure if we raise the little critter and fatten him up, in a month or so he'll make a damn fine roast.
You sick bastard.
Hey, if you want the dark meat, that's OK. You don't have to get all defensive about it.

 

by pslock
12-04-05
...I don't think you respect her and I don't appreciate you doing this that and the other.......and another thing...yadda..yadda
Your mom left me another weird message about how I'm corrupting you and generally a bad influence on you.
Well, before I met you, I had no concept of furries or what 'yiffing' was. In fact, I was blissfully unaware of most of the internet, so she does have A FEW points.
Yeah, but that was school-related. I was helping you with your eduation.
There are some things you can never UNsee, and part of me is gone forever. I'll never look at a wolf the same way.

 

by pslock
12-04-05
Damnit, who put the toilet paper dispenser so far from the bowl?

 

by pslock
12-10-05
...it's not like a clown's life is easy. I mean, the laughter is great, but when it dies....there's nothing but the emptiness..
The emptiness...it consumes you. It's terrifying. ...are you even listening? Is it possible to get even ANY compassion or understand from you?
...fucking mimes..

 

by pslock
12-14-05
Look, are you going to share that banana or not?
I'm testing it out. Making sure it's OK. I AM a monkey, you know. I have a knack for it.
*sigh*, are you referring to the dog biscuit incident? You don't LIKE dog biscuits. DOG biscuits, get it? THAT'S why I ate them all. FOR DOGS.
No, I'm not referring to that, although trying a biscuit would have been nice. ...Whaddaya know..this is the last banana. Gee. *munch*
You're a prick sometimes.
Hmm...*chomp*, I don't think this is up to your standards. Better finish it all...*hurf*

 

by pslock
12-17-05
I saw the oddest thing on the train to work today...
Oh yeah? What?
Well, this guy had somehow gotten a car up onto the elevated tracks and was in front of the train, trying to go faster than we were.
What? That's crazy!! What did he think he was doing?
Not sure, but he got toasted pretty good when the train collided with him. Nothing and no one hurt, though. You know those el-trains. Built like goddamn rocks.
Tell me about it.

 

by pslock
12-17-05
Ok...as soon as I rig the power, we're gonna have a hot, rave, PAR-TAY!!
Shit, I can't see a thing....you sure this is the right place?
Hell yeah, I'm sure...the empty warehouse down at Atlantic Quays. I got the directions straight from Steve! Cmon, hand me those pliers.
Wait, wait...STEVE set this party up? The guy who thought it would be a good idea to let that "Claude" guy drive his car??
*click*
Hehe..YEAAAH!!! IT'S TIME TO FUCKIN' ROC...hey wait...
...I knew it. I knew it.

 

by pslock
12-18-05
OK...I have you goin 150 in a 25mph zone, in possession of a stolen car, in posession of numerous illegal firearms, discharging said firearms in public...
...physically assaulting an old lady, a hooker, and various pedestrians..I mean, this list just goes on and on.. and what's this about a...TANK?!? My god, son, do you have anything to say about this?
...
Lemme put it this way, a couple of those bribery stars and this can all go away. Including the old lady thing...

 

by pslock
12-18-05
I'm tired of all of the crime and gang warfare going on here...I've had it. I'm moving to Shoreside Vale, as soon as possible.
Yeah, I hear ya. You know, the other night the place where I get my laundry done was all shot up and at least 5 people killed! Now where am I going to find a good Chinese laundry?
Well, I've got it all worked out pretty much. In a few weeks, I'll be over in Shoreside waving goodbye to this place.
I'd be there with you if I could, man. Good luck with that! I have to go back to work, though. Laters...
That evening..
..in other news, the largest and most explosive gang war incident in Liberty City history occured at the Shoreside Vale dam. Witnesses report gunfire, rocket launchers, a helicopter and a tank...
Well, shit.

 

by pslock
12-18-05
Ok, sir...now if you'll notice this one has lots of closet space and plenty of....oh...*sob*..WHO AM I KIDDING! I'm so tried of this realty game..you're not buying a word of this are you?? *sniff*
...
Actually, this is pretty cool. It's perfect for my dark, brooding hideaway from the cruelties of the world. And it is harsh and brutal, like the world. I'll take it.
Next Day..
So..this guy opened up a Goth Realty Service? Awesome!!!
Yeah, he's got a knack for finding the worst, most awful, dark, dank places in the city. It's positively inspiring!

 

by pslock
12-18-05
So anyway, I'm looking for this, and this, and this...aaaaannnd...this, and...
*click*
Uhh....looks like we have a power outage, folks. Just stay calm and we'll lead you out the doors. You're going to have to leave until we get this fixed, thanks.
So does this mean I can't get my stuff?
....

 

by pslock
12-19-05
.and in other news, a series of explosions destroyed Callahan Bridge, making auto travel to Portland and Shoreside impossible for the time being...
What? AGAIN?? I mean, can the city keep that bridge up for maybe a FEW DAYS?? What are my tax dollars being used for? I'm making another set of leaflets! The mayor can't get away with this!
...today the police chief announced that he would be stepping up the investigation into the dozens of randomly scattered weapons citizens have been finding around Liberty City.
Errmm...does this mean I have to give up the rocket launcher I found in the dumpster? Do they know? Shit..my anti-government leaflets will lead them right to me!
...Senators wanted explanations as to why the remote control cars were still wreaking havoc....

 

by pslock
12-27-05
So, why do you suppose he didn't make a Christmas comic?
Maybe because he didn't feel like it. Maybe he jut couldn't come up with the right....umm. You know.er.r...
...
Punchline?
YES!!

 

by pslock
2-04-06
Sheesh...this is terrible. The things they are doing down there...IN MY NAME!!! And all over some stupid drawings of me!!!
Hey, you're preachin' to the choir, buddy.
Just tell me one thing, Jesus.
Anything.
Do I really look that silly??
Lemme put it this way, you're UNIQUE. Yeah...

 

by pslock
2-04-06
*mmmf* oh yeah...right there...oh yeah....
yes....yes....
*CRUNCH!*
What was that?
I think we broke the headboard.
How do you -break- the headboard?
Apparently like this....did I say stop??

 

by pslock
2-04-06
yes..yes...
*mmmf* yes indeed....
*CRASH*
Ok, what the fuck?
That was the lamp. Sorry, I kicked it.
Oh...oh well.*mmmf*
No, actually we should probably clean this up. It looks like a friggin' robbery went down here or something...

 

by pslock
3-19-06
Wow, you speak amazingly good English for a Mexican.
I can do tricks, too.
So, do you guys have television and radio and stuff? Do you live in a wood hut?
Well, about 5 years ago we got the telegraph. That was cool.
Say, where's all them INJUNS?!!!
They're off on a war-party right now. I expect Texas will fall any second now.

 

by pslock
3-26-06
...and so, I just wish my boyfried was into all sorts of kinky sex like I am because I couldn't even begin to tell you how perverted I am, why.... hey, are you listening?
....
I wish I hadn't been.

 

by pslock
3-26-06
..so, by the fourth season, the continuity was all messed up, and the technology the aliens were using didn't match up to the first season. Then, the lead actor was...
30 Minutes Later
..so, that's when the writers decided to kill off that character.
I just wanted to know *where* Stargate was fucking shelved.

 

by pslock
3-26-06
...yeah, so I'm different from a lot of people here in that I do what I say and you guys know that I get shit done. When I say it's done, it's done. So, anyway, I'm gonna go a little early OK?
HOURS LATER
Say, where'd whatshisname go?
He said something about working too hard today and he went home early. Why?
Because absolutely nothing got done in his department.

 

by pslock
5-25-06
..and then that's when I had the role of "Owly" in the animated film "Owls-a-hoppin'" I'm particularly proud of that one, yes.
Mmmhmm....and so what made you decide to leave acting and go into porno?
....
Hmm? Sir?
I have no idea what you're referring to young man, -I- am a serious ac-tor! I know nothing of this "pornography" of which you speak!
Really, well I've got this issue of "Winged Sluts of the Sky" right here that I think might just change your attitude...

 

by pslock
5-25-06
Excuse me ma'am, just coming through to get at some of those crumbs, thanks.
Gross! A bug!! Shit, get the spray, Harry! I don't want these filthy creatures in my home!!
If I may point something out, ma'am, you are, in a sense, obligated to care for me since you have given up your societal right to properly care for the downtrodden and underprivelidged.
...
...and it's a pretentious bug too!! Get the extra doomy spray, Harry!!

 

by pslock
1-20-07
Wow..it's been awhile hasn't it?
Yeah...we haven't seen any action in...over a year?
He still can't think of a good punchline....

 

by pslock
1-20-07
"I'm sorry, dear, but I hadn't the the heart to tell you in person. I won't be taking the bus trip with you..."
"..I've met another man, and he's everything I've ever wanted. Not just a stick figure but a real man!! I'm sorry."
Shit....now whose ass am I going to use to smuggle?

 

by pslock
1-20-07
So here I am making comics again after one hell of a long time. I'm over the horrible break-up...over most of my psychological dysfunctions...
I'm in a stable, healthy, highly pleasurable relationship. I think I'm finally back to normal. So what the hell am I going to write comics about??
Huh....guess it's back to dick and fart jokes. Now where's that rhyming dictionary?

 

by pslock
1-20-07
Christ...first day of school. How fun. High School sucks.
Phht! What are YOU supposed to be?? Didn't anyone tell you Halloween was over months ago? HAHAHAHA!!
Actually, no...no one told me. I mean, usually someone fills me in on the details, but this year I don't know what happened. It's kind of odd really. I appreciate you telling me.
You're.....confusing me.
I'm guessing that phrase passes your lips a few times a day. I gotta go change outta this "Halloween" gear.

 

by pslock
1-20-07
Hey, Alex. Nice to see you hear...enjoying your first day wandering the halls of our lovely educational establishment?
Hey, Lynn. Yeah, I already got the "Halloween" bit...that one's gettin' old. These people need some new material.
Yeah, I mean why not something like "Hey, did you lose a fight with a bottle of eyeliner!!!" or "You look mighty energetic for a dead person!" Something like that.
Yeah. Or, "Hey you! Someone might hit you with their car if you cross the road at night looking like that!"
....
What? It works!

 

by pslock
1-20-07
I CAN MAKE MY POLITICAL VIEWS KNOWN WHILE ON THE TOILET.
TAKE THAT, DAILY KOS

 

by pslock
1-23-07
Well hello, young one, you should eat some of today's mystery meat! You look a bit pale! Need to keep your strength up!
Uh, no thanks, ma'am. First day of school is bad enough without having to eat cafeteria food, no offense. I just wanted some chocolate milk.
Well...if that's how you feel..here you go.
Thanks. I think you'll probably the friendliest and most reasonable "adult" I've met all day so far.
Well, I have to dish this crap out to you kiddies every day, I figure if I'm nice about it it balances me out karmically.
..and enlightened as well! I should come here more often!

 

by pslock
1-23-07
Hey, David..wow long time, no see. Enjoying our first day?
Oh, what's up, Lynn? Yeah, everything's "great." Man, I have the lousiest teachers this year. Including Mr. Greybeard. You know who I mean, right?
I had that asshat last year. He's the one who tried to get me psychological counciling out of concern for my "outward appearance."
Oh, right! Ugh...I think I might have trouble with him too. He gave me the evil eye all through class today!
At least he didn't grab your ass and call you 'sweetie.' That's a memory I'll never live down.
.....

 

by pslock
1-23-07
What you do you mean I have to pay late fees!! That's ridiculous!
Sorry, but you have late fees. You don't have to pay it all now, but you have to pay some of it.
Why is so much? It's outrageous! You guys are inflating the charges!
Because you kept the movie for over a month. In fact, here's a detailed summary of the precise charges equalling 5 weeks rental.
But.....but..... it's not FAIIIIIRRR!
Lady, in this world, this is about the most unquestionably fair thing I've seen in months.

 

by pslock
1-25-07
Did you hear the President's State of the Union address?
No, I had better things to do, like take a long shit.
Funny....that's probably what the President was thinking.

 

by pslock
1-25-07
GOING INSIDE THE MACHINE NOW.
IT WORKS!

 

by pslock
1-25-07
YOU, SIR, ARE OUT OF LINE.
I ONLY ASKED IF SHE DID ANAL.

 

by pslock
10-28-07
Huh...I can't believe I haven't made a comic here in almost a year.
I guess I just got out of the habit, or something.
See, I can't even think of a punchline!

 

by pslock
10-28-07
Welp, time to get some firewood!! I'm off!!
Wait a sec. Are you aware you're wearing a diaper?
Well, yeah..I mean, it just makes things quicker in the long run. Now..about that firewoo...
...dude, you're a squirrel in a diaper. With an axe. Hasn't that image unsettled you in the slightest?
Not really, I mean one of the few advantages of being stranded in the wilderness, struggling for survival is that your sanity goes quite fast! heck, you're lucky it's a diaper I'm wearing!
Just so long as you don't start asking me to change you or something... *shudder*

 

by pslock
3-02-08
Please, come in.
Thanks for reviewing my application for a higher maintenence position on the starship, sir. You see, I've been working here for fiv...
Five years, yes I know. And AstroCruiseCorp does appreciate the work you've been doing. But...
But...you can't upgrade me to a Level 3 Tech. Again. *sigh*...this is my fourth application!
I'm sorry, but while your overall ratings are good, there is no way a tech with a Personality Rating of 3 can get above Level 2. At least, not without large, untraceable amounts of Space Money.
What? It went DOWN?? It was 4 before!

 

by pslock
3-02-08
Well, I'm sorry 37, but I didn't get the license upgrade. Looks like we're still working on the sewage lines on this ship for another year. Damnit.
THIS NEWS IS DISTRESSING, SIR. YOU KNOW HOW MY SENSORS REACT TO HIGH LEVELS OF HUMAN FECAL MAT-
I know! I know! You think I like being in the bowels of this damn ship? Hmm..maybe that was a bad choice of words.
DOES THIS MEAN WE WILL BE PERFORMING MAINTENANCE DURING THE ANNUAL SPACE SHRINER SUPER-BUFFET EXTRAVAGANZA?
Oh, jesus..you had to remind me. I think I'm gonna get me a bottle of synthesized alcohol and call it a night.
I TOO MUST GO. I THINK THERE IS A CORRUPTED RECHARGING SOCKET AROUND HERE WITH MY SERIAL NUMBER ON IT.

 

by pslock
3-02-08
So I heard you're still working in Waste Containment.
Yeah..damn space politics.. I'm never gonna get a Level 3 Tech license at this rate. Maybe I should move back to Earth.
Now, don't go the self-pity route, Bob. Come on, you'll make it eventually. or you can change Tech jobs. Why not come over to Food Engineering with me?
I dunno. Food Engineering always strikes me as...*gulp* a bit gross.
Wait, what? You work on broken, old, outdated, malfunctioning sewage systems all day long, come home smelling like Satan's rectum, and you think MY job is gross?
Yeah, but... food... from a TUBE? *shudder*

Showing page 16.

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