All comics by DragonXero

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by DragonXero
2-25-05
Oh! Hello there! I've noticed a disturbing trend in politics today...
First, it was just religious zealot idiots mouthing off about a tragedy...
God sent those planes into the WTC to punish the wicked!
But now, we have an idiot college eployee calling himself an american indian doing the idiot dance...
One attack is not enough! The US must fall! I am american indian!
Um, professor asshole? Why are my taxes paying your fucking wages?

 

by DragonXero
2-27-05
How I wish it was going to be:
Airman Barron reporting for duty.
This way, I'll introduce you to the General. Jack O'Niell.
How I wish it was going to be:
Airman Barron reporting for duty.
This way, I'll introduce you to the General. Jack O'Niell.
How I wish it was going to be:
Airman Barron reporting for duty.
This way, I'll introduce you to the General. Jack O'Niell.

 

by DragonXero
2-27-05
Good to see a familiar face here, Mike.
Yeah. Can't stay long. Apparently, we're going to have to pave the path back to Falujah.. again.
Christ. At this point, it would be easier to just have our pilots drop some bombs on 'em.
Too expensive.
Three hours of carpet bombing is more expensive than three weeks of hazard pay for several hundre troops?
Shhh. Don't ask questions.

 

by DragonXero
2-27-05
Why in the world would you want to go into the Air Force right now?
Aside from getting insurance, education, pay, room & board?
Yeah...
Oh, I also get to wear a uniform.
And the ladies *looove* the uniforms.
Damn straight.

 

by DragonXero
2-27-05
Okay, surely you are afraid of dying in Iraq!
A little, yeah, but there's not much here to live for.
You almost sound suicidal.
Nah. I just want a life change. At least this way it's only a *possibility* of things getting worse. Here, I know they will.
You have this all planned out, don't you?
All except for the part after I sign my life away on a piece of paper in exchange for some digital camo.

 

by DragonXero
3-03-05
TOBOR WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR HIS ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR, AND HAS DECIDED TO BECOME CHARITABLE!!
THEREFORE, TOBOR WOULD LIKE TO BUY THE WORLD A CORNHOLING.

 

by DragonXero
3-03-05
I've rediscovered the sloganizer, and thus: "Because I'm Worth Dicking Around."
Also: "See the USA in Your Rotor Turbine."
Finally: "Moh - Australian for Beer."

 

by DragonXero
3-03-05
I've noticed that there is a decided lack of comics talking about Type-O-Negative.
Thus, I would like to say, Type-O-Negative is an awesome doom/gothic metal band.
I hope Peter Steele pays me big money for this one. Hell, he earned enough off that Playgirl shoot to buy Stripcreator 10 times over.

 

by DragonXero
3-03-05
I know where you are, idiot.
No you don't. You can't see me.
Uh, yeah, yeah I can.
OMFG! Wallhaxxor!
Shut up. Go read a book.

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
Use your turn signal BEFORE stopping.
Hey, next time, just back up into me, that'd be more effective!
Press down on the long pedal on the right side when the light turns green.
GREEN MEANS GO, FUCKER!
Try to adhere to the "three second rule".
Oh, this is nice. I love bright headlights in my rearview mirror at 65 miles per houe.

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
On the highway, try to go the speed limit, and stick with one speed.
This is lovely. At this rate, I'll be home sometime next week.
When nearing an onramp on the freeway, give those in the right lane some space to move over.
That's okay, when he runs me into your lane, I'll just run you off the overpass.
If you can't successfully drive whilst operating a cell phone, DON'T.
Greedy, aren't ya? PICK A LANE!

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
If you've already forgotten to use your signal when entering a left-turn lane, don't bother.
Oh. Yeah. See, now, since you're in the left lane, I thought you were going to go straight! Thanks.
If you've already braked, and have begun your turn, once again, don't bother with the signal.
Oh, great. I almost rear-ended you, but now you're using the signal. Thank you so much.
Got ten cars following you closely? PULL THE FUCK OVER.
Mmm, this is great. 25 in a 55 zone. Maybe I need a flare gun.

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
TOBOR HAS GROWN TIRED OF THE OLD CLICHES!
THEREFORE, TOBOR IS GOING TO GIVE SOMETHING NEW A TRY. BEING CANADAIN!
RARRR EH?

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
Hey, you wanna go on a date?
Sorry hun, just looking for a screw, not into serious relationships.
Hi, wanna go to the movies?
Sorry, no. But I'll screw you if you want!
Drex, did I miss the gender swap or something?
HOLD ME!

 

by DragonXero
3-06-05
I used to think I wasn't picky, but I guess I really am.
I mean, I want a girl with no piercings, no tattoos, who isn't bisexual, and is actually interested in a serious relationship.
Is that so much to ask?
Sucky sucky fi' dolla?

 

by DragonXero
3-08-05
Hi.
MOH! I mean.. Gah! Hahahahaha...

 

by DragonXero
3-08-05
You see, this was originally going to be the ending of the first strip, but Pablo whined about the camera angle and all that.
What?! What?!
Good god! You're a horrifying disembodied finger puppet!
That pablo, he's a whiny little bitch. I personally really liked this scene, but hey, you gotta keep your disembodied actors happy, right?
So?
You snuck up on me, and scared me.
Last I heard, Pablo was found dead somewhere in Mexico. Funny thing is, he was wrist-deep in some mexican hooker's vagina.
Oh, well, then you should look behind you.
Oh no. I know Tobor's back there. I'm not looking yet.

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
Jeez, I don't get you. It's just a little nose piercing. You'll get to like it.
Y- God fucking damn. You are lacking a few brain cells. Would you "get to like it" if I chopped off my fucking arm just to be trendy?
Oh God! That's sick, mutilating yourself like that because of some stupid trend? That's idiotic.
My point exactly.
Wait, what does that have to do with our conversation?
Here's an idea, how about you don't talk anymore?

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
You should get your tongue pierced now!
Um, why? So I can talk funny and even further destroy my teeth?
No, because, well, y'know, the pleasure thing.
Yeah, see, that whole "pleasure thing"? It's meant for guys. I suppose once all my teeth have been knocked out I'd give good blowjobs.
Really? I would love to watch that.
Yeah, okay, remember that thing we discussed earlier? You know, about you not talking again? Ever? Let's work on that.

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
Okay, okay, fine. How about you just get your penis done?
Yeah, that sounds like horrible agony. Great idea!
What is so bad about that?
Okay, fine. You get your clit pierced and I'll halfway consider it for a second.
Oh my GOD! Get my clit pierced? Fuck no, that would hurt! A LOT!
Maybe you should get your frontal lobe pierced. Then you'd probably talk less.

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
Hey, sorry I didn't come to see you last night. I had to go to my sister's house with only an hour's notice.
Oh, why didn't you tell me you were Amish?
Huh? What are you talking about?
Well, since the only possible reason you could have failed to call me was because you couldn't get to a phone, I figured that only the Amish, who have no phones, would keep that from happening.
Look, I didn't have your number.
Holy shit! When did the Amish ban paper and pencils?!

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
Hi, um, what do you want?
Would you mind going and having some coffee with me?
I'm sorry, you're really not my type.
Oh, you mean I'm not an alcoholic frat boy who will beat you every day?
Shut up!
No, that's your job.

 

by DragonXero
3-13-05
Look, I'm sorry, I just really don't want to get into a relationship with you. You're not my type at all.
Ohhhh, right, so your type is either a marine who could care less about you, yet you still pine after him constantly...
Or a complete fuckhead stoner who drives a beaten up pickup truck, dumps you, and now you're trying to beg him back again, yet he just wants to fuck you?
Pretty much, yeah.
You win this round, L. You win this round.

 

by DragonXero
3-14-05
Two months ago...
I wouldn't be able to find you attractive if you didn't have facial hair.
I wouldn't find you attractive if you got a bolt through your nose.
A couple days ago.
I got a piercing! Yay me!
Ugh. Okay, where's my razor?
Wh.. what? You can't shave your face! I told you a long time ago I wouldn't like you without facial hair.
Oooh, I love double-standards so much!

 

by DragonXero
3-15-05
So how're you doing?
Not so good.
God you're so fucking negative! You are a dumbass! I can't believe they let people like you live!
Mmm, the sweet song of the yellow-crested fucktard.

 

by DragonXero
3-24-05
Dear god, that's sick.
I can't believe he did that, even I can't stomach that!
Good GOD Calvin! Those snowmen are disgusting!

 

by DragonXero
3-24-05
So innocent, so unknowing... how can I?
What kind of sick monster would I be if I went through with it? I guess I should...
Was there something you wanted sir?
Would you like to hear about our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ?

 

by DragonXero
3-25-05
I... tried to get pregnant with him.
You.. you what? Jesus fuck!
God, calm down.
Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with your brain?
I don't think this is going to work out... You should just move on. We shouldn't talk, for your sake.
Y'think?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Morpheus! You have to help me!
How many FUCKING times do I have to tell you? I'm NOT Morpheus, you are NOT Neo, and this is NOT the Matrix!
Oh yeah! Sez you! I'll prove it. Watch. Okay Ted! Take your shot!
What are you do-
Call 911 please.
What, again?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
God, look, it's not that I don't like black people...
Then why not? Why won't you just fucking kill me?!
"Oooh, you gotta kill me too, we demand equal rights!" Fuck that!
Hey, I'm gonna report you to the Murder Victims Union.
If I DO kill him, all my friends will laugh at me. If I don't, I'll get in big trouble... god, what to do?!
Tick tock, tick tock. I ain't killin' myself here.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
It's-a me! Mario!
Pumpkin.
Look-a what-a we have-a here-a! A pumpkin-a! Maybe I can-a get a powerup from it-a!
Pumpkin?
Mmm, thassa good-a pumpkin-a.
PUMPKIN!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Look man, I'm just saying, we need to look into more appropriate forms of discussion.
Um...
And we can revitalize our quota, bringing production into a whole new era!
I...
And then we can raise an amry of Uruk-Hai to do our bidding, we will take over the world!
Who are you, and why are you following me?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Behold! March 27, 2005!
I have arisen once again from my grave!
Happy Zombie Jesus Day.
RARR BRAINS!
We are here to protest this horrible disgrace.
Zombie Jesus? What the fuck are you smoking?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
TOBOR HAS LIMITS.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Aaaand youuuu, shook me all night long!!!
Mister, what're you singing?
I'm on a highway to hell!
Mommy says that rock and roll is the way to hell. So I guess you're right.
'Cuz I'm TNT! I'm dynamite!
No, the stuff under your feet is dynamite. And that over there is a plunger. I'mma go push it down now.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
So Mr. Frost, what's on the SUPERHERO agenda today?
You know, you REALLY don't have to say "Superhero" before everything.
But I like our SUPERHERO conversations like this!
Look, just fucking stop, okay? It's really annoying.
But.. but... it's my only SUPERHERO power!
Next time, *I* do the new recruit selection myself.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
O Christmas tree, what is the true meaning of the human holiday "Christmas"?
Look man, I know you see me. Just tell me the meaning before I rip out your goddamned visual sensors. All 16 of them!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Y'know what? Having ice powers really isn't that great.
Y'think it's fun having "detachable body parts" powers?
Every day I gotta wake up cold and hard. It's like being married.
Half the time I don't even know where I left my feet.
And what they say about cold affecting your nether regions is true.
At least you can FIND your fucking dick!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Hello, Mrs. Johnson? Timmy's been acting up a bit lately.
What's he been doing? Has he been murdering the other students? Castrating the other boys? Raping the girls?
No.. nothing like that... um.. he's just been eating the crayons...
Sweet Jesus fuck!
And using dirty language. I know where that comes from now.
You tell him if he hasn't gotten fucking laid by the time he gets on that bus, he's fucking grounded.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Nnnnggghhhh...
Wh- what are you-
GNNNNNRRRGGHHH!!!
Hey, HEY! WHAT THE H-
Ahhhhhh....
When I crawl out of this stinking mess, I'm hitting you with so many newspapers you'll think you're a newsstand..

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Hi! It looks like you're suffocating!
*gasp*
Would you like help?
*nod* *gasp*
Please download Service Pack 2 for this function.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
If you ever die, I'm gonna write a song about ya!
Oh how wonderful.
Yep, I'm gonna call it "I Lawst Mah Dawggie"!
Can you just kill me NOW?
O'course, first thing I gotta do is have sex with you. For science.
HELP! ASPCA!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Look, even though I SAID I don't have to grant you three wishes, I did at least one!
Woohoo! I can breathe underwater! This rocks! Now, I want a billion dollars!
No can do partner. Like I said, I am not supposed to grant wishes. That's a Genie.
Look, you wanna go back in the bottle?
I DON'T HAVE TO GRANT WISHES! Now shut the hell up or I revoke your FIRST wish.
Umm.. you'd.. bring me back to land... right?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
For the last goddamn time, I don't grant wishes, I place curses and whatnot!
So.. then.. is there some kind of higher power that punishes you for that or something?
NO! I don't have to grant wishes! Jesus fuck! You looking to be turned into a toad or something?
Hey, don't get uppity with me Jeannie. I saw that show with Darren and Samantha!
I'm hanging my fucking broom up. By the way, you're thinking of the wrong show.
Hey, wait, you're supposed to fall in love with me, marry me, and bring your annoying, bitchy mother over!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into! Hundreds of miles from civilization, and not a damn thing to eat.
Look man, I'm sure things will get better. Just wait, someone will come along.
Yeah? Like who? Your mom?
Hey, it could happen.
Yeah, it could. I could also eat your flesh while you still breathe. I am thinking that might be more fun.
MOOOOOM!!!!

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
WELCOME TO DAMNATION, YOUR SIN IS INEBRIETY!
Oh. That sucks....
YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY FOREVER SOBER YET SURROUNDED BY ALCOHOL! YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET DRUNK!
Damn! At least there are some fine-ass chicks here.
YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TOUCH THE WOM- What the hell are you staring at?
Sorry.. I just thought satan would be... taller.

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
Hey baby. Is this heaven, or are you just happy to see me?
Maybe if I ignore him, he'll just go away.
God must have made you in her own image, becaues baby, you look devine.
What the hell does that even mean?
Ummm, wanna get coffee?
Huh?

 

by DragonXero
3-27-05
DOWN WITH MEAT EATING! DOWN WITH THE BEEF INDUSTRY!
Now wait just a goddamn minute.
W-what? A talking chicken?
Look. I like the first part of your argument, but the Beef industry is the only thing keeping ME alive, asswipe!
B-but.. people still eat chicken.
Yeah? So what? I have stock in several cattle farms.

 

by DragonXero
3-29-05
I'm afraid we're taking you off life support.
But I'm not on life support.
That's why I brought this gun. Don't worry, the doctors are pretty sure you won't feel any pain.
Look, I just have a broken leg!
Sorry. Court orders. You understand.
I WANT TO APPEAL!

 

by DragonXero
3-29-05
We are gathered here to mourn the passing of John Christian..
I'm not dead!
Who the doctors feel had very little chance of feeling pain when he was killed by them.
No, really, I'm feeling better now! You can dig me back up! I want to SIIING! *whack* AUGH! *whack* Guh! *whack* Dying...
Thanks much. See you next thusday then?
Right.

Showing page 19.

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