All comics by Frozenfire

 

by Frozenfire
2-17-03
Nude and covered in whipped cream, Roni talks to Gina.
God, Dan is soooo hot...
I know, look at those eyes.. and that smile.
...and then Roni bumps into Dan.
Hey.. how about you and me slip off somewhere?
Anything you say, girl.
... and then Dan wakes up.
God dammit... how come I can never finish?

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
Since many people have been requesting comics on inside jokes, I figure I'll give this comic to all my friends. Go at it.
I'm not in love with her. I just think she's amazingly hot.
Barry!!!
Dan, you've also got a lying penguin.
Yeah Dan, and with the guns!
That's Brad, another new character. He has to be the cowboy because I'm running out on characters.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
Hmmm... what should I do today? Maybe I should change some water into wine.
ooh, or Maybe I'll save a few sinners, or buy some girl scout cookies. Anyway, it's a good day for Jesus! Nothing could ruin my mood... except...
Holy fuck. Not you again.
Hi, Jesus!

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
Sigh. Hello Daniel, how have you been.. my son?
I haven't been doing so well, my Lord. My heart is heavy.
Why, my child? What sin have you commited?
Well... I have sexual fantasies about The Teletubbies.
Oh, don't worry about that. So do I.
Oh, good. I thought it was just me.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
So then, after I killed the old woman to cover up the evidence, I...
Hold on for just one second.
Have you been hearing this fucking bullshit, Dad? Why can't I just smite him already?
Without him, the alcohol and pornography busniesses would go bankrupt. We can't have the economy ruined.
You are one lucky bastard.
I told you I was good for something.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
Hey Jesus, do you remember that one time where we were all stuck in Hell?
How could I forget?
How exactly did you get out? You weren't part of my group when we left.
I... was able to leave if I... entertained Satans' minions for him.
You got your ass rammed by that demon too, didn't you?
I hate you so much.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
So Jesus, tell me; what's Heaven like?
Well... let me explain it to you.
.....
Glorious Angels praise my name 24/7, people wear bright robes and play gentle harps, we have fun clean humor, bingo nights, and eternal glory of my Father.
Sounds like a pretty fuckin sissy place to me.
At least no one gets ass-rammed.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
So AFTER I butt raped Judas for betraying me, I...
Jesus, I hate to cut you short, but I gotta go. I'm tired. It's 4 in the morning.
It's not cool to blow off Jesus.
Look, I own this fucking comic. I'm the author. So I have ways of making you shut up...
The End.
What the - Oh, fucking hell! AAAAAHHHHH!!!
Now if you'll excuse me, the author is going to bed.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
So.. should I be doing something?
Well, it's a comic. Yeah, go ahead.
Am I the shit or what?!
Oh yeah. That's talent.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
I would like to take time now to answer some fan mail about my comic.
Dear Dan - Your jokes are stupid. We need something fresh. Can we see your cock? -Lisa, from NJ.
My cock? Well Linda from NJ, you asked for it.
Bet you're dissapointed, aren't you?
You think these jokes are bad? Try reading Ronis.

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
You're staring at my crotch, aren't you?
Damn, how could you tell?

 

by Frozenfire
2-18-03
Hey, do you know what I'm really in the mood for?
A huge, fat penis?
.....
Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of some nachos.
Oh. That was my next guess.

 

by Frozenfire
2-19-03
Brendan has brought it to my attention that I slipped up in a previous comic.
Dan, being the asshole that he is, forgot to proofread his fan mail comic. The name switches from Lisa to Linda.
I'd like to aplogize to Lisa from NJ. I was a bit nervous bringing out my cock.
But we know you like cock, so Dan would like to make it up to you by presenting....
Huge, white cocks.
We were paid to sit around and let you watch us, Lisa.
Enjoy the cock while you can.

 

by Frozenfire
3-08-03
It's D! It's D, you fucking moron!
......
If you don't pick D, I'm going to hunt you down, rape you, and kill you and everyone you care for!
Really getting into "Who Wants to be a Millioniare", aren't you?
Not the 50/50, you stupid bastard!

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
Wow. It's been awhile since I've made any comics.
Months, in fact.
Well, y'know, I've had a very busy summer. Running from police, playing guitar...
... sucking fat penis.
... I hate you.
Who doesn't?

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
Dan and Alex have just finished a long session of Dance Dance Revolution.
Left.. Right.. Up... shit!
Hahah! Double-A rating!
You've been playing longer than me. What's your secret?
You just suck.
Yeah.. well... you got your ass raped by a demon in hell!
Will the Ass-raping jokes ever end?

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
I used to have a friend named Hillary. I haven't talked to her in months. You see, she picked up this nazi-assed boyfriend who thinks that everyone with a penis is out to make love to her.
There he is! Wait, Hillary lives out of town! Even though he's walking the other way, I bet he's thinking about turning around and walking there right now to sleep with her! The bastard!
In fact, for merely mentioning her name, I bet he's tracking me down to kill me.
If anyone so much as says the name 'Hillary', wether it be mine or some other, I'll kill them! I'll kill them ALL!

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
Dan's dead.
Hillarys boyfriend violently murdered him.
....I guess we should mourn or something, shouldn't we?
Yeah... I guess so.
.....Dibs on his Stereo.
Fine. I get his XBox.

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
Meanwhile, in Hell..
You CANNOT be serious.
You died, and Jesus said he'd rather plunge a drill into his head than accept you into Heaven.
but I passed the Trials. I don't belong in hell either.
Maybe you could start your own afterlife? We've got some extra space here that isn't covered in boiling Lava.
The suspense!
I'll take it!
Excellent!

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
Ahhh... there, it's just about done.
What the hell? This isn't the karaoke bar!
Nope. My bony friend, you just stepped out of hell, and into... "Danieltopia"
"Danieltopia"? Sounds like a gay bar.
Yeah, well... your MOM sounds like a gay bar!
You should stop making comics. They aren't funny and everyone hates you.

 

by Frozenfire
8-08-03
So, whats there to do in this dump, anyway?
Theres plenty! We've got water slides, free nachos, and beautiful women in scantily clad bathing suits!
Well... umm.. lets say you had a skeleton who.. 'swang the other way'?
No problem! Your new deity, Dan, makes sure everyone gets loving!
Hey there, hot stuff.
Nice boner.

 

by Frozenfire
8-10-03
Dum de dum... maybe I'll go play guitar.
Nice setup you have here.
Jesus! What're you doing here?
Top secret things. Very hush hush. Confidental information reserved for the Divine Government.
There's an Area 51 in Heaven?
Move along, sir. Nothing to see here.

 

by Frozenfire
8-10-03
Since you work with the Government, I s'pose you get a badge and a gun and all that.
Yep, but we don't use violence. It breaks our rules. Plus that would ruin my perfect record of not sinning and all.
So how do you plan on getting out of here? You can't smooth-talk your way out of here. This is still Hell, remember.
Well.... ummmm....
Jesus, I've got a plan. And this time, it doesn't involve sexual acts with the teletubbies.
Now you're just talking crazy, man!

 

by Frozenfire
8-10-03
Hey, wheres Lucifer?
He's in the back, playing Contra.
Hey, its big man on campus.
What is it, wretched soul? I'm about to beat level four!
This Danieltopia thing? It's not working out. I'm an asshole and all, but burning in hell isn't really my jig. So, if you don't mind, I'll be leaving now.
Fine. Whatever. Close the door behind you, or you'll let the cold in.

 

by Frozenfire
8-10-03
We're free! We're free!
Wait a minute.
....
You didn't use violence. You didn't kick any ass. You didn't pull out any matrix-style moves. How is that any different from MY plan?
There's the whole "Look-at-me-I'm-pinned-on-a-cross-evil-stuff-sucks" jig you've got going on. I get along with everyone.
.... Oh.

 

by Frozenfire
8-11-03
The author would like to take a break from the current stroyline, since it sucks just like all the other storylines.
So Brendan, I heard you got lucky last night.
What the hell? Where did you hear that?
Well, you get lucky every night. You don't fool around with your girlfriend, do you?
I'm not following.
Just kidding, faceface.
Well, who'd want to sleep with your manly lesbian girlfriend?
.... Fuck you, Dan.

 

by Frozenfire
8-11-03
Your eyes sparkle like the brightest stars in the night sky.
Your abs ripple like the waves in the ocean.
Hold it! Nobody wants to read this kind of romantic shit in my comics. So I've taken the liberties of writing their next lines myself.
That's better.
What the fuck are you doing in here, bitch? Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
I have no independent thoughts of my own. I am merely here to serve my master Brendan. He touches me in naughty places.

 

by Frozenfire
8-11-03
Dan is too lazy to finish the current storyline he was in, about himself and Jesus escaping from Hell.
Let's just say that Jesus and I escape from Hell, I win a thousand dollars and Jesus gets to go save souls.
Anyway, in celebration we've deicded to throw a big fucking party.
Except that everyone hates me and would rather shove nails into my skull than hang out with me.
Fuck you.
Holy shit. He's onto me.
Since Alex's punchline sucked, I'll turn into an asian chick to fufill your sexual desires.

Showing page 2.

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