All comics by Namgubed

Profile

 

by Namgubed
12-18-01
I finished weedin' and I'm almost done fertilizin' yer garden.
That's great, Rube. Come on in and have another bran muffin.

 

by Namgubed
12-18-01
*Ding Dong*
I hope I'm not too late...
Thank goodness you're still alive! I saw Death knocking a your door, and I feared for the worst!
Thanks! Luckily, I found a way to keep him distracted indefinitely.

 

by Namgubed
12-29-01
Merry Elf Namgubed looked out, five weeks after Advent....
How few cards, I ask with doubt, has that truant lad sent?
Few, if any that there be. He shall be, I wager, any moment calling me.
Then I dialed his pager.
Beep boop beep.
*sigh*

 

by Namgubed
12-29-01
I've been waiting for your call! I'll be over shortly. Once again, you've dropped the ball, sure as Santa's portly.
Then Namgubed, to my surprise, and much to my pleasure,
Gradually materialized, like that cat from Cheshire.
Ta-da!
Cool!

 

by Namgubed
12-29-01
Can you help me make this card? Writing wracks my noggin, like a wallop with a hard plastic red toboggan.
Then his crafty fingers flew swiftly into action,
Clickety clack ...
Creating a card much to my great satisfaction.
Ding!
Voila!

 

by Namgubed
12-29-01
Let my gratitude be shown. How can I repay you? Up to half of all I own, name your price. What say you?
Fix a tall glass for my pay, filled with milk and root beer.
Though you're late for Christmas Day, there's still time for New Year!

 

by Namgubed
12-29-01
Howdy, Clem, what's the news? How's the lay of the land? And what are those things that you got in your hand?
Last night I was feelin' all weird an' erratic, so I up an' decided to root through my attic. I looked into old boxes and crates, and I saw these two live hand grenades from the second World War!
Well, I served in the war as a personnel clerk, and I never used weapons. So how do they work?
Just pull out the pin, and in three seconds flat, if the timing is right, we should both go...

 

by Namgubed
1-04-02
We closed! Me have headache! You go home now!
TOBOR HAS PAID IN ADVANCE AND DEMANDS SERVICE!!!
Aaaaah! I pray for sweet release of death before friction burns cause spontaneous combustion!
RAAR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU LONG TIME!!!
*sob*
I have GOT to remember to get that watch fixed.

 

by Namgubed
1-04-02
Gohan! I felt a disturbance in the Force. You must go back in time to avert certain disaster in New York! I'd go, but my gifts are needed up here.
I'll hop in my time capsule right away, Piccolo! Ooh, look at all that smoke.
However ...
Aaargh! There's a malfunction in the Dimensional Rift Generator!
Sure enough ...
Yo, man, I gots da "United We Stand" bumper stickers, painted silver coins, car flags, and check out these patriotic watches, bro!
How much for a flux capacitor and a DeLorean?

 

by Namgubed
1-10-02
Good night, John Boy.
Good night, Mary Ellen.
John Boy, what happened to your mole?
It's a long, boring story that involves DeNiro, method acting, and a switchblade.
Good night, wuss.
Good thing I didn't tell her it was really Cindy Crawford.

 

by Namgubed
1-14-02
So you're saying we should stash the dough in a secret location, and gradually launder it all in inconspicuous amounts - JUST to avoid taxes?
Nearly a quarter billion is nothin' to sneeze at. I tells ya the plan is poifect, ha-cha-cha!
Sure enough...
I'm fadin' fast, kid, but there's a huge fortune... *cough* ...hadta get rid o' Brad... *hack* ...kept wastin' all the dough on hookers... *wheeze* ...look under the big "W"! Ya can't miss it!
!!
...Star Wars as an effective nuke-you-lar deterrent... why's this man starin' at mah boots?

 

by Namgubed
1-17-02
... Leave no black plume as a token -
- of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
Quoth the raven,
Burma Shave.
What the hell are you talking about?

 

by Namgubed
1-17-02
Dr. Banner was a hero ...
Saved that kid right at ground zero!
Rads a-plenty upped his bulk,
What radiation formed this Hulk?
Gamma wave.
Cthulhu - er - Hulk will smash!

 

by Namgubed
2-01-02
WARNING: Viewers may experience re-hashed comedy material.
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Gravity. It's not just a good idea. It's the LAW.

 

by Namgubed
2-04-02
I see dead people...
Hey, I counseled a kid like him, once.
All the time...
Maybe if I actually help him, I can fix my marriage.
Like YOU, for example, moron.
D'oh!

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
A very anxious Vince Foster attempts to make his getaway...
... blah blah blah Clinton blah blah bimbo eruptions blah blah ...
Man, it's a good thing I took a random taxi to this random motel - dammit, I left the briefcase with the evidence in the cab!
When he hears a noise from the closet...
Who's there?
*BANG!*
Vince, oh Vince, he hardly knew ye.
Great. And they just cleaned the blood off my screen from the last occupant.
AIEEEE!

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
Later that evening, an unassuming cab driver named Bongo winds down after a long workday.
... blah blah blah Vince Foster blah blah apparent suicide blah blah ...
Dang, my last fare left a briefcase full of edible underwear in my back seat. What a pervert!
Sure enough, he hears a strange noise from outside.
... blah blah blah Hillary blah blah missing documents blah blah ...
What's that horse-gallopy sound?
Shit! Black helicopters!
Heck, I'm just the delivery guy. Candygram! Candygram for Bongo!

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
Meanwhile, back at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue ...
Stay tuned to this network as we keep you posted on upcoming developments. This is Connie Chung...
... and Big Evil Dan Rather reporting from Washington DC.
And within the ever-so-sensitive walls of the Oval Office...
Sorry about the blue dress, Monica. Guess I forgot to restock my condom drawer. These should last me a couple days.
That wasn't what I was thinking about when you promised me a pearl necklace!
Uh-oh, the Mrs. !
Dammit, Bill, quit screwing the interns and help me hide these documents!
Hey, Hillary, think they'll all fit in Monica's cigar box. Ain't that right, Monica?

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
Meanwhile, back at Bongo's place ...
Now, who'd be sending me candy? Wait, there's a note here! "Dear Bongo, You are being watched! Meet me at noon ..."
"... at Chez Guy's Pizza on 4th St. Sincerely, A Cross Between Denzell Washington and Will Smith. P.S. Bring the briefcase."
Suddenly ...
OK, I've got the briefcase... Shit!! Tear gas!
This is the BATF!! Surrender, and you will not be harmed. Honest!

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
Meanwhile, back at the White House, Hillary enlists the aid of the Vice President in "document cleansing" ...
Hey, Al Gore! Or is it Janet Reno? I never could tell you two apart. Go and get the shredder!
Well?
Oil ... need ... oil ...
Hey, honey, you seen my briefcase of incriminating evidence and edible underwear?
Yeah, your precious intern let Vince try them on... but don't worry, I've got it under control.

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
Later that day, at Chez Guy's Pizza ...
The BATF blew up my apartment! Are you the guy who sent the note? Just what the hell is going on here?
Yes, it was I. My friend Vince told me everything before he was ... silenced.
Bongo soon learns that the evidence in the briefcase contains implications concerning Whitewatergate, Chinagate, Travelgate, etc.
Great. So what do we do now?
I've brought with me a crack team of investigative reporters whose sole purpose is to expose the truth!
Sure enough ...
Sound check one, check two... Dan, how's my foundation holding up?
Just great, Connie. Is my hairpiece on straight?

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
The reporters find amidst the evidence ...
Edible underwear made of beef jerky? Surely the President's choice of undergarments is in ... questionable taste.
I knew you were going to say that. And quit calling me Shirley!
Suddenly, there is a huge gust of wind ...
Damn, there go the incriminating documents!
And my shirt and my hairpiece!
Sure enough ...
Shit! Black helicopters in Whisper Modeâ„¢!
The BATF must have followed me here! Run for it!!

 

by Namgubed
2-06-02
And so the First Family's reputation, such as it is, remains preserved.
Dammit, Bill, the things I have to do to keep us out of Club Fed ...
Thanks again, honey! Join me in a celebratory beer?
And our crusaders for truth escape the clutches of the administration.
You're ABSOLUTELY sure they'll never find me with this fake ID?
Sure! You'll be going to Istanbul as part of New York City's Foreign Cabbie Exchange Program!
But whatever did happen to the Pemmican Briefs?
Hey, Connie, I've got your beef jerky right here.
Piss off, wanker!

 

by Namgubed
2-11-02
Later this year ...
All right, people, September is here, and we need to get a good head start on the toys!
But Santa, it's Labor Day!
And ...?
So we're taking the day off!

 

by Namgubed
2-11-02
Hello, son! I'm the spirit of U.S. Grant! Are you planting a tree in honor of Memorial Day?
Actually, sir, I'm planting it for Arbor Day.
Well, that's a mighty fine looking fir tree, all the same.
Yes sir, it should fill out nicely ...
... just in time to cut it down for Christmas!
crap.

 

by Namgubed
2-19-02
In days of old,
The King heard that our fighting skills were good ...
... enough to slay the beast at his behest.
When knights were bold,
They ran from me as swiftly as they could, not stopping for a breather or a rest!
And that is when we knew we'd need the wood-
And the Karate Virgin Twins were not.
-den badger from the 4th Comic Contest.
Burma Shave!

 

by Namgubed
2-27-02
Iago and Roderigo prepare to warn Desdaemona's father that she has eloped with Othello ...
Her dad
Will be mad
She's been had
By that cad.
Burma Shave!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Namgubed
3-05-02
The remaining survivors cast their votes, starting with the Professor ...
I vote for Mrs. Howell. She's completely useless. Maryann?
I agree. Mrs. Howell, difinitely! What about you, Mr. Howell?
Same here! I haven't gotten any action for weeks! Ginger?
Mrs. Howell is even less photogenic than Gilligan! I vote for her! Skipper?
You got that right! Mrs. Howell gets my vote. Well, it's practically unanimous, little buddy. We're going to eat Mrs. Howell.
Dang! Where am I gonna get any action now?

 

by Namgubed
3-08-02
Resident Evil ...
Take that!
Yipe!
Tomb Raider ...
Take that!
Ouch!
and of course, The Matrix.
Take that!
You have the right to remain - *OOF!*

 

by Namgubed
3-16-02
Daddy, what makes it rain?
That's just God crying.
But why is God crying?
Probably because of something you did.

 

by Namgubed
3-16-02
As members of Yes congregate ...
Say, did you guys hear that Trevor Rabin's getting offers to do movie soundtracks?
Really? Well, good for him, then! Who's offering, by the way?
He gets to choose from a couple of Jet Li projects, either "The One" or "Matrix II".
Wow! I wonder which project he'll be going for.

 

by Namgubed
3-18-02
Cue "Bentsen" theme music.
Awwright who shtole mah teef?
BENTSEN!!
Cue studio audience applause.
Clayton, you sure ain't no Jack Kennedy!
Lobbyists with huge sacks of money are waiting for you, ironically, in the lobby.
Cue studio audience laughter.
Can't you see I'm sodomizing a donkey?
And here I thought he was taking my temperature!

 

by Namgubed
3-18-02
Cue "Bentsen" theme music.
Awwright, who shtole mah teef?
BENTSEN!!
Cue studio audience applause.
Clayton, you sure ain't no Jack Kennedy!
Lobbyists with huge sacks of money are waiting for you, ironically, in the lobby.
Cue studio audience laughter.
Can't you see I'm practicing Tantric yoga on this donkey?
And here I thought he was taking my temperature!

 

by Namgubed
3-22-02
Hal strikes out at the disco ...
Why won't any hot chicks dance with us?
Because they have a right to be shallow, and we don't!
And again with the hot chick next door ...
So ... how about this Friday?
First of all, I'm NOT your girlfriend. And secondly, you're nowhere near attractive enough to be so shallow!
**KER_MILLENNIUM_WASH AND_WASH_BRAIN_WASH**
Tim Robbins! Can you help me with my problem?
Sure thing! Just close your eyes ...

 

by Namgubed
3-22-02
Hal hits on the boss's daughter. Talk about a deluxe pair of beer goggles!
Hey, let's go to my friend's pool party!
That sounds like a great idea! I'll just get my bikini ...
** GA-SPLOOSH-KA! **
Geronimo!
Obese cannonball humor will never die.
How'd you get up there, Son?
Dad, help me!

 

by Namgubed
3-23-02
Maury finds out how to snap Hal out of it ...
Your hypnotic illusion is ruining my friend's life!
Oh, well. If you say so ... By the way, my name's Tony.
Meanwhile, at the restaurant ...
Hal Larson, table for two.
This way, please.
**Ring-a-ling-a-ding!**
I really appreciate all your kindness. Most other guys won't even give me the time of day!
Hold on, I think there's a phone call for me.

 

by Namgubed
3-24-02
Phone call for me?
Yes, Mr. Larson. It's your friend, Maury. By the way, "challenged" is spelled with an "n".
Depth-Challenged Hal wants a gal!
** KER-TRANS-FORM! **
DECEPTICONCIERGE!!
What the hell are you talking about?

 

by Namgubed
3-24-02
What's taking Hal so long with that phone call? He's been acting awfully strange lately ...
** KER-TRANS-FORM! **
DECEPTICONSORTS!!
Now where is Hal running off to?
Now where did Rosemary run off to?
Meanwhile ...
So how did you score that hot nurse babe?
I have lots & lots of money!

 

by Namgubed
3-24-02
I still love you despite your appearance, Rosemary. You see, I've learned something today: real beauty is on the inside.
I'm glad to hear you say that, Hal. It's just too bad we can't have any children.
** rimshot **
Why not?
Haven't you heard the song, "Male Chauvinist Pig and Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice" by Loverboy?
We hope you enjoyed "Snowball's Chance in Hell Oscar Nominee Theater" and please take note that this is the only background used twice in this series.
You suck!

 

by Namgubed
3-28-02
Please Do Not Click the White Triangular Button.
*CLICK*
NOW You've Done It!!

 

by Namgubed
3-28-02
LONG-HAIRED FREAKY PEOPLE NEED NOT APPLY
Son, you look like a fine upstanding young man; I think you'll do.
KER-TRANS-FORM!
DECEPTICONTRACT LABOR!!
Imagine that ... me working for you!

 

by Namgubed
3-29-02
..........................EXIT..........................

 

by Namgubed
3-29-02
SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY
Duhhhhh go get the uhhhhhh ball, duhhhhh Sally!
Duhhhh uhhhhhhhhh?

 

by Namgubed
4-02-02
In a world of concrete, skyscrapers, and broken dreams, you've got to fight to survive.
Move your f*@%in' truck!!
He made tortillas on the street corner ...
Tortillas! Get your fresh hot tortillas!
And the mob wanted in!
I want that kid and his tortillas ... DEAD!
Right, boss!

 

by Namgubed
4-02-02
With only his girlfriend, Rosa, on his side ...
Protection is expensive. Capiche?
Are joo thalkin thoo me, Estupido?
Courage - against all odds!
Lemme see yer license ... Hey! Come back here!
These are MY tortillas! I'm not giving zem up!
Suspense! Passion! Desire!
... an' he whas thalkin thoo me - like he knows me!
Listen to me! You hahf to get out of heah! Theah trying to kill you!

 

by Namgubed
4-02-02
One man. One solution.
Stop - *huff* *pant* - or I'll shoot - *wheeze*
We're gonna put you down - *puff* *gasp* - for good!
Arnold Schwartzennegger is ...
Noooooooo!!
Little Tortilla Boy! (opening June 16th)
I'll be bahk!

 

by Namgubed
4-04-02
At the Evil Petting Zoo ...
That is by far the biggest cock I've ever seen!
cluck?
No one can see that the atmosphere is charged with ...
I'd like to pet your beaver.
Sure, it's over there, in the pen next to the dog on a ball.
the stench of JEALOUSY!!
Eh ... it's just a dog. Where's the llama?
Nobody loves me - *sniff* - all those hours of training for what? - *sob* - NOTHING!

 

by Namgubed
4-16-02
Hugo Weaving as Elrond addresses the Council of the Ring ...
Sauron, the Dark Lord has discovered that the One Ring still exists, and has sent the Nazgúl to capture it. Rivendell is not strong enough to withstand the forces of Mordor.
The Elves are passing to the True West, the power of the Dwarves is dwindling, and the Kings of Gondor are all but a memory.
Gee, thanks.
But do you know what I hate the most about Middle Earth? It's the SMELL.
CUT!!

 

by Namgubed
4-16-02
Meanwhile, back at Willy Wonka's Candy Wallpaper Room ...
Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams.
??
We're the Coffee Generation!
CUT!!

 

by Namgubed
4-16-02
Meanwhile, back at the Austrian Alps ...
♫ The hills are alive ... ♫
♫ and they're eating children! ♫
AHH-AH-AH-AHHHHH!!

Showing page 2.

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