All comics by RideroftheApocalypse

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Woo! *Kangaroo Pete fragged Chief Officer with HK MP5*
C'mon Pete! Lets hurry!
All Officers Eliminated! CRIMINALS WIN!
*Ailen Partner fragged Officer #1 with Mark 23 Zapper*
Damnit, man, you always win...

 

Hello. My, you look beautiful. Maybe we could go out and have a candlelight dinner? I love peace, and you look like a peace loving woman, so how bout it?
......
Uhm, please, ma'am, I'm sorry for hitting on you, please for-
Oh...my god....I feel so....very...strange...Aaaaugh...

 

Wow! Reggie lands a high kick to the head!
Yaaah!
Urrrrgh!!!
C'mon Tommy, don't hold back cause I'm a-WHAT THE!?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!
Lesse.....killed a karate boy with explosive arrows....yup. *writes on notepad*

 

You....you killed Tommy! You meanie!
What!? Impossible! Noone ever dodged my Bullet Punch!!
BURRRRRRRRRRRRN!!!!!
Tommy! NOOO! I LOVE YOUUUUU! COME BACK AND WE WILL BE JOINED IN HEAVEN!
You're already in hell...

 

What the fuck? Jesus?
Yeah bitch dats right I got down heres wit da weed money and i gets to see da free fights, yea bitch
okthatsarealshamegottago!
Awww yea, here comes da weed, dis shit is good.
Oh my fucking gawd! SATAN IN A SUIT!!!!

 

Damn the popo, takin away my fuggin fun. Its not like they was getting anywhere anyway.
O_O AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Thats my trophy bitch. Watch it.
Hell no i aint watching that thing!

 

Well, we gots no way outta here. But you got a bow. Blow da shit outta the wall.
YOU NUTS!?
No. I'm William. And not related to the comic strip creator.
Alrighty then....EXPLOSIVE ARROW!!!
Dayuuuuuuuuuuum. Can we say overkill?
Overkill! Overkill! There, I said it.

 

C'mon kid! Scale the fucking building!!! You wanna get shot down!?
I'VE GOT A FUCKING BOW AROUND MY SHOULDER AND A COUPLE HUNDRED ARROWS AND YOU WANT ME TO GO FASTER!!?
Aaagh.....*pulls pin off grenade and drops it* FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!
Oh shit!!! Damnit, I'm being fired on!!! And I cant use my bow since it needs two fucking hands!
Aarrrrrrrgh! M67 grenade!
Help! Men down! MEN DOW-*walkie talkie blows up*

 

Would you hurry your ass up!?
The popo just scaled the building!! We gotta defend ourselves!!!
Oh shit, we trapped......we got flooding coppers on one side and a big jump down on the other....We gonna jump!
WHAT!?!?!?? ....Fine...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

 

Hey, er....William?
Yeah?
You do know that you took my name in the comic, right?
Erm...yeah. So?
STUPID IMPERSONATOR!
Eyaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!

 

Brace yourself!!!
100 steps ahead of you!
Bah, damn comic creator made me change my fucking name because I had the same one as him.
Er....ok? Now what is your name?
JOHN JACOB JINGELHEIMER SCHMIDT! HIS NAME IS MY NAME NOW!....Er, arrow boy?
SAVE ME FROM NURSERY RHYMES!

 

Hello, and welcome to Maleboge's Casino. What value of ticket would ya like to buy?
I'll takes meh a 40.
Here you are! A $40 ticket! Have a great night here!
Heheheheh, maybe if we could go out, we could have an even better night.
To be continued...
Hey you bastard, move it.
Shut yer face. I saw you flirting with Kirsh. Just remember, she's my girl and we run this casino. And for flirting, you get a nice zapping.

 

......WTF? She chose YOu for a boyfriend? She may have good looks, but not a good mind.
........
Yeaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!
The electric stick comes in handy all the tiiiime.
The next person to hit on her gets burned to death...

 

Hiya. I'm here to ask you to a date. I'm not macho posturing, but caring. Want to go out?
I'm sorry I asked!!! *dies*
Not telling...heehee....
Woah! How'd you do that?

 

Hey man, I gots some fucking heroin in my tail, i sell it to you for $40000
Nah....I dont trust you Prophet Posse muthafuckas...
DIEEE MUTHA FUCKA!!!!
HOLY SHIIIIIT!!!!
Mwahahahahah!

 

You have committed a crime of killing within the realm of hell. For that, you must atone for your ways.
And if I do that...?
Your soul, which is safe within the kingdom of heaven, will be returned to you, and you will be ressurected.
YOU MEAN I'M DEAD!?!?!?!!?
No, I'm playing.
Oh.

 

Where can I find a criminal or wrongdoer of some sort to apprehend and do good deed...
AFLAC!
Oooh, a cop scene, maybe I can tell one of them that there's a girl doing prostitution...there's so many prostitutes in NYC, I'm sure I can get one...Now where to find one...?
AFLAC!!!!!
WHERE ARE THE COPS!?!!?!?! HELP! WHERE ARE THE COPS!?
AF-FUCKING-LAC DAMN YOU!

 

AFLAC!!!!!!!!
Damnit I hear you!!!!
Wha...? OMG, finally, someone hears my constant rants to use Aflac!!!
Yeah, really? DURH.
I am forever in your debt. I will help you in any quest or errand you desire!!!
I need help mending my ways because I killed someone so I can be resurrected and be put back in living world? Can ya handle it?

 

So, what exactly are we doing?
We're going prostitute hunting!
WTF????? YOU CHEAP PERVERT!
I'm hunting for one so I can turn her in and look like I did a good deed for the people so I can atone for my killing of a person.
You sure this is a good idea....there's dead bodies everywhere...
Ah, what can we lose?

 

I'm...er...getting scared...can we go back?
Never! We will find teh s3xy pr0stitute!
Heh, I'll just be going now to star in commercials...
You'll be staying if I have something to say about it!
Bloodeh!
Gah, this is too damn far! CAN WE GO BACK NOWWWW?
Stop being a friggin coward, it's only a wall filled with blood.....er.....eeep.

 

Its dark in here....I hate the dark...
Quit your complaining, you cowardly waterfowl...
Bingo!!!! Lets go!
Aaaah, oooh, mmmm, wait, wait, a little to the left, ahh yeah thats it...
Stop right there prostitute!
Eeeek! An axe murdering squirrel!!!!!

 

Goodness! Theres a squirrel with a diaper and an axe in here! What do we do, Charles?
Doggonitt woman, I say Budwiser, NOT HEINEKEN! YOU HALLUCINATING AGAIN!!!
But...Charles...see for yourself....
Oh, fine, jeesus woman.
....I'm switching to wine....

 

HAND OVER DA SECKSY PROSTITUTE!
Grrrgh...I need some sleep...
SHIT!!! YEOWCH! CUTTING...blade...hurting me..
And...uh....what do I do?
Its your job to start shouting Aflac like never before and then blame it on the French.

 

I'm gonna get the cops! AFLAC, YOU DAMN DUCK!
??? Okay. AFLAC! AFLAC!!! AFLAAAAC!
AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC! AFLAC!
SHUT UP YOU FUCKING DUCK OR I'LL BURN YOU SO FUCKING BAD I'LL NEED AFLAC INSURANCE FOR MY FLAMETHROWER!
AFLAC!
I blame Socrates!!!!

 

Yes, hello talking squirrel, what is the problem?
You've gotta help! Prostitution is going on down the street at a house!
You mean a woman engaging in promiscuous sexual relationships? We're on it.
Yeah, whatever! HURRY!
I'm gonna go loot a grandma while I'm at it. Heheheheh...
Aw, its a cute little squirrel. How is the cute fwuffy squirrel? Does cute fwuffy squirrel wanna help poor Granny Wanny across the streety weety?

 

Aint he a momma's boy.
Squirrely whirly! Dont hit a poor granny! EEEEEEEEK!
Mother! What happened!? NO! RABID SQUIRREL! AAAAAGH!
Madam, I have an accusation from a squirrel, saying you violated Rule Three Point One Four, illegal prostitution. The fine is $400, a box of Krispy Kremes, or a night with me.
Officer, I swear to drunk I am not God! AAAH!
Damn straight you aint God!
I NEVER DID ANYTHING!!! HELP ME!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to our attention that the Stripcreator character and background selection menu is malfunctioning.
Due to these unusual circumstances, I advise everyone not to freak out, and bear with it.
This problem will be dealt with soon...

 

I'm sorry to do this madam, but duty calls...
Sir, I'm married...to... Charles...
I'll try to give you a light sentence madam...
Eeeeeeeew!!!!
AFLAC!
Please move...you...owl lawyer! I have a lawbreaker to turn in!

 

Due to you helping the law and capturing lawbreakers, I give you the blessing of a human form.
WOOT!1!1!!!
WHAT THE HELL?
Be happy, you've got like a hundred poses in the stripcreator menu. DAMN YOU STRIPCREATOR! DISCRIMINATING AGAINST US KILLER ANGELS! GAH!
Really...

 

Tell me more, Mr Duck...
My only buddy left me! He was a cool squirrel who I helped capture that prostitute! I GET NO RECOGNITION! I'M DAFFY DUCK AND HE'S BUGS BUNNY FOR CHRISTS SAKE! I'M FORGOTTEN, DAMNIT! FORGOTTEEEEEEN!
......Right, we'll call you...
ITS A FUCKING CONSPIRACY!!!! ITS ALWAYS THE BIRDS THAT ARE LOOKED OVER! TAKE DAFFY DUCK! AND ME! THE AFLAC DUCK! CONSPIRACYYYYYYY!
Next....
THIS IS A HOLDUP.

 

Sir, whatever did I do?
Uhm..er....Déme todo su dinero!
Er...what book is that?
Speaking Spanish for Idiots and Assholes Such As The Reader.
I wanted my money, bitch!

 

Sir, are you Patrick Mulzaney?
Uh...yeah. What of it?
You dropped this book.
What the?
My Childhood: By Patrick Mulzaney
What the fuck happened to my ice cream?!?
SUCKER!!!!!

 

My name is Patrick Mulzaney. This is the story of my childhood. I was a very mean kid. I brought weapons and porno books to school...Thats me, down below.
My lord, that is the ugliest naked chick I have EVER seen!
I repeatedly got in trouble and I was once jailed.
Get the hell out of here.
Arrr! Thems be fightin words! Draw your weapon, scurvy dog!
I went nuts and was put into exile for a couple of years....
Can I have that soda?
*hic* This *hic* is *hic* Heineken *hic*

 

It took me 8 years to finish kindergarten. Mostly, the reason was that I skipped school. And the rare instances I did go, I misbehaved so much I was suspended on a daily basis.
Woah, nice rack...
Young man, you have alot of explaining to do! Look at your misbehaving record!
I was even mentioned by the President, but thats confidental information...
103 detentions, 95 referrals, 58 suspensions, expelled from 31 schools....
Well?
I guess its safe to say I cant even enter anger managment classes...
*sigh* What will I EVER do with you, Mulzaney...

 

I did get a job....It was a fighting instructor for criminals....
YAAAAH! HIGH KICK!
Good technique, now get a little closer, idiot...
Yaaah! LOW KICK!
Closer, stupid!
CHEST PUNCH!
This is going to take a while....*sigh*

 

I then decided that being a fighting instructor was boring. I needed chaos, destruction, stuff like that. So I became a Military Tactician.
Apocalypse weapon armed...and ready. Target coordinates?
Hmmm...Target is US Military HQ.
Uploading target coordinates...Time to target is T minus 4 seconds...wait a moment! THIS IS THE US MILITARY HQ!
Betrayal is good...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

 

After being fired as a military tactician, I couldnt get another job again. So I applied for contests and crap to get money.
We're sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected. Next time, use 1-800-Collect instead of AT&T. Idiot.
Dude like buy ice cream at Krispy Kremes and get 1 bajillion thousand dollerz! OMGWTFLOL!
Name...Patrick Mulzaney...Age..23 years...preferred coffee....decaffinated... still a virgin...YES! MY ENTRY FOR THE "WORLD READS YOUR LIFE" IS COMPLETED!
I'm the mailman! NYAH! GIMME DA MAIL SO I CAN SUBMITS IT!1!11!1!1!1

 

And then he started reading this book. The end.
...I feel stupid for it taking me two years to read this thing.
And yet, some things never change.
YAH! I AM STILL DESTINY'S CHILD! FIGHT ME!

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