All comics by Siegfried1027

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by Siegfried1027
10-04-03
9 PM, Kim's
Let me in on some of that Bailey's.
Dude, you're still kicking our asses...what the hell?
12 AM, home
A few shots before bed can't hurt...
??? AM, still home
What the fuck is this at my feet...oh shit...

 

by Siegfried1027
10-05-03
...what the hell...?
Hey, Socrates! Welcome to my comics!
Let me guess. You noticed that there was a new set of sprites, and that a man in a toga was in it, so you just had to make a comic based on me.
Well, um, yeah...so make some witty remark! Maybe a quote from one of the dialogues...
Know thyself, asshole. And I mean that in the biblical sense.
Someone's cranky...

 

by Siegfried1027
10-05-03
I'm telling you, Jigglypuff's combos make her the best character in the game. She is freakin' unstoppable.
Oh, and Kirby's aerial ability is worth nothing?
Sure, Kirby has better recovery and his drill combo is great. But Jigglypuff's got such powerful moves - she can manufacture kills out of nothing.
And she's even lighter than Kirby, and her jumping is inferior, and on and on...
So you guys are just giving up all chances of getting laid?
One might say that we have a healthy attitude about it - at least we're not in denial.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-05-03
Uh...anyone notice that the emperor is naked?
Whoa, whoa, whoa - what did you say?
I was just saying that the emperor...he has no clothes on. Don't you think that's a little odd?
EXCUSE ME?! DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU SAID?
Is there a problem?
RACE CARD ON YOU!

 

by Siegfried1027
10-05-03
Should I?
I hate Bush, yak yak, Iraq, etc.
What about those standards I purport to have?
Rabid Marxism, etc.
Do you suck a good dick or what? Because you're obviously an idiot and cannot serve any other purpose.
This happens surprisingly often...

 

by Siegfried1027
10-06-03
Sup?
Dude, no way! Socrates?
Oh, right, I'm famous...so who the hell are you?
David Hume. You might say I'm one of your followers - I'm a philosopher.
So are all philosophers today drunken gits?
Uh...you probably don't want to check the undergrad department, chief...

 

by Siegfried1027
10-06-03
Pennsylvania Wine and Spirits Shoppe
Another bottle of scotch, eh?
Heh, yeah, the last one didn't survive very long.
Big party?
No, I've been drinking alone. Say, why doesn't this store open at nine AM every day? That late start on Monday really gets to me.
You're Irish, aren't you?
Just ring me up, funny man.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-11-03
George Bush is absolutely insane! After our country was attacked and thousands died because of the lack of balls of the previous administration, we should have done nothing!
Of course! Non-action caused the deaths of innocents; therefore, it's a brilliant idea to keep it up! Down with civilians!
Yeah! And this recall election is terrible - the citizens of California are being allowed to exercise their rights as delineated in the state constitution! What the hell is this "rule of law" thing?
Yeah, Shard, your illogical beliefs ought to be followed by everyone! To hell with republican government! Heil Shard!
I'm so glad someone finally agrees with me!
If I say that I believe 1=2, will you FINALLY see the sarcasm?!

 

by Siegfried1027
10-11-03
So we start with love of a person, ascend to love of beauty in all persons, and finally love knowledge of the Good...
...uh huh...
...so you see, love is actually useful for attainment of true knowledge...
...sure, man...
...and you're drunk off your ass, aren't you?
GIMME A BREAK! THIS IS A SYMPOSIUM!

 

by Siegfried1027
10-14-03
Though the concept of causation is not to be found in the external world itself, that does not mean that we have no grounds for imputing causation to experience.
How can we "place" causation in experience, then expect that our experience is of independent existents?
In fact, we construct experience, so it is useless to talk about these independent existents. Though they exist by implication, they mean nothing to us.
And what you're left with is no necessary connection between anything and anything else. Way to go.
So you're saying there was no necessary connection between that bottle of vodka you drank and that pool of vomit you were lying in this morning?
Shut up.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-15-03
You do realize, of course, that the same line of reasoning you used to destroy material substance could be used against ideas?
How so?
Well, when you talk about reality as consisting of minds having ideas, you're really not saying anything. Of course a mind has ideas. So what?
Ah, but we must assume that knowledge is of something besides ourselves. And the objects of our knowledge must be ideas.
So really, it's not that your dick's actually small, it's just the IDEA that's small, eh?
I am about to experience the idea of kicking your ass.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-15-03
Let me get this straight - there's no other moral guide than the maximizing of total pleasure?
That is correct.
So, if I can assure that two people, instead of just one, each experience the same pleasure as intensely as the single person, I should take that act?
Yes...
In other words, I should start fucking your wife.
I hate you.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-15-03
You define matter as "unthinking, extended substance," then?
Heh, well, some bodies are more extended than others, if you take my meaning.
...
What?
We already did this joke.
Sorry.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-17-03
Now, as I was saying, noumena...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We already used up the Esoteric Reference Budget for the year.
Well, fuck. What do we do now?
Hm...the Penis and Flatulence Jokes Budget still has a lot of room in it.
Done and done.
Damn that stinks, and PUT THAT AWAY.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-17-03
(question regarding character two's knowledge of recent gaming/electronics news)
(negative; questions character one as to why he asks)
(leading question)
(naive answer which obviously leads into stupid, hackneyed joke in final panel)
(ridiculously overdone joke)
(sarcastic comment for denouement)

 

by Siegfried1027
10-17-03
So what's happening now?
I'm starting a multi-strip story.
All right...why?
Well, it gives me much more freedom - I don't have to make a joke every comic. Plus, it will add continuity among strips.
Is this just another device to cover up your drunken incompetence?
Clearly so.

 

by Siegfried1027
10-25-03
Eight AM
*yawn*
Time for breakfast.
Now where's my whiskey?

 

by Siegfried1027
10-30-03
Nine AM
So you're in here, kicking ass in SSB.
Seems like it.
And drunk.
Yeah?
You just don't feel like getting a job or what?
stfu n00b

 

by Siegfried1027
11-07-03
Listen, Steve, you have no idea how to get around in Reading.
It was a shortcut!
A shortcut that took longer than the way I always go?
OK, I missed the exit and wasted a bit of time.
A bit of time? By the time we got to the mall, the Earth had been taken over by a race of superintelligent apes.
Damn, dirty apes, at that.

 

by Siegfried1027
11-07-03
The Matrix
Here's my idea - all these humans are plugged into this network of machines.
...so their world is actually a program created by the machines who control them. Think of the philosophical issues that brings up - the reliability of sense knowledge, dualism, free will...
Reloaded
Remember how the first movie was really philosophical? We should continue that trend.
OK, let's stick in some illogical bullshit about causality. But mostly cars crashing into each other. Gotta have that.
Revolutions
Guns. Mecha. Lots of shooting. No philosophy.
Doesn't that cheapen the whole franchise? I mean, it was pretty deep at first, and now it's just violence and destruction without meaning...wait, we're still making millions. Go for it.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-10-04
Have you noticed the radical change in gameplay here?
Yep, it looks they decided to eliminate any powerful moves or combos requiring skill to land, all to appease the noobs.
*CHING*
Well, most of them anyway.
Some things never change...

 

by Siegfried1027
1-10-04
Yo Stevedroid!
Yeah?
You know what the best part of Medal of Honor Rising Sun is?
...this can't be good...
Each bullet makes it a little less likely there will ever be any anime.
That is so wrong.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-10-04
I have to hand it to you, Nintendo. You read my mind.
You see, when the Game Cube came out, I thought to myself "This is the perfect time to make a cartoony Powerpuffgirlsesque piece of shit."
I mean, the bizarre, juvenile crap in Majora's Mask just wasn't enough. No, I wanted more.
I wanted a game you are fucking embarrassed to play. I wanted a Zelda game rivaling Adventure of Link for shittiness and disappointed hopes.
And, of course, the tedious, pointless shit you need to do at the beginning of the game should be at a maximum.
Because, you know, you want to make sure people have as little motivation as possible to continue playing. Yep, I can see shelling out fifty bucks for this.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-14-04
Meanwhile, in the lair of the evil Ziplor...
My viiiiiiiiile plans for enslaving these fuckheads are coming to fruition.
The only thing I need to conquer the world is a job; but with my Albright Digital Media degree, how hard can that be?
I just hope no one discovers my secret weakness - moderate amounts of 70 proof vodka!

 

by Siegfried1027
1-14-04
Damn those BnG idiots are getting to me.
You're still dealing with those morons?
It kills time between drinking bouts. Plus, maybe someday I'll discover what their problem is.
Yeah, it's almost like never getting laid, being too stupid to get into college, watching horrible shit from Japan, and having nothing to look forward to but a creative suicide makes them cranky.
Yep, it's a mystery.
Just hand me the bottle, lightweight.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-18-04
Cris "White Guilt" Collinsworth
The Philly defense sucks.
Yeah, they really should stop other teams when McNabb throws a stupid interception. Damn defense!
The Philly receivers suck.
You know, I've noticed that. When the pass is horribly low, high, or behind them, they get all hung up on "physics" and fail to make impossible catches. Those bastards!
Man, you're much smarter than Aikman. He always disagrees with my stupid inane comments.
Yeah, just because the guy won the Super Bowl he thinks he knows the quarterback position...that fool.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-19-04
Look forward.
You mean look to the side? Can do.
Swim.
Nah, I think I'll just float here for a few minutes, if that's cool with you.
OK, Japan, we're sorry. Can we PLEASE get a MOTHERFUCKING ZELDA GAME WITH TOLERABLE CONTROLS?
Hehehe.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-19-04
Ever hear that story about the Spartan boy who stole a fox? See, he hides it under his clothes, but it starts gnawing away at him.
Since having his theft discovered would be a great dishonor, he keeps the fox hidden and allows it to eat him. The point was that he'd rather endure great pain than dishonor.
But, fuck, if that Greek asshole had to endure REAL pain, like watching what passes for TV these days, he'd cry like a little bitch.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-20-04
So then the waitress turns around and says, "Plus an arbitrary constant!"
Ahahahaha, that's great!
Hm?
I was just wondering...how many other people in the world could possibly understand your humor?
It's probably the limit of...
Sorry I asked.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-22-04
Philosopher
What is the nature of reality, and how can I know it?
Mathematician
What are the properties of these things called numbers?
Engineer
I build things. Things that make us go.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-25-04
Ten AM
Roblor, there's a tidal wave of vomit racing for the coast! And it appears to be broadcasting an angry, illogical liberal message!
Damn, it must be that fiend Ziplor again.
Please, Roblor, save us from his vileness!
Aren't you forgetting something?
*sigh* And please let me suck your dick, you wonderful stud you.
Try that with a little less attitude next time. My comic, my rules.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Eleven AM
We've received a list of Ziplor's demands: a job, a real degree, and a girlfriend.
Impossible! If only there were some other way...
We think we've located his hidden fortress. We could try a raid.
Excellent idea, Captain. Where is his lair?
Koholint Island.
Oh sheiter...

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Wow, this story of yours is just going nowhere.
Hey...it's...going somewhere.
And what's with this random reference to Link's Awakening?
Trust me, it'll be great.
Robert, I never thought I'd say this, but...you really need to start drinking more.
I know, I know.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Hey, kid...
?
Hey there.
Yes, can I help you, sir?
What's your sign?
Eek.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Six AM, second day
Shit, my head hurts. Where the fuck am I?
That's right...the ship...that storm...but where did I wash up?
You're finally up!
Marin!

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Do our bidding or we will destroy you, human.
And we'll resist your oppression.
Such a violent culture! Your primitive desires, like having freedom and not getting slaughtered by us, are simply barbaric!
*sigh*
What's the problem, Bill?
Mr. Roddenberry, could you tone down the bullshit? Just this once?

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Remember those kids who always complained that they'd never use algebra in real life? Like it somehow wasn't worth it to expand their knowledge unless they could apply it to their miserable lives?
The funny thing is, they never will use it. Why? Because they didn't bother to care about it, and they're stupid. So they'll be doing shitty jobs that require no skills whatsoever.
They sure showed math, didn't they? The problem is, these types of people aren't always so stupid.
No, the morons who totally miss the fucking point and always expect knowledge to "do something for them" are everywhere.
The smart ones are called engineers.
What, you're looking for the punchline? THAT WAS IT. ENGINEERS ARE FUCKING SHITHEADS. THEY ARE THE WORLD'S PUNCHLINE. So fuck you.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-26-04
Shortly after six AM
So you're feeling better?
Yes; thank you. I suppose this is Koholint Island?
Of course.
All right, then I've got to go find Ziplor. I've wasted too much time already.
Leaving already? I thought I could get some more of that master sword of yours...
WHAT!?

 

by Siegfried1027
1-29-04
Still shortly after six AM
What are you talking about?
I had to nurse you back to health somehow.
So...you mean...
Mhm!
I suppose I could stay a little longer...I wouldn't want to be ungrateful.
Good boy.

 

by Siegfried1027
1-29-04
Noon (seriously)
Wow.
Uh huh.
I really do have to go find Ziplor, though.
Do you think it's going to be that easy?
What could possibly get in my way? A flying whale in a giant egg?
Well...

 

by Siegfried1027
2-08-04
One PM
Who are we meeting in these woods, anyway?
My dad.
This could be a problem.
As long as you tell him you pulled out, he won't care.
Uh...wait, what?
Yeah, my dad doesn't care that I'm a slut. Also, he's Mario. Go figure.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-08-04
You know, I have a bust of Wagner.
Is that so?
Oh yeah. But I'm sure you know his work.
Are you going somewhere with this?
My place or yours?
I'd love nothing more than to send you to Valhalla right now. Trust me.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-11-04
I would like to apologize formally for any off-color comments I may have made about engineers.
I, as well, regret any offense that my words may have occasioned.
The fact is, engineers make the world work. Engineers design the machines that run this technological age of ours.
Indeed.
Why, without engineers, we might have to rely on the strictly superior intellects of physicists and mathematicians.
Therefore, we salute you, failed math majors. Now make me a car, bitches.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-11-04
Two PM
So, my daughter has led you through the dense forest.
Yes, as this is the way to Ziplor's lair.
It took you a whole hour? Most men are able to navigate the forest in mere minutes, with my daughter's help.
...
Very experienced, that daughter of mine. She's climbed many a tree in her day.
Just stop.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-11-04
Talon
Like, you totally suck! Anime rules!
This bitch needs laid.
Trippy
u r so fuckin ghey u suck MCL MCL
Wow Mike dodged a bullet here.
Now who could this be?
I'm too fucking stupid to make a valid counterargument, but that won't stop me from saying something anyway! Yay for removing all doubt!
Oh no, I was owned!

 

by Siegfried1027
2-11-04
Ohhhhh sheiter!
OH SHEITER! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!
I FOUND INUYASHA EROTIC FANFIC!!!!!!

 

by Siegfried1027
2-11-04
Can I help you?
Yes, I was looking for some books on metaphysics.
Like astrology and psychics and stuff? The section is right over there.
No, I was thinking real metaphysics, like philosophical theories of the true nature of reality. You know, metaphysics and epistemology?
Isn't that that religion John Travolta joined?
Fuck this, I'll stick with Amazon.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-12-04
I really have no idea why you think my life is an appropriate subject for ridicule. Give me one good reason for my poor treatment in your comics.
Digital Media.
Fuck you.

 

by Siegfried1027
2-12-04
Moralists and Existentialists
So, as you can see, Kant really had pragmatism in mind...
Bullshit...
Greek and Medieval
The difference between Parmenides and Heraclitus can be related to something Peirce said...
Oooooh stop this shit...
Office hours
You wanted to see me?
Dr. P...wait, why is your copy of "The Will to Believe" sticky?

 

by Siegfried1027
2-12-04
Here are a few tips for people trying to get a high rating at stripcreator. First, spelling and punctuation are "flexible."
If it seems funny merely in your head, go with it! After all, we should all share in your pathetic, bland "humor."
Political commentary is OK as long as you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And remember, if you don't suck the dicks of the forum regulars, it doesn't matter how funny you really are!

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