All comics by Xuanwu

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by Xuanwu
1-09-04
It's Goku vs. a bad guy!
Ha! You are strong, but I am stronger!
We will see who is stronger! Because I am not at full power!
Aha! Neither am I! I have yet to go SUPER SAIYIN!
Even if you do, I can defeat you!
That is what many have said before you! And they have perished!
That is because they were weak, but I am strong! Strong like... yo momma! Er...

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Goku vs. a villain
I will show you who is stronger! I will go SUPER SAIYIN!
Ha! You do not frighten me! Because I am stronger!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
His aura burns bright, like a strong warrior! But I am still stronger!

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Goku powers up to fight evil!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Goku continues to power up!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...! *gasp* ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
... Geez, aren't you finished, yet?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Goku continues to make constipated sounds!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (I heard that) AAAAAAAAAAAA...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
Mister, why is your crotch glowing?

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Thirteen episodes later, Goku has (finally) finished powering up!
Now I am SUPER SAIYIN! Nothing can stop me!
...
Now I will go and vanquish my foe with a mighty ki blast!
...
What is it, little girl?
Mister, are you a "pee-doe-file?" Mommy says they want to "roo-en mah inno-sense."

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Goku goes in search of his opponent!
Where is my worthy-yet-weaker-than-me rival?
I'm down here!
I have come for you, my opponent! Face me so I maybe smite you with my SUPER SAIYIN powers!
Fool! I, too, have powered up! BEHOLD!
NO! Now I will have to power up more in order to match his power! Curse you, plot twists!
AHA! It is me, Jesus!

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
20 years later...
Ah.

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Ha! Unless you play Dark Magician, you will never defeat me, Yugi!
In order to win, I must draw the Dark Magician this turn!
Aha! I have played my Dark Magician! I win!
Yugi! You won!
It was all thanks to my Dark Magician!

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
I am pathetic. Everyone hates me. I hate myself.
You're not worthless, Shinji! People like you! Think positive!
Misato's right. Maybe life is worth living.
Hello. My name is Kaworu. I'm the only friend you will ever have. But I'm also a bad guy, so you have to kill me.
I killed Kaworu! I'm such a bastard! *sob* I am pathetic. Everyone hates me.
Shinji... You're a twit.

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
I just wanked off over the body of a comatose topless girl. I'm so pathetic.
I'd kill you, but I'm too busy fighting giant robots that want to eat me.
Meanwhile...
I just realized that sleeping with my mother's boyfriend was a bad idea.
Too late. Your dead. And I'm off to molest the underaged clone of my wife.
I can only stand here like a wet paper tiger as my guardian keeps people from blowing my brains out. I am pathetic.
Only you can save the world, Shinji. And that can mean just one thing: we're fscked.

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
DAMN IT! I just got my eye put out and my arm split in half by the giant robots. And now they're eating my guts. Now I'm getting angry...
I can only sit here impotently and listen as the girl whose body I masturbated over is eaten alive. I am pathetic.
Now I've been kidnapped by my own giant mecha and can finally do something. There's the girl's corpse. Time for action!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Mental delirium time...
You finally get a chance to do something and all you do is scream? Shinji... you're a twit.
I think I'll strangle you, now.

 

by Xuanwu
1-09-04
Okay, so this is my mind. What am I supposed to learn?
You're a worthless bastard, Shinji.
What? That's it?
Well, you should also know that we all hate you. Especially the audience. Except for some yaoi fangirls who want to see you and Kaworu shag.
But I knew that before everything happened!
This movie sucks.

 

by Xuanwu
1-11-04
HAIL ILPALAZZO!
This world is corrupt! And it is the job of the secret organization ACROSS to correct this! Now, Excel -
YES, ILPALAZZO-SAMA! I, your loyal and unowrthy servant Excel, will serve you to the best of my ability! I will even let you use my beautiful body! OH, TAKE ME, ILPALA - !
BANG!

 

by Xuanwu
1-11-04
Dad... we haven't talked in a while. Not since Mom died all those years ago.
She's not dead, Shinji. Her soul is in the giant robot you use to fight those monsters.
WHAT? But... why?
We thought a mother-son team would have a good chance to save the world. And that blue haired girl you keep feeling up is actually your Mom's clone.
I never knew she had such a nice rack.
Your mother's never been tighter, either.

 

by Xuanwu
1-11-04
...and so then I went "AHA! It is me, Jesus!"
BWAH-HA-HA! That's a good one, Son!
You should have seen Thomas. He soiled himself!
I did see him, Son. You forget I'm omniscient.
Oh, right. Then you saw when Simon replied, "Shouldn't it be 'AHA! It is I, Jesus'?"
Yeah. He always was a grammar zealot.

 

by Xuanwu
1-11-04
Uh-oh.
Darn.
AHA! It is me, Jesus!
Caught between a suck and a holy place.
And if I were a Catholic priest, you'd get both at once!

 

by Xuanwu
1-11-04
Whatever you do tonight, DON'T GO TO SLEEP! The lawn ornaments have been coming alive at night.
Lawn ornaments... Right.
The little dwarfish ones are the worst. They've come up with some kinky stuff.
Before today, I never thought you could drink too much Bawls. Now I know.
Later that night...
Here's how it works: I get on the chair. You sit on me. My pointy hat does the rest. Capice?
Isn't that awfully personal? I hardly gnome you.

 

by Xuanwu
1-12-04
So, how did I do?
Not too well, Jesus. Woodworking just doesn't seem to be your thing.
But my Father has taught me so much.
Maybe about oratory, but you should've listened to your other father about carpentry.
*sigh* I guess I didn't get an A, then.
HA! It's C, Jesus!

 

by Xuanwu
1-13-04
If you thought that was fun, wait till you see what my other nine can do!
I'm sorry, but... I can't. I already have a boyfriend.
Oh, come on! What kind of boyfriend has got the same tentacle action I've got?
Well, he's standing behind you right now...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SCHNOOCKUMS?!
...I think I just inked myself...

 

by Xuanwu
1-13-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
That's when we found out the horrible truth! The new Chicken McNuggets... are PEOPLE!
I'm lovin' it.

 

by Xuanwu
1-13-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
...And then I had to shoot him when he revealed he actually had no cheese there and was deliberately wasting my time.
What a senseless waste of human life.

 

by Xuanwu
1-13-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here.
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
...so then he ordered the "Deluxe Greasy Sloppy Pork and Beef Special" and sat between a Muslim and a Hindu...
Ah. He must have been English, then.

 

by Xuanwu
1-14-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
Mm... This "meat popsicle" is quite delicious. *lick*
Please don't bite to get to the center... Please don't bite to get to the center...

 

by Xuanwu
1-16-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
Thank you, kind sir, for this food. Wait... is it kosher?
AHA! It is meat (and dairy), Jesus!

 

by Xuanwu
1-17-04
Now that I've signed up for a Strip Creator account, I can finally make my own comics!
Comic posted.
Yes! Now people will finally appreciate my sense of humor!
Member rating: 0. Comment: "You suck!"
...Or not.

 

by Xuanwu
1-17-04
Comics posted.
All right, one bad rating is fine. After all, I'm just getting the hang of this. I'm sure I'll get better feedback as time goes on.
Member rating: 0. Comment: "MEH!"
Well... I guess that's better than "you suck." Maybe things are turning around?
Member rating: 0. Comment: "BAH!"
...Or maybe people don't think I'm worth the effort to condemn...

 

by Xuanwu
1-17-04
Comic posted.
All right. One more try before I move on. I'm sure this time I'm funny.
Member rating: 0. Comment: "Slightly funnier than a thorned poo log!"
Gah! How can I rid myself of such negativity?
AHA! It is -
No! Just... No.

 

by Xuanwu
1-18-04
Stop right there, evil monster!
?
Ai ti no seigino, seeraa fuku bishoujo senshi - SEERAA MUUN!
?
Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo!
CEN I RAPP YU NOW?

 

by Xuanwu
1-18-04
Light, I folgot. This is Amelica. I need to use Engrish.
BAH.
I am the pletty suited sairol walliol who fights fol rove and justice - SAIROL MOON!
MEH!
In the name of the moon, I wirr punish you!
DEZ IT ENVOLVE RAPP?

 

by Xuanwu
1-18-04
Wait, I know why you'le not aflaid of me! I haven't tlanfolmed!
RAPP!
MOON PLISM POWEL - MAKE-UP!
RAPP?
AHA! Now what do you think? Do I not inspile feal?
RAPP WITH TETACLES!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Have some fun.
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I say we use the flux capacitor to generate enough thaums to cause the interoceter to create an infinite harmonic oscillation!
Ha ha ha... What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Not what... WHOM.
Indeed.

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Let's kick over the cart of a kielbasa vendor!
Oy vey!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
Feels good...
I concur.
Meanwhile...
What you want?
Only you can save SC...

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
Go away. Me no have time for you.
But we need you to destroy one of the new defaults! You're our only hope, Trex.
Me am no Trex. Me have new name now!
I'm afraid to ask. What is it?
Me Grimlock!
The geek factor for this battle just went off the scale...

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
Why should me, Grimlock, help you?
If you don't, the new defaults will cause a spontaneuous existence failure in SC and wipe out all comics in existence.
Me, Grimlock, no care what happen to silly comics.
Um... Then because Horse said you were full of "Beryllium Balogne"?
Grr! Me, Grimlock, kick butt!
Quoting the movie. I feel so dirty.

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
The battle begins!
Hey, TRex!
Grr! Me not Trex anymore! Me Grimlock!
Awe, that's a shame. You're old name was more popular with young people!
Why that?
Silly Grimlock, TRex is for kids!
Why Horse hurt my head?

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
Why you here - er, why are you here?
Stupid Horse make fun of Grimlock! Me, Grimlock, kick Horse's butt!
What are you going to do? Pour that cup of coffee on me?
This not cup of coffee! This cup of WHUP @$$!
Are you the love child of the Incredible Hulk and Steve Austin or something?
Me Grimlock not love child! Me, Grimlock, king!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
All right, so you're here to kill me.
Yes! Me, Grimlock, kill stupid Horse!
One problem: you see what's in my hand? It's a shiny quarter. It's the sum total of all my assets.
Ha! What can quarter do against me, Grimlock? Me, Grimlock, laugh at Horse's "assets!" Ha ha ha!
COIN TOSS!
Augh!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Let's go shove our wangs into the rectums of Bush supporters!
Just how I like my comp-ass-ionate conservatism!

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Let's cornhole some John Kerry supporters!
I'm sure they'll love my Howie Dean "sausage."

 

by Xuanwu
1-19-04
A chimera animal! Time to transform!
?
MEW MEW STRAWBERRY - METAMORPHOSIS!
!
I am Mew Mew Strawberry! In the name of the earth, I will be of service! Nyaa!
RAPP THE PUSY!

 

by Xuanwu
1-21-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I could nail you to some wood, write about it, and then get people to give me their virgin daughters so your memory can be honored.
Sure! Let me practice, first: "AHA! It is me, Drexle!"

 

by Xuanwu
1-22-04
Hey, babe. I'm Xero, the Chief Apostle of Drexle.
You knew our Lord and Savior Drexle? Wow!
Yep! We were like *that.* I can tell you about it at my place if you want.
All right! I have sooooo many questions about him! Okay, first...
Three hours later...
...and I was, like, "No WAY he would say 'wangs.' After all, like, everyone knows 'dongs' is such a better word, ya know?"
Drexle is looking at me right now and laughing his wang off. Sanctomonious bastard.

 

by Xuanwu
1-22-04
AHA! It is me, Drexle! (Damn, I make that sound good!)
Drexle! You're back!
Of course! Second comings are part of the "Savior" package.
Even as the Chosen One, you still sound dirty. How's Heaven?
Too bright and fluffy for my tastes. But there are dogs everywhere!
Awesome. Save a dachshund for me, will ya?

 

by Xuanwu
1-22-04
How goes getting the sacrificial virgins?
Not so good. All the girls who have signed up so far have been the old, overweight spinster types with big hats.
Ouch. Well, you're pulling in cash from the Church of Drexle, right?
I was. But now things have split up.
Earlier...
Follow the shoe!
No! Follow the gourd!

 

by Xuanwu
1-22-04
I finally have a way to score with the ladies! The Konami Code! I say it and good things happen!
Yeah, right.
Huh?
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start!
Poof!
You'd better have a "Balls of Steel" code, or this is going to hurt.
Eep!

 

by Xuanwu
1-22-04
People are filled with nougat. It's what my aunt tells me when she's preparing dinner.

Showing page 2.

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