All comics by AtheistDiary

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by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
Say it ...
we ... we're the same person? And we invented Fight Club and Project Mayhem together, unbeknownst to me? And every night when I go to bed, you take over and command an army to make soap?
Well, yeah THAT, but also ...
AHA! It is me, Jesus!
Great. A third personality. Now I'm horny again. THANKS!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
*sigh* Alright, look, let's just take it from the top, ok?
AHA! It is me, Jesus!
No no NO! DAMMIT! "It is I, Jesus!" NOT me! I! How can you expect to be a celebrity look-a-like if you keep fucking up my lines?!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
AHA! It is I, Jesus!
An impersonator impersonating a celebrity impersonator?
This is getting too fucking surreal.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
It is I, Jesus!
Next.
It is I, Jesus!
Oh lord. NEXT!
Oh HELL NO! NEXT!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
It is I, Honorable Ninja Car Salesman Jesus! Ready to slash prices for you and save your dishonorable soul by any means necessary!
Ok, you're hired, but only because you've got that big fucking sword.
Excellent! Now I must leave Atheist comic before Atheist-san fucks up Honorable Ninja's long standing funny reputation. Syanara!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
Glad to finally have you home, babe. Come with me.
?
aaaaaaahhhh ...
... aaaaaaahhhh ...
Oh man, do I need a cigarette ...
I did not just hear jungle and power tool sounds coming from Ivy's room ... I did not just hear jungle and power tool sounds coming from Ivy's room ... I did not just hear ...

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
Retard took down his girlfriend's wonderful boobies.
:(

 

by AtheistDiary
1-13-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
AHA! It is I, Jesus!
I can't believe I didn't see that one coming.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-14-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements, yo. And i'm not fo-shizzle if I can eat up in this here bed-rizzle.
Listen, bitch, we do try to have something on the menu for everyone! So take a number, shut your fuckin face, and let our chef make up something to stuff your cock into.
Well in that case maybe I will just have to spread my legs so you can EAT ME!
*poop*
That's not kosher.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-14-04
I couldn't resist.
Fights will go on as long as they have to.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-14-04
The first rule of Fart Club is: you do not TALK about Fart Club. The second rule of Fart Club is ... you do NOT TALK ABOUT FART CLUB.
Third rule: if the fart stops, goes silent, craps out, the fart is over. Fourth rule: only 2 turds to a fart.
Fifth rule: one fart at a time, fellas.
Sixth rule: no gassex, no beano.
Seventh rule: Farts will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first night at Fart Club ... you have to fart.
*poot*

 

by AtheistDiary
1-14-04
zzzzzzzz........
Yes, sweety. I WILL marry you!
And I also have something to tell you. I'm pregnant with your love child.
*ACK!*
What's wrong, sweety?
I just had this horrible dream that you were pregnant with my love child.
Well there IS something that I have to tell you ...

 

by AtheistDiary
1-14-04
Ah SHIT! You really ARE pregnant with my love child!?
No, babe ...
Wait a minute. This isn't going to be another one of those 'It is I, Jesus' gags, is it?
No, babe ...
Then what is it?
When we ate dinner last night ... it wasn't delivery, it was DiGiorno.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-16-04
The head of the Federal Communications Commission, upset over a growing use of profanity on television and radio, wants to sharply increase the penalties for broadcasters airing indecent programs.
FCC Chairman Michael Powell said at a National Press Club luncheon on Wednesday that the current maximum penalty, $27,500 for each incident, should be 10 times higher.
Hi, is this Michael Powell, son of Colin Powell, and chairman of the FCC?
Why yes it is, how may I help you?
Well for starters, you can go fuck yourself.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-16-04
YAY! MORE HONORABLE NINJA COMICS!
YES! MUCH REJOICING!
Wanna fuck?
Sure, bend over.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-16-04
Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...
This dick is the most uncreative asshole ever.
What do ya expect? He's a fuckin' atheist.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-17-04
In a recent serial comic, I completely annihilated the plot line in one fail, uncreative swoop, thus probably destroying any chance of the strip being continued or finished up.
And to this I must regretfully say ...
AHA!
It is I, Jesus!
Thank you for your time.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-18-04
I've got something to say! I killed your baby today and it doesn't matter much to me as long as it's dead.
I've got something to say! I raped your mother today and it doesn't matter much to me as long as she spread.
Sweet lovely dead I'm just waiting for your breath. Come sweet death ...
One last caress.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-18-04
Wangs.
Dongs.
*poop*

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
I think Ivy's in love with me.
How can you tell?
She finaly put down the Sims so we could go make love.
Um, you just said "make love" instead of "boink". You DO know what this means, don't you?
Ah crap, you mean that feeling deep down inside isn't just gas?
Quite a catch ya got there, Ivy.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Gay necrophelia?
Of corpse!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I'm sorry, but I can not allow you to finish this comic on the account that it is too silly! Now kindly move along!
Man, that Monty Python guy always pisses on my parade.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Um, I really wish you'd told me you were into gay necrophelia, Atheist.
What? The roofies before anal sex didn't tip you off?

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
"Dear Atheist: you make sodomy and anal references in almost every other comic you create. It's just getting silly how obsessed you are!"
You're absolutely right.
And from this day forward I will no longer make any form of reference to anal sex, asses, sodomy, or anything involving the rear end ever again.
Ya, when monkies fly out your butt.
DOH!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
Ya know we always seem to think of someone else during sex.
So who's it gunna be tonight?
What We Say
I'm going to be thinking of you.
Awww ... how sweet. Yes me, too.
What We Really Think
Gwen Stefani
Richard Dean Anderson

 

by AtheistDiary
1-19-04
mmm... mmm... McGuyver ...
Oh Christina Ricci ...
mmm ... John Stewart ...
Oh yes, P!nk ...
P!NK??
Ah crap, she sucks a mean dick AND she's psychic!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
.sgnoD
.sgnaW
?do wanna you what, over it's that now, So
.theirs of trademark a been it's, Well
.afterwards city whole the detrying up ended they believe can't I, Yeah
.ever show best the was that, GOD My

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Welcome to Spanky's House of Poop. How may I help you?
Yeah, I'll have the Turd Burglar Salad and Atheist here will have the Poonany Surprise.

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Later that day ...
... must ... hold ... in ... diarrhea ...
Freebasing Exlax is pretty intense, ain't it?

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
♫ I'm gonna get free! I'm gonna get free! I'm gonna get free! ♫
Where's a fuckin' ball gag when ya need one?

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
De ja friggin' vous

 

by AtheistDiary
1-20-04
Welcome to the next step in reality tv! On Todd TV, you get to call in and tell us what you want him to do. You say it, he'll have to do it.
Hi, ya listen, tell that stupid fuck to blow his brains out.
We'll get right on it!
*BANG!*
eeeeexcellent ...

 

by AtheistDiary
1-21-04
Atkins TV: They have 30 days to lose 30 lbs or get their fat asses off the island.
Aquafina: Zero Carbs. Guaranteed.
Slutty Spunk Swallowers 7: NOW WITH FEWER CARBS!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-21-04
Did you know that cocaine has no carbs and actually helps you burn them off twice as fast as regular excersise?
The NEW CARB-FREE DELL computer! Dude ... you're gettin' no carbs!
**crackle crackle** No Carbs! **crackle crackle**
Give your heart to Jesus ... I promise less carbs in the body of Christ!
Sucky sucky 5 dalla!
We rub ew rong time ... de ATKINS ray!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-22-04
Finding StripCreator.com by pure chance: Free.
Killer! Now I can do that Fetus Pot Pie strip I've been dying to make!
Donation to Brad so that you may become one of SC's Elite: $10
*CHA-CHING!*
BWAHAHAHA! SUCKERS!
Reading a MikeyG comic that mentions crotch crickets:
Priceless!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-24-04
And you can see, after thorough inspection, there's no need for concern. Our company has had a long standing history of friendly service, customer satisfaction, and always a clean working environment.
What?
I just realized that a talking dog is running this company.
With crotch crickets to boot!

 

by AtheistDiary
1-25-04
YYYYES! I won FTC #19's Best Use of Python Award!!
I won "Most Sexual" as well as World's Worst #3
Now if only I could get that Monty Python guy to piss on HER parade ...

 

by AtheistDiary
2-02-04
What's all the ruckus over the new Gibson Christ movie?
Apparently Jews are pissed because the movie makes them appear no longer fluffy or something.
I have a new mission.
You don't mean ... ?
Yes, folks, more mockeries of Jesus.
ah crap.

 

by AtheistDiary
2-02-04
Jesus isn't fluffy anymore :(
I CHOOSE YOU, CHRISTaCHU!
Blow me, kid. I'm on my coffee break.
OH MY GOD! GIBSON KILLED JESUS!
YOU BASTARD!
Me thinks I've run out of ideas.
AHA! It is I, Jesus!
Me thinks you have, too.

 

by AtheistDiary
2-10-04
Have you been wrongfully accused of stealing office supplies? Do you still feel mental anguish after stubbing your toe at Walmart 3 weeks ago?
Give us a call!
Whether it's losing a round of golf to your boss or the girl at the bar not giving it up after you buy her a drink ...
Our law offices can help you get the millions you deserve!
Just call the offices of Tad, Dis, and Genuous, attorneys at law. Remember, we don't collect unless you get to butt surf someone through the system!
******perk****** What was that number again?

 

by AtheistDiary
2-10-04
Here at Tad, Dis, and Genuous we fight for the little guy. For instance: have you been molested by a Jackson? Call our ...
*whisper whisper*
Oh ... sorry ...
I've been informed that we do not take on "slam dunk" cases.
Did my colleague's statements cause you mental anguish? Call our law offices and ask for my extention!

 

by AtheistDiary
2-10-04
Tad and Genuous here from the law offices of Tad, Dis, and Genuous, attorneys at law.
Does the story of Adam and Eve seem a bit too sexist? Did God renig on your prayer? Did Jesus eat your kitten?
Call our law offices immediately and talk to our special clerical counselor about some legal options you may not have even been aware of!
Tad, Dis, and Genuous: Biblical Justice with Modern Flair!
You guys are going straight to Hell for this.
Where do you think our private offices are located?

 

by AtheistDiary
2-11-04
Do "Wangs" and "Dongs" make you think of illegal gay marriage? Did being an AIDS groupie land you an unexpected STD?
Did letting your neighbor's horse sodomize you give you painful, unrelenting gas? Did molesting those alter boys cause you premature ejaculation?
Call us now and get the legal help you are entitled to for just PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR!
At Tad, Dis, and Genuous we feel that no sex crime is too big!
Well except maybe the Michael Jackson case.
We fear "besmirching" his "good name".

 

by AtheistDiary
2-11-04
Did an Honorable Ninja Used Cars salesman give you a bad deal?
Did Ivy's breasts cause you an overly painful erection?
Call the law offices of Tad, Dis, and Genuous today and we'll fight for you!
We make the bad guys pay for how they victimized you!
They have dishonored name of Honorable Ninja Used Cars!
I'll go get my golf club.

 

by AtheistDiary
2-12-04
Did Ivy use one of your jokes about The Inner Workings of Microsoft on StripCreator.com?
Call the law offices of Tad, Dis, and Genuous and let us fight for the cash settlement you deserve!
Actually I gave her permission to use it.
You can still sodomize her though if I can video tape it.
Deal.

 

by AtheistDiary
2-14-04
People think we're the same person
People think we're the same person
They couldn't be more wrong
They couldn't be more wrong
Wangs
Dongs

 

by AtheistDiary
2-14-04
Wow, you call that an erection?
Thank god I took acting lessons.
SURPRISE! YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!

 

by AtheistDiary
2-15-04
Now that we're done, we can play Connect the Dots with the warts on my pussy!

 

by AtheistDiary
2-18-04
From attitudechicka/212328
... More to come, but that's everyone on my favorites list...
This comic will later be edited to include people who aren't worthy of my favorites.
YEEEEEEEES! FINALLY I shall get the recognition I so richly deserve!

 

by AtheistDiary
2-18-04
Holy crap! Who are you?
I'm your great grand pappy! I've come back from the grave to tell you that there IS an afterlife!
Oh wow. You mean there IS a god?
Yip!
And all this time I've been an atheist ...
It's ok, he doesn't believe in you either.

Showing page 3.

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