All comics by Injokester

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by Injokester
7-31-05
I'm not happy Chen, I was going to make carrot sticks for my lunch,
But your pet rabbit ate all the carrots.
Well she's a rabbit, that's what they do. Couldn't you just have something else?
Yes, I invented rabbit sticks.

 

by Injokester
7-31-05
Welcome to the office. Now, you are allowed to steal from Chen, but be careful.
Before stealing, ask yourself the question:
"Is this something Melvin might have had sex with?".

 

by Injokester
7-31-05
Y'know your problem Chen? You're a Capricorn. The universe hates goats.
Whereas I'm a Sagittarius, half-man half-horse.
So that gives you the right to make my life miserable?
No, it gives me the right to poo on the sidewalk outside your house.

 

by Injokester
7-31-05
You look depressed Chen, what's up?
My doctor told me I would die without a kidney transplant, but there aren't enough donors for me to get one.
You could try the black market.
I did, and I got a kidney.
Well that's good.
No, it turns out I paid $40,000, only to get back the cancer-ridden kidney you stole from me last week.

 

by Injokester
8-01-05
Bad news Chen, it turns out I'm a Teutohyper-salitaeniomicro-nucleomituphobiac.
That's the fear of miniature nuclear weapons built by german salt water dwelling tapeworms.
Alright I'm not really, I just forgot to take a magazine when I took a dump.

 

by Injokester
8-01-05
Good news Chen, I got you a wireless modem.
You did? Thankyou!
You just need to get a cable to connect it from your computer to the phoneline.
So you're trying to tell me you lost my modem cable?
I didn't lose it, I used to build a tiny gallows for your pet mouse. I'm having a "cute day".

 

by Injokester
8-01-05
OK, you know the plan. When the security guard turns his back we jump the fence and steal the human fat from the bins out the back.
Why are we doing this?
Come now Chuck, haven't I taught you anything?
Are we going to use it to make soap like they did in "Fight Club"?
Not a bad idea, but no. This batch goes through Chen's mail slot. Just like the last 173 batches.
Got it.

 

by Injokester
8-01-05
Dance for me Chen.
Chuck, what are you doing?
Shut up Chen.
You know Melvin has sex with that hand puppet right?
Not since he poked a hole in your childhood teddy bear he doesn't.
Rufus?!

 

by Injokester
8-02-05
I've got a joke for you Chen; what's the difference between an elephant and a squirrel?
I don't know, what's the difference between an elephant and a squirrel?
An elephant is much larger Chen.
I wouldn't even try to stuff six dead elephants through your mail slot.

 

by Injokester
8-04-05
Chen! Chen! I've got great news Chen! I got you on the Wheel of Fortune!
The gameshow? That's great! Maybe I can win enough for my kidney transplant!
No, not the gameshow; the "Wheel of Fortune" down at the carnival!
They trained a monkey to throw knives!

 

by Injokester
8-04-05
What's up Chen?
Melvin, do you know how the muddy footprints got on my ceiling?
I invented an anti-gravity device.
Let me guess, you stuck a boot on a broom-handle and traipsed mud across my ceiling?
Technically it isn't mud.

 

by Injokester
8-04-05
Good news Chen, I made you a chocolate mud cake.
Did you make it with chocolate or dog poop?
Dog poop.
So what you're trying to tell me is that you left a bowl of dog poop in my fridge?
Dog poop with worms Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-05-05
There's something wrong with your turtle Chen.
What's wrong with Shelly?
Chuck and I were bored so we had her fight to the death against a monkey.
She would have gone into her shell and stayed protected.
A monkey armed with a spoon Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-05-05
Bad news Chen, I'm constipated.
If you ask me that's good news, now you can't relieve yourself on my floor.
Well, when you go inside don't disturb Joe.
Who's Joe?
The homeless guy I paid to poo in your fridge. His bowels aren't what they used to be, so it takes a while.

 

by Injokester
8-07-05
Y'know, sometimes it's nice to just lay here and look up at the clouds.
It sure is.
Do you think we should let Chen out of his septic tank?
No, another 4 days and we'll set the world record.

 

by Injokester
8-08-05
Bad news Chen, I've got the flu and it's contagious so you'll get it too.
Well if I keep my distance I should be okay.
Yes, but I sneezed on all your food.
Then I won't eat any of it.
Nope, I thought of that too, so I've been blowing my nose on your carpet.

 

by Injokester
8-08-05
What's up Chen?
I keep getting lewd calls at all hours of the night from gay men looking for a "good time".
Ah, I see my toilet wall ads are starting to pay off.
I want you to stop this at once.
You'll also be able to enjoy the 1900 number that I've routed to your house.

 

by Injokester
8-08-05
Let's play a game Chen!
What game?
It's called "Find the unclean item that Melvin used to pick his contagious genital scabs."
What? What did you use?
I think you're missing the point of this game Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-08-05
What's going on Chen?
What the heck is that smell?
There are several rotting fish in your house Chen.
What? Where are they?
Now I can't tell you that, but I can say "hot" or "cold" at random and pretend I'm helping.

 

by Injokester
8-08-05
Alright Cthulhu, you know the plan right?
I hide in the closet and when Chen comes home I jump out and devour his immortal soul.
No! You yell "BOO" and we have a good laugh.
Then you devour his immortal soul.

 

by Injokester
8-09-05
What up Chen?
What's that on my table?
That would be a glass of my urine.
A glass of your urine?!?
That's right, and I've backwashed it, so don't even think about it Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-09-05
What's up Chen?
What the heck did you do to my car?
I toilet papered it. That's a legitimate prank Chen.
Not when you do it with used toilet paper!
Ha ha ha, you should see the inside.

 

by Injokester
8-09-05
AAAARRRGGH!!!
Come on Gene, the old 'syringes found on the side of the highway in the bed' gag is a classic!

 

by Injokester
8-09-05
Hey, all I did was balance the bucket of nails and sperm over the door, you're the one who opened it.

 

by Injokester
8-10-05
Hey Chen, open your mouth and close your eyes!
No, you'll put something in my mouth.
No I won't.
Then you'll try and staplegun my genitals to the floor again.
Come on Chen, it'll be funny and you know it.

 

by Injokester
8-10-05
I've got bad news Chen. While you were away I forgot to feed your Tamagotchi pet.
Fu-Chuu???
I'm afraid it's dead Chen.
Oh well, I think the batteries were just about spent anyway.
Wait, Tamagotchi was the cat, right?

 

by Injokester
8-10-05
Hey Chen, how about this weather?
It sure has snowed heavily overnight.
I guess this was a bad time for me to have left the roof up on your car.
My car isn't a convertible.
Then I guess this was a bad time for me to have removed the roof of your car with an angle grinder.

 

by Injokester
8-12-05
If you don't blink and let me win, I'm going to pee on your shoes.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
Happy Birthday Chen.
You got me something?
It's a gift voucher.
Yes, I see. For the "Maternity Clothing Mega Store". What the heck am I supposed to do with this?
You're welcome Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
You're so gullible Chen it's like shooting a barrel of monkeys.
You're getting your similes crossed again, it's "shooting fish in a barrel".
No, that would be stupid, I've never shot at fish in a barrel.
You mean?
Of course. You should check your freezer once in a while.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
Hey Chen, I've been taking a vocabulary course.
Well it's good to see you're expanding your mind.
So this morning, rather than dropping a diarrhoea-turd on your rug,
I delicately drizzled aqueous butt-milk across your afghan.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
Chen, you will be my thirteenth apostle.
Really?
No Chen.
Oh.
Have some leprosy.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
What's up Chen?
Did you fill my sugarbowl with salt?
No I didn't.
Then what was it?
Powdered leper.

 

by Injokester
8-14-05
I've got good news Chen!
Oh, what's that?
I've had you declared legally dead!
Why would you bother? You already have my power of attorney.
Let the stick-poking commence!

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
You look mad Chen, who put a bee in your bonnet?
You did. Literally. But with several bees.
I did not.
Then how do you explain these welts on my face?
I'm a man who knows his welts Chen, and they look more like hornet welts to me.

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
Good news Chen, while you were out I installed a portal window in your kitchen.
From the loungeroom? I've actually always wanted one of those.
No, not from the loungeroom, from outside.
You mean you knocked a hole in the wall?
No, a hole would imply that some of the wall is still intact.

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
I had to break up with my girlfriend. We were just too different.
She said "tomato" I said "I hope you die, you filthy whoring meat sack."
Things sort of escalated from there.

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
Bad news Chen, I think your urinal is broken.
I don't have a urinal.
You know, that tiled thing in your bathroom?
You mean the wall?
Right! Well I pressed everything and nothing makes it flush.

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
Chen, you need new carpet in your house.
What happened to the carpet?
Nothing, but you need something less scratchy.
If you wiped properly you wouldn't have to drag your backside across my carpet, and this wouldn't be a problem.

 

by Injokester
8-15-05
I've got bad news Chen, I put a frog in your microwave and it exploded.
The frog exploded?
No, the microwave.
What? How?
I blame the metal cage I've been keeping the frog in.

 

by Injokester
8-16-05
AAARGH! MY HOUSE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
Shit happens Chen.
This amount of poo does not just happen! This takes organisation!
Hey, you spend your half of our lottery winnings however you like, I'm going to do this a couple more times.

 

by Injokester
8-16-05
Good news Chen.
Does this have anything to do with the powerful scent of ketchup?
Chuck and I discovered that McDonald's sauce packets explode when you throw them at stuff.
When half your roof collapsed our "ketchup cannon" was declared a success!

 

by Injokester
8-16-05
Y'know Chuck,
Sometimes I ask myself "What would Jesus do?"
But I figure if Jesus didn't want us to put a piranha in Chen's hemorrhoid cream tube he'd smite us or something.

 

by Injokester
8-16-05
What's up Chen, you don't look too happy.
I'm not, my hemorrhoids are getting worse and worse.
That's probably because I replaced your hemorrhoid cream with hand cream.
You what?!?
I also added a little bleach. You might have noticed a whitening effect.

 

by Injokester
8-17-05
Bad news Chen, your cactus was infested with a nest of Tarantulas, so I had to hit it with the flamethrower.
But my cactus was only 3 inches tall!
Not anymore Chen.

 

by Injokester
8-19-05
Man, I hate when my grandfather comes to visit, suddenly everyone else is busy and I'm left holding the bag.
Yeah, I hate when people shirk their responsibilities and you have to cover for them.
No, I mean literally, I'm left holding his colostomy bag for two weeks.
Ha ha ha.
Don't touch me.

 

by Injokester
8-20-05
Come on Chen, you know the rule: "He who naps by the fire has to be hit on the head with a shovel and made into a snowman."

 

by Injokester
8-20-05
Bad news Chen, the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
Just how stupid do you think I am?
Do you remember that time I glued cornflakes to your penis while you were sleeping and told you they were an infection?
Yes.
And do you remember what happened when I told you that they could only be removed with an orbital sander?
Just give me the dictionary.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
You've got dirt on your face Chen, you should go wash it.
Oh, I'll do it now, thank you.
Chen's gonna be mad when he finds out I used his towel to wipe my backside.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
What's up Chen?
None of my electrical appliances work.
It sounds to me like you've overloaded the circuit and the over-voltage has blown a fuse.
But you don't know anything about electricity.
Maybe not, but I do know who stuffed all your power sockets with cheese.

Showing page 3.

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