All comics by Buttonman

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by Buttonman
6-20-06
In the hallway at AWF Chipley, a budding romance blossoms...
So, you're a Rowdy Roddy Piper fan, right?
Always have been. Always will be.
That must make you, what, like 60 years old at least?
Actually I'm 24.
You need to find a new wrestler to be crazy about. I hear that STEVE, from AWF Mobile is available.
Proves what I have always said... CHICKS know nothing about wrestling.

 

by Buttonman
6-20-06
UPHW Resident Medical Student Doc Chappy is always on alert...
ECW! ECW! ECW!
Now, Mr. Gargoyle there's no need to get excited. I'm here to help you calm down.
HOT DOGS! ONIONS! SNOW CONES! CHICKEN WINGS!
Now, Mr. Buttonman, there's no need to get excited. I'm here to help you calm down.
I wonder what was in that shot. I feel MUCH calmer now.
Whatever it was it doesn't mix well with Diet Coke.

 

by Buttonman
6-20-06
Gargoyle demand satisfaction...
I WANT bunnyman IN A hard core death match!!!
Ask and ye SHALL receive!
Take THAT, Bunnyman, you DWEEB! There is only ONE GARGOYLE and HE is ME!
I'm telling your wife you've been fighting, Gargoyle!
... And that was when I realized that Bunnyman was really Bobby Wilson in a pink bunny suit.
Well, he always said he didn't like the blue avatar...

 

by Buttonman
6-20-06
David Prime awakens after having just been axed by Bunnyman
The Florida Panhandle does NOT have mountains peeking through fluffy clouds. I wonder where I am.
Ahhh. I get it. You must be Death. That last Bunnyman Chop must have done me in.
Death is not your fate David Prime. Professional Wrestling is your destiny. You are booked for quite a few matches. No-showing is not cool.
Love this mode of travel.
Go ye FORTH David Prime and WRESTLE for the entertainment of thy FANS... And next time Bunnyman swings.. Duck!

 

by Buttonman
6-22-06
I see my big brother has been playing ECW again.
He never wants to play Dungeons and Dragons, anymore, just ECW, ECW ECW all the time.
Dude, don't you think the flaming gasoline table while wrapped in barbed wire and singing praises to Jon Ryker is a bit over the top?
ECW! UPHW! MICK FOLEY IS GOD! JON RYKER RULES!

 

by Buttonman
6-24-06
Death pays an unannounced visit to the AWF show in Semmes...
DEATH? What are YOU doing here?
What? C'mon, Spidey. Like I can't take ONE night off to watch a good wrestling show?
OK, *whew* Sorry, I thought you were on duty and had come here to claim someone.
Now that you mention it, Cowboy Billy Wayne took a pretty good whack on the head. Think I ought to check my list?
Nah. Just relax and enjoy the show. These AWF Guys are DYING to entertain you.
Just a joke, right?

 

by Buttonman
6-24-06
Death conducts a fan exit poll at AWF Semmes ...
So, Bob. How did you like the AWF show? Wasn't Honky Tonk Man a KILLER guest star?
Absolutely. he and Tony Sweatt made mincemeat out of Doink and Wade Garrett.
Say, aren't you intimidated by me? I AM Death, you know.
DEATH is a Hot Dog without onions. Anything else is superfluous.
I think I've just been insulted.

 

by Buttonman
6-25-06
Honky Tonk Memories at AWF Mobile
Can I get your autograph Mr. HonkeyTonk Man?
I am here for you, Young Wrestling Fan
You were terrific tonight, Mr honkey Tonk Man! I love the way you WRESTLE!
Thank you. Thank you VERY MUCH!
I can't BELIEVE you hit me with a GUITAR you UNRULY Rock and Roll person, you! I shall consider REVENGE on your NEXT AWF visit.!
Whatever inflates your balloon, there Doink, Baby!

 

by Buttonman
6-25-06
At the scene of the crime, a witness is being interviewed...
Good afternoon Mam. I am Sgt. Thursday with the local Police Department...
You don't LOOK like a police officer, Sonny.
Yes Mam. I am a PLAIN CLOTHES officer and I'm working on a case...
You know you would LOOK a lot more like a REAL Policeman if you shopped at SHARPSTUFFUSA.COM!
I will certainly take that under advisement Mam..
They sell BADGES too, you young whippersnapper!

 

by Buttonman
6-26-06
Buttonman HACKED my Message Board!
Has it occurred to you that the person who put it up might just have been the person who shut it down?
NO! It was BUTTONMAN, I tellya! He is EVIL, EVIL,EVIL!
Or it might be possible that Boards 2 Go just got sick of the complaints and popped it right outta the air.
Couldn't convince him. Might as well just say, Oh well.
Oh, well.

 

by Buttonman
6-26-06
The threat of another pig wallow message board looms...
We're never going to give up. We pigs are united against all your kind.
Pigs are united against Pro Wrestling?
Nah. We pigs don't care anything about wrestling. We just like to wallow in mud.
So because YOU love mud and slime, you believe that everyone should jump in the mud and wallow with you?
Anonymously, of course. We pigs don't want anyone to know we have mud on us.
God forbid.

 

by Buttonman
6-26-06
The impending debate between porcines and Wrestling heats up...
So, Pig Boy. How many pigs have you got lined up against me so far?
About 3000.
That's a pretty far fetched number. Are you sure it's not just you and The Old Sow and a couple of random piglets?
Listen. If there's one thing I know, it's PIGS. And I'm telling you that every pig in the entire wrestling community is out to get you.
Uh. Point of order. The PIG community and the WRESTLING community are two separate entities, not connected with one another.
Just watch and see. There's going to be wallowing in pig #### and mud like you've never seen before.

 

by Buttonman
6-26-06
You know. I think I will just let you pigs argue among yourselves. Nobody ELSE takes pigs seriously, why should I?
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE BUCKO! You can't just walk away. You don't have the strength or the courage to walk away from mudslinging pigs.
You better come back here! We're going to be calling you names and trashing your friends and kicking your dog. You can't just walk away. You KNOW you can't!
Well, we can still do all those things whether you respond or not. We're PIGS and PIGS RULE!

 

by Buttonman
6-27-06
Pig politics in action...
You should join the PIGS. We have lots of fun. We are, in fact, a fun loving group.
What do you do?
We sit at our computers all day, wallowing in our own feces and think up new ways to kill Professional Wrestling.
But I like Professioal Wrestling. Why would I want to kill it?
To keep Buttonman from taking over the world...
You pigs are way past stupid.

 

by Buttonman
6-27-06
Pig On Drugs...
Got any Loretabs?
Nah. It's the end of the month and I'm all out. Girlfriend has some, but all I got is a half a bottle of whiskey left if that'll help.
Whiskey makes my head hurt and besides, half a bottle is not enough to even get a buzz. I need something stronger.
How about a new message board? We can try again to make Buttonman implode.
That'll work. With the whiskey, and some 'tabs swiped from your girlfriend's stash and a message board, we can get pretty stoned.
All right then. I'll be right back as soon as I go kick my neighbor's dog and dump trash in the street.

 

by Buttonman
6-27-06
Pigs on drugs causes a stir in the barnyard...
What's up with the pigs? They been sitting in the wallow all morning muttering and typing on a computer.
Didn't really catch all of it. Somethig about "taking over Professional Wrestling." Dude, they're pigs. They're either insane or stoned.
Well, something's going to have to be done pretty soon. They's getting pig #### all over everything. Getting so you can't walk around without stepping in it.
Yeah, I know. But what're you gonna do. You can't argue with them. You end up covered with pig ####.
I've got something that'll work really good.
All that does is run up legal bills. Maybe just ignoring them would be a better plan.

 

by Buttonman
6-27-06
Meanwhile, at the scene of the alleged crime...
What happened here Officer?
Clear case of MURDER, Detective Vagoda.
Where is the Corpus Delecti? I don't see no body here.
The mope we just interviewed says he saw it all. Says Buttonman killed his Message Board.
You brought me out on a hot day to a street with no doughnt shops or coffee to investigate a DEAD MESSAGE BOARD?
Guy claimed he was victimized and Andy Sipowicz wasn't available.

 

by Buttonman
6-27-06
Bob and The Neighbor discuss recent events...
So, Bob. Are you sure you're not getting a little sadistic? Making a point is cool, but aren't you busting ice cubes with a sledgehammer?
I know. You're probably right. Even though I didn't close his board, I still snagged it and turned it into "pigland." My bad.
Well, perhaps we could take a lesson from Japan and World War 2...
Atom BOMB? Already did that.
No, the other thing.
Oh, The OLIVE BRANCH thing? He'd take my hand off at the elbow. Remember, he has followers too. They won't let him make peace.

 

by Buttonman
6-28-06
Security Angel is back on somewhat wobbly legs, and home from hospital.
Are you feeling better, Sonny?
Yes Ma'am I actually am. Apparantly IBC Root Beer and French Bread have magical properties.
Well, I am GLAD to hear that. We were all worried about you.
Thanks for your concern and prayers. They helped.
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
Have you heard? The West Florida Wrestling Message Board and Web Site are back up again.
I know. I looked at some of those old pictures from the 60's. Thos guys sure did have funny haircuts.

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
Skip Skipperman Jr. Age 2 weeks speaks his mind and tells it like it is...
My daddy says you and Buttonmn aren't allowed to argue on our message board any more.
My daddy says he didn't make your stupid message board, he didn't delete it and YOU shouldnta said he did.
My daddy says that I'M way more mature than both of you, nayh nayh nayah!

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
Skip Skipperman Jr. Continues to express his opinion and tell it like it is...
I bet you think you're going to get an easy ride on all this don't you? Forget it BUCKO! my daddy says take your beef somewhere else!
WOW. What did I do?
Who knows? We have to scram though...
I can't believe that Buttonman took me literally... Oh well. HEY DAD! I'M WET AGAIN. A LITTLE HELP HERE PLEASE!

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
With Buttonman and the Promoter gone, the feld is wide open for an intruder to sneak in...
I got one word for ya...
Bacon
Thought so.

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
Oddness in Wrestleland...
I am DEATH and I have come for you.
I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise and you are in the WRONG CARTOON STRIP!
I no... I'm pretty sure this is the right strip... Lemme see, check the Palm Pilot... The Wrestling Life... Right strip... You're not Johnny ANGEL?
OF COURSE NOT! I am CAPTAIN James Bloody Tiberius KIRK of the USS... oops.... My bad... I'M in the wrong.. Ummm Scotty, can you beam me up now?
Well. It's probably too late to take him now. Guess I'll have to wait until 2024 now. What a screwup. Star Trek my ###

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
It's good to be back aboard Enterprise. What a strange life form that "Death" fellow was. Good thing I wasn't supposed to be there.
Actually, Captain, you were in the correct cartoon strip. Script for this week says you are supposed to make a guest appearance on The Wrestling Life."
Checkov put you up to this, right? Russian Dweeb. He'll be mopping floors in the aft storage compartment when I get done with him.
You got it all wrong, Captain. The author of this strip is a big TREK Mark. he called your agent and got you a gig for July 7th, 2006.
A GIG? What kind of GIG?
You're booked at AWF SEMMES to wrestle WADE GARRETT.

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
Computer...
M5 Robot at your service Captain.
Reference AWF Semmes, and Wade Garrett, July 7th, 2006 and "wrestle."
Working... AWF Semmes is a Professional Wrestling Organization in Mobile, Alabama, Earth... famous for guest stars...
And Wade Garrett?
Famous among Professional Wrestlers of the time period for destroying and humiliating opponents from all over the Gulf Coast and Panhandle and Galaxy...

 

by Buttonman
6-29-06
OK Ensign Redshirt. Great disguise. I want you to beam down to Mobile, Alabama and wrestle Wade Garrett in my place.
My HONOR, Mon Capitan!
Who in the blue hell are you and Where's Captain KIRK? I paid for a CELEBRITY! Somebody is gonna DIE!
I'm Ricky IDOL, World's SEXIEST MAN! You don't need no stinking STAR TREK CAPTAIN. I am THE BEST, BABY! I will PULVERIZE Wade Garrett!
Captain, you need to beam down to Mobile. Wade Garrett just eviscerated the away team and it's still a week until the show.
BLAST! Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here MYSELF?

 

by Buttonman
6-30-06
Workers sometimes ask Buttonman for his opinion...
I got a new gimmick. What do you think?
Truthfully, I think I liked the old Chuck Thunder gimmick better.

 

by Buttonman
6-30-06
Suddenly...
I am dismayed. I spent HUNDREDS of dollars on this new look and... What the... Oh MY GOD! What is THIS?
I have a WHIP and I'm not afraid to USE it!
Hold on there indigenous creature. I mean you no harm. I'm just here for the AWF Wrestling Show to wrestle Wade Garrett.
Well, this is SPW. You missed by a HUNDRED MILES and Wade Garrett isn't HERE!
Dammit! Can't anybody DO THIS RIGHT? Checkov will FRY for this as soon as we get to the Reverse Trek Universe!

 

by Buttonman
7-01-06
I just had the weirdest dream last night. Captin Kirk from Star Trek was scheduled to wrestle Wade Garrett and kept getting lost.
I guess that's what happens when you eat barbecue and ice cream in the same meal...
Then again...
... and this better be the right place or it'll be PRIVATE Chekov, ya bum!

 

by Buttonman
7-02-06
... and that's why I changed the card...
Good news Spock. Wade Garrett already has an opponent, so I don't have to wrestle him in Semmes on July 7th. He's wrestling Nightmare Ted Allen.
However, there is a Mr. "Gorn" coming from out of state. Something about a "grudge match, Falls count anywhere..." Can you check into that?
Now listen carefully, JJ. I want you to make sure in the contract that BOULDERS do NOT count as foreign objects....
Will do, Gorn, mah MAN!

 

by Buttonman
7-03-06
The pigs are seeking employment...
Book me.
Sorry. We don't book pigs in the AWF. Only wrestlers.
Book me.
Nah. too much hassle to clean up the ring after pigs wrestle.
Book me.
My daddy says even though we are going to be running 5 days a week, we aren't needing pigs just now.

 

by Buttonman
7-03-06
Book me
Come to our training session on June 8th. But I doubt you'll get booked. What can pigs do anyhow?
Book me
I'm really busy right now with other things. too busy to think about pigs. ECWA is an equal opportunity booker though.
Book me
Silly porcine. I don't work for NYPD any more and Barny Miller had nothing to do with wrestling.

 

by Buttonman
7-03-06
Unemployed pigs take a meeting...
Well, I've talked to everyone and I can't get booked anywhere.
Same result here. Do you think it's on account of the message boards?
Yeah. Must be Buttonman's fault. He must have BLACKLISTED us.
Can he do that?
Not really. Because nobody knows our true identities.
Or do they?

 

by Buttonman
7-03-06
Pigs complain to Buttonman...
Book me
You're an idiot. I don't promote wrestling shows. And if I did, what makes you think I'd hire pigs.
You're a pig bigot.
Keep thinking that, Jimmy Dean.
Book me
Ka-CHING! Finally. Someone who will actually work for me...

 

by Buttonman
7-04-06
So, how goes the war?
Like any war, I guess, Mr Skipperman. He hits me and I hit him back twice as strong, ad infinitum, ad nauseum
What about collateral damage? You know, the hearts and minds of fans everywhere?
They've had a bellyfull of it all. Right now they don't like either of us, which serves his interest because he doesn't care.
So when do you think it will be over?
When my heart stops or when the battery runs down in his cranial memory module...

 

by Buttonman
7-04-06
Peace seems to be in the air...
Happy Birthday, Buttonman
Why thanks. I didn't know you cared.
I don't. I just wanted to get you near enough to my car bomb for me to set it off....
Ow
So that my trucker friend, the one with the Mack and pig-hauler could run you down like a dog. Happy LAST birthday.
Cartoon characters don't die... but he doesn't know that.

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
The black sheep of the Zombie Family tries for permission to go to wrestling...
Demolition AX is going to blow away the audience at AWF Semmes on July 7th.
Aggggg Wrestling! All you ever talk about is wrestling! Why can't you be into drugs like normal kids?
But Mom, Demolition AX is Rock and Roll and Violence just like you like!
Why couldn't you be a serial killer like your brother. Go talk wrestling to your dad. I've got BODIES to carve up!
Demolition AX is going to blow away the audience at AWF Semmes on July 7th.
Sounds like fun Junior. Let's go kill SPIDERMAN and take his ringside tickets.

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
Butch Jr and Frankie are fraternal twins...
You're not normal.
Just because I like wrestling better than pulling the wings off flies? That's unfair.
I'm OK with your lifestyle choices, kiddo.
There, you see Butch Jr.? I am appreciated.
I'm taking the twins to AWF in Semmes on July 7th
Where have I failed?

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
Poppa McCoy encounters paranormal phenomena at the Defuniak Springs Fairgrounds...
Who are you?
I am the ghost of WFW Past.
What are you doing here?
I am here to remind you that WFW had some great shows right here in DEFUNIAK SPRINGS, Florida!
So why tell me about it?
BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL LISTEN AND YOU ARE IN A WHEELCHAIR AND CAN'T RUN AWAY!

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
Right after 9-11, WFW did a show here that raised a pretty good crowd for being as cold as Buttonman's heart...
No need to get nasty.
A Patriot Hero, The AMERICAN OUTLAW, Jesse Dalton defeated the AFGHAN ASSASSIN to main event a grand card...
And that was what, 5 years ago?
Did you CATCH THE PART about WFW PAST?
There is no need to shout. May I remind you that ALL CAPS is SHOUTING?

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
The Phantom Of Defuniak Springs finds Buttonman at an SPW show...
It's YOUR FAULT that wrestling fans don't remember WFW in a positive light!
And you are...?
You IDIOT! Don't you read your OWN STIPID CARTOONS?
Oh yeah. The Ghost of WFW Past...
Aghhh!
Stress makes you explode sometimes... Oh well. Hot dogs wth onions are great stress relievers.

 

by Buttonman
7-05-06
Say, didn't I kill you about 6 strips ago?
Well, on July 4th you tried. But like Bolwfeld and Goldfinger before you, you just ended up looking silly.
How do you figure?
Because cartoon characters such as we are never die.
OW!
That was a falling spotlight... and I NEVER said it didn't hurt

 

by Buttonman
7-06-06
The lawyer for XW-2000 is clearing new wrestlers for the June 8th show...
Ok, tell me a little about yourself.
I am a wrestlebot M5000. I am 14 times smarter than than the average wrestler, 7 times stronger and more versitile in heel or babyface roles.
Show me.
This is my babyface mode.
And...
This is my heel mode.

 

by Buttonman
7-06-06
Fabian meets his opponent for Saturday June 8th outside the dressing room.
So how did you get to be a wrestler, when you are obviously a robot.
We prefer the term "Artificial Intelligence"
I'll try to remember that. How did you get to be a wrestler?
Buttonman programmed me from a laptop. Want to see my finishing move?
Uh, yeah.
Want to see it again?

 

by Buttonman
7-07-06
Piggies On Parade
Well, I guess it's time to start flinging monket ### again.
Yeah. You're right. People are starting to talk about wrestling on the message boards again. We can't have that.
You're looking sober today. You on the wagon?
Nah. I'm doing Loretabs disolved in Listerine. That way I get stoned, but don't have bad breath.
You think all this monkey #### we've been flinging will trigger any retalliation?
Nah. Both Dwayne and Skipperman are too scared of us to ban us. We pretty much are free to wreck wrestling. Have a Loretab.

 

by Buttonman
7-07-06
Pigs Ponder Puzzles and Pontificate...
So answer a question for me, ok? We're pigs. So why do we fling MONKEY #### instead of PIG ####?
Would you believe I actually have no clue?

 

by Buttonman
7-07-06
Monkey express features same day delivery...
Special Delivery for the PIGS. I need you to sign for it.
Why are you wearing an environmental suit?
Because this #### really stinks. What do you pigs DO with this stuff anyway?
We anonymously fling it all over wrestling message boards in order to disrupt them.
You pigs are some sick, sick animals.
Thanks. I will pass that on to our fearless leader. That's what he's been working toward.

 

by Buttonman
7-08-06
On the 11:00 Wrestling News...
Dr. "O" makes his XW-2000 debut in Century tonight, sharing the card with "The Mysterious Doctor X"
The two are scheduled to paricipate in the first "Tic-Tac-Toe Hard Core Match in Florida Wrestling history.
Whoever wrote that press release should have to wrestle Wade Garrett.

 

by Buttonman
7-08-06
Bob bumps into Johnny Depp...
No, I haven't seen "Pirates of the Carribean II as of yet, why do you ask?
Arrr. Me bein' a pirate and all, I was just naturally curious if ye were a fan of Captain Jack Sparrow.
Well, truth is, I have been at wrestling every weekend for the past few and just haven't had a chance to get to the movies.
Arrr. I used to know a pirate who lived in Mossy Head and ran wrestling shows up there.
That was Pete The Pirate. His shows have been taken over by UPHW, a group of dedicated wrestlers who also do Hard Core Work.
Arrr. Can I get an audition? I got a pretty good gimmick...

 

by Buttonman
7-09-06
We're here tonight with the newest superstar of XW-2000, The Rainbow Warrior. Whatsay, Warrior, how did you like Century Florida?
I tell you Spiderman, it was a pleasure riding down the road with my main squeeze, Riki Idol, The World's Sexiest man.
Unfortunalely, you LOST your match against "The Natural" Jesse Reynolds. How do you feel about that?
I was ROBBED. The bum had both his feet on the bottom rope for extra added leverage. I might have lost, but I got in a few licks before I went down.
What's next for the colorful and flamboyant Rainbow Warrior?
90 days of illegally wedded bliss, going up and down and up and down (the road) with my tag-team partner Riki Idol for the next 90 days!

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