All comics by JimBT200

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by JimBT200
9-23-14
We're conducting a poll on whether or not we like our IT Director and would like you to help us.
Certainly. I'll set up an anonymous online questionnaire and do a double blind evaluation so only the percentage is available to the management.
Just to be sure we all understand, the actual Director won't be getting this poll and won't see the final results, right?
Absolutely. Your computer network and domain will maintain a separate workspace and then delete all data except for the final percentage and provide that only to upper management.
Well, do we now know who we're going to mess with?
Oh, yes, and I have some good ideas on the best ways to keep them in the dark and confused while we do it.

 

by JimBT200
9-24-14
I don't even know what time of day it is anymore. All I can see is code. All I can see is the problem growing larger with no end in sight, no solution found, no answers to the questions. Aarrgghh.
I don't know why I bother. I'll never get it, it's probably impossible. We should give up and take up ice-fishing. Wait! Of course, that's all we need to do!
Piece of cake.
You know, we go through this every single time.

 

by JimBT200
9-25-14
Nope
Not yet
Still no
Okay, you can go ahead and check now.
But I ordered the very first day. I was promised my iPhone would be here next week. What do you mean "maybe in early November?" For God's sake, I'm in IT !!!
Apple has sold over 10 million phones at launch. We have no sympathy for your delayed gratification.

 

by JimBT200
9-26-14
I heard your iPhone 6 Plus bent pretty badly yesterday. What happened?
It was my own fault. I weigh too much and as a good Apple Acolyte I should have lost weight before carrying the iPhone 6 Plus in my pocket.
I heard that it bent while in your right front pocket, not in your back pocket and that it wouldn't bend back.
I am overweight and my girth may have been a bit much for the poor little thing.
I heard that it's not little at all. In fact, I understand it won't quite fit into a laptop bag without bending a little.
I'd disconnect him from the internet but the problem is that he's right way more often than he's not.

 

by JimBT200
9-27-14
You're probably wondering why we're lurking behind a character in this strip that is involved in a conversation with his computer. We can't help it. It's just too funny.
You see, we get to watch these two interact all day with each other, with clients and with mostly imaginary friends. We just wanted to share.
I used your calculator to add 56.23 plus 20% tip and you gave me $216.44. Why?
In an increasingly complex world, sometimes old questions require new answers.

 

by JimBT200
9-29-14
Our tree asked when to expect his leaves to turn color and then fall.
Plants make their own food. They take water from the ground through their roots. They take a gas called carbon dioxide from the air. They turn water and carbon dioxide into food and oxygen.
Plants make their food using sunlight and something called chlorophyll. Chlorophyll gives leaves their green color.
Winter days are short and dry. Trees stop making food in the fall, the chlorophyll goes away and we can see orange and yellow colors that were in the leaves all summer, but the green covered them up.
Some leaves turn red. This color is made in the fall, from food trapped in the leaves. Brown colors are also made in the fall. They come from wastes left in the leaves.
So you're saying, "Don't eat the brown leaves?"

 

by JimBT200
9-29-14
You're early. Very early. What are you going to do while you wait?
I'm gonna start scaring people left and right in my bee costume. I'm like a huge bee and will scare them easily!
Yes, you are huge and yes, you will scare them but you'll also get your little bee-bat self killed very quickly.
I hadn't thought of that. Where can I hide out until Halloween?
There's a town belfry you could try but you'll need some muffs for those little bat ears of yours.

 

by JimBT200
9-30-14
Did you hear that a guy in Dallas is in the hospital with the Ebola virus?
Did you hear that he went to his doctor first and was sent home. Then when he wound up in the hospital they're trying to find all the people he saw in between?
Did you hear that they're telling people not to panic although no one knows how many other people along the way have been exposed?
No, the news has been strangely silent on all that so I imagine there's nothing to worry about.
And there you have it. No matter how horrible the catastrophe or how imminent the danger today, if it's not on a reality show we don't believe it's going to happen to us.
On the other hand, the Kardashians are en-route to the hospital right now to secure rights to the story. So it can't be all bad.

 

by JimBT200
10-01-14
Okay, I know you have been looking forward to Halloween a lot. I just need to explain something to you.
What? I'm ready. This is going to be a great Halloween. I already had myself painted so I would look like the others and be wearing a Jack-O-Lantern costume. I am so excited!
I understand. But do you know the difference between being involved and being committed?
Sure. Like with Breakfast, if you have bacon and eggs, the Chicken was involved but the Pig was committed. I am so excited about Halloween!
Well, with Halloween, I'm involved by wearing this costume. You, however are going to be committed to being carved, scooped, made into a Pumpkin Pie and be a real Jack-O-Lantern. Do you understand?
Your Pumpkln called a cab. He said you should paint this ball to look like a pumpkin. He was wiping yellow paint off his face last I saw him.

 

by JimBT200
10-02-14
So how do you know where to find all those schools of fish you prey upon? Your numbers are way above average.
My new underwater Verizon Samsung tablet in a waterproof case of course.
It was only a matter of time until Samsung started selling to non-humans now that they cover the planet.
I get paid quite well for feeding Google search results to sharks all over the world. I use AirDroid and just push the results to their Samsung tablets. Look it up. It's free.

 

by JimBT200
10-03-14
I've been doing some research and it seems that spiders figure very prominently in the Internet.
Where do you think the term "web" site came from?
Well it did seem like in some way it would be associated with the greatest web builders of all - spiders like you. I just didn't understand how it all worked.
You know what they call the software that crawls the web and gathers information on everything? Spiders. We're everywhere. We're probably building sites in your own home right now.
You're doing great work but everyone keeps asking why you don't look like a regular spider.
That's 'cause my other six legs are out building websites, buddy.

 

by JimBT200
10-04-14
Wait a minute, wabbit. Why do you have a gun?
I'm checking for Ebola. If anyone with Ebola comes near me I'll shoot 'em.
But I'm the hunter. I'm supposed to be the one with a gun. I don't understand how you got the gun in the first place.
I stole it from your truck's gun rack. I have to make sure I protect myself from Ebola. How do you know you don't have Ebola?
I haven't come into contact with any bodily fluids from anyone who has been to a country that has an Ebola outbreak. When can I have that gun back?
I'm going to call Medicine Sans Frontieres and see if they have any information on you. I'll let you know about the gun later. Have you been to Dallas lately?

 

by JimBT200
10-05-14
I'm still hunting for that Coronavirus so I can kill it.
First, you're in the wrong strip and second you don't need a weapon in here - this is a comic strip.
I know but Covid19 is very scary. It's killing hundreds of thousands of people and I don't know what to do.
I understand but I am in firm control of this strip and we're not going to see any more of you or the dastardly virus.
This whole story about the Coronavirus was an attempt to create humor from pathos, since neither ethos nor logos was right for this strip.
He's big enough to be swollen up from his infection. I'm going to shoot him in the fat and run the other way. I might have to get a protective face mask first.

 

by JimBT200
10-06-14
Someone calling themselves a "Customer" says they want something called "Service". . . .
You do know that's what we do, right? We're a tech support company. Tech support is a service.
Well another caller wanted me to connect her to the girl at the take-out window. I told her we don't do restaurants and passed that one on to you.
She was calling from one of our bank clients and was having trouble connecting to the drive-up window. There is no take-out window at a bank.
Another caller was breathing heavy and I asked him if something was wrong and he said he couldn't find a pen so he was steaming up his window so he could write a number down with his finger.
This is so much more common than you might think.

 

by JimBT200
10-07-14
2013
So how many clients do we have and in how many cities do we have reps?
6 clients and all mostly on the Northshore.
2014
So how many clients do we have and in how many cities do we have reps?
A little under 70 clients and we're all over Louisiana and in Austin, Houston, Dallas, Little Rock, St. Louis, Biloxi and we're also in Hawaii.
2015
So how many clients do we project for 2015 and in how many cities will we have reps?
Around 250 or so clients and we should be in 30 cities throughout the U.S. We'll be working on a rep in Canada and one in Indonesia as well.

 

by JimBT200
10-08-14
We can't help it. This is so much fun. Recently politics has become the playground of only the extreme hard-liners on the left and on the right.
All semblance of actual discussion or debate has stopped and people are told not to dare think for themselves but to vote extreme right or extreme left or else their world will end!!
So either "Obamacare" is the worst thing to happen to America ever and if we don't repeal it all of us will die some horrible death and all of our incomes will wither.
Or the Affordable Healthcare Act (which is law by the way), is so good that everyone will have free healthcare and no one will have to pay for it.
They are both full of shit. The fact is that there are 47 really bad things about the Affordable Healthcare Act that should be fixed. Perhaps Congress should address that and fix those bad things.
And if it is repealed, then 65% of Americans will not have healthcare, which is what the Insurance Companies want. They have spent almost 100 Billion Dollars on advertising so far to repeal it.

 

by JimBT200
10-08-14
I'm on a party line and sometimes we listen in.
I have 5 channels. And in the inner city I can sometimes have 7.
Can't wait to be plugged into my tube amplifier.
Good thing I'm a number 2.
Feed me, Seymour!
Because it's throwback Thursday, of course. We immediately recognize these things but future generations won't.

 

by JimBT200
10-09-14
I made all the calls just as you asked. The average hold time was about 15 minutes.
So tech support from all of the cable companies is pretty slow. How about the other call?
I called sales asking for new service and there was no hold time, I was put straight through.
As suspected. And now, the final question. How did that make out?
I called all of them trying to cancel service and after an average 45 minute wait, all of them hung up on me.
The worst is Comcast but that's not really saying much.

 

by JimBT200
10-10-14
Want to know who writes this strip? They're Jim and Liz Beck, the owners of Beck Tech Support, Beck Marketing Strategies and Shaffette, Beck professional services. And they're in love.
They both lost their loved ones in 2008 and found each other in 2011. They were wed in 2012 and are approaching their third anniversary. We thought you might like to know.
James A. Beck
Elizabeth D. Beck
We like them.
We thought you might want to like them too.

 

by JimBT200
10-11-14
A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, and 1/3 waiting.
Real men don’t use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.
Every program has two purposes — one for which it was written and another for which it wasn’t.
Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Don't ask too many people for suggestions for the strip on the same day.

 

by JimBT200
10-12-14
I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the era rite Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it, And I'm shore your pleased too no Its letter prefect in every weigh; My checker tolled me sew.
Conway's Law: - In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Believe it or not people send me this stuff just so you can read it. I am constantly amazed.

 

by JimBT200
10-13-14
The Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
I love this job.

 

by JimBT200
10-14-14
Which is better for soul-searching, Google, Yahoo or Bing?
Wolfram Alpha.
I wrote a Broadway musical adapted from a YouTube video based on a Tweet inspired by a Facebook comment about a text message. Can you help me market it?
Check out #beentheredonethat on Twitter.
You have the right to remain silent but apparently not the ability. Everything you said is being held against you on Facebook, Twitter & YouTube.
You'll have to re-write the charges in 140 characters or less.

 

by JimBT200
10-15-14
No, the phone has not rung in the last 5 minutes.
No, you haven't gotten any email in the last 5 minutes.
It was tough but I took out the competition and got us the new client.
Sales in this business can be brutal.

 

by JimBT200
10-16-14
People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today that more software companies have been added to the groups "watch list" of companies that regularly practice software testing.
"There is no need for software to be mistreated this way so companies can market new products," said Ken Granola, a spokesman for PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthy and arduous tests - often without rest - for hours or days at a time.
Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means necessary and inside sources report that they often joke about "torturing" the software.
"It's no joke," Granola said. "Innocent programs are cooped up, 'crashed' for hours on end, their lives spent on ill-maintained computers, and they are deleted when they're not needed anymore."
"We know alternatives to this horror exist," he said, citing industry giant Microsoft Corp. as a company that has become successful without resorting to software testing.

 

by JimBT200
10-17-14
1984 to 1994 showed some incredible growth in personal computing. Microsoft Windows, Apple Mac and various flavors of OS2, Unix, Linux and more.
The hardware was just being developed and it was a lot like the old west with shootouts every year. By 1994 there really was a computer on every desk and in almost every home.
1994 to 2004 showed the dominance of Windows in Business, of Mac in the Arts and Entertainment and of Linux building the Internet.
And the hardware flourished. We finally reached the stage where every computer sold was good enough for almost every job. Innovation would drive the next decade.
2004 to 2014 showed the explosion of software becoming ubiquitous, of devices making "computing anywhere" a reality.
And now the future is the "Internet of Things" where the operating system and the hardware don't matter, just the ability to do anything anytime from anywhere.

 

by JimBT200
10-18-14
Cortana, where are my files?
I've removed them and given them to someone who will work on them. Your file folders now match what's in your head. They're empty.
That's fantastic! I used to worry about how all that work was going to get done and now I can stop worrying.
Please go see the head of IT to learn about your new assignment.
I'm stoked. I'll bet I'm going to get a new raise for getting all that work off my plate. What does Cortana have me doing.
She wants you to work from home. She said something about your pay matching your folder contents but I'm not sure what she meant.

 

by JimBT200
10-19-14
How do you say the word "air" in Spanish?
aire
How do you say the word "air" in Italian?
aria
And how do you say the word "air" in German?
luft. You can fake a little Spanish or Italian and sometime French. You can't fake German.

 

by JimBT200
10-20-14
So, after yesterday's strip, lots of people wanted another example with more comparisons. We were happy to oblige .
Now, mind you, we're not trying to make fun of this and we know that Japanese or Chinese or Russian Cyrillic words also don't compare just like German doesn't.
But still we took the word "velocity" and will show you how it is spelled and sounds in 8 different languages, including the English word velocity as the first of those eight.
velocita-Italian, velocidad-Spanish, velocity-Dutch, velocitatem-Latin, velocity-Zulu, velocitat-Catalan
And in German it's geschwindigkeit
Wir werden es nicht wieder tun, wir versprechen.

 

by JimBT200
10-21-14
What is fate?
Fate, the three goddesses who preside over the birth and life of humans. Each person's destiny was thought of as a thread spun, measured, and cut by the three Fates, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos.
What is fate?
Nothing. Christian believers submit themselves daily to God’s will for their life. This relies not on a fixed, predetermined 'fate', but on a flexible future of mutual co-operation.
What is fate?
Fate is a 2005 single-player action role-playing game originally released for the PC by WildTangent. A trial demo is available if you like.

 

by JimBT200
10-22-14
So my Art Teacher told me to paint something on the canvas behind me and then when I did, he gave me a "D".
She told him she painted a cow eating grass in a field. When he asked where the grass was, she told him the cow ate all of it.
So then he asked me where the cow was.
And she told him that the cow left because he had eaten all the grass. Teacher was not amused but we all thought it was great.
He gave me a "D" instead of an "F" because he said I made him imagine my painting in his mind with the cow wandering off.
Don't look at me. They're a figment of your imagination. And the cow's wandering around there on the left side of your screen.

 

The chihuahua dog breed was developed in 1850 in Mexico. Purebred Chihuahuas are quite rare and VERY expensive. If one is not affordable, then a shaved rat often takes its place in a Mexican home.
God, I hope he doesn't have any pets.
by JimBT200, 10-22-14

 

by JimBT200
10-23-14
This entire strip will make no sense on Twitter.
Why?
Because it's just part of a photoshopped strip and will be used in the background.
Well, why can't we post that on Twitter?
Because of the 140 character limit and the fact that the photoshopped final posted on Facebook won't be accessible through StripCreator.
Well that's just sad, but carry on.

 

by JimBT200
10-24-14
I'm trying to decide whether or not to replace you with a newer model. I don't actually need a newer model but they look so nice and tempting. Take a few minutes and I'll be back to get your opinion
What are your thoughts?
I called your mother and she says she wants you to buy her the newer model and keep me for another year. I have to agree with her. She's your mom.

 

by JimBT200
10-25-14
Tell the IT Director to encrypt the files before sending them. I'll be back in an hour.
Got it.
Tell the IT Director there's a crypt full of files that need sending back.
Okay
I was told to tell you that there's a tomb that needs filing down before it's sent back.
This is precisely why we have holes in our ears, so stuff can just fall through.

 

by JimBT200
10-26-14
Your Amazon Prime order shipped and will be delivered tomorrow. Your eBay "Buy It Now" order also shipped.
Good, check on crowdsource shopping site The Hunt for my Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr posts.
I've got your Kindle Books, Google Play Android games and iTunes music downloaded to your Kindle, your Galaxy 5 and your Macbook Air.
Good, check on the space left on my Dropbox, GoogleDrive, OneDrive and iCloud accounts.
I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?
What's a store?

 

by JimBT200
10-27-14
I represent the Liberal Far Left - if you don't elect me the soul-less corporations will drive you into bankruptcy, put you in debtors prisons and sell your children into slavery.
Well, that's an opinion.
I represent the Conservative Far Right - if you don't elect me all of your money will be taken from you and given to worthless cheaters that shouldn't be here anyway.
And that's another opinion.
But neither opinion is valid. Our citizens are our nation and we built this nation for us. What we need is a third party, one that will make the best decisions for us.
We know there isn't a viable one yet, but Democrats and Republicans alike should be warned. We mean business - start putting us first or we will make changes to our political system.

 

by JimBT200
10-27-14
ApplePay
This customer is using ApplePay. I ring up the transaction, she puts her thumb over the Home Button on her iPhone and it's paid. Faster than a Credit Card, faster even than cash.
Plus it's fun. Lots of stores will be using it and inside of a year it will be common.
CurrentC
But not WalMart, CVS and some other big stores. They turned off ApplePay and are offering their own version, CurrentC. It would be comic except it's really really bad.
First, they ring you up, then you have to wait, open an application on your phone, log in, wait for the data, then you can take a picture of a QR code with the application using your phone.
CurrentC
That will enable the register to print out a two foot long receipt pending approval which comes after you sign in and press pay. Then guess what? It's not over yet.
You have to produce two forms of identification, your driver's license and your social security card. I kid you not. It will add 3 minutes to every purchase.

 

by JimBT200
10-29-14
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire? . . . . . . . . A lot of blood tests!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? . . . . . . . . . He was wrapped up in himself!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? . . . . . Neck-tarines!
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? . . . . Boo-boos!
What is the problem with twin witches? . . . . . . . . You never know which witch is which!
What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house? . . A wide-scream TV!

 

by JimBT200
10-30-14
Oh, wow. You have blood on your face and lips. You must have found something to bite. You have to take me to it. Right now. I have to know.
You're wasting your time and my time both but okay if you want to know, just follow me.
Awesome. Okay so now we're where you got the blood. I am so excited! I can't wait to see what you bit.
Great. Slow down. Now, do you see that tree over there?
Yes, yes, I see the tree!
Good. Because I DIDN'T !!

 

by JimBT200
10-31-14
Spooky

 

by JimBT200
10-31-14
Spooky

 

by JimBT200
11-03-14
Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three
Two days left until you vote. Make it count.

 

by JimBT200
11-03-14
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. (Larry Hardiman)
Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. (Gore Vidal)
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. (Kin Hubbard)
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. (PJ O'Rourke)
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. (Will Rogers)
One more day left until you vote. Make it count.

 

by JimBT200
11-03-14
I've been voting since women got the vote. It's not only our right, it's our duty.
And it's a privilege as well. As citizens we are the example to the world that our vote counts, that democracy works.
Even though we are a Constitutional Republic, we have the democratic right to vote. We elect those we feel are most fit to represent us.
And when we are not able to go to the polls, we can cast our ballots in advance with early voting.
I can't vote yet, but I pay attention to the example my family sets for me. And I listen to their opinions and how they are formed so I can vote when I'm old enough.
So vote. No excuses, no explanations. Just vote.

 

by JimBT200
5-30-20
Did you get my package yet? I sent you some really cool stuff you can use for Mardi gras and Halloween!
I'll check with FedEX but thank you, that's very nice of you.
I might have mixed up the packages, the other one was for some lab or something. I can't remember and I don't feel so good.
You don't look so good either. Fever? Problems breathing?
So that's how it all started? Some bat somewhere? And now we all have to look like astronauts?
The smart ones. Until they come up with a treatment and a vaccine. I'm just a comic character so I'm okay.

 

by JimBT200
6-05-20
There is a lot going on in the world right now. And here at home there is so much to learn and support and use to grow personally.
We know there is anxiety and fear, we know that our senses are being overwhelmed.
But the world is changing. For the better. And we get to be part of it. Some of us will participate, some will just watch, but all of us have the chance to learn.
We can watch our elders as they support us. We can watch our children as they help create change. And we can give thanks to live in such interesting times.
Years from now 2020 wil be remembered as the start of something big, something global, something that betters all of manknid.
Get involved if you can. Read and listen and watch and learn if you can. Know that you are here now, part of this historic change. Give thanks for being here.

 

by JimBT200
1-14-25
Our thanks to Dan Delaney for kick-starting the new comics
eMail attachments were a problem a decade ago and you would think that everyone would know not to click on one today.
But you would be wrong. Want to know why?
In the past, as each new scam was discovered it received a huge number of shares and comments, warning everyone what not to do.
But today, over 50% of all posts on all social media are either scams, hacks, misinformation or something that should require fact-checking.
The next comic will show you the top terrible things going around in emails in 2025
This means that the floods of emails are 90% from an unknown.
And because we want speed and efficiency in this overwhelming barrage we begin checking and clicking without thinking.

Showing page 4.

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