All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
9-03-12
I'm so lonely....
.....inside Clint Eastwood's head....

 

by brycekain
9-03-12
This looks like a job for SUPER TAMPON!
And his trusty side kick Gyno-boy!
Why don't we get more pussy?
You'd think they'd be lining up to fondle our junk.

 

by brycekain
9-03-12
I want to slice you open and shit down your organs!
Looks like someone needs a HUG, Mr. Silly Pants! :)
Listen to me very carefully, because how you answer this next question will determine whether you live or die...
Are you a chick or a dude?

 

by brycekain
9-03-12
Pardon me, sir. I was wondering if I could ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage?
I don't have a daughter.
Oh, but you will after I knock up your wife with these gene-washed stem cell flowers. They're the latest thing out of Washington.
Fuckin' Obama.

 

by brycekain
9-05-12
There once was a Worm named runt.
Who did such a weird contest stunt.
The World's Worst it should be, but instead it was he...
...who made it into a CC instead.
Hey, that doesn't rhyme!
Fuck you, cunt.

 

by brycekain
9-16-12
Is he ever going to end this thing?
I think I just got my period.

 

by brycekain
10-03-12
So let me get this straight. You want me to dip this thermometer in crunchy peanut butter and pickle juice? Then what?
Then put it in my heiney...
FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!
You're a Republican, aren't you?
I don't see how that has any relevance.

 

by brycekain
10-10-12
BORK BORK BORK!
I must kill you in the name of saving money!
BORK BORK BORK SOCIALISM BORK BORK BORK!
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THIS COUNTRY FROM YOUR FUCKING GODLESS QUEER AGENDA! AAAAAAAAHH!
Good.....GOOOOD..... let the HATE flow through you, young Skywalker.....

 

by brycekain
10-12-12
But how could you be...?
WRONG HOLE!

 

by brycekain
10-14-12
Suicide hotline. How may I help you, sir?
I've been thinking about slitting my wrists and drowning myself in a bathtub.
A better option would be to swipe a gun from your dad's closet and shoot yourself in the temple.
um... wait, who the hell did I call?
Oh you got the number right, sir. It's my last day on the job so I don't really care. Anything else I can help you with or are you done whining?

 

by brycekain
11-11-12
Fuck.
Are you trying to seduce me with your...
Fuck.
WHAT? What are you trying to say??
Your pussy stinks.

 

by brycekain
11-13-12
The ultimate workout with Body by Jake! You want it? We got it.
What's this?
This workout is insane! The Tower 200 will totally transform the way you look and think! Order now!
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
Let's go, princess!
Ok now you're just being a dick.

 

by brycekain
11-17-12
Dammit.
You win again.
This is the last time I play Cock, Paper, Scissors.

 

by brycekain
11-17-12
You're kidding.
Nope.
Seriously?
Yep.
So every time my girlfriend fed me a "whisker biscuit"....??
They're not made by Keebler, buddy.

 

by brycekain
11-17-12
So.......
If you ask me about Richard Gere I'll fucking kill you.

 

by brycekain
11-18-12
All our Hostess products: Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Suzie Qs, Sno Balls, Fruit Pies...
...are no longer going to be made...
FUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUK!!!!

 

by brycekain
11-18-12
It says here you have a temperature of a hundred and one. My my my....
What does that mean?
I'm a hooker, not a nurse. You want a diagnosis? Go fuck Dr. Phil.

 

by brycekain
11-19-12
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....

 

by brycekain
12-01-12
bigworm, biped, Lord_Vodek, markbaland, PoonamRoy, ragu4u, RandomComicLayoutGuy, RCCOLAMAN, webspider, ZMannZilla...
These are the people who currently follow my comics. They're obviously smoking crack if they find my stuff funny.
So I want to personally thank their drug dealers.

 

by brycekain
12-03-12
Why are you late?
My 12 year old punched his younger autistic brother in the face this morning.
I was going to call the cops, but then I thought: Hey! At least he isn't drawing swastikas on his wall anymore....
Are you fucking with me?
God I wish. Is it too late to have an abortion?

 

by brycekain
12-03-12
So you gave that Ryan White kid AIDS back in the 80s. You reversed the death penalty in California right before Manson was to be executed...
...you made Lot suffer, you looked away on 9/11, and you let MTV make The Jersey Shore.
Yup.
What the fuck is your problem?
I get bored.

 

by brycekain
12-06-12
I got it!
We can call our band Vaginal Blood Fart!
BUCK-AW??
No no, turn back around. I'm about to fondle your egg hole.

 

by brycekain
12-13-12
According to these readings, Captain, we have arrived on Earth right as the apocalypse is occurring.
YES! And I will SMITE YOU with every ounce of strength I can MUSTER!
Excuse me, but aren't your hands nailed into that cross...?
Well ... yes ...
Then how did you cause all this destruction?
I ate at Taco Bell last night.

 

by brycekain
12-13-12
I'm the most beautiful girl you've ever met, right?
Yes......
And you said you'd never hurt me no matter what, right?
*sigh* Yes.....
Great, cause I'm pregnant and we're going on Maury to find out who the father is.
Time to evict some baby gravy.

 

by brycekain
12-13-12
Ok, and you say that the vehicle was just a blur when it almost hit you?
Buckaw...
And now you want me to beat your face in with my genitals and play with your giblets?
BUCK?! BUCK?!
I don't know how many Vegas male escorts you've hired in the past to role play in your twisted fantasies, but that will certainly be MORE than 2 dollars, sir.
Just bend me over and fuck me like a tofurkey.

 

by brycekain
12-13-12
♫♫ She's got AIDS! She knows how to use them... She never begs... she knows how to choose them... She's got a dime... all of the time... ♫♫
♫♫ Stays out at night... movin' through time... Oh, I want her... shit, I got to have her... The girl is alright... ♫♫
She's got LEGS, you drunk idiot!
No, my mom really does have AIDS.

 

by brycekain
12-19-12
Come on! Write the funniest comic EVER!!!
But, sir, you don't understand...
I understand completely. I kidnapped you from the writer's room at SnL headquarters and you are now going to write something funny for ME!
That's just it. I write for Saturday Night Live. We haven't been funny in decades.
Then write me a formulaic 3-step joke and beat it half to death until the audience barely laughs in hopes that another 9/11 will occur in their building.
So the usual then....

 

by brycekain
12-20-12
A burning cross and... sa-wastika, man...
Beautiful! Hey! Beautiful! Hey!
The Führer would love... this festival of...
The purest race! Hey! Purest race! Hey!
The burning of a cross is just a start, a start, a start, a start, a start.....
Oppan German Style!

 

by brycekain
12-24-12
Are you done yet?
Why the hell am I shitting blood??

 

by brycekain
12-29-12
Oh no. The skin is cold and shriveled up. Not much bloating.
I'm afraid this is not good at all, ma'am.
Well of course it's not good. He's dead.
No no, I mean his penis. It's the size of a green bean.
Look, am I going to get to ride this popsicle or can I get my money back?

 

by brycekain
12-30-12
How can you be dancing at a time like this??
I'm not. I popped a disc and now I'm stuck.
Oh.

 

by brycekain
12-30-12
Wow, Jim. You sure do take this Halloween stuff seriously.
Me name's not Jim, matey! I be the Captain of a stead fast vessel!
So what do they call you? Captain Twinkle Toes?
Look, if you're not going to get into this roleplaying stuff, I'm won't fist you at the airport bathroom anymore.

 

by brycekain
1-01-13
I am the Lord, thy God! It is time to pay for your sins, you heathen!
Paypal only.

 

by brycekain
1-01-13
Have you heard the Good Word?
Jesus is coming back and all must turn their hearts to him or face eternal damnation when the Rapture comes.
Wow. You guys have really stepped up your game lately.
Yeah, I'm just doing this to pay my way through college.

 

by brycekain
1-01-13
Is it just me or have your comics gotten a lot more retarded lately?
I seem to have hit a several month long writer's block and have been resorting to using the Random Comic button. Maybe it's because I'm married and I'm happy now.
I mean, I no longer have all that angsty, lonely anger to draw from anymore that made my comics biting. Maybe this is the end of BryceKain on StripCreator? Maybe it's time for me to move on...
Oh cry me a fuckin' river, you pussy.
I would give you AIDS if I could.

 

by brycekain
1-04-13
I see things that are unknown to meat and space modules.
A kind of desperate box-based pantaloon?
Free, my friend. Go be the chirping of blanket vague.
I am not understanding your Russel Crowe. Do I heed the envelope?
You can not ask me such delusions. Indians only make wiki pages at night.
This is some good shit.

 

by brycekain
1-04-13
My neighbor. You oppose my sanctions on your balls.
My balls do nothing wrong to you.
They ingest the very essence of my wrong. I do not like it. Veal free to make Spanish out of nothing. But mead obey you will do.
Is Bryce on dope?
I wish.
Just fucking go with it.
I don't get paid enough for this shit.

 

by brycekain
1-04-13
I dance in this great thing. AIDS of my mind is being for three. Come weed them out with me.
Ok, look motherfucker. I don't know what you think you re doing, but...
YOU ARE HARSH! Keyboards don't make sounds with your tone! Change and be pleasing to Circe!
You are a loving peat moss.
Hey, Macarena!

 

by brycekain
1-04-13
I'm not saying I'm a slut...
*ploop!*
I am.
Wash your crotch!

 

by brycekain
1-06-13
I am dirked. You sandwich bored femur.
AND WHAT? You think it's easy being a Dixie Chick?
I am what the forefathers have foretold. I ice the maybe potanga.
And now I'm dead.
God I have to fart.

 

by brycekain
1-06-13
...................................................................................................................AIDS.................................................................................
Wow! A heavy metal vulcan that sells politically incorrect talking christmas trees!? Can this latent homosexual fantasy get any better?

 

by brycekain
1-07-13
♫♫ Lump sat alone in a boggy marsh! Totally motionless except for her heart! Mud flowed up into lump's pyjammas! She totally confused all the passing piranhas! ♫♫
♫♫ She's lump! She's lump! She's in my head! She's lump! She's lump! She's lump! She might be dead... ♫♫
For the last time!!!!! I DID NOT WRITE THAT FUCKING SONG!!!!!

 

by brycekain
1-09-13
Just because you're a donor doesn't mean that you're funny.
But I just donated...
Shut up.

 

by brycekain
1-10-13
So it turns out the experimental treatment worked. The AIDS virus went in and killed the cancer, but now I have to take this AZT drug for the rest of my life.
What are the side effects?
I FUCKING HAVE AIDS!

 

by brycekain
1-15-13
Dear god. I didn't know anyone could make a smell like THAT.
Why do you keep queefing?

 

by brycekain
1-18-13
WE HAVE RIGHTS! IT'S CALLED THE SECOND AMENDMENT! *click*
THEY CAN HAVE MY GUN WHEN THEY PRY IT FROM MY COLD... DEAD... *click*
Fuck this, I'm going to the bedroom.
OH BABY! You've got a BIG GUN! Control me with it! YEAH! Show me your GUN CONTROL!
You gotta be shitting me.

 

by brycekain
1-24-13
BLAH! You have invited me into your house! Now I vill suck your blood!
Dressed like that? Boobaluh, you make me verklempt! And would it kill you to call your poor old mother once in a while?!
Ah crap, you're Jewish.

 

by brycekain
2-02-13
Good news, Mein Führer! We have almost eliminated all the Jews and we used that old pit like you asked.
Wait, what?
You said "Gib ihnen meine besten grube." So we gave them your best pit.
I said "Gib ihnen meine besten Grüße!" Give them my best REGARDS!
Oh.
Well this is awkward.

 

by brycekain
2-16-13
I'm pleased to say you've got the job. However, if you ever come to work with a smelly cunt...
Hold on, I'm a dude!
NO NO! CUT!
I thought this was supposed to be Death of a Salesman...?
I've never been so turned on.

 

by brycekain
3-04-13
For Christmas I want a camel. Yeah, a big camel. With bells on it. And put it in a dress so I can lift it up and ...
FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! YEAH! YOU LIKE THAT, DONTCHA, BITCH?!? YEAH! TAKE MY MAN GRAVY INTO YOUR WATERING HOLE! YEAH YEAH YEAAAAH!!!!!
You're with The Catholic Church, aren't you?
I don't see how that has any relevance.

Showing page 4.

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