All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
AT S.F.O. AIRPORT
(bad asian accent), "Rook! Rook! A redneck! A redneck!"
Oh,oh,-o! He is....redneck! Rook! Rook! A redneck!!
AT S.F.O. AIRPORT
(shocked/ confused), "WHO?? ME??!"
(more bad asian accent), "Jah you!", (statement) "You Redneck!"
*writer note: 'please read her part slow'
(now very Angry), "Give me a break! I seen at least 100 Kung Fu movies AND I OWN A WOK!! I AIN'T NO FUCKIN REDNECK!"
(talking to her other asian travelers),(yes more bad accent) "He such a redneck, that he no know that he a redneck"

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Hi son. I know I haven't been in your life for the last ...mm? 20 years oh so.
(stated flatly), "Nope. You didn't want nothin to do with me."
Well..my last wife...she..ah..left me..anddd..kinda took all of my money...and???
(interupts him), "..So your depressed! And now you want to play catch up! (sarcastically), for all those years you missed!"
(amused voice, with undertone of laughing), "Uh, not really. I was just wonderin if you could spare a few bucks for your dear 'ole Dad."
Still out for number one. I see that hasn't changed.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
I loves fried chicken! Yo man, what your favorite food?
Pussy! I eat it everyday!
That's nasty man. You do realize when you nut in the pussy dat, that shit be still dripping outta dat pussy for days!
Argf! (in shock), "You mean..all this time.. I been eating my own...?!
Yah man! YOU BEEN EATING YOUR OWN BABIES dude.
(puking)-ag, ag, argf, rrrrralph!!! ak,ak,ak.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
I loves fried chicken! Yo man, what your favorite food?
Pussy! I eat it everyday!
That's nasty man. You do realize when you nut in the pussy, dat, that shit be still dripping outta dat pussy for days!
Argf! (in shock), "You mean..all this time.. I been eating my own...?!
Yah man! YOU BEEN EATING YOUR OWN BABIES dude.
(puking)-ag, ag, argf, rrrrralph!!! ak,ak,ak.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
I pronounce you man and wife
I do solemly swear to take this man to honor and to hold. In sickness and in health. To cherish to the end of my days.
As do I promise to take this man to honor and to hold. In sickness and in health. To cherish to the end of my days.
You make kiss the bride
Giddy-up!
Yee-hah!
I just love weddings. Who would have thought movie theme weddings would be the new rage.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
I just don't get it?! How come no one is talking to eachother?!
(whispering)-Well...How can I say this?? Alright, I'll just say it. Sir, they are all afraid they'll look gay.
(yelling loudly so everyone can hear), "HOW THE FUCK WAS I TO KNOW THAT THEY WERE GONNA MAKE A FUCKIN GAY MOVIE ABOUT COWBOYS!"
It's called "Broke Back Mountain" sir.
(yelling again), "I picked the party theme BEFORE they made the movie! That's it! Next year let that girl from accounting pick the Fuckin theme!
(condisendedly), "Don't mind him folks he's ...ah 'sensitive', I told you all if we support him now during his time of transition that I'm sure he will give us raises later.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
(excitedly)- New tattoo! Cool man!
(smugly)-Yah. I just got it.
(quizzingly)-What does it mean?
(pissed off) "Nothin!" (speaking slowly like he's talking to a retard) "IT'S A TAT-TOO!"
Uhmm? Did it hurt?
(trying to be cool) "Fuck Yaahh!"

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Looking deep into the mirror
(shocked) "YOU AGAIN!" (now suddenly in a trance) "Ok. What do you want me to do today?"
(Hypnotizingly)-First go to the liquor store and buy something to drink. Then start drinking. When you get a Really good buzz, you will know longer have to see me.
Looking thru the mirror
You will hear me in your head, but it will no longer be my voice telling you what to do. It will be your own voice. A very strong subconscious voice. You must do what it says!
bar close
You seem pretty fucked up! Well, that's okay. I only live a couple blocks from here.
('That' voice)-"Yah nice tits! I'm gonna fuck the hell outta this little bitch"

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Dude! Let'z sing a old Metallica song from their first album KILL 'EM ALL!
"Fuck yah!" (screaming) "Do unto others! As they done to you!"
(screaming)-But what the hell is this! World coming too!
(screaming)-Fight fire with fire! Fight fire with fire!
Man! That is a cool fuckin song!
Fuck yah! That album rocked!

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
(saying it kind of silly) "Howdy mam. I have delivery for you."
"Hehe." (Saying flirtingly) "Well sir. What might that be?"
(saying it very sexually) "3 pounds of pork lady."
(seductively) "Well maybe I better marinate that first."
an hour later
Whew! That was good. Next time I'll pretend to be a vacuum cleaner salesman. And you ask him to show you how the 'hose' works. Hehe.
Yah baby real good! This role playing sure has spiced up our sex life!

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Today's top story in an unprecedent move. Over 24,000 U.S. public schools are now teaching Mandarin Chinese to it's grade school students.
(yelling)-Honey! Listen to this! They just said on the news that they are now teaching all the public school kids Chinese!
(far away voice)-Why would they want them to learn Chinese?! Kids now 'n days can't even learn English?
And in another story. The U.S. gross domestic product is at a all time low. We now import 1000 x's the amout we export to China.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
As overheard in The White House
(China's ambassodor)-Mr. President your country imports 1000x's the product it exports to China. Your entire economy is built on Chinese imports!
(The President)-Yes. I am quite aware of that Mr. Ambassodor.
As overheard in The White House
(ambassodor)- Our well funded lobbyists have all of Congress in our pockets. We have bought all of the world's gold futures. The American dollar is now practically worthless!
(The President)-Well...we see China as our friends to the east. We look forward to a long lasting business relationship built on peace and prosperity for both our countrys.
As overheard in The White House
(ambassodor)-Mr. President time to cut the shit! The Cold War was never over! The only thing that changed was the battlefield! And we kicked your ass! We now own the U.S.!
(The President)- I knew this was going to eventually happen! Ever since the day my astrologer told me MikeTyson got that tattoo of Chairman Mao!

 

by daddydoright
2-05-06
cybersex chat room
Yes! I just turned 18! My parents went away on vacation. Come over now and fuck my tight virgin pussy! I will leave the front door open and I will be lying on the bed, ready for you!
over an hour later
I wonder if I made the right decision giving my cherry to someone I actually never met before?
Alright, dang-nabbit! I came from plumb near across the street. I been waiting 18 years for this fruit to ripen and now it's picking time!
Mr. Cod-jer?! But like I've know You like since I was a kid. Well? I guess, like I would no if you were bad at it anyway. So take me old man.

 

by daddydoright
2-05-06
Let's all pray for him. There has been enough violence, enough hatred. Let us pray that he doesn't do what he said he would do. Amen
Wow, you people are really serious!
Stop! Naughty boys don't get any presents!
but Santa, I was just trying to be funny?
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! I knew you would chicken out!
I ain't doing it. Those people are wack and besides I want presents next year.

 

by daddydoright
2-05-06
I don't get it. My followers don't get as rialed up when my image is defamed.
See that's the whole point. That's where you messed up. We made it a law that any image of me is against our religious law.
Yah, but we were thinking that even the most uneducated of our followers could follow the jist of our religion with some images.
Yah I see where your coming from. You see you should of trademarked that image. Otherwise you leave yourself open to all these knockoffs trying to cash in.
Smart! Very smart. I see why your francise took off as well as it did.
Francise nothing! When it comes to religion we practically rewrote the book!

 

by daddydoright
2-05-06
SUPERBOWL 41
SUPERBOWL 45
SUPERBOWL 54

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
Mike Tyson you were the world's heavyweight boxing champion. Arguably many at the time thought you were the new greatest boxer of all time. Mike. What happened?
Well Ted. (lisp)-Itsssz a kon-speer-issy.
Many boxing historians attribute your downfall to the death of Cus D'Amato or the women, time in prison, your drug and or alchol use. You mean to tell us that wasn't it?
(lisp)- Deff-in-noot-ley Ted. It's all so poe-lit-a-kal. It all started after I got my Mao tattoo. You see the government was afraid I was dabbling in politics like another greatboxer once did.
Oh. Of course you mean the greatest boxer of the 20th century. The Legend, Mr. Muhammed Ali!
No! I meant Popeye! Don't you remember the famous political boxing story?! You see Popeye was campaigning and Brutus was too. Only Brutus used dirty tricks and nearly won. Till Popeye ate his Spinach.

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
Excuse me father. Is that your brand new Cadillac double parked in front of my rusted out 93 Geo Prism?
Oh Yes my son. I'm so sorry I'll move it.
Oh I just love my new Caddy! Wouldn't you say that the best smell in the whole wide world is a new car smell?!
Well gee father I really don't know?
Ohh! I understand my son. Your trying to be modest. Go ahead, you can tell me I wasn't always a priest. Haha.
No, it's not that father. It's just that I never smelled a new car before. I'm not rich like you.

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
loud unintelligable language
Bloop ik ank mar, ah-ma zoob ee ka-nar! Pee zit A-loop-ee-ah!
Agg look-ah mee noop-ahh per zoon-dah kissss!
laaggggggh-piggahh boo! Zippy lu-lu-lew pinnng dop!
HELLO! I could not help but hear your shouting for the last 20 minutes! Do you know Shutta?!
SHUTTA?!! Maybe, maybe! I think I know him. What is his full name?
SHUTTA--HELLUP!

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
I don't get it! Look at them down there! What's wrong with them!
What do you mean Lord?!
Well just look at the Muslims! You even draw a semi-so-so blasphemus cartoon and they are ready to kill! What's wrong with my followers?! Why aren't they so loyal?! I died for them!
Well my Lord I know you remember. You are a 'forgiving' God.
Ah yes! Right! I am! But that didn't stop 'em during the crusades, now did it!
Well times have changed my Lord. Anglos were more active then, not having cable TV and all.

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
surprise delivery package
Oh how sweet my boyfriend sent me one of those Valentines Day theme teddy bears!
Open the box. Let's see what the teddy bear's theme is. Last year my boyfriend got me the Harley theme bear. He had a little leather jacket and little studded combo dildo/whip for me!
opening box
Oh look! It's the Redneck bear! Aw see he's got a little stained wife beater t-shirt on and yellow piss stained boxers!
Oh let me see! Hey what's this falling out of the back of his boxers?! Little Hershey Kisses!
He so reminds me of my boyfriend except one thing.
Oh! I know! I know! He's not drunk and I know the bear will stay only in my bed at night!

 

by daddydoright
2-07-06
Yo man! I can't beleive you fucked 'Sasquatch Shirley'!
Yah so. I had the light out.
Man that chick's face is so ugly, that she's fugly! Dude, how could you fuck that?!
You don't fuck the face, my man. And besides that pussy was bee-yoot-ta-full!
(thinking)-Really??! hmmm. Wow! That pussy was that good, huh? Hey man mind if I hit that shit too!
No Man! Get your own ugly chick! This one's mine!

 

by daddydoright
2-08-06
cell's ringtone playing
Dude! That has got to be the gayest ringtone I've ever heard! Shit! To think I thought I knew you! Man the guys aren't gonna beleive this!
Hey!! I just bought the fucking phone! Really! I didn't even get a chance to program it yet!
Ok, let's find a hardcore song that'll show what a bad mother I really am. How 'bout a Gangster Rap ringtone, yah that'll work. $5!! Oh well it'll be worth it.
Gangster rap ringtone playing
Yah, that's right, I'm bad. You can't deny it. I can see your scared. I'm cool.
Wow! This mofo is wac! All over the place. Better watch my back. We'll have to jump his ass later on.

 

by daddydoright
2-08-06
looking into a mirror
Sob! I wish I weren't so ugly. Maybe then I could get me a man.
tv commercial playing
Dove products are dedicated to showing All women that they are Beautiful! -(sappy music plays)
That's it! I'm buying a whole lotta Dove so I'll be Loved!!
Wow this broad sure is ugly. But shit she's been buying me beers all night. And right now I'd fuck a knot hole! Besides she smells good. I'll just put the flag over her face and fuck her for old glory
Hiccup! Oh I can see that look in his eye, I do beleive I'm going to get laid. Thanks Dove!

 

by daddydoright
2-08-06
Life is sooo beautiful. I Love people. I Love feeling alive. I Love being in Love. Yes I do.
I'm not afraid to live life to it's fullest.
My turn to fuck the drunk ho! This freaky slut goes home with a different brother everynight! Shit this bitch is like a apple pie at a family reunion everybody gets a piece.
What's that you mumbling! You want to know my name?! Shit my name is the only brother in the bar who hasn't fucked you yet! Tonight bitch, I'm changin my name!
And I'm Not Afraid To Fall In Love Every Night Of The Week!

 

by daddydoright
2-08-06
(mad & jealous)- "All I hear is Kill For Allah! Kill For Allah!"
Why my Lord I do believe your ...jealous?!
(very irate)-"WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO KILL FOR JESUS?!!"
Well my Lord I beleive it stopped about the time of the invention of the Television.
(remenising)-But remember Lord it wasn't always like this? Millions perished in the name of Christianity during the Crusades.
Ahhh yes. Those were the good ole days.

 

by daddydoright
2-08-06
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s grave
Here we are son at a great man's resting place. A man who tirelessly worked for peace, a man who dedicated and yes gave his life so that you may have a chance at a better one.
Wow!
A man that stood up for what he believed in and gave others the courage to do so. A man that beleived in you and your right to succeed! I'll leave you alone, so you can words with the great man.
What'z up my niggah?!
groan!

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
Inside Vatican offices
We need a new advertising campaign to get people back to church. Our 4th quarter revenue numbers are way down. So that's why we brought in your advertising firm.
Well our advertising company has put alot of research into this. We've come up with that it's not so much you need more Christians but need to revitalize the dimished faith of the non-practicing ones.
Inside Vatican offices
Exactly, our records show that we now have millions of non-practicing Christians. How exactly do you expect to bring them back into the fold.
With our new advertising campaign and catchy slogan!
Inside Vatican offices
Which is?
WHAT IF IT'S REAL?

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
Sir, why are you and your group protesting outside "STARBUCKS"?
Because "STARBUCKS" is anti-Christian!
How did you come to that conclusion?
Well, First their name "STAR-BUCKS" is obviously a clear reference to the devil's witchcraft, astrology! And secondly, look at their logo! Obviously a pagan Wiccan witchcraft symbol!
(thinking)-Hmm? He does have a point! Maybe that is why it is so addicting! I've been put under a spell by drinking witches brew! That's it, I'm going back to McDonald's WD-40 tasting brew!
Me, I don't drink coffee. It's Jesus juice at work and when I want to relax it's straight Irish Whiskey right out of the bottle.

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
movie execs., Hollywood
With all the publicity of "BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN" at the box office and at the Academy awards we need to cash in why it's still hot! I want ideas for new gay movies!
How about "BACK DOOR CHARLIE AND THE CHOCHALATE FACTORY?"
movie execs., Hollywood
I think that's a little to over the top. What else you got?
How about a BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN sequel?
movie execs., Hollywood
Title?!
BROKE BUTT MOUNTAIN-This Time It's Serious!

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
motorcycle traffic stop
Aw shit! I hope he didn't pull me over for my Harley's loud pipes.
motorcycle traffic stop
Why'd you stop me officer? Any problems?
You do realize that your wife fell off the back of your motorcycle a few miles back don't you?
motorcycle traffic stop
Whew!! I was getting scared I was going deaf! I haven't heard her bitch for at least two minutes!!
Good thing he's wearing a t-shirt that says on the back "If you can read this the bitch fell off" or I never would of known!

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
Cat's checkup at the vet
(walking in)- Sooo! What brings you and Mr. Cuddles here today?
Well, I don't know how to say this, but I think my cat is gay.
Cat's checkup at the vet
(laughs to himself)-Ah hum! What in the world gave you this idea?
Well, I have another male cat named Brutus and I keep catching him humping Mr. Cuddles.
Cat's checkup at the vet
(looking thru papers on clipboard)- I see by looking at Mr. Cuddles records he is a indoor house cat. Well that explains it! You see Mr. Cuddles isn't really gay. He's just prison gay.
Oh! I'm so relieved! Thankyou doctor!

 

by daddydoright
2-09-06
(authoritative sounding voice)-Just remember class. It's never to late to learn.
boy raises his hand
(suspicious voice)-Yes Jimmy. You have a question?
What if you have dementia or Alzheimers or severe brain damage?
last weekends visit with grandma
Get the stick grandma. Come on get the stick!
Get the stick your self! You little fuckin smartass!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
I just don't get it man! Why are they hiring all these illegal Mexicans to do our jobs?
I don't know dude. Hey wanna get high? I got some killer ditch weed!
Don't we usually wait for break to get high?
Yah, but I just scored this ghan-jah from Phil on the dock! This shit is premo, not like that skunk weed we've been doing!
How right you are maestro! I'll meet you on the dock in five!
Right on! You know what they say, "A friend with weed, is a friend indeed!".

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Hi I'm your new theraphist. Let's just look at your medical records here. (looking, reads, then upset) I see your last therapist killed himself just after you told him your life story!
(calmly) Yes, yes that sounds about right.
When then suppose we take this a bit slower, shall we. You tell mee little bits and pieces of your life story. You know the little 'truths' that you feel like sharing today.
(screams) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Well than by all means lie. I really don't care and I'm not really listening anyway. I'm just seeing how dysfuntional you are so that I know what meds. to put you on.
In that case give me your most highly narcotic and addictive pills with the highest street drug sale value!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
doorbell rings
I can't wait to get my new pet monkey. He's trained to help handicap people like me do chores and retreive things I cannot reach. (ring) says "Come In!)
Sir here is your pet monkey. He's already been trained. All you have to do is give him commands and he'll do them. Enjoy! Good luck. Bye! (door slam)
Monkey get me a beer! Cool! Monkey get me a beer! Monkey get me another beer! hiccup. Monkey get me some chips! Monkey another beer!! Monkey get my Hustler! Monkey another beer pronto!
panting, huffing and puffing, sweating, wheezing, groaning!
MONKEY GET!..
Ow! Monkey stop! Ouch! Monkey I'm sorrrrrry! Waahhh!
Monkey kick your fuckin lazy ass! I ain't your mother fuckin slave, get it yourself!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Sir! Please sign our petition to FREE TIBET!
Where the hell is Tibet?
(confused) Ah? Ahh? I honestly don't know?
(sarcastically) Then why in the world do you want to free it?
Because I like the way the bumper sticker looked! It reminds me of smoking weed, all trippy colors and farout designs!
(sarcastically) Your stoned right now aren't cha hippie?!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Hello my child. Did you call me to meet with you because you wanted to talk about some pre-wedding jitters? If so don't worry I get that alot from brides to be.
No father, that's not it. It's my fiance. (Sob) He wants me to change my name!
Oh, and you want to keep your maiden name? I understand with this new feminism movement some women are starting to do this. But You have to understand some men are sill old fashioned.
No father that's not it! (sobbing) I don't want to keep my maiden name and he doesn't want me to take HIS name either!
Then what name does he want you to take my child?!!
(wailing) HIS GIRLFRIENDS! Wahhhhh!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Please sign our petition!
What's it for?!
To free Tibet!
(smugly) Who'se he?!!
(shrugs) Fuck if I know. But I get to smoke alot of weed and fuck tons of hippy chicks by pretending to care.
(rushs over) Where Do I Sign!!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Hey there officer, hee, hee. Can I ask you a question. Hee, hee.
Sure go right ahead kid.
Hee,hee. You ever have to 'draw' your weapon? Hee, hee.
Yes. As a matter of fact I did.
Hee hee. Did you have to use a mirror when you were drawing it. Hee hee.
Hmmm? I don't get it??

 

Heyyyy!! Slow down buddy or I'm gonna have to cut you off!! You drink like a fucking fish!
by daddydoright, 2-11-06

 

(drunk) "To Alll My FRIENNNNNNNDS!!"
by daddydoright, 2-11-06

 

(bartender) "We Don't Allow Your Kind In Here!"
by daddydoright, 2-11-06

 

brrrrrhhh!
by daddydoright, 2-11-06

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
What ever happened to the spirit of Lenny Bruce?
Taking chances in comedy. Shocking the audience into thinking?
(detective) "Are you getting this all down?"
Every word of it!

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
I want to suck your blood!
You want to suck my what? Honey.
Your blood!
Hey cheeks, get this. Necro over here wants to suck my blood.
Well for god sakes. Let him before he finds out your HIV positive.
Heaven knows no one in here will!

 

The damm ice machine is outta ice again! But I stole some towells from the maids cart!
I ordered a porno for us to watch. Hey hon, get me a beer too!
by daddydoright, 2-11-06

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
Ho! Ho! Ho!
You called Santa?
Get outta the way bitch! Santa was calling me!
Oh Santa, you didn't forget me now did you?

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk!
What are you calling me chicken?!
All right I'll ask. Excuse me are you a man or a woman?
Depends on who's asking.
What did 'it' say?
It didn't give me a clear answer? But one thing for sure it's gay.

 

by daddydoright
2-11-06
LEGAL ALIEN
"I like to pay these back taxes I owe. But I seemed to have misplaced my social securtiy card though." (wink,wink)
Oh don't worry we'll get you a new one in a jiffy!!
ILLEGAL ALIEN
Senor I cleaned the bathroom muey good.
Good! We got 16 other rooms for you to clean! Vah-ah-mos!

Showing page 4.

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