All comics by Broly

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by Broly
1-15-02
Hello there, prostitute. I was wondering if you'd care to pleasure me for money. Of course, I'd only do so if I knew you were free of disease.
Oh yes. I'm just about the cleanest whore around.
Great! Say, what are those syphillitic protrusions lining your vagina?
Those aren't syphillis, those are the clap!
Pardon?
Uh, I mean, clap for my vagina. Yaaaay vagina!

 

by Broly
1-20-02
Greetings all three loyal fans, we're implementing fan mail to spice up the place up, here goes!
"Dear BB'ers, what is with this Tobor person? Isn't his cornholing of others a malicious and unkind act? From, Steve McCheesohan."
Good question. The infamous Tobor is an expert at corning various holes, and he's contributed greatly to important works of art. Goatse man, for example.

 

by Broly
1-20-02
Could you do me a big favor and clean the sink for me? It's getting grimey.
Consider it done, young ward.
A few hours later
Ok, the fact that you didn't clean the sink doesn't bother me too much. However, the dump you took in there irks me.
You never said I couldn't take a dump in the sink.
Yes, I did! Several times! I tell you each and every day not to take a dump in the sink. I'm starting to think you don't listen to me.
What was that? I didn't hear you. I was planning my next sink dumping expedition.

 

by Broly
1-26-02
Your eyes are looking unusually bulbous today.
I've been doing alot of crying. Can you believe they cancelled 3rd Rock from the Sun?
Yes. In fact, I believe that happened a year or two ago.
Jumping Jesus on a Triscuit, what are you, some sort of time-travelling policeman!
Okay, that's the last week long John Lithgow/Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon you're going to watch.
Y'see, one guy brutally harmed someone with punches, the other with hammy acting. Guess which one is which!

 

by Broly
1-27-02
It's snowing!
Wow, I couldn't tell, I'm blind.
There's no need for sarcasm.
No, really. You know how parents always tell you to not sit close to the television? They knew what they were talking about.
I still think you're bluffing.
Who said that! Is that... you, grandfather?

 

by Broly
1-31-02
Should I take you to a doctor?
A doctor? Why?
Your blindness, and all. I thought maybe you should get a checkup.
Oh, that! It's no problem at all. See, I just occasionally go blind for no reason at all. I'm quite fine.
Phew, that's a re...
Huh! Who said that?

 

by Broly
2-02-02
Now that the holiday season has well come to a close, we all would like to once more wish you a final Merry Christmas.
What are you doing, trying to get our asses sued off!
What are you talking about?
These days, you can't just wish people a Merry Christmas. You have to accomodate all different holidays, or else you're being discriminatory.
Fine then. Happy Holidays every...
Too late! I can sense Johnnie Cochran closing in on our position. Quick, to the batmobile!

 

by Broly
2-04-02
Yay, the Super Bowl is on!
I am so excited, I may or may not harm you!
That's... good. I like the Patriots, how about you?
I will be rooting for the Chicago Bears. They're my favorites.
Not to rain on your parade, but the Bears aren't in the Super Bowl.
Maybe not in your perverted communist regime, but they are here in America!

 

by Broly
2-04-02
I'm so excited, the Patriots were victorious in a close and entertaining game!
Yes, as was my favored team, the Bears!
For the last time, the Bears weren't victorious, they didn't even compete.
They didn't win, but they didn't lose! And by that mode of logic, I rest my case.
What the hell are you talking about? You're making absolutely no sense.
Ah, but I'm not making no un-nonsense, am I!

 

by Broly
2-04-02
Say, is that an Xbox you're playing there?
I was, until it locked up.
How did that happen?
Probably just a fluke. It's a finely tuned machine, with excellent capabilities and games.
I'm assuming a molecule of dust landed on it? *snicker*
Yeah, that's probably the reason. That's what caused it earlier to... Hey! Quit dissing it, man!

 

by Broly
2-05-02
What are you eating?
Fried chicken pizza, smothered in mayonnaise.
That's terrible for you. If you keep eating like that, It'll kill you!
That's a chance I'm willing to take.
65 years later
Remember when you were eating that stuff that would kill you, and I criticized you about it?
Boy do I. Those were the days.

 

by Broly
2-09-02
Guess whose birthday it is!
Robert Duvall?
Mine?
Honestly, yours, come on. It's my birthday!
Oh, well that's good then.
Yours, is that all?
Wow guys, thanks for all the support.
Don't mention it.
I still think this is a trick question and that it's my birthday.

 

by Broly
2-09-02
So, how do you plan on celebrating?
Enjoying cake with the family. A nice day at home and all. We might go out to a restaurant tomorrow.
That sounds good.
These birthdays sound pretty righteous.
That they are.
SO WHEN DO I GET MINE, BITCH!

 

by Broly
2-12-02
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.
Lucky you. I don't go to the dentist anymore.
Why?
I had to leave permanently after the whole gassing and physical invasion thing.
I'm sorry. That must've been very traumatizing for you.
Tell me about it. I didn't use too much gas on him, I wore a condom, and they still get pissy!

 

by Broly
2-19-02
Go fetch me my pipe, fool child.
You don't need to insult me, you know.
As a matter of fact, I do. You see, early in the 10th century, the beginning line of the Tudors...
Four and three half hours later
... and then came the fall of the Hoh Chi Minh regime. Which is why I must insult you constantly.
With logic like that, I should've started insulted myself years ago!

 

by Broly
2-19-02
I got you a special present for Valentine's Day. A heart-shaped box of chocolates.
How ludicrously sweet!
Thanks! Did you get me anything?
As a matter of fact, I did. I attained an actual heart for you as a symbol of my affection.
That's... nice.
I couldn't completely disconnect it from the cow, but if anything that's an an added bonus!

 

by Broly
2-19-02
What's that you're watching on the telly there?
Must see TV, of course. I never miss it.
Must See TV, you say. That's pretty interesting, because that appears to be pornography.
Why would you say that, unnaturally close associate?
Perhaps I'm just mistaking this particular scene in which four people seem to be engaging in acts of sexual intercourse with each other.
It's a common mistake. Those NBC producers make these shows too intellectual for low-brow plebians like yourself.

 

by Broly
2-24-02
The end of the Olympic games is the end of a display of incredible athleticism and sportsmanship.
Yeah, except for the part where Russia was whining.
Well, that, but except for that...
And when that Korean guy was bitching.
Fine, you made your point, everyone moaned and complained like small children, are you happy?
Actually, no. I didn't get to run about naked at these Olympics. My streak of consecutive Olympics in which I flashed at was broken.

 

by Broly
2-26-02
The word for today is "Homo Sapiens".
Oh yeah, I'm sure this won't turn out low brow.
Homo Sapien is the term for the most recent evolutionary stage of mankind.
I'm surprised, that was actually an intelligent definition.
... Not to be confused with men who take it up the ass.

 

by Broly
3-01-02
I almost forgot, I'd like to give credit to the originators of that joke, Dex and Mel.
Who're they?
Yes, I must know as well, the fate of Donny Osmond!
They're both very good friends of mine. And they're both quite humorous to boot.
That's right, I remember them! You have a crush on one of them.
I'm guessing Dex.
Whoa! No offense to Big D, but I prefer the robust women-ness of females.
Good, all the more Dex for me!

 

by Broly
3-03-02
Have you ever seen the back of a 20 dollar bill?
Yes.
Have you ever seen the back of a 20 dollar bill... ON WEED?!?!
Yes.
Oh, alright. Just asking.
No prob.

 

by Broly
3-06-02
My balls have been looking grimy as of late, where's the ball washer?
I'm sick and tired of people using that perverted and hackneyed golf joke.
Golf joke?

 

by Broly
3-09-02
*ding*
What was that?
Just some food I put in the microwave.
But, from my vantage point, it looks as if the door is open to the microwave!
Oops! Sorry, my bad. I hope that won't cause any problems.
Not at all, I'm sure. It'll just OPEN A RIFT IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!
Just about everything screws up the continuum these days. Must be that whole ozone deal.

 

by Broly
3-09-02
I seriously doubt something like leaving the microwave door open while it is running will cause something as drastic as...
Jesus, you were right. We're trapped in a space time flux, and are doomed!
We're doomed, but at least I'll die being right. Woohoo!

 

by Broly
3-12-02
Which conference are the Seahawks in again?
The same conference as former AFC champion teams Broncos, Titans, and Ravens.
You'll need to clarify a bit more.
The AFC.
Stop being so vague and tell me, jerk.
*sigh*

 

by Broly
3-14-02
Man, this space-time rift is annoying. It's destabilizing my DNA structure and tearing the very fabric of me apart.
Yeah. And the dollar doesn't go as far here. That's certainly a bummer.
What the hell do you mean, the value of the dollar is different here?
Isn't this England?
No... it's a rift in the space-time continuum. It's beyond our comprehension of dimensions and transcends our understanding.
So, how does that translate in exchange rates? Peso, Rupee, what?

 

by Broly
3-21-02
By the by, there's this large-eyed fellow behind you. He rivals even my eye largeness.
Wow, rivalling of your eye size? This I gotta see!
Holy crap!
Yeah, hey there, Willy?
So, who's the grey chump?
Guy I met in heaven. Y'know, we played video games, drank some coffee, competed in an afterlife tournament to decide the fate of the universe. That sorta thing.

 

by Broly
3-29-02
You must understand that when you fooled with the toaster, you tore open a massive rip in the fabric of all existence, threatening all living things in existence!
Wait, wasn't it an open microwave?
It was a microwave, right?
That or one helluva disfigured collander.
Fine, I'm not familiar with your species' kitchen appliances. At least my race has perfected thermonuclear fusion, so nyah!
Oh yeah? Well we have... Barry Manilow!

 

by Broly
3-31-02
Now, if you want to save the universe, you'll have to go back and close microwave door.
Is that all?
Yep.
Sounds simple.
Oh, it is. Did I mention how the rift originated from the microwave, and that a gigantic evil monster now resides there?
No. And I hope you continue not to.

 

by Broly
3-31-02
Hooray, it's April Fool's Day!
Yay! The day where incompetent fools like you parade about and evantually are stoned!
Actually, that's not a holiday. See, on April Fool's you play jokes on friends. Like putting a fake ice cube with a bug in it in a friend's drink.
Oh, I know what that's like. This one time, I stabbed this guy and he bled to death.
... That's not a very good joke.
Strange, he said that, too.

 

by Broly
4-01-02
So, essentially, if you can defeat the monster and close the microwave, all will return to normal.
Shouldn't be overly difficult.
Except that you'll have to plummet through near perpetual alternate realities until you re-align with your own.
Huh? What do you mean by...
*SHAZAM*
... alternate realities?
Hurry Mr. President. The cabinet is awaiting your decision.

 

by Broly
4-06-02
What do you mean by Mr. President, Alfonz?
Sir, My name isn't Alfonz, it's Roger. And you're the current President.
Oh yeah? If I'm the President, then who's my Vice-President?
As your running mate you selected Fred Durst. Lord knows why. Stupid wigger.
Well, at least I'm still me... hey! If this is a new reality, how do you know about my wiggerisms!
Your brutally overpowering wiggerness goes beyond all limits of reality.

 

by Broly
4-08-02
*KERBLAMO*
Wow, hey God. why'd you call for me? Up for some hacky sack?
Jeepers, am I ever! I mean, no. See, to reach your own reality, you must destroy all other realities.
... That doesn't really make much sense.
Well, tough for you. I'm God.
Big fan of the One, are ya?
Jet Li so rocks my world.

 

by Broly
4-10-02
*FO SHIZZLE*
Christ I'm tired of those sound effects. Well Alfonz...
Roger.
*FO SHIZZLE*
Whatever. We need to destroy this world to plow through to other realities until we reach our own. Any ideas?
You're the President, and thusly are in control of a number of nuclear warheads, capable of blowing up the world.
*FO SHIZZLE*
Yes! That'll work perfectly!
Huh? What will?

 

by Broly
4-12-02
(Note: I accidentily copied the opening explosion throughout the strip. Now, back to the zany!)
Well, what's the plan, kemosabe?
I'll just hit this button, launching the nukes and destroying this world...
*SHAZBATADOOWAM*
One down and... uh, indefinite to go. Where the hell am I now?
Hello, stranger. Welcome to Waterworld.

 

by Broly
4-20-02
Ah, Waterworld, like the Kevin Costner movie?
Kevin who?
Waterworld was a movie starring Kevin Costner, and the situation was a world covered in water. Here, I have a copy.
Oh yeah, that movie.
And thusly, the copy of Waterworld was distributed. Upon watching it, the entirety of this dimension decided to detonate their planet's core, for even resembling such a pathetic and crappy film.
At least some good came from that movie, Jesus.

 

by Broly
4-23-02
Time for the next... gadzooks! My devilishly evil yet stunningly handsome clone!
Muhahah, that's right! I shall now destroy you and rule the...
What the fu...
Ok, pardon my french, but what's going on?
This is our original universe. I just created a carbon clone of you to screw with your head and I just detonated it. Hey, at least it's less confusing than that Megaman comic.

 

by Broly
4-29-02
Well, I reckon it's about time we confront that evil monster thing. Perhaps it'll just be right over in this direction.
Sweet Jesus knockin' boots with Tonya Harding, it's...
That's right!
God' evil twin brother!
Honestly, does it ever stop being contrived?

 

by Broly
5-06-02
Funniest thing happened to me today. Sat down on my favorite chair and a beartrap clamped onto my ass.
That's a dilly of a pickle.
Yeah. I was thinking perhaps you could help me out of it.
Why should I do that?
I'm assuming you own and set it, considering it says "propery of: Alfonz" on it, and I found your plans for snaring me with it on the dresser.
You make a very good case, but unfortunately Sailor Moon is on right now. And you know how I am about missing Sailor Moon.

 

by Broly
5-07-02
So, you're God's evil twin brother, and you plan on destroying the universe.
Yes! My power is limitless, and noone can stop me! Muhaha!
How about I close that microwave door that caused all the problems and returned you to your warped parallel dimension?
Um, you could do that... but I could give a nerf football instead!
I stole that off your person long ago. Time for banishment!
Curse you meddling kids! Well, kid. But curse you nonetheless!

 

by Broly
5-28-02
So, how'd the whole universe saving whatever?
Went good. Killed him, sent 'em to hell. Was rather anti-climactic
Meanwhile, in hell, God's evil twin and the grim reaper plot...
Muhahaha, yes, our evil scheme shall decimate the planet that has wronged us!
Got any fours?
Nope. Go fish. Beeyotch!

 

by Broly
5-28-02
Ah, the choices of being in an RPG. I have you, a holy healing Cleric priest or whatever. And that buff warrior dude
Fine muscles has he, yes.
Uh, sure. Now to fill one more roster spot. Either that thief, or the mage.
The thief possesses useful field spells, and high agility. But the mage has powerful support and attack spells.
Those are valid points.
But when it comes down to it, who has the better ta-tas?

 

by Broly
5-28-02
You're mighty perverted for a holy man.
I'm Catholic.
You aren't very perverted for a Catholic.

 

by Broly
5-28-02
Okay Mage chick, what can you offer the team?
I am knowledgable in the magical arts. I can improve the attacking power of my group, or utilize powerful fire or ice spells to destroy monsters swiftly.
And what can you contribute Thiefy?
I can suck dick like a bat out of hell.
Ding ding, we have a winner!

 

by Broly
5-31-02
Finally, the rubble from the World Trade Center towers has been cleared.
That it has.
It's truly a testament to the enduring human spirit to absorb the anguish of such a tragedy and carry on through it. Think of all the rubble to sift through.
Yes, it... wait, rubble?
Yeah, millions upon millions of tons of metal and other assorted debris.
Jeepers, and I wasn't informed of this prime wreckage I could add to my collection! Which way to this towers thingy?

 

by Broly
5-31-02
I won the lottery, I won the lottery!
That's fantastic! How much money did you win?
It's not a "money" lottery, per se, but rather a "beat you senseless" lottery.
Oh... well, you did win it fair and square.
I certainly did. Now fetch my harming paddle, boy!
Always with the harming paddle.

 

by Broly
6-04-02
I hate doing my taxes!
What the hell are you talking about? I always do your taxes.
Oh. Then I hate pummeling you until you do my taxes.
No you don't. You cackle with glee while hurting me.
Hmm... then I hate Irish people!
Whoa, we're trying to insult federal taxing and joke about hurting others, not get sued.

 

by Broly
6-14-02
Crisis in the middle east, negatively fluctuating economy, the whole Martian invasion thing, this world is going to pot.
I'll say, the... Martian invasion?
Yeah, when the Martians attacked us and stuff.
We're not being attacked by Martians.
Well, it's only a matter of time considering our screwed up economic state!
You need to stop getting your news from the National Enquirer.

 

by Broly
6-22-02
I like to play Monopoly. Do you like any board games?
I like Jews.
That's not a board game.
Oh yeah? Well I'll Jew you right upside your Jewing head you Jew!
I've seen some unusual obsessions with races before, but that takes the cake.
The Jewish cake, I hope.

 

by Broly
6-29-02
This martini you made me tastes funny.
Prob'ly all that strychnine in it.
Wait, strych...
That or adding the cherry to it, that was probably it.
Can we get back to dealing with the poison part?
I'm-a go re-check mama's recipe, dad didn't seem to like it either.

Showing page 5.

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