All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
8-08-01
"BOOOO! YOU SUCK! GET OFF THE STAGE! YOUR DADDY WANTED YOU TO BE A HAND-JOB!"
REEEEEEEEEEEE
o/` The sun'll come out... tooo morrooww... Bet yer bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be suuuun o/`
BOO HOO HOO!
Don't you think you were a bit rough on the girl?
Better she should hear it now than for her to live a lie and reach for impossible dreams throughout her adolescence. I did the little screecher a favor.

 

by Spankling
8-09-01
12 cups of Metamuscil... 7 green apples... a box of Exlax...
Gallons of water consumed both orally and anally...
Spankling's been stomped twice. Looks like he's trying to turn it around.
I don't want to be around when he finally blows.
Gotta come up with some new shit!

 

by Spankling
8-09-01
Maura - it's so hot! How do you stand it? Why do you look so fresh all the time?
I keep my vibrator in the freezer.
So that's the subject for this contest folks.
What is?
In general, how is the heat effecting you... How are you staying cool.. Just something related to the heat wave.
And just to add some pain. Include something about a stupid criminal.

 

by Spankling
8-11-01
Oy. That's the last time I go drinking and gambling with skagg and kaufman. What was the bet? Oh yeah. That kaufman couldn't monkey with the space-time continuum or I'd let skagg_chop_off_my_left_nut.
Oy. That's the last time I go drinking and gambling with skagg and kaufman. What was the bet? Oh yeah. That kaufman couldn't monkey with the space-time continuum or I'd let skagg_chop_off_my_left_nut.
Oy. That's the last time I go drinking and gambling with skagg and kaufman. What was the bet? Oh yeah. That kaufman couldn't monkey with the space-time continuum or I'd let skagg_chop_off_my_left_nut.

 

by Spankling
8-12-01
He he he. I'll just sneak up behind my honey and scare the crap out of her. Than maybe we'll go have some fun.
*
RAORRRRRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
EEEK!
*
Really? Is this... "Tobor" a friend of yours? When do I get to meet him? OH WAIT! Is Tobor a girl? I've been dying to try a little of that.

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
And if you touch me there again Roger I'll sue you and take this stiff joint from you instead of the one in your pants!
VO: She's so hot, even if she is my mom. I wish I was Roger and dared to touch her there. At least I get to work with her.
Cyril, you seem like you got it together. Have you ever suffered the agony of being around a hot woman that is just out of reach.
Baby, sooner or later they all come to Cyril. And then it's cold-packed salami time!
*wild applause as Helen Hunt walk on stage*
Okay Ashleigh, you got me up to your appartment to meet your mom. So where is she?
In the freezer. Say would you mind dying your hair brown, maybe letting it grow out?

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
Buddhist officials in Nepal are having a difficult time recruiting 5-year-old girls to be official goddesses, to live in palaces and be waited on hand-and-foot.
The problem is that the goddesses' jobs end automatically at puberty, and the girls increasingly are unprepared for the rest of their lives.
I think I have found my calling.
And legend has it that men who marry ex-goddesses die young.

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
We serve people with tasty things.
Beauty Brain's Fantastic Fannie.
My Favs...
Sweet cherry make everybody happy.
For your spanking sensation.
Push this button in case anything happens.
I am having a woody life.

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
o/` Hi Ashleigh! o/` You know... your mom and Roger are gone for the day... Wanna make out in a coffin?
Uh... Will you wear a brown wig and call me sonny?
Sure! Hell, I'll let you ride me around like a pony if it'll keep you hard!
No thanks. You may need to stuff your bra though. Mommy has bigger jugs than you do. Follow me.
Later...
Okay, Mr. Satan I did like you said - the boy got off in me. Now can I have that IQ boost you promised?
Soon my little brood mare. First you must bring that child within you to full term!

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
Say Ashleigh. You seen your mom lately? It's been a week since I felt her up.
She's in my freezer. Why don't you go fondle Erin? She does a good impression.
Sorry to hear about your mom, boy. By the way, do you know if she's busy tonight?
*sigh* Yeah I guess you can have her. She's not near as fun to me now that she's dead.
Who the Freak are you?!? I was looking for Loretta in this freezer.
I'm the "Eskimo Pops" girl! Lick me!

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
Saaay... you aint half bad for a dumb bitch! *umph* *grunt* This is some fine action!
Thanks! *tee hee* I can feel the fetus Satan commanded me to conceive giving you head from inside me!
Say what? *zip*
You know... The prince of darkness? Nice guy! He's gonna make me smart once I give birth.
This one will die slowly.
oh, what the hell. Live and let live. Bend over and give me some more antichrist gum job!

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
GOD THE PAIN! I'M RIPPING IN TWO!
Blame God. He made you this way. Now fork over my child!
*wild applause as Mary-Kate Olsen bursts from Erin's womb*
This gig is gonna be sooo much sweeter than Full House! And no Bob Sagget in sight!
Go forth. Claim your birthright! Make me proud!
*Laugh track fades to McDonald commercial.*
Okay "dad," here's a few ground rules. 1. shave that snatch off yer face. 2. Yer mom leaves - dead or not. 3. ice cream every day. 4....
VO: Oy! What have I done!

 

by Spankling
8-13-01
What is keeping me here? What makes one person move on and another arrive? Is there a cycle, a pattern, or am I just seeing stars in my mind?
Jim Morrison he aint.
His ancestors are having a party and he's the one that will wake up tired. A couple of decades ago he would have scraped up some bong resin and gotten some sleep.
Shmuck.

 

by Spankling
8-16-01
Pssst... Smelly old man! Will you get me a pack of Pokemon cards? I'll give you $5!
Hu? You'll pay me $5 to poke ya? Bend over and show me South Korea, baby! And fork over the fin!
WHAT? No you pickled degenerate! I can't buy cards because my mom wont let me. You gotta do it for me!
Cards? You wanna play poker? A $5 limit? Kinda steep for me... can we play strip poker instead?
Forget it wine-sop! It's the cops! Mommy!
Shit! I swear she said she was 18 officer!

 

by Spankling
8-16-01
Hey NeoVid, good to see you here. It was quite a shock, wasn't it?
I guess. Didn't the invite mention beer?
Why do you think I finally showed up to a funeral? Spankling's suggestion?
*snicker* No vultures here, man. Should we go check out the remains?
*sniff* He looks so natural!

 

by Spankling
8-17-01
You know, Jael, one quick snap and I'll have that hand of yours turned around like it should be.
You know, Gabe, you move that hand any closer and I'll break your neck with one quick snap.
You aint been slapped 'till you been hit with two left hooks in rapid fire, big boy!
he he he... I'll duck and run before she knows who it was.
What the keck was that for?!? Did you have to hit so hard?!?

 

by Spankling
8-17-01
So, what are you in for?
Got my head slapped off by a mad woman... DUCK!
That was close.
Yep. No telling what that guy would do if he saw a couple of dead floating heads with their mouths wide open. So... what happened to you?

 

by Spankling
8-17-01
Reality is the tapestry of conformity we drape across the seething chaos that is the truth...
uh-huh, but...
...for Entropy is not the destruction of Order, merely the machination of its rebirth.
Look, I don't care how you put it. If it aint stiff I can't stuff it in, but you still owe me the $20!
Hey, NP. Lookin' for some action... that is if you're well rested? *snicker*
I have GOT to get my hands on some vitamin E.

 

by Spankling
8-18-01
Hi... I was wondering if you could help...
Good LORD woman! You got here just in time, maybe a bit late! Let Jael take care of you right over there.
What a mess. This will take a complete make over, miss.
Actually, I'm a guy. And I just want directions to the Sears Tower.
First, we'll HAVE to get rid of that irritating pompadour.
I don't want a haircut!

 

by Spankling
8-18-01
Finally, the dust settles after the long and violent battle between NP and the Spankster! What could survive the carnage?!?
No one can believe the force of his victory! Spankling, slayer of strippers everywhere, has emerged victorious!
Long will they sing...
Spanks! Wake up! It was a forfeit. Don't get excited. You will be toast in the next round.

 

by Spankling
8-19-01
Sorry 'bout the hand, Jael. I was drunk.
No trouble DexX. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've done under the influence.
I'm 11! I lick toilets! ha aha hahahahaha!
So, now that we have gabe and wirthling images, can we get you to submit another comic?
No. I've retired. Sorry.

 

by Spankling
8-22-01

 

by Spankling
8-22-01
I MADE IT TO THE FREAKIN FINALS!!!
Because of a forfeit, Spanks. Let's face it - evil_d handed you yer hat once and he'll do it again. Maybe you should leave town.
yeah... a shut-out... I'm... I'm...
You are toast.

 

by Spankling
8-22-01
*sniff sniff* hmmm... not bad...

 

by Spankling
8-24-01
Toothgnip's Believe It Or Bite Me!
I would prefer the latter.
In the USA people are free to worship any form of Christianity they like!
We used to believe in Buddha.
Then we sobered up and stopped gutting virgins to that fat child molester.
And in 1934 your mother was a lovely, pure and decent human being.
Things change.

 

by Spankling
8-24-01
Some feeb is bragging about getting off 10 times in one day - or is it one hour...
Remember when I came home drunk from that bachelor party? I must of boffed you 4 times that night!
If you count the times you passed out in the middle as separate occasions. But after that I helped my self to a multiple O that lasted for 20 or 30 waves!
Was that it? I thought you were singing arias to your vibrator.
Jealous?

 

by Spankling
8-27-01
Such power! And sooo big! My GOD what a girl could do with you!
Sigh. Why don't they leave me alone?
Let me ask... do you have to explode all at once, or could you just vibrate for a few hours?
Leave me alone, lady! I'm a weapon_of_mass_destruction, not a sex toy! *sigh* Oh... hop on and I'll see what I can do.
Damn! He went off early, just like all the rest!

 

by Spankling
8-28-01
Mystery
Is it bigger than evil_d's love snake?
Not by a long shot. And don't ask what I did with your pet snake, by the way. Let's just say snakes don't like dark gassy tunnels.
Romance
Too bad... Is it as devastating to women as evil_d's charm?
Well, it does tend to hold them down, but not in such a delightful way. Give up?
Autocrat
It's the power of the wealthy minority to rule America!
And the moral of this story is: A snake in the rectum is worth more than a Bush in the house.

 

by Spankling
8-30-01
How did I get here? I remember the light... was I in a tunnel? Have I died?
No. Wait, yes! I remember a city. It was moving day...
I hope nobody saw me drop that piano.

 

by Spankling
8-31-01
What?
You won, Spanks. You needed a forfeit to do it, but you won. You run the next cup.
You're not here to smash my hope and wake me up?
Nope. Go ahead and do your little victory dance (tainted as every step may be).
Maybe when I get back. I'll be out of range for about a week. I'll try to raise the curtain next Thursday.
Figures.

 

by Spankling
9-06-01
One halloween night...I was bored and slightly ripped.
Hey! My last roomie left some of her cloths here! Damn! I make a pretty good looking woman! I wonder if she left a dildo too...
I'm the family kitten, however I'm too embarased by Spankling to show my real face, so I will look like a squirrel in this strip.
After jacking around for a few minutes...things got strange.
Oh god! I think I'm getting a multiple "O"! MAN chicks have it made!!!
That's it, I'm outa here. My apologies people.
Not to be continued......
That was fun... Now where did I put my masculinity?
insert vile dripping noises here

 

by Spankling
9-07-01
I\'d like to be...
Under the sea...
Hey! Nice double row of teeth, big girl.
Is that chum in your pants or are you just dieing to meet me.
Cute.
What happened to the ancor that used to be attached to that chain?

 

by Spankling
9-13-01
Hello Kaufman.
Hello Spankling.
May I... touch your pussy?
Just back away.

 

by Spankling
9-17-01
I hear that new \"Church of Arse\" is becoming quite popular. And I know you like arse...
Arse worship? I am so about that!
What do I have to do? Who do I get to kneel behind?!? Let me at it!
Uh.... that\'s not what we... I mean... Oh.... nevermind. I think we can hook you up.
I am so completely unworthy! Bless you goddess!
The fact that you\'re right doesn\'t mean I need to hear it. Less talk, more tongue.

 

by Spankling
9-20-01
That was a lovely sunset, but I feel selfish spending my time relaxing after the events of the last week or so...
Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do! Fly backwards around the Earth and reverse freakin\' time!?! Or should I just watch 782 hours_of_falling_tower_reruns!
*sigh* I need more peace. Maybe I\'ll see what\'s going on at the stripcreator forums.

 

by Spankling
9-20-01
Some of the boys around here are starting to get on my nerves!
Cut them some slack, would ya? Don't let them get your goat.
Fuck slack! I'm ready to smack heads together!
Fine! Fly off the handle and run roughshod over the geeks!
Can I play?
Can I play?

 

by Spankling
9-20-01
Tell me!
Are you gonna tell me where my fucking beer is or not?
Nope.

 

by Spankling
9-23-01
What a dream! I can't get that image out of my head!
But what proof have you? Do you think the chicken had a motive? Is this truly "murder most foul?"

 

by Spankling
9-24-01
What’s with all the metal? Don\'t you know your fucking body is a god-humping temple, bitch?
If my right nipple offends thee pluck it out.
I don\'t think I\'m getting through to this one. Can\'t I become a demon without being a mistress first?
No! I like to watch! Now go back out there and spank that boy!

 

by Spankling
9-26-01
Do you beat your dog to get him to behave, Officer Friendly? If he were my dog I would mash him with love! Do you love your dog? Mom loves dogs and dad is mad! I love beans! I just ate a hot burrito!
Please god! Make her shut up before I empty my backup gun into her cute little face!!
Thank you, merciful god!

 

by Spankling
9-27-01
I got stomped again! And this time by the power newbie! Why?!?
Same old reason, Spanks. You suck.
And you can stop beggin' at me. It ain't workin'.
I've seen better subs in highschool gym class. Get a life.
*sob* I can't take this abuse (for once)! And who are you?
Your worst nightmare. A power newbie with a wit! Step off baldy!

 

by Spankling
9-30-01
It pays to be the new freshman girl with the long legs! I walk in and all the boys let me stride to the head of the line!
I bet I'll have dry-humped this bitch before she gains her 10 pounds from dorm food.
Wait until the ROTC gets a load of me.
I don't like the way he's been eyeing my package. I hope there isn't a big gay population here.
I_can't_believe_I_got_away with performing breast augmentation surgery for 7 years before someone read my diploma and discovered it was from the Bartenders Institute.
I could clep out of Manrape 101, but why miss out on all this fun?

 

by Spankling
10-02-01
Just fabulous! The use of motion in the paints sends me reeling! And you say the artist is a new freshman?
Yep. An unknown. He got into the institute by cornholing the museum's curator - nearly split the guy in two.
Oh... That old queen must have loved that. So where is the artist now?
Working the room. I think the curator is looking for seconds.
I could do wonders for your career big red. Let's leave these philistines for a quickie in the Monet room.
TOBOR ONLY FINISH WIPING YOUR FILTH OFF ON THESE WALLS! TOBOR WANT SOMEONE NEW - HE THINK BALD GUY LOOK TIGHT!

 

by Spankling
10-02-01
1 Sub
Spend me all in one place!
1 Sub

 

by Spankling
10-04-01
Tell me when you see the tentacle wrap Obi.
You can stop mocking me now. NOW!

 

by Spankling
10-04-01
Sickobunny answers a knock at the door.
Rock on! This looks like my lucky day!
I am the floating schoolgirl genie of happiness! I will grant you one wish (the economy you know).
R-r-right... How 'bout you lift one and let me sample yer honey-pot?
As you wish!
Did you just hump a Drano bottle? I'll teach you to peddle that scank around here! Take that!

 

by Spankling
10-05-01
Captain, I sense that the alien is well... arroused. She may not be able to control herself around the males of her or any other species.
BEEM HER UP! BEEM HER UP!
In the captian's "ready room"
You're a Cornholion? Gosh you're tiny (and hot)! What's that tube in your hand? Is it part of your courting ritual?
o/` Just turn around like a good spaceman o/`
I see this week's conquest had some kinky ideas of her own! How did you say this got up there?
Just get it out. She said I only had 13 seconds before it morphed into a raging red robot bent on cornholing me and this entire ship to bits!

 

by Spankling
10-05-01
o/` The old grey mare she aint what she used to be o/`
Shut up!
o/` Aint what she used to be o/`
C'mon! Knock it off!
o/` Aint what she used to be o/`
Hey! it can happen to anybody!

 

by Spankling
10-08-01
Martha begins her day with a brisk workout in her manicured garden.
No one ever suspects that I keep this ancient Greek stone milepost polished by doing squat-thrusts on it every day at sunrise!
By noon she has completed an inventory of her hobby tapes, glues, stones, hooks, tweezers, lubes…
I told you to order more 1 inch red gardeners tape yesterday! That's it! I'M CALLING IMMIGRATION!!!
Time to go. No crazy white bitch poon tonight.
In the evening she relaxes with a hired friend or two.
That will be all Gabe. You have been... adequate. Bring me the fire poker before you go.
Yes’m. Say, how do you keep your ass smelling like lavender with just a hint of orange? I wanna try it on my donkey.

 

by Spankling
10-09-01
Sunset
Let's play doctor, Angel. How far up there can you get that fist.
It's a good thing I went sleavless tonight.
Midnight
*knock knock* Come on out Angel! I want some more!
Go away!
Noon, after Buffy pulls him up from his grave.
I said I want some more suckmyster! Let's go!
AHHHH! The pain! The sweet release!

Showing page 5.

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