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Don't get your hopes up.

 

There's Nothing Good About The Good 'Ol Days by ivytheplant 11-29-03
AAAAAAAAAAAA RRRRRRRRRRRR GGGGGGGGGGGG HHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???	Should I be worried? The hot water is out. Ivy hasn't showered in two days or washed the Tgiving dishes. That was the sound of her attempting an old-fashioned bath.	What's the big deal? You humans have tongues. Call me when she attempts a cold Wyoming winter shower.

 

My One Weakness by ivytheplant 11-29-03
Sigh. Grumble grumble stupid plumbing grumble. Purr.	Aww...sorry I'm so cranky, floofball. I won't be able to get a shower for two more days. I'll give you a bath if you want.	Ah! That's so cute I think I'm gonna cry! I did something cute. This means I get snuggles. Purrrrr.

 

CC222: Starring Deuce As... by ivytheplant 11-30-03
Hey Powell! The lights on the War Room map went out again! For the last time, Mr. President, that's a Lite-Brite.	Prepare for... ARMAGEDDON!!!	Heh heh. SECURITY!!!

 

CC222: The Deuce Movie That Would Not End by ivytheplant 11-30-03
We don't know who he is or why he's in the hospital. It should be obvious. Look at his teeth and reluctance to die.	You don't mean to say he's-- Yes. He's the english patient!	AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Ruuuuun! Robble robble!

 

CC222: Damn you Mark Steven Johnson! by ivytheplant 11-30-03
Robble robble. What the hell do you want?	Your robble is hanging out. Yeah? So?	You're a Baredevil. Kaufman put you up to this, didn't he?

 

Sick Irony Is the Story of My Life by ivytheplant 12-01-03
4th day without being able to shower... Good morning, sexy. This is Richard Dean Anderson. Can I come over? *sigh* Unfortunately I can't get away.	Grrr... It's me, William Peterson. Are you available this evening? *grits teeth* I'm sorry, but I have other engagements.	Where the hell is that damned plumber? Hey, baby. This is Vin Diesel. Wanna go to dinner tonight? AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

 

Eris Bless the Romans! by ivytheplant 12-01-03
o/`The plumbing's back on and I got a shower today! Yay! o/` I don't see what the big deal is.	Y'know the molding piles of dishes leftover from Thanksgiving? You mean the reason we can't go into the kitchen without cutting ten years off our life?	Well we can do something about them now. I'm gonna go start the laundry so you'll stop wearing a garbage bag for underpants. Thanks, they were beginning to chafe.

 

True Stories From Ivy's Checkered Past by ivytheplant 12-01-03
So I got a job as a Park Ranger at Fossil Butte National Monument in southwestern Wyoming. It was a lot of firsts for me. First time I broke away from my parents, first car, first time I drove farther than 100 miles by myself.	I was raised in a National Park Service family. This was a logical job for me. Especially since I'm into convervation and geology. So I drove the 21 hours from Minneapolis to Kemmerer and on into the park about 10pm the next day.	I got to see my first bit of Wyoming wildlife the second I drove over the park boundary. A badger. I'd never seen one before, even in pictures. I got a good up-close look. I hit the damn thing with my car.

 

Some Things Should Never Have Been Made by ivytheplant 12-01-03
I wonder what's on tv right now. *click* Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical! Starring: David Hasselhoff!	Oh god no! I can't look away! Help me! o/` "Lost in the darkness/Silence surrounds you/Once there was morning/Now endless night!" o/`	AAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!! o/` "I will FIIIIIIIND the answer/I'll never desert you/I promise you this/Til the day that I diiiiieeeee!" o/`

 

CC223: Example of the Devastation by ivytheplant 12-03-03
"We now go live to action reporter, Wang Dongly, to give us an update on the situation in StripCreatoria..." Shaniqua, it is a terrible day here in StripCreatoria. Brad is nowhere to be found and Tobor is running amuck...wait a minute... Rar!	...oh my god! It appears that Atheist Diary has taken over the White House! I repeat! The White House background is now occupied by Atheist forces! Aw. That was Tobor's next stop...	o/` "Cause I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a miiiidnight toker!..." o/` Meow ha ha ha ha haaaa! *purrrrrr*

 

Why I Hate Dcomposed by ivytheplant 12-03-03
Waitaminute...I don't hate Dcom...	I love him with rainbows and butterflies and snuggly goodness! Did you fall off the Pixy Stix wagon again?	How the hell did you get in here? The ventilation system.

 

The Future of Spam by ivytheplant 12-04-03
"Important Info about your Colon bazy" Sigh. Freaking spam. *delete*	"** INFO ABOUT YOUR COLON** q k xkabak xdlhn" Whatever dude. *delete*	One week later... It's your colon. I'm afraid it will have to be removed. Gadzooks! Why didn't I listen to the Spam? WHY??!?

 

The Future of Spam 2 by ivytheplant 12-04-03
Wanting alternatives to the grim future Western medicine predicted, Blue travels to the Eastern Rockies to find a spiritual answer... What must I do to defeat this colon illness, master? Re: IQRDMAA, deftly slithering between	Is that a porn reference? Re: LOEBC, as one caresses	I don't understand!! Re: UNBKJWOJ, turning his gaze

 

The Future of Spam 3 by ivytheplant 12-04-03
With much patience, Blue learns the mystical secrets of the monk. Thus, his healing begins... Re: SPD, with completely desperate Re: DQORTDKU, be said with	Re: QRYZKNK, immediately spun away Re: VEFOD, a thunderclap right	Re: MJYKFQT, tried too hard Re: HULOGDUY, then the master

 

The Future of Spam 4 by ivytheplant 12-04-03
After learning all the secrets of the Spamolin Monk, Blue returns home to build a temple... Everyone needs this software (rgrthr) What are you on, dude?	Many laughed at him and his message... Re: website you wanted to see You spammers suck.	But in the end, his message proved powerful and the world was turned to a new spiritual path... Check this out, they have Xanaz b zx mswwjqts q Sweet! Dude, hook me up!

 

Obligatory Strip About The Google Ads by ivytheplant 12-04-03
Asian Developing Nations - Invest in education for girls in Nepal, Vietnam, India & Cambodia. Is this a porn thing? I don't think Brad is allowed to have these up. Cause it looks like a porn thing to me.	UCP - Powerful advocates for people with disabilities. You can help! Did they ever stop to think about their acronym?	Comic Books and Graphic - Novels, Toys: DC Marvel, Simpsons, Dark Knight, Ultimates, Watchmen DAMN YOU BRAD!!! *takes out wallet*

 

Thursday Nights In My Building by ivytheplant 12-04-03
The high dialogue box is the upstairs neighbors, the low box is the downstairs neighbor. o/` "KID! KID ROCK!" o/` YEAH!! WOOOOOO!!	*POUND POUND* TURN THAT GODDAMN THING OFF!!! o/` "OOOHHH! LIKE A ROCK!!!" o/` ROCK IT!!! WOOOOO!!!	*POUND POUND* I'M CALLING THE POLICE YOU LITTLE BITCH!! Upstairs thinks I'm yelling at them, downstairs thinks I'm playing the music. What am I doing? Studying for an exam tomorrow.

 

Why Make It Up When The Truth Is Funnier? by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Hypothetical situation:At midnight, in Denver, a girl decides she needs cigarettes, so she loads her purse with $100 and goes to a convenience store. She arrives to find an armed robbery taking place. Uh-huh...	Being a typical convenience store, it has picture windows out front so this robbery is clearly visible. She goes in anyway. What happens to her? Bonus points if you guess who the dumb girl is. She gets mugged and (hopefully) killed if we're thinking of the same person.	Sadly, she lived. But yes, it was my crazy ex-neighbor. ROFL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Yes, I Am Excited By It by ivytheplant 12-05-03
WOOHOO!!! ???	I found another gray hair! Only 99,986 to go before I can dye my hair purple without bleach! Poor humans...	I'm gonna go look for more!! They got the short end of the stick when God was handing out fur.

 

More Google Ad Nuttiness by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Hell's Army - Satanic related merchandise See what's new this week. Um...Brad? Exactly what categories did you sign up for?	"Fluff" by Nina Paley - "Nina's Adventures" creator. Search images for reuse, shopping! Is that like a fluffer?	Gorillas - World Wildlife Fund Pictures, info & more. Adopt-A-Gorilla?

 

The Santamas Tree Goes Up by ivytheplant 12-05-03
All right, tree. The kid gloves come off now.	This year, YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!!	Um...Anubis...

 

Penguin! by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Meep. There be a penguin in my house.	Meep. I don't recall ordering a penguin.	Meep. I really don't want to know.

 

Penguin! 2 by ivytheplant 12-05-03
There's a bird in the house. I know. It's a penguin.	What does a penguin do? Waddle around I think. They can't fly.	Can I cruelly toy with it for a few hours before making it my meal? Probably not a good idea. It's a lot bigger than you.

 

Penguin! 3 by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Uh-oh.	Meep. I agree.	Ow. Anubis, I told you not to antagonize the penguin.

 

Penguin! 4 by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Meep. Your days are numbered, penguin.	Meep. Say what you want, but we both know who the real master of the house is!	Meep. Yeah, you'd BETTER run! Punk!

 

Penguin! 5 by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Meep. Already? But you just got here.	Meep. Well, you DID show up unexpectedly.	Meep. Have a good flight! Er...

 

Penguin! 6 by ivytheplant 12-05-03
What was the deal with the penguin? No clue.	Can you really understand Penguinese? Apparently so.	Meep. Watch your language, punk.

 

Infidelity by ivytheplant 12-05-03
Where were you? The car is still out front. Nowhere in particular. Really.	*sniff sniff* Gasp! You've been with ANOTHER CAT!! I admit it! The woman across the hall got a new kitten!	You WHORE!! I couldn't help myself! It was a KITTEN!!

 

The Adventures of SpamBoy! 2 by ivytheplant 12-06-03
When mild-mannered barfly Tyler accidentally drank some toxic brew while checking his email, he found himself endowed with Super Spam Powers! CAN I TRUST YOU WITH THIS BUSINESS? There's Nothing It Re: Cant Do	In this episode, SpamBoy discovers religion... Here we go again Its Being Hailed As The Break Thru Of The Century	You go, SpamBoy! Be saved! Best Place To Grab It ' escallopsxsdrhgn You Truly Can Have Anyone You Want

 

The Adventures of SpamBoy! 3 by ivytheplant 12-06-03
When mild-mannered barfly Tyler accidentally drank some toxic brew while checking his email, he found himself endowed with Super Spam Powers! Do you like giving your opinions? Spread The Word - Stick(er) it to Bush!	In this episode, SpamBoy investigates a murder... Sharing your opinion pays off!! Form: Dickson Mubane	Detect, SpamBoy, detect! Show em you got it! Your Meat Will Rip Out Of The Skin

 

America, Land of the Glutton by ivytheplant 12-07-03
Is it me, or are SUVs being advertised a lot more since the Iraq "war" started? Maybe the average penis size has been shrinking from all the relaxed EPA regs so people need compensation.	I just saw an ad for an upcoming VW SUV that's a V10, turbo, AND diesel! This is getting ridiculous. Freaking oil whores in charge. Talk like that will get you detained, you commie pinko.	Maybe I should be more patriotic. But I can't tell what's acceptable anymore. Maybe I should protest something. Protesting is for commie pinko traitors. Go turn on all the appliances. Now THAT'S patriotism!

 

There Be A Glitch In The Matrix by ivytheplant 12-07-03
I think I just blew a fuse in my brain.. Uhoh. What did you see?	People fucking in cartoon animal costumes...they even have conventions... Don't forget about the International Amish Meetup Day at meetup.com.	Oops...

 

Opinions Change For Many Reasons by ivytheplant 12-07-03
Well it's about time you came home! Where the hell have you been? With the neighbors.	The neighbors that get you in trouble and play bad music? They're HOT! Plus one of 'em found a real ninja star in his office so they were playing with it and asked me to join.	Is this a sex thing? Eating a steak is sex. Playing with cool sharp objects is merely foreplay.

 

Dream, Nightmare, or Clown Conspiracy? by ivytheplant 12-08-03
So I had a weird dream last night. Of course all of them are weird, but this was weird enough to get my attention. I was accidentally sent back through time to Mayberry of all places. I had to blend in of course, so I became a schoolteacher. And for some reason I ended up dating Andy Taylor. Probably cause, random guest stars, he was the only decent-looking guy in town.	Of course this was the 50's or 60's or some other godforsaken era of supressed everything so I didn't get any nookie. In fact, when the two of us were up late, talking, I had to quickly leave cause god forbid the nosy neighbors spread gossip that tarnishes the good Mr. Taylor's reputation.	At some point I met goth chicks from my own time and we conspired to corrupt Andy. That's what he gets for witholding on me! Totally beats out the vampire dinosaur dream on the weirdness scale.

 

MORE SNOW!!!! by ivytheplant 12-08-03
SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!! I don't get it...	It's just water. And yucky cold frozen water at that... SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!	SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!! Sigh...humans...

 

Using My Powers For Evil Kicks Ass by ivytheplant 12-08-03
[IvyThePlant has entered #stripcreator] ["ivy!!!" "IVY!" "boobs!" "hi ivy"]	[IvyThePlant: hey. my vision's all funny...too many hours playing games where i get to kill things] ["omg! u like video games???" "no way!" "i think i'm in love!!"]	I am a brilliant, funny, and attractive female who likes comic books and video games. All your brain are belong to me! Mwah ha ha ha haaa! ["MARRY ME!!"]

 

Late Night Animal Planet by ivytheplant 12-09-03
Where did all the cats go? Ivy's holding them hostage on the couch.	Um... She watched Animal Cops again and must cuddle them incessantly so she won't cry all night after seeing the rescued animals.	I didn't realize she's such a softie. Yeah, but if she finds out I told anyone, she'd rip out my eyeballs through my nose.

 

Nightly Entertainment by ivytheplant 12-10-03
"RAZZLE FRAZZLE MOTHERBLEEPING FRUMBA WUMBA!!" What the hell is all that noise? Mr. Crankypants downstairs. I made him mad.	"ARMIN FLARMIN SONOFOBOQUET LEEKY FLEEKY!!" Uh-oh...What did you do? He's had a mattress drying next to the boiler since November. I left him a nice note explaining the fire hazard and what do do with it.	"LONGA FLONGA CRASSHOLE LURGA SPLURGA!!!" "Nice note" huh? Sounds like he's about to have a coronary. Okay, so I used a couple of crude terms. But listen to him, it's all he knows.

 

Commercials I'm Really Sick Of 3: Seiko by ivytheplant 12-10-03
It's not your clothes... It's not your job...	It's your watch. You can tell more about a person by the kind of watch they wear.	I don't wear a watch. You don't exist, plebian.

 

Who Kneads an Alarm Clock? by ivytheplant 12-12-03
4:00 AM MST purrrrrrrrrrrr *knead knead knead knead*	5:00 AM MST purrrrrrrrrrrr *knead knead knead knead*	6:00 AM MST purrrrrrrrrrrr *knead knead knead knead*

 

The Search Continues... by ivytheplant 12-13-03
KMart... Do you have Chanukah gift-wrapping paper? I'm sorry, no.	Wal-Mart... Do you have Chanukah gift-wrapping paper? Um...that's not my department. Let me put you on hold. *hangs up forever*	The "Hallmark" Store... Do you have Chanukah gift-wrapping paper? We don't endorse specific religions.

 

And Still It Goes... by ivytheplant 12-13-03
While spreading the flu at Wal-Mart... Do you have Chanukah gift-wrapping paper? What paper?	Chanukah. ...	You have no clue what I'm talking about, do you? We have dancing snowmen...

 

...And Goes... by ivytheplant 12-13-03
While spreading the flu at Wal-Mart... Okay, fine. Do you have any blue and white wrapping paper? Those aren't Christmas colors.	It's not for a Christmas gift. It's for a Chanukah gift. We might have snowflakes...	Whatever. I'll take that then. We're all sold out.

 

Time To Toy With the Clerks by ivytheplant 12-13-03
While spreading chaos at Wal-Mart... Do you have any Solstice wrapping paper? Um...	It's a Pagan holiday. I need to wrap some gifts for the coven gathering. INFIDEL!! HELP!! CODE COLLAR IN THE SEASONAL DEPARTMENT!!	Uh-oh... I'm the Wal-Mart priest. Hold still while I douse you in holy water.

 

The Downside to Capitalism by ivytheplant 12-13-03
While spreading chaos at Wal-Mart... Why does that dancing Santa have a microphone coming out of it's butt? It's a karaoke dancing Santa.		You do realize I cannot let that monstrosity exist? You will be doing the world a favor.

 

The Masked eBayer Strikes! by ivytheplant 12-14-03
The alarm rings at 4AM. A mysterious figure approaches... Yawn. [Refresh page for Item *****] [4 minutes left on Item *****]	With lightning-fast reflexes and diabolical cunning, she strikes! [Place proxy bid, maximum $25.] Heh heh heh... [Congratulations! You have won Item *****]	Somewhere in Iraq...a poor soul is feeling the pain of having been defeated by The Masked eBayer!! [Sorry, you did not win Item 666: Weapons of Mass Destruction] What the--? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

My Obligatory Saddam Strip by ivytheplant 12-14-03
So didja hear they got Saddam? Yeah. It's permeated the news so much even I heard about it.	Looks like Osama is up next. Nah. Notice how long it took us to get Saddam? We'll see Osama in ten years when GW III has taken over.	Anyone ever tell you that you're the most pessimistic conspiracy theorist on the planet? Flattery will get you nowhere. You know as well as I do that the Saddam Capture Train can be ridden for a loooong time.

 

The Masked eBayer Strikes Again! by ivytheplant 12-14-03
Sometimes The Masked eBayer must stalk her prey for a long time before she gains victory! Oh sweet! [Watch this item.] [This Item is now being tracked in My eBay.]	The Masked eBayer must now prepare her body and mind to win the battle! Now to pretend I have a life outside of eBay... Don't leave me!	One week later...the Masked eBayer is ready for the kill... [Place proxy bid $15 maximum.] [Congratulations! You have won Item 1313: Mind-Control Disco Ball!]

 

The Elf Is Not Responsible For Cat Hair In The Presents by ivytheplant 12-14-03
*rustle rustle*	Anubis! Eeek!	Stop gnawing on the Santamas presents! But there's a mousie trapped in a colorful box! I must find it so I can bat at it!

 

True Stories From Ivy's Checkered Past 2 by ivytheplant 12-14-03
Mmmm. Ohhh! Yeah! Who rocks your world!?	Ooooh! BATMAN!! What the--?	Look, I'm sorry. It just slipped out. You do rock my world. How do you expect me to compete with the Dark Knight??

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