All comics by ZMannZilla

Profile

 

by ZMannZilla
1-22-11
I'm in an intense long distance relationship, with a cute teacher named Betty Connors. She is, for lack of a better term, my soulmate - or so I thought.
I can't believe what I'm seeing, Betty! How could you ever hurt me so?
You see, five minutes ago, I just happened to be in her town, and I decided to drop in on her, y'know, as a surprise.
And that's how I met a cute teacher named Betty Conners.
WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?!

 

by ZMannZilla
1-25-11
Clone T16 is emptying trash cans, when she discovers...
What the... is that an actual baby? An actual human baby? I could have sworn that the robot apocalypse made normal human reproduction impossible!
uh buh buh buh
I don't know how you happened, little one, but I do know you aren't safe here! I have to hide you!
buh bbbbbpt
20 minutes later...
Did you steal my lunch from the break room?
No, BobTron, because as you should know by now, you are the ONLY sick weirdo in this entire company that even LIKES BabyTartsâ„¢!

 

by ZMannZilla
1-25-11
BobTron Accuses BrianTron Of Stealing His BabyTartsâ„¢...
You are the only robot I know that still eats BabyTartsâ„¢. I mean, c'mon, we're ROBOTS! We don't even NEED to eat!
Let's just say it's kind of an ethnic traditional family thing and leave it at that, okay?
Your FAMILY is why you indulge in stuffing animatronic clone-meat androids that resemble human larvae into your mouth? C'mon! LeaderTron does NOT eat BabyTartsâ„¢!
No, he doesn't, but he's just my father-in-law. My dad was um... well... promise you won't spread this around the office but... We're from Maryland, and...
O my glitch... Bobtron... are you descended from one of the original EATR robots?
Got it in one.

 

by ZMannZilla
1-28-11
BobTron's BabyTartsâ„¢ Have Been Stolen From The Breakroom...
...and I was really looking forward to eating them!
Well, none of the other robots would have done it, because they aren't running as much dickware as you. So who else would steal a BabyTartâ„¢?
Speaking of dickware, my douche coprocessor just kicked in, and made me think "gee, wouldn't it be funny if the clones thought it was a REAL baby?"
Hah! BobTron, that explains it! Clone T16 was on trash detail that day! Oh, of course, the T-series clones were always inquisitive! Hahaha! I suppose by now, that poor clone is trying to feed it...
Meanwhile, deep within the twisted bowels of Sector RX7-6F2...
*cough* buh buh blpppphhht
Nope, didn't eat the worms either. Any other ideas, girls?

 

by ZMannZilla
1-28-11
BobTron's BabyTartsâ„¢ Have Been Stolen From The Breakroom By Clone T16 (Who Mistook It For A Human Baby), And Hidden In Sector RX7-6F2...
According to legend, the Breeders would make babies through the power of love.
But none among us are Breeders - we don't even have Men!
buh buh buh bppppppht
Girls, please! It doesn't matter how it got here! If it is to live, it must eat! Now do any among you recall anything from the legends about what they eat?
 A23-TK421, the last living human being, is discovering this for the first time.
Hey guys, maybe Mother Lady remembers what babies eat!
Since I have no doubt whatsoever that this is somehow BobTron fucking with us again, I'm going to say EXPLODING BROKEN GLASS.

 

by ZMannZilla
2-03-11
Hello ma'am, my name is Wayne. Before I sell you this Amway, I am required by law to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender.
I'd also like to let you know that 75% of my profits will be donated to "Waterboardings For Tots", a charity organization I sponsor along with some of my fellow Klansmen.
May 7, 2019: In an effort to reach out to vegan consumers, Outback Steakhouse genetically engineers cows that deserve to be eaten.
Wow, is all meat as yummy as Wayne?
Just ours, ma'am. Shall I send Adolf to your address tomorrow?

 

by ZMannZilla
2-04-11
Ah, hello Nintendo Wii my old friend. I've had a long and trying day. Please take me once again to a relaxing world of casual games and magical plumbers.
WARNING - READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH AND SAFETY. FASTEN YOUR WRISTBAND AND PRESS A TO CONTINUE.
Yes, mommy, I'm wearing my seatbelt. Main menu, please.
♫~TWEEK~♫ dongdongleledodonglelededongle * Mario Kart * Miis * WarioWareDIY * ARAB UNREST POT CASE KILLED SWEDISH SEX CRIMES*  Netflix * Toribash * Wii Shop *
Honey, I'm deleting the News Channel.
ledodonglelededongle dedonglededongle

 

by ZMannZilla
2-05-11
Saturday, November 12th 1955 10:03:57
...and DONE! Prepare to go back to the future!
No Doc, STOP! There's something I HAVE to tell you!
Saturday, November 12th 1955 10:03:59
I told you, Marty, I can't know about the future, it's too dangerous!
No, asshole, it's about me - you set the flux capacitor for three seconds into the paaaaaaast!!!
Saturday, November 12th 1955 10:03:57
...and DONE! Prepare to go back to the future!
No Doc, STOP! There's something I HAVE to tell you!

 

by ZMannZilla
2-09-11
Dude! It's so awesome that you're only 22 and you just made $89,000,000,000 last year with your innovative dot com business!
Dude! I know, that's friggin' unreal money, dude! I don't even know what I'm going to do with all that money, dude!
Dude, it is totally stupid stuff money. You can afford to do so much stupid stuff, dude!
I know dude! I should totally buy an island to do stupid stuff on!
Dude. You could totally do that. You SHOULD totally do that. How do you buy an island though?
Maybe Craigslist has one?

 

by ZMannZilla
2-09-11
Dude, I responded to every Craigslist ad with the word "island" in it. You do not want what they are selling.
Dude, I'm a 22 year old bazillionaire and I want an island. I will throw money at the internet until I get my stupid island.
Dude, listen. You can't buy an island with Craigslist. You may need to go through some channels that involve leaving the office.
*sigh* Fine dude, I'll get my stupid Dramamine.
Meanwhile, at Terror Island...
Master, there has been a response to your Craigslist ad.
EEEXXXCELLENT!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
2-09-11
Doctor Skull, may I ask why you are selling Terror Island?
Oh loyal spawn-servant Stravinsky, I owe you at least an explanation. I grow old, and weary, and I no longer enjoy being an evil island overlord. So I need to retire.
Oh, come now, master. The dark energies of this island preserve your life well. Why, you're 294 years YOUNG!
Yes... two centuries of dark experiments, arcane rituals, martial arts tournaments and black market trade. It gets boring after several decades. Now I wanna go fly kites in Hawaii for a while.
So why sell the island?
Because if someone is rich and stupid enough to buy this accursed mud-soaked shithole, I deserve their money more than they do.

 

by ZMannZilla
2-10-11
Greetings, O Honored Guest. My name is Stravinsky. The Master has been expecting you.
DUDE!!! This island has DEMONS on it?!
Well, to be completely honest, we're not technically demons... we're actually a cross between goats and pit bulls, which The Master introduced human DNA to about 150 years ago, and...
Dude, just tell me the demons come with the island and I will write the check right now. I swear I will.
Well, Terror Island is the indigenous home of my ancestors, so...
I'M GONNA HAVE DEMON BUTLERS! WOOOOO!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
2-10-11
Stravinsky takes The Zillionaire to see Doctor Skull...
Thousands of years ago, dark forces from beyond the stars crash-landed upon Terror Island. The Master's ancestors have forever studied its secrets.
Generations of dark research and tortured genius, have crafted this island. It is home to a thousand evils, and any one soul who dares to claim it, will know certain madness.
Did Honored Guest hear anything I said, or am I going to have to explain, once again, that I am neither a "demon" nor a "butler"?
LITTLE!!!! DEMON!!!!!!! BUTLERS!!!!! ................................. *rock & roll* *guitar riffs*

 

by ZMannZilla
2-17-11
Oh, Mario! Thanks to you, our kingdom has defeated the Koopas at Donut Valley!
Thanks, Peach! Now raise their tax another 10 Coins a year and put the little fungus brains to work building a Fire Flower farm!
But the people are already over-taxed, both physically and financially! They'll certainly rebel!
Send Luigi and four units of Yoshi Riders over there to secure the border. I'll allocate some Coins into a propaganda campaign.
I'm not sure I like the direction Sid Meier is taking the Mario franchise.

 

by ZMannZilla
3-12-11
THUMPER_247: I need constant sex, but my boyfriend never seems to be in the mood. What am I doing wrong?
WILEY1: Well, for one thing, your boyfriend's fursona is a friggin' PANDA BEAR.
ROVERBONE: People can be so ignorant. Just because I'm a furry, doesn't mean I'm some sort of demented idiot. Why can't people treat us with more respect?
PRETTYPUSS: While I agree with the basic premise of your statement, I still think you shouldn't have worn your fursuit to a job interview.
LUNAR_BOSCO: Hey, does anyone wanna get freaky with a monkey... from outer space?
YIFFBURGER: Gleep in hell, astrofag!

 

Lara, my love, I have launched the rocket! Lo, though Krypton dies, Kal-El will be spared. Still, I have to wonder why you bought a rocket that could only fit one small child...
JOR-EL YOU MORON THAT WAS THE BABY SEAT!!!
by ZMannZilla, 3-13-11

 

by ZMannZilla
3-30-11
Oh, boy, I'm so excited! This fantasy dude ranch is going to be the best vacation ever!
Yup! Two weeks of driving cattle through hostile terrain is sure a great way to relieve the pressures of cubicle life!
Hey, Mel, I just got word that our trip is going to be delayed. Seems the cowboys in charge of our cattle drive haven't returned from their vacation yet.
Well, that's a fine howdy-doo! What exactly would cowboys do with a vacation anyways?
I landed th' dad-gum Emerson account fer $85K!
YEE-HAW! Im'a put that bad boy on th' Q1 spreadsheet right now!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-02-11
BobTron's BabyTartsâ„¢ were mistaken for a human baby by the clones...
...and it only resembles a baby, because my family ate your young into extinction and we can't find real babies to eat anymore. Questions?
buh buh thhhhhpt
I have one... if BabyTartsâ„¢ are just androids coated in chemically-seasoned clone flesh, then it's basically a robot. Doesn't that technically make you a cannibal?
Well... um...
She makes a valid point, BobTron.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-03-11
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. And there's nothing funny about that.
Asshole.
Probably just jealous 'cause she'll never be the socket.

 

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
This many, plus the smell of Tuesday.
by ZMannZilla, 4-03-11

 

How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW?!
by ZMannZilla, 4-03-11

 

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many can you afford?
by ZMannZilla, 4-03-11

 

by ZMannZilla
4-05-11
O FUCKING HELL IT'S JIM AGAIN.
Been waiting for you, Sun.
THIS HAS TO STOP, JIM. YOU GOT THE WRONG SUN.
You know how to end this, Sun.
LIKE I KEEP TELLING YOU, I'M THE ACTUAL SUN, NOT THE RAISIN BRAN SUN.
Two scoops, Sun. You promised me TWO SCOOPS THE SIZE OF BUICKS.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-11-11
Here at McCoy LLC, we think of our employees as family.
Great! Can't wait to get started.
Well, before you do, here's some paperwork for you to fill out.
OK, I recognize the W-4 for my taxes, the non-disclosure agreement and the flex-spending application, but what's this one?
Adoption papers. Welcome to the family!
WHAT?!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-11-11
Hey, I have a problem.
Great, you can tell me! Remember, here at McCoy LLC, we think of our employees as family.
Well, good. So my supervisor has been saying some pretty cruel things to my face, mostly about my appearance and race.
Yes, I see. Well, I'll let you off with a warning this time, but in the future, try to remember that it's inappropriate to bring up your family problems in the workplace.
Oh, C'MON! That's insane!
Don't you take that tone with me, young man.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-11-11
We really need to talk.
Any time, my good man! After all, here at McCoy LLC, we consider our employees to be like family!
So that explains why you're the beneficiary on my life insurance policy?
Well, sure! No amount of money would take away the grief we would feel at your loss, but at least we could pay for your funeral expenses!
Yeah, I think I want to quit now.
You can't quit, you're still grounded for another two weeks.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-11-11
Sir, we really need to discuss this.
Of course! After all, here at McCoy LLC, we consider our employees to be like family!
That's what I want to talk about. I thought it was just a metaphor when I took the job. I'm not down with the whole "we really are family" thing.
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, son. Go on, I won't stop you.
Good. Here's the address you can send my last paycheck to.
Nice try, kiddo, but like I said at dinner, no allowance until you wash my car.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-17-11
Yeah! I five-starred "Free Bird" on Expert! I really got the hang of this "Guitar Hero" thing!
YOU ROCK!!!
Zilla, seriously. Guitar Hero's a waste of time. You may as well have spent that time learning how to actually play the guitar for real.
You seem to have missed the point of video games, Geoff. That'd be like me saying "Street Fighter's a waste of time, you should go learn to throw fireballs for real."
One "HADOKEN" later...
There. Now go learn the guitar.
You're an asshole.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-26-11
Aw man, this toothache is killing me! I wish I could afford a dentist.
You could go see my guy. He's quick and not too expensive.
Really? Does he do emergencies?
Aw heck, you don't even need an appointment! I'll drive you, since you might be woozy afterwards.
Do you take Blue Cross?
Wi' a ten dolla' co-pay!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-29-11
So it's come to this... either marry this preist or get shot in the back with a shotgun.
And do you, Elsie, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
This would be a lot easier if this wasn't the priest that molested my father AND my uncle at the same time - last week.
This is definitely the last time I volunteer to participate in a Japanese game show.
Three more seconds.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-02-11
So what does it mean when a credit card has "interest"?
RAAAAAR TOBOR WILL EXPLAIN THAT INTEREST IS THE PRIMARY WAY THAT CREDIT CARD ISSUERS GENERATE REVENUE!
OK, so I understand that card issuers need to make revenue, but how do they do this with interest?
TOBOR ELABORATES BY EXPLAINING THAT INTEREST MAKES A BORROWED AMOUNT INCREASE BY A PERCENTAGE OVER TIME!
Oh, I see! So the longer people take to pay their credit card bills, the more money the card issuers get! What if people borrow more than they can ever hope to pay back?
TOBOR WOULD LOVE TO BOTH TELL YOU AND SHOW YOU IF IT WERE NOT FOR THIS $@&#!*% OBSCENITY FILTER!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-10-11
Oh, crap. The librarian.
Yes, indeed. "Where The Wild Things Are" was due four years ago. Now if you don't have the $3,000 for the fine, I have another way you can pay it...
♪~BOW CHICKA WOW WOWWW~♪
*glorp* *slurp*
Oh, yes, you delinquent little shit, that's the spot, oooh yeah...
"...his tongue, inexperienced but eager, explored every wrinkle of her ancient crotch, until..."
Wait, isn't our grandmom a librari- OH GOD YOU SICK FUCK.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-15-11
'In His House at R'lyeh Dead Cthulhu sleeps and dreams, yet He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth." - The Necronomicon, 739BC
...oh no oh no oh no on top of forgetting a #2 pencil i also forgot to study and put pants on oh no oh no oh no...
*RIIIING* *RIIIING* *RIIIING*
Hello! We have a very special offer for the lady of the house, and-
*sigh* NOT. FUCKING. INTERESTED. Take me off your list.
And that was how the telemarketers doomed all humanity.
Damn, now I'll never get back to sleep.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-18-11
On the day the world ends, Binky spends this day as he does many others, surfing his favorite internet forums.
As the final deadline of Armageddon draws near, Binky prepares to make the post that will perfectly define his life, not only as a person, but as an internet entity.
Binky247: LAST!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-18-11
The secret to my success is simple: "Look out for number one." As long as I do that, I never have any problems.
Good motto. What department do you work in again?
Only the most important one in the company!
Later, in the most important department in the company...
And once again, I successfully avoid slipping in pee! YAHOO!
George, either you let me piss in silence, or a Mexican deaf-mute will be mopping these floors next week.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-18-11
So explain your company's lawsuit to me again?
Your honor, we want to sue Funhouse O'Horrors for copyright infringement. They're not authorized to use our characters.
Have a spooooooky and safe Halloween boys and ghouls!
Go back to Universal Studios and tell them Judge Belmont said "fuck off".
Actually, I work for Konami, and now we're suing you too.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-19-11
Aw man... I bet God is like, the biggest dinosaur ever, man. Like, just this huge thunder lizard party animal that only wants what's best for all living things.
Oh totally. Except I bet God's more, like, a concept, or like an energy field or something. You want another hit of this awesomeness?
The next morning...
*glub*
Father Noah, I just did a head count and I think we forgot the dinosaurs.
Yeah, Our Bearded Lord totally said we could let those hippies drown.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-20-11
The planning...
I want to have a big surprise party for all my true believers, let's call it "The Rapture". What's a good day for you?
It should be a day not associated with anything else to truly make it surprising, so... how about May 21st 2011?
The problem...
Aw, Me dammit! Some radio evangelist dropped the date, it's on the news and Facebook, and it's too late to cancel the caterers!
Oh no! How are we going to get people to ignore the information so we can keep it a surprise?
The solution...
...so you see why we had to call you home a little early, Mr. Savage.
OOOOH YEAH!!! THE MACHO MAN IS DOWN WITH THE PLAN!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-26-11
Not many people showed up at your protest.
Yeah, I know, disappointing...
What are you even protesting?
Deforestation.

 

by ZMannZilla
5-27-11
Welcome to Best Buy Geek Squad. I'm Zack and I'll be your geek. How can I geek you?
I need a replacement foot pedal for my Apple IIe home computer.
Eh?! Oh wait... you think the mouse is a foot pedal? Wow, I thought I'd seen some stupid old people before, but you take the-
By learning to operate the mouse with my foot, I am free to keep both hands on the keyboard at all times.
...actually, that's kind of brilliant, ma'am. I humbly apologize.
Pwn3d.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-06-11
Welcome to Pho Cup! How can I Pho Cup your order today?
I'm here to lodge a complaint. Remember when I had that Big Pho Cup yesterday? Well, there was some rancid meat in it.
Oh man. Must have been a bad Pho Cup, sorry sir.
Yeah, well "sorry" doesn't cut it. I'm from the Health Department, and we've been getting a lot of complaints about your Pho Cups.
That's why I'm here to tell you that you really need to shut the Pho Cup.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-08-11
Frank, we have a case! Mrs. Turnblatt says her priceless silver dinnerware was stolen!
Gosh Joe, those were a retirement gift from her students at Bayport Elementary School! Let's start looking for clues!
We're so glad you're enjoying "The New Hardy Boys Mysteries" here on PBS, and with your help, we can keep bringing these great shows to you!
That's right, Tom! Pledge $100 and get this canvas "Hardy Boys" tote bag! Thank you for supporting the wholesome, educational TV that only PBS can offer!
Hey Frank, looks like Old Man Jenkins was gutted with a salad fork - and there are trace amounts of silver in the entry wounds! This is a clue!
Good job, Joe, we'll find the culprit yet! Let's just pray that we can get some solid DNA evidence from the rape kit.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-08-11
Hey Boss, ever notice that all the "Office" characters at Stripcreator are men?
Wow, Ben, I never noticed that 'til now, but you're right! It's a total sausage-fest up in here!
We have the whole "race" thing covered, but no women! What's up with that, Chuck?
Well Chen, you can thank Melvin and Sanderson for that one.
IF THERES ANY WOMEN IN THE OFFICE I DO THEM!
Hey ma'am, I got a $50 gift certificate to Hooters and two tickets to a late screening of Human Centipede. Wanna apply for a job here?

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
I like my coffee the way I like my women!
And that is...?
Ground up and boiled in very hot water.
There's an extra finski in it for you if you can get the cup to scream while I stir it.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
I like my coffee the way I like my women!
And that is...?
Bold, strong, and thick enough to stand a spoon in.
You stand a spoon in your women?
Only the ones I like.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
I like my coffee the same way I like my women.
And that is...?
I'd like an herbal tea please.
And your phone number.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
I like my coffee the same way I like my women.
And that is...?
Well... um...
Didn't think that one through, did you?
Nope. Cream and two sugars, please.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
I like my coffee the same way I like my women.
And that is...?
Small, very hot, and all over my crotch.
We actually get in trouble if we serve it like that, sir.
You sound just like my pimp.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee?
SAME WAY I LIKE MY WOMAN, CHIEF.
And that is...?
OLD, COLD AND BITTER. Also, hook me up with something sweet on the side.
That's your wife over there, isn't it?
Got it in one, chief.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-21-11
I'm not homophobic, I just don't think gays should be allowed to get married. It's immoral!
So? How is morality an excuse to deny gays like me the right to marry?
Because it opens the door to all kinds of unnatural things! If gays are allowed to marry, then next thing you know, it'll be legal to marry your dog!
That's stupid. There's no way that could possibly happen.
20 Years Later...
Dammit, the new "gay leash" laws in parks are unreasonable as hell. Promise me you won't bite and I'll let you off the chain.
Speaking of new laws, grab a plastic bag. I left you a little something in the grass over here.

Showing page 6.

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