All comics by Buttonman

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by Buttonman
10-11-06
You sent for a hit man?
Absolutely! The Jackson thinks it's time to do away with that GAWF fellow Skipperman.
How do you want me to handle this job, quiet or messy?
Do it quietly. I don't want anyone to know that it was me ordered the hit.
My usual fee?
Absolutely! A free oil change and tune-up at the *shameless plug for a local franchise censored* of your choice

 

by Buttonman
10-11-06
Frank. How're you doin? How's the family? Port St Jo is probably the last place I expected to run across an old hit man like you.
Doin' OK, Henry. Family's fine. I'm down here on a job for a fellow name of Skipperman. Gotta whack some wrestler name of Jackson.
Hey, me too. I'm on a job for a wrestler name of Jackson. Gotta whack some fellow named Skipperman.
Got paid in advance.
Yeah, me too. No worries.

 

by Buttonman
10-28-06
Fabian comments on the canceled Fort Mills Show...
It's not my fault that only three wrestlers showed up here in Ft Mill State Park.
No show
But everybody blames me because I was the booker. OK. Blame me. I can take it. I QUIT XW-2000 anyhow.
Blame the Viking
I am going to start my own promotion and call it VPW - VIKING PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING.
Goodie!

 

by Buttonman
10-29-06
This is irritating. I'm being laughed at and blamed for stuff I think is not my fault. I don't even get the dignity of a background in this stupid cartoon.
I did my best. Promoting wrestling is a TEAM thing, not just the product of a single individual. One consolation though...
At least I'm not John Saxon...

 

by Buttonman
10-29-06
Did I hear my name mentioned?
OMYGOD! it's John Saxon! Gotta go!
This is weird. Last thing I remember I was a Professional wrestler, grabbing cheap heat at an OSW show, and now I am in a cartoon strip depicted as a banana eating chimpanzee. What the hell?
I think I may be able to explain. You see, that was MY table you poured water all over at OSW in a sad pathetic attempt to draw heat from a crowd that doesn't give a hoot in Hell about you.
I don't think you understand. I am John SAXON, 1/2 of the New Orleans Fight Club. I am the most ferocious professional wrestler on the Gulf Coast.
First off, Northcutt carried you. Second, you really are just another weight lifting, no-talent midget with an ego, and lastly, who wants to see you wrestle anyhow? You are old news, a zero draw.

 

by Buttonman
10-29-06
Whadday mean a "zero draw" People drive for miles to see me wrestle.
People want to see Steve Savage and Ron Fargo. They want to see "Redneck" Steve Fury and Mr. Electricity, Jon Ryker, Dorian, I could go on forever. You are a mercy booking. Nothing but Katrina guilt.
That's some pretty harsh words over 16 oz of water ruining a few crummy books.
It's more than that. You have a reputation as a horse's ass that dates back to the first time I ever saw you wrestle. Truth be known, an empty ring is more entertaining. I hope OSW stops booking you.
What you fail to grasp, lowly mark, is that I am the great and wonderful JOHN SAXON. I could care less about OSW or any small promotion. I am WWE bound!
Actually you are OBSCURITY bound. You are too small, too nasty and too much of a troglodyte for the bigs. Ugly don't sell T shirts. Now you've had your 15 minutes of fame. Piss off, monkey.

 

by Buttonman
10-30-06
Dramatization of an actual phone call from The Popinjay Himself...
This is John Saxon calling you on your telephone...
So, you want to apologize for your unprovoked attack on my table at OSW and put the whole incident behind us?
I want to tell you that this is a dangerous game your're playing. You don't know me. But I know you and I know where you live...
So basically, you are calling me up as a private person and threatening to come to my home... Yeah. You are a "Professional" all rignt.
*click*
How dare you hang up on me? Who do you think you are? You are just a MARK, a useless, worthless MARK, unworthy of attention from the great JOHN SAXON. I am going to do BAD THINGS to you.

 

by Buttonman
10-30-06
Johnny Angel confronts Buttonman...
You are wrong. You should just shut up and get on with your life. All this anger is serving you no good.
I respect your opinion.
One guy on the message board says he doesn't even understand how these cartoons apply to wrestling anyhow. Maybe there are more. What say you?
The cartoons are a way for me to express myself as a wrestling fan, or to poke fun at some wrestler, most of whom are friends of mine.
But surely you must realize that there are more than a few people who don't "get it" where the toons are concerned.
And there are just as many who are laughing their a** off over such an extreme response to what is, realistically, nothing but a stupid cartoon.

 

by Buttonman
10-30-06
The debate between Buttonman and Security Angel continues...
What you seem to not understand is that you are using your cartoon strip as a blunt instrument with which to bludgeon those who harm you or oppose you.
What's your point? Mope expresses himself by pouring water on someone's perishable possessions. He can threaten to use his fists to beat down someone in a wheelchair twice his age. What should I use?
You should be the better man and just blow it all off. That's what you always tell me...
Wow. That doesn't leave much room for me to be a man at all does it. More like a back-down no guts pansey is what I would end up being. He committed the offense. He should apologize.
You could interpret it that way. But what if you are simply over reacting?
Dude! I'm either safe at a wrestling show or I'm not. This is a good time to find out about such things in my opinion.

 

by Buttonman
10-30-06
One last compelling arguement, Buttonman. What if this series of toons are not funny?
What if he's right? Time for an EMERGENCY COMEDY INFUSION!
John Saxon, I've called you out here on this highway for one final confrontatation, to settle the score once and for all.
So we're going to fist fight now? Duke it out like REAL men do instead of all this sissy Internet crap?
Never underestimate the power of a fast moving Peterbuilt!
Slapstick is a LOW form of humor.

 

Epilogue...
I hope you're done now. This has been a pretty disgusting display.
3 books ... $30 Internet bill for October $25. The satisfaction of turning a much despised heel wrestler into dribbling road kill? Priceless!
by Buttonman, 10-30-06

 

by Buttonman
11-03-06
Conversation overheard in the Cartoon Characters' Lounge...
I feel abused and exploited.
Why is that, Elmo?
A cartoonist plucked me out of the character pool and used me to heap derision on a Professional Wrestler.
Oh yeah, Doc, you're talking about Buttonman's "The Wrestling Life." That guy has a bizarre sense of humor.
I am an intelligent and dignified creature, you know. It's really unfair of him to do that.
Ya want I should shoot him for you?

 

by Buttonman
11-03-06
Hold on. What's this? I stopped making John Saxon cartoons on Tuesday... or was it Wednesday.
I'm not John Saxon, Buttonman. I am the chimpanzee you chose to portray him in a negative light last month.
So? I was feeling pretty froggy when I was making those cartoons. I felt like I had been aggregiously wronged and nobody cared.
"Aggregiously wronged?" Has it occurred to you that you have aggregiously wronged ME by choosing me to represent HIM in a cartoon? What if "I" feel besmirched?
Dude... you are a cartoon chimpanzee who briefly portrayed a cartoon Professional Wrestler. You picked up your paycheck. Get over it.
We'll see what PETA has to say about this.

 

by Buttonman
11-03-06
My name is Dirk Diamond. I'm a Private Investigator working for PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals). I'm here about the monkey.
What the hell does PETA have to do with cartoon chimpanzees anyhow?
It's a matter of respect. You besmirched Elmo's reputation by holding him up to ridicule in front of the whole wrestling community.
That's not true. He was merely being used as a SYMBOL to besmirch a member of the wrestling community who not coincidentally is also a character as well.
Nonetheless, I still have to shoot you.
Ahhh. Wasn't the RABBIT supposed to do that?

 

by Buttonman
11-05-06
Well, if you are going to shoot me, don't I get a dying wish or something?
I suppose so. What do you want, a hot dog with onions?
Well yes, but no. Just listen and I'll tell ya...
I fail to see the difference. Here on the road, or back there in the green panel.
Wait for it...

 

by Buttonman
11-05-06
The Wrestling Life Board of Cartoon Standards and Practices has ordered me to reduce the level of violence in these strips.
Y'all allready know what happens when a speeding Peterbuilt slams into a stationary character holding a gun anyhow.
Aw hell. Enjoy the Instant Replay.

 

by Buttonman
11-07-06
I am going to kick myself for asking... Why the space suit, Elmo?
It relates to the airless moonscape we're standing on.
Well, since this is a cartoon, air is a secondary thing. But I'm guessing you have a point to make?
Yeah. It has to do with casting me as a short, disliked heel professional wrestler. I am versatile. I can play many characters. Not just "monkeys."
That's the very reason you were chosen for the role. Who else could have displayed such sensitivity while eating a banana?
Some levels of stupidity require no verbalization

 

by Buttonman
11-08-06
So you'll be in Milton this weekend on Nov 11th?
Yep. Already got a promo toon set up advertising the show. i can't wait for the Main Event.
Why? Do you have something planned?
Me? Nah. My job is selling stuff. The greatness goes to McLoud and Savage in their all-out battle against Whisper and Saxon. It will be the Titanic
Don't you mean, "It will be TITANIC, as in COLLOSSAL?"
No, I mean "THE TITANIC" as in the twin icebergs of Savage and McLoud are going to SINK the rowboat of Whisper and Saxon.

 

by Buttonman
11-09-06
On November 11th, as soon as the tag team of Whisper and Saxon leave the locker room to make their way to the ring, the audience begins to loudly chant...
WaterBOY
Waterboy!
WaterBOY
Waterboy!
When a lucid dream comes with humiliation for my enemy and hot dogs with onions, it's time to saw some logs!

 

by Buttonman
11-10-06
I can't help but notice that Bob has failed to remove the 3 panel cartoon that encourages fans to chant "WATERBOY" at John Saxon in Milton on the 11th.
Um, yeah. That was my suggestion.
So you want Saxon to kill him, yes?
More like torture and humiliate him. Perhaps damage his merchandise so he cannot sell at his table.
You're in disguise for this strip, right? I mean... This "Devil" is not the regular character who normally represents your realworld self, right?
Shhhh. I am being stealthy. I want people to guess who has the most to gain from Saxon wrecking Bob's table. Certainly it isn't Saxon, is it? Together now - "WaterBOY! WaterBOY!"

 

by Buttonman
11-13-06
So, how did the OSW show go on Saturday night>
Pretty much as I hoped it would. McLoud and Savage fought Saxon and Whisper for 3 bloody and violent falls then destroyed them.
Honestly, folks, I have never seen a speeding Peterbilt in our neighborhood and never knew Saxon could drive a truck.
There will be payback

 

by Buttonman
11-14-06
I'm Danny Roland and you're not.
And this bothers me because?
Because I am a famous Black Sheep Profeassional Wrestler who will kick your duck ass!
And you're assuming that you can outrun me?
Not necessary when your friend drives a Peterbilt.
Ow

 

by Buttonman
11-16-06
Mr Electricity, you are my all time favorite wrestler...
A one-eyed green wrestling fan. That's different
In the ring, you are kinetic, petulant, knowledgable and fromidible with a ballerina-like grace that explodes in violence...
I think I am being hit on.
Is it true that you are going to explode all over Former Black Sheep Danny Roland one-on-one at the DSPW show in Brewton, Al Dec 1st?
My cartoon debut is a promo? A PROMO? You will pay, Bob. I have WATER and I know how to use it!

 

by Buttonman
11-17-06
"Mr. Electricity, Jerry Reiner is disgruntled at being introduced in a "Promo" instead of a storyline here at Shoot Comix...
II'll throw water on Bob for introducing me in a DSPW Promo announcing their Brewton show on December 1st.
Even though it's true that i will be facing Former Black Sheep Danny Roland in a strap match that may well be career ending...
This water will teach Bob to respect me in these cartoons. It is alleged to have worked for John Saxon...
?
* SIGH *
I probably need to rethink the whole mixing water with electricity thing. Maybe I'll do that while beating up Danny Roland on Dec 1st in Brewton Al.

 

by Buttonman
12-31-06
I know you. You're Johnny Angel, the Wrestling Promoter.
That's right Little Lady. What can I do for you this fine winter's day?
Agggghhh!
I want to sign up for training before the Jan 5th show in Brewton, Al. Do I qualify?
We'll talk about it after the show, OK?

 

by Buttonman
2-05-07
Hossford, FL Feb 6- Steve Goins, Steve Dalton, Pretty Boy Donnie, Confederate Kid, Maxxwel Chicago and Special Appearance & Armstrong
Wrestling?
ALtha FL Feb 10 GAWF Heavyweight Champ, Steve Dalton, Pretty Boy Donnie, The Tatums, Maxxwell Chicago, Street Bandit, Hollywood Star, Steve Goins
Wrestling.
I know you're dying to get in the last word.
Gimme five tickets and a beer.

 

by Buttonman
3-09-07
The promoter being too stupid to let a thing go, gets bit in the ass by his own words...
You're under arrest Mr Wilson.
What? Under arrest? What for?
Cruelty to animals. You have the right to remain silent, though there ain't a hope in Hell that'll ever happen...
Cruelty to animals/ You muist be insane I never...
Sorry to be the one to tell you but beating a dead horse is against the law. Now... you have the right to shut the hell up...
This is INJUSTICE, I tell ya!

 

by Buttonman
5-27-07
In other Memorial Day weekend news, Former WWE Legend Percy Pringle III made a special appreance at XW-2000 in Milton, FL last night.
His role as guest manager to the tag team "Sweet and Sour" featuring wrestling newcomer, DJ Pringle and Damian Levay did not seem to impress the "Samoan Soldiers" Tag Team.
Um, I hate to correct you on-air, Sally, but the Pringle-Levay tag team is called "Hot and Heavy" and not "Sweet and Sour."
Hunter, you are an idiot. Keep your corrections to yourself or better still, tell 'em to yo MAMMA!
Coming up after the break, "Message Boards - Why Does Everybody fight so much?"

 

by Buttonman
5-28-07
I know you. Aren't you a lovely Ultimate Wrestling Diva?
Yes I am, and aren't you the rich and famous Ultimate wrestling promoter, Alexander Herse III?
Why yes, I am. Say, what are you doing here in this impoverished African villiage?
I am helping feed the poor and hungry villagers so that they can have a better life. Whay are YOU here?
I am looking for a non-english speaking 7 foot 9 inch guy to teach how to wrestle in case Kornbred loses the title on June 2nd
We're on the same page then. I wouldn't mind one of those myself.

 

by Buttonman
5-29-07
At Ultimate Wrestling Headquarters, near the IHOP on the West Side ...
Boss, I don't understand why I gotta wear this disguise. Fans LOVE me. Can't I just be myself?
Because Ultimate Wrestling is a COLORFUL show, Fabian, with lights sound and a "Bunnyman."
You know, I could turn this gimmick into more star power than John Saxon!
Now Fabian, just relax. Remember what The Rock said, "Know Your Role."
It's not what you think folks. A sperm whale fell on him from outer space. Now if I can just convince the Deputy.

 

by Buttonman
5-30-07
I'm going to be a pro wrestler, starting tomorrow.
What makes you think that?
Florida Wrestling Guild is holding tryouts in Tallahassee. Only costs $25. I busted my pig.
Really? Only $25? I can hit my old man for that much, I'll go with you. We'll make it to the WWE oin the cheap!
I wonder if they already have a squirrel on the roster? 'Cause there's an awful lot of nuts on the way to Talahassee...

 

by Buttonman
6-06-07
Hey MISTER ain't you cowboy Billy Wayne?
Why yes, small, innocent, wide-eyed young girl, I certainly am.
Ain't you a famous professional wrestler for the Alabama Wrestling Federation, scheduled to wrestle in Lucedale MS on June 8th?
Uh... yes. That's not only true, but AMAZING that you would know that.
So, uh, whatcha doin in the middle of the IRAQI DESERT?
I'm looking for my horse.

 

by Buttonman
6-06-07
My daddy says it's time for GAWF to go back to ALTHA, Florida!
Who are you and why are you in my GAWF Promo?
I am nick Nitros, Manager to the STARS. I am chrisma and coolness personified.
My daddy says the underwear goes on the INSIDE of the pajamas.
Smart Alec kid.

 

by Buttonman
6-07-07
I could have sworn that horse was behind me as I walked across this trackless Iraqi desert for no particular reason. Where is he?
Whoa! Hey, suspicious looking Arab dude, have you seen my horse? I have a wrestling show on Friday, June 8th.
General Payne gave me this dynamite dinner jacket to blow you up with. Die, infidel!
Wow. Squashed by a falling sperm whale before he could blow himself up. That Allah guy has a strange sense of humor.

 

by Buttonman
6-07-07
Billy... I totally didn't GET the last cartoon at all. Can you explain it to me? Pretty please?
Ahh, well you see General Payne sent that Arab dude to blow me up but before he could do that a sperm whale fell on him from space.
So where did the sperm whale come from?
From the realm of infinite improbability. Say , aren't you an Ultimate Wrestling Diva?
The sexiest one of the bunch. Thank you for noticing...
I'm outta here! If my girlfriend sees you I am roasted camel meat! If you see Payne, tell him I will GET him!

 

by Buttonman
6-16-07
The world of Professional Wrestling mourns the lost of Vince McMahon...
...Killed by a bomb that blew up his limosine (as depicted by this "blue Screen" reinactment) .
And in Mossy Head, Florida they're taking it pretty hard. Mr Gargoyle, your reaction to Vince's untimely death?
You are standing between me and the ring on wrestling Saturday. You must want to die too, right?

 

by Buttonman
6-17-07
We're here with Skip Skipperman of GAWF Wrestling on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Skip, what do you think of Vince's assassination?
As I was saying just the other day to Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan and Brett Hart, it would be a sham if Vince's limosine blew up.
What? You KNEW ahead of time that vince would be brutally murdered on national television?
Let's just say I had a hunch. It's a shame that it happened though.
Why is that?
Because Vince was scheduled to be Jake "The Snake" Roberts' tag team partner at Stetsun's next month.

 

by Buttonman
6-18-07
Here we have caught The Medic without his mask,. Medic, what do you think of Vince being blown up.
If she had stayed in the kitchen where she belongs... Oh. Vince? I think that Cowboy Buddy LOVE did it. The SCOUNDREL!
Spiderman, what do you think about Vince being eviscerated with dynamite?
Long as Torre Wilson wasn't in the car, it's cool.
Diana Drake. Your thoughts on WWE's Vince McMahon being killed?
Who is Vince? There is no wrestling organization but Ultimate Wrestling. All others are fantasy.

 

by Buttonman
10-18-07
Gaylord Galento! So nice of you to drop by tonight. I wanted you to know that the November 10th Hosford show has been rescheduled for Nov 17th.
Cool. But why?
November 10th is the opening day of Squirrel season.
Squirrel season?
OK, a thousand bucks has just been wired to your offshore acount. Know what to do?
Bwast evweeone in the fowest on Nov. 10th who's caweing a wifle, wight?

 

by Buttonman
10-19-07
I can't believe it. You got FIRED again?
It's Buttonman's fault. He told my employer that I couldn't book 5 blank pieces of paper with a staple gun.
And they believed him?
Well, the 24 wrestlers that I had in the last dressing room might have contributed.
So you were really fired for being incompetent?
I quit over creative differences.

 

by Buttonman
10-19-07
Buttonman's Personal Assistant reads letters to Shoot Comix...
Dear Shoot Comix. Why do you and The Booker always fight? It's annoying and juvenile. Signed, "Not Amused"
Dear "Not." Some folks just don't get along: The US and Al Queda, India and Pakistan, Buttonman and The Booker. It's a chemistry thing.
I think you overcomplicated the answer. I HATE Buttonman and really want him to DIE, DIE, DIE!!!
You need to calm down . . . Remember your heart.

 

by Buttonman
10-20-07
The Little Shooter announces he is moving on...
The Jackson was once the Ultimate Wrestling Heavyweight Champion...
The Jackson survived several matches with wrestlers larger than a 747.
Soon, The Jackson will be coming to Old Skool Wrestling in Louisana
Mmmm. Fresh meat...

 

by Buttonman
10-21-07
Carl The Cat Burglar encounters a problem...
Promoter! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be an unoccupied dwelling!
I'm hiding from Johnny Angel
Why would you be doing that?
I may have inadvertantly insulted his wife, his whole family and all his friends.
Now Johnny, listen. Beating a frail old man to a bloody pulp is going to cause more problems than it will solve.
The urge to ignore...

 

by Buttonman
10-22-07
Butch is on a mission...
Me looking for The Booker...
Umm... I fired him. Have no idea where he might be, Butch. Whatcha gonna do with that kinife?
Me want find Booker!
ET TU, Butch? I just want him to pay me for his last full-body massage! Let me know if you find him.
You take me to your daddy, The Booker, now.
The JACKSON would love to help you out, partner, but he's afraid that accessory to murder charges just might stick to him. Oh Yeah!

 

by Buttonman
10-23-07
Pigs flock together in mutual admiration.
We sure do love it when you sling #### all over the AWF Message Board, Mr. Wilson.
Ah, well, son, ah "tells it like it is."
We especially love it when you get busted posting anonymously about people's kids and stuff.
Ah.. Whaddya mean?
You know, when you can't spell the girl's name, so you post "Archie and Diva" instead.
Ah NEVER said that to Mickey on the telephone today. It's a Buttonman conspiracy, Ah tells ya!

 

by Buttonman
10-23-07
GAWF announces...
Midgets! Kid Enigma who stands 3'9 and 91 LBS to take on Kid Body Drop who stands 3"10 and 98 LBS
The Jackson can whip any midget up to 500 pounds. The Jackson don't take prisoners and he don't take no guff from nobody 3 feet tall!
Captain Fantastic - er, ahh- Kory Jackson has proven himself to be an exemplary wrestler. But he is "Sir Not Appearing on This Card."
That's OK because I'll be at Old Skool in Louisana, taking care of business, JACKSON style.
Remember, MIDGETS on Nov 17th!
And remember Skip. Watch out for that EVIL Buttonman. He's EVIL and ... well just WATCH OUT!

 

by Buttonman
10-24-07
Without access to the IP numbers, there is no way to see who has been spoofing you. But Someone possibly HAS been spoofing you in some messages on the AWF and Ultimate boards.
Grggrgg!
Thing is though, you are so predictable in these tantrums that a spoofer can mimick you perfectly and nobody but you is the wiser.
Grggrgg?
Yeah, I know you are angry and can't talk out of frustration and stress, but you need to remember that this is just wrestling. Not nearly as good as cherry pie.
Phttttthh...

 

by Buttonman
10-25-07
"Mud Slingers & Philosphers" - Politicians seem to revel in it - Introducing Dr. Edwin A. Baldwin phd
The Booker and Buttonman seem to thrive in it - whatever the cause ...
Each defends his own turf with gusto and foul name-calling and threats of disclosure ...
In the face of famine, pestilence and drought they plod onward...
Mia culpa, doc.
Crap. I lost my train of thought.
Trying to post intelligent discourse on a wrestling message board often ends with that result.

 

by Buttonman
10-25-07
Dude, you gave me the "finger."
What's your point?
Well, it's rude, offensive, childish, and cowardly due to the anonymity involved.
i am a PIG, stupid. What do you expect, compliments?
No, not really, but the pseudonym "Seasoned Vet" implies that you are both an adult and a wrestler with creds.
Goes to show that you are an idiot.

 

by Buttonman
10-26-07
If you know what's good for you, you will stop arguing with that nice young promoter Bobby Wilson, Buttonman.
Young? He's almost 70 years old!
I'll teach you a thing or two you wet behind the ears whippersnapper.
For your informatation, life BEGINS at 70!
Let that be a lesson to you wise guy!

Showing page 7.

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