All comics by Commander_t

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by Commander_t
10-28-05
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!
Sensors indicate it is merely a sexbot, but with a really big... and a preference for the... oh boy... uh oh...
Back away slowly... and you'll be ok...
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-28-05
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Take for example this over-worked teacher from Anytown, Usa. Obviously by the looks of him, he's uncool, and wants to be popular with his students. By God, we're going to make him popular!
*sob* Thank you, Bob Villa!! Thank you!!!
The name's Abe Vigoda, you son of a bitch... and I make life easier!
AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-30-05
AHHH!!!! WHO IS THIS WOMAN?!
She's your wife, son. We married you up all legal and everything! Go make babies so we can control the Earth!!
Do I have too? She seems... well, you know...
I don't like this anymore than you do; but your father is paying me very well, because no one else will. Come on, I promise I wont hurt you...

 

by Commander_t
10-30-05
At a press conference outside the White House...
Hello everyone. Apparently out pf all the candidates chosen, this woman here was selected to be my... erm... lovely... wife. So without further ado, Mrs. Mr. President.
Hello everyone. Thank you for accepting me as the only viable wife of Mr. President. Now, onto my agenda...
Agenda? What agenda...?
First: TAKE OUT THE FREAKING GARBAGE!! SECOND, QUIT SUCKING YOUR THUMB WHILE SLEEPING!! THIRD, LIFT THE TOILET SEAT UP FOR YOUR FATHER'S SAKE!!
*sob*
Any questions?

 

by Commander_t
10-30-05
Hillo thur Meesuz Miztur Prizidunt!
What kind of freak are you?
Eem nu frik, eem Army Guy.
Does the military make them all like you?
Weel, da Kapan saaz weer en Army off wun- ahh! Wut er yu doen tu mee Meesuz Miztur Prizidunt?! Hoo buy, dat tikelz!!

 

by Commander_t
10-31-05
Dude, ok!! Your head is enormous, just quit showing it off! ECH!!
You like it, don't you?

 

by Commander_t
10-31-05
Dude, ok!! Your head is enormous, just quit showing it off! ECH!!
You like it, don't you?

 

by Commander_t
11-12-05
Hello, I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Take for example the life of Mr. President. He's had a rough go at life recently, and as God as my witness, I'm going to make his life easier!!
Oh no!, Honest Abe!! You can't make this man's life any easier!! That's for Mr. Vice President to decide!! Now, you run along now, and we wont have to get violent...
THE POWER OF ABE VIGODA COMPELS YOU!! ...I'm Abe Vigod, and I make life easier!
Must find monkeys; Mr. Vice-President; Little Vietnamese Girl. Have fun times... Yay...!

 

by Commander_t
11-13-05
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier...
...
...or not. I'm Abe Vigoda, and I eventually make life easier.

 

by Commander_t
11-13-05
Hey Amish. I've heard from reliable sources you joined up for National Novel Writing Month again this year.
Yeah, and it looks like I could make it this year, and really, I only started writing four days ago!!
So what are you doing back here at sc.com then?
Even Potentially-World's-Greatest-Authors need sleep!
World's Greatest Author... Oh my God...!!

 

by Commander_t
11-13-05
Hello, Amish here. If you have read my previous comic: Amish Writes in NaNo, you may have noticed the glaring mistake as quoted:
'So what are you doing back here at sc.com then? Even Potentially-World's-Greatest-Authors need sleep!' This goes on to prove several things:
One, I truly DO need sleep. Two, writing 22,000 words fries one's brain. Three, sc.com needs a massive influx of hot chicks to keep me working into the night...

 

by Commander_t
11-13-05
Hoping to fix the world's problems, Roofer and Alien assemble their combined brain power...
Little did they know, they faced a menacing brick wall of stupidity and old time sc'ers...
Thusly, they face the challange to the best of their know-how...

 

by Commander_t
11-14-05
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Take for example this young lad here. Unassuming he may look, but bad mouthing Abe Vigoda...! I have to make life easier for the both of us!
You were never funny Abe Vigoda, not even in the stuff you've tried to be funny in! Honestly, you suck!
OH YEAH?! LET'S SEE WHO SUCKS NOW, BITCH!!
Wait a minute, Abe. I've got to post how I owned you on the internet

 

by Commander_t
11-14-05
Dude! You never got help for that?!
Nah, I think I'm going to be ok, really!
Wont your head get gangreen and fall off or something?
I-I never thought about that.
You need to have a better understanding of head health, or else it will fall of. HAHAHA! ...Crap...

 

by Commander_t
11-29-05
HOLA!! IT IS I, THE MINIATURIZED GHOST OF ROBERT E. LEE!! FEAR ME!!
Uh... I don't know... How do I know you're really Robert E. Lee?
Well, I am Robert E. Lee... or at least think I'm Robert E. Lee; but that's beside the point: FEAR ME, A MINIATURIZED GHOST!!
Wait, come back!! We can sing a song!!

 

by Commander_t
12-15-05
Hola!! I'm your president, Mr. President!! I'm here today to talk to you about political policy.
Uh, I'm not so sure...
Well, nobody can be sure of anything in times like thses, except to be sure they aren't sure. Much the same way with politics young lad...
Uh, mom? There's some weirdo out here...
Ooolala!!
My services aren't cheap. I hope you've got money, or else I'll have to mutilate you...

 

by Commander_t
12-15-05
What are you?! Some kind of idiot?!
No, I'm just a man in a can. Is there anything wrong with that?
Pepe doesn't like that! Its bad enough he's freaked out by people who don't wear all blue...! But don't you worry, Pepe has a solution for you!!
Note: No men in trashcans were actually hurt in this piece of fiction. Those that believed it, get some mental help.
HAHAHAHA!!!!! THAT WAS FREAKING CRAZY!!!

 

by Commander_t
12-15-05
Who are you?
I'm Dracula, and I'm going to drink your blood!
Yuck! Would you really want to drink the blood of a man that lives in a can?
Its all the same to Dracula.
Is it?
All right!! All right!! Freak...

 

by Commander_t
12-16-05
Aha! It's that time of year once more: CHRISTMAS!! I'm going to get soo many presents this year!!
Um, Mr. President, you're wife and father have both agreed to no presents this year.
AW CRAP!!! I'm going to have to get Presidential on them!!... No wait, I'm too scared; my wife Mrs. Mr. President will bite my head off and father will change my back to a little asian girl!! *sob*
Cheer up, Mr. President. We'll think of something.
I've got it!! Re-gift my zombie army to me!! It's the greatest idea ever!!!
But sir, we killed y-*gack*

 

by Commander_t
12-16-05
AHH!!
An alien...! Peace, not war man...!
Captain's Log: HAHA!! I said log! I've come across a world inhabited by hippies. We must cut them off from any further contact with technologically advanced civilizations...
That should do it...

 

by Commander_t
2-02-06
At the White House Security Hut...
AHH!!
Do not be alarmed! I am only here to meet Mr. President!! There are several... important issues I must discuss with him!!
Sir, I'm afraid the allegations from your party leadership aren't true. Mr. President doesn't swing that way.
Uh, are you sure? I've got good resources just so you know.
Yes. Mr. President doesn't give blood, as his veins run rich with pure crude oil.
Dammit!! How are vampires supposed to live nowadays!!

 

I claim this former Land of Big People in the name of MIDGETS EVERYWHERE!!
JESUS CHRIST!! LITTLE PEOPLE YOU RETARD!!
by Commander_t, 2-02-06

 

by Commander_t
3-21-06
What was so important that we had to drive to the middle of nowhere to see? And why doi you need that axe? The MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOWHERE HERE!!
You don't need to have a tree to use an axe...

 

by Commander_t
3-21-06
Well?
Um, ahh...
ORDER SOMETHING!! THAT'S WHY YOU CAME HERE DIDN'T YOU?!
Um, yeah but...
THEN ORDER SOMETHING!! I LIKE THE BACON AND YOU SHOULD TOO!!!!! ORDER ME!!!!
... I just wanted a salad... *sob*

 

by Commander_t
3-22-06
Fat Head so hungry...!
The pain is too unbearable! Must eat that chocolate bat...!
*poot poot poot*
Uh, maybe not... Get a breath mint... ... And come back in five or ten minues.

 

by Commander_t
3-22-06
Captain's L- Diary: I seem to be going crazy with each teleportation. Things aren't making sense: there's a dog on a ball; I have no girlfriend...
*woof woof*
Note to self: Destroy all balls and dogs, and buy a galatic ton of blow-up dolls.

 

by Commander_t
3-22-06
At an emergency White House Press Conference...
Sir!11 Sir! What can you tell us of the fire inside the White House?!
Sure. The master bathroom is completely gone as well as some valuable furniture.
Was there any other damage to the White House?
Yes. Mr President was on fire. I do believe he still is on fire. No one was brave enough to douse the flames of his presidency.
Well, it seems there is no news at the White House after all, at least none we don't already know. Back to you in the studio.
HEY! GET THE CAMCORDER READY! I WANT TO CREATE THE NEXT ZAPRUDER FILM!

 

by Commander_t
5-22-06
EHHH!!!
...dear god... Army Guy, what is it? *sigh*
Itz Miztur Prizidunt Miztur Prizidunt! Heez ginnuh maak mi lurn inglesh!!
I know, I know. I am the president after all. But you know what Army Guy? Retards can't learn. Just go home and put some tinfoil on your head and we wont come after you.
Gud Miztur Prizidunt!! Yur ah Ginyus!!! Thenc yu!!
Retard.

 

by Commander_t
6-03-06
Deep in the trenches of the American Food Market Bacon and Dolphin battle to the death each battling to bring you quality food products made from their dead and mutilated bodies
while still being able to give you 100% nutrition to go aboout your day perhaps fending off that carrot about to slice your leg off or that rabid burrito about to give you an STD
but let it be known that you the american consumer are made safe with the deaths of millions of pigs and dolphins yearly for if their populations grew out of control the apocalypse would be on us all.

 

It was then Rudolph realized his mistake...
Now, where are we going to dump that jolly old soul?
by Commander_t, 6-03-06

 

... WE'RE ALIENS IN DISGUISE WHO WORSHIP TOM CRUISE AND DON'T KNOW THE FINER ARTS WHEN IT'S RUBBED IN OUR FACES...!!!!! I'M INSANE...!!!
by Commander_t, 6-03-06

 

by Commander_t
6-09-06
So, do you have any positions open on the Jolly Roger?
Well, we do have a missionary position open.
CHRIST!!! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAN GET IN THAT POSITION TO YOU?!
Uh, er... I can get into a surprising number of positions with my wooden legs.

 

by Commander_t
6-09-06
At an impromptu White House Press Conference...
MR. PRESIDENT! MR. PRESIDENT! IS IT TRUE ABOUT THE RUMORS?
Yes, yes... now quit screaming. It is true: we've finally been able to extract Michael Jackson from the Lincoln Bedroom. Last time, if you remember, he was in there only a few months...
... but this... _this_ is going to be bad. I'd run away, as Michael will probably find a loophole in all this then come after me with a dozen sailors and a ton of lubricant... RUN AWAY!!!

 

by Commander_t
6-10-06
Well Army Guy, it looks like you're dead... again. I mean, how can people die a dozen times and NOT be immortal? *sigh* I guess it's just this crazy world we live in now...
I can't believe I about nearly almost cried... oh well, time to go watch some mexican soap operas... I just took a shower too; my voice might be a little hoarse.

 

by Commander_t
6-10-06
That water looks mighty hot...
Yeah. Jump in.
No, you jump in.
No, you jump in!
Together... 1... 2... 3! ...HAHAHA!!!

 

by Commander_t
6-10-06
Captain's Diary: Oh, uh... a Scientologist. They make people go crazy then die...
No they don't!
Whatever, you crazy Scientologist!
*gak* Heart........ atta-

 

by Commander_t
6-10-06
...ugh... Sir, before this comic gets any crazier, we're going to have to hose you down.
It's already crazy with such as ourselves in it, directly in the middle of a forest.
Yes, but if we can stop it from getting any crazier, we must and will!
Oh, like illegal immigrants?
Yeah, that's it!
OK! Hose me down good, I'm waiting for Alejandro and the bottle of tequilla he's bringing!

 

by Commander_t
6-10-06
*bawk bawk*
They're robots, not humans you crazy rooster!
*bawk bawk*
Well, I'd suppose if you get the right model you could have sex with one.
*bawk bawk*
*sigh* No, I left 'Nam a man, not a virgin... had to pull 'em off this here arm like it was going crazy. They hung on to it, didn't want to let it go... thought I tore something there for awhile...

 

No, Dolphins don't drink coffee. Bad Dolphin!
by Commander_t, 6-10-06

 

by Commander_t
6-13-06
AHH!! A Ninja! I thought you were extinct?!
No, we're humans too-
Prove it.
I can't prove it. I cannot unmask, which would reveal my identity. Nor can I be seen by my marks for that would violate all things Ninja, even to its core.
Silly Fake-Ninja!, your tricks don't fool me!
Wait, come back here! Ninjabot needs food!

 

by Commander_t
6-13-06
Hey, is that a sword?
No, it's a katana.
Why are you looking at me like that? You're not some sort of freak are you?
No, I'm a robot: A ROBOT WHO CAN CONTROL YOUR MIND!! YOU ARE: A MONKEY!!!!!
Ten Minutes Later...
Too bad he doesn't know I'm immune to mind control.
Hey, I know monkeys do that too and all, but you're human... and humans usually don't do _that_ in public...

 

by Commander_t
6-13-06
*chirp*
What?! Little Johnny fell down a well?!
*chirp*
He's broken every bone in his body, rendering himself a humanoid blob?
*chirp chirp*
Indeed it shall be good... BECAUSE I NEED TO FEED ON HUMAN FLESH!!

 

by Commander_t
6-14-06
Oh no!, where are we?!
We're on a space ship, man.
A space ship? Really? I heard they give you anal probes! *sob*
Yeah, but I've had long years of torture in 'Nam; I'm confident I can take that torture. What about you?
I just started working at the North Pole with Good Ole Saint Nick...! *sob* I don't want to be probed...!

 

by Commander_t
6-14-06
I LIKE PORK CHOPS!!!!!
OHMYGOD! It's Ensign Picadilly from my favorite TV show 'STAR TICK'!!
I LIKE PORK CHOPS!!!!!
Yeah, me too; can I get your autograph?
I LIKE PORK CHOPS!!!!!
Hey, what are you doing with that ray gun?! RUN AWAY!!!!

 

by Commander_t
6-14-06
*hiss hiss*
Oooo, my pussy can hiss too!

 

by Commander_t
6-14-06
*chirp*
Yes, yes grasshopper, I shall teach you the ways I was taught to survive 'Nam.
*chirp*
Don't be so impatient. First, get into the fetus position. Second, ram your curled up fist into a ball. Third, ram it up your ass.
*chirp chirp chirp!!!!*
Fourth and most importantly, scream: 'I'M A HAPPY LITTLE GERBIL!' over and over while anally eating your own fist. Survival, it's tough man.

 

by Commander_t
6-17-06
... No, I don't think we have anything to cure... what was it that you called it? 'Fat Head Syndrome'. But I think we've got something here...
That would be fine...
Hmmm...
Well, we don't have anything for Fat Head Syndrome, but we do have pills to make your head larger. Would you like those?
*sob*

 

by Commander_t
6-17-06
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier!
Silly Abe Vigoda! You cannot make life any easier for me! You've burdened me enough as it is; with little old grannies and people who think you're Bob Villa!
Yes... Bob Villa... well, they deserved it.
Well, maybe so. But don't you think you could make my life easier by trying not to make other peoples lives easier?
Ok. ... I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier!!

 

by Commander_t
6-17-06
JESUS!! SKIPPY!! BEAM ME OUT NOW!!!
*sob*

 

by Commander_t
6-23-06
Do you really think chopping up cats will get us out of here?
Yes?

Showing page 7.

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