All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
10-10-03
Somewhere in Eagle County, Colorado...
I heard there was a blackout, but I didn't know he would be sooooooo fine.
Hi, I'm Kobe. Forget I said that!
Somewhere in Washington, DC...
President Bush, when will the WMDs be found in Iraq
Heh, as soon as the Cubs and Red Sox meet in the World Series--heh, heh.
Somewhere in Sacramento, Cal-ee-forn-yah...
Good evening, this is the new Governor of California, if you would like to be put on my "Do Not Grope" list, please press 1. If you would like me to fondle your buttocks, please press 2.

 

by umfumdisi
10-11-03
A stray cat! I will pet it.
One pat later..
Ah! I am in fact a fairy. And since you have rubbed me, I shall give you one wish!
I wish you had bigger boobs and a smaller body.
Bazoom!

 

by umfumdisi
10-12-03
so, umfumdisi, you've been ignoring us.
yeah, too busy with contests, disc-swapping, and new characters, huh?
even though we're always here...
watching...waiting.
we know you want to use kaddar2, so go ahead...
bastard.

 

by umfumdisi
10-16-03
"You've Got Mail!"
woof
Wow, your dog surfs the 'Net? He must be pretty smart.
Not really, he signed up with AOL.

 

by umfumdisi
10-16-03
5:45 AM
No wonder yer havin' troubles. You can't milk a bull.
8:45 AM
Of course yer wool production is down--ye've only half a sheep!
11:45 AM
Ye must forsake all modern convenience and technology if ye wish to become Amish.
No problem. I'm from Afghanistan.

 

by umfumdisi
10-16-03
2:45 PM
Bacon? Sorry, we don't have any pigs around here.
5:45 PM
We need a pig character; they're vital to the Amish way of life: bacon, sausage, ham, fatback, pork rinds, spam, pickled pigs feet, snoutphrodisiac...
Okay, okay, I'm working on it!
8:45 PM
So your beta version software was calling on a resource that didn't exist. I upgraded you to the "Pro" package with full network capabilities.
God be praised!

 

by umfumdisi
10-16-03
Blue, Blue Day
It begins...
I'm dressed--now what?
Later...
Yup...thumb and three fingers.
I'm so fucking boring!
Much Later...
I'll make a strip about my adventure in space.
Why is it called TANG, anyway?

 

by umfumdisi
10-17-03
Are you a gay cowboy?
Why the hell would you ask that?
Well, you're bowlegged and you walk funny.
I am bowlegged, but I walk funny because a bull gored me in the ass.
So did you like it?
I'm not saying I didn't.

 

by umfumdisi
10-17-03
Are you a good man?
As a man of the cloth, I strive to hold myself to a higher moral standard.
So you believe in punishing bad people?
Punishment is a harsh word, my child. I offer absolution in exchange for certain acts of penance.
Is that why, after he spit in the Holy Water, you made Timmy clean out your rectum?
It's called a rectory...

 

by umfumdisi
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Um, the tooth fairy got knocked up by a Cavity Creep. I'll give you a brewski for that molar.

 

by umfumdisi
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
I'm taking a survey for Tootsie Roll. How many licks does it take to get to the chocolatey center of your boxer shorts?

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-03
I'm twying to fill my kiwi quota. This decoy shoud do the twick. Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Now step into the soundproof booth, and I'll x-ray your bazooms!
All this for a job on "The Price Is Right?"
So you're leaving me?
Sorry, my vet said to avoid dairy.

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-03
Since I'm sort of scary looking and my shorts are ragged, I'll send you out on the planet surface. Take some time to practice your opening phrase.
Sure thing, Dad.
Lost In Germany...
I come in peace! No. What's your sign? No. Ah, I've got it!
Take me to your leader.
Lieder? Wie bei etwas irgend beim David Hasselhoff?

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-03
I'd like to address my looks today.
If not for this beard, I might be Swee'Pea from "Popeye."
My eyes are kind of beady, though.
At least my smile is pleasant.
I like my snazzy yellow vest. I know it's not suspenders because I'm not wearing any pants.
And those dots on my head? They're not finger holes!

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-03
Favorable darkness-hours, my domestic adolescent male!
Salud. Unfortunately, my outlook is unfavorable.
Sympathetic rejoinder. May I inquire about the origin of your current malaise?
I have acquired a virus! My processors are running at half-optimization; my oscillations are fluctuating; even my data ports are clogged.
Is the contamination communicable?
Extremely!

 

by umfumdisi
10-19-03
by Langston Hughes
To fling my arms wide / In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance / Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
Dark like me--That is my dream!

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
Hey, Love Muffin, are you ready for some hot, sultry...
ga
Shit, the baby's in here!
goo
Sierra...Echo...Xray on the ackporchbay?
Radio code AND Pig Latin? Who does this guy think he's fooling?

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
My heart was split,
and a flower appeared; and grace sprang up;
*poof* I'm Lotus.
*sproing* I'm Grace.
and it bore fruit for my God.
After much travail over hill and dale, I bring fruit and gourd for you, My Lord.
Sheesh. Put it in the barn with the rest of the "donations."

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
THE MORE YOU KNOW...2004.
Hello, I'm Robert DeNiro. You might remember me from such motion picture classics as "Taxi Driver" or "Midnight Run."
In those films, I played tough guys...guys who were always ready for a fight.
But the biggest fight of my life came last year...when I battled prostrate cancer.
Uh, Bob, it's "prostate"--not prostrate.

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
Are you talkin' to me?
Yes, I am.
Who the fuck are you?
I'm your prostate, well, ex-prostate.
Prostate...Prostrate. What's the fuckin' difference?
Well, PROSTRATE means "spread out face down on the ground." I'm PROSTATE...as in gland. I produce an alkaline viscid fluid which makes up most of your seminal fluid.

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
You seem pretty smart, but if the doctors removed you, aren't you dead tissue?
Yes, but our job here is to remind people that prostate cancer is not a dead issue!
If I had a rubber chicken, I'd fuckin' slap you with it.
Uh oh, Death finally caught up with me.
Sorry for the trouble Mr. DeNiro. I'll put that little nut in a sack, and he won't get out again. BTW, I'll be seeing you in November 2018.
Hey, The More You Know...

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-03
Son, do you think I'm a whore?
I'd say you're more of a Slut, but you should ask one of my dads.
Honey, am I a whore?
No, Dear, you're more Skank than anything, but maybe you should ask your boss.
Big Daddy, am I a whore?
I'd call you a Ho, but I ain't seen no money in two weeks.

 

by umfumdisi
10-23-03
Our "Yahweh on the Street" asks people about the meaning of life.
Hello, good sir, may I ask you, "What is the Meaning of Life?"
42
God teleports to the mall...
Hello, fair lady, may I ask you, "What is the Meaning of Life?"
Refrigerator magnets are FOUR for ONE DOLLAR.
God teleports to stripcreator.com...
Hello, good sir, may I ask you, "What is the Meaning of Life?"
Lubrication, Intimidtaion, Flatulation, Ejaculation!

 

by umfumdisi
10-23-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
It's just past noon, sir, but we've already tallied 5,000 tons o' crap.
Thanks for the report, CrapMaster.

 

by umfumdisi
10-23-03
For my Grampa C. (who would've been 95 today).
Hey, Grampa, want to pet my new kitty?
The only good cat is a dead cat!
Hey, Grampa, want to watch wrestling?
Sure, son, right after I finish my fried squirrel sandwich.
Hey, Grampa, I stole your hat.
Get back here--I'll tear you open like a can of kraut!

 

by umfumdisi
10-23-03
Dude, are you alright? You look a little shocked.
Yeah, I thought that old guy back there had a stroke on me!
Really? What happened?
Turns out when he said 72, he was just talking about his age--not his score.
That's why old dudes shouldn't play golf.

 

by umfumdisi
10-24-03
Life on the trail sure is lonely.
You got that right, Rutherford.
At least YOU got a woman at home!
Yup, ain't nobody better'n Bonnie Sue.
Cowboy Ray! I just heard from Rancher Bob who heard from Widow Baxter that she saw a man go into your house with Mrs. Bonnie!
Sheeeeeeeee-it. I'm on my way home.

 

by umfumdisi
10-24-03
~\ "And away he rode through various backgrounds for to see if it was true..."/~
clippity-clop clippity-clop
~\"That a man had walked right into his home with the beautiful Bonnie Sue!" /~
clippity-clop clippity-clop
Bonnie Sue! You better not be in there with another man!
agua, por favor?

 

by umfumdisi
10-24-03
Sit.
Stay.
Reboot!

 

by umfumdisi
10-24-03
Who the HELL are you and what are you doing in MY bedroom with MY wife?
Surprise, Cowboy Ray! My name is Liberty; I'm an interior designer. Bonnie Sue and I have redone your bedroom--While You Were Out On The Range!
Well...it sucks. I hate purple. And what's up with this shag-ass rug? I'm gonna count to three. Then I'm gonna fill you and your room full of hot lead.
Yipes! I think he means that in a bad way. *escape*
Gee, Dad, you know I "love" your crazy stories, but is there a point to this one?
Of course. You see, the designer jumped out the window. Cowboy Ray missed him, but shot up the curtains. And that's the story of "The Man Who Shot Liberty's Valance!"

 

by umfumdisi
10-25-03
What's up with the mask?

 

by umfumdisi
10-25-03
So, did you ever wonder why there's such a thing as Daylight Savings Time?
No, but I'm sure this dumbass is going to make a comic about it.
I thought it wuz so us farmers could have more daylight hours and get more time fer farmin'.
No. It was developed by the government in conjunction with corporate America as a means to condition workers to the 9 to 5 work schedule. Wake up, sheeple!
It gives us two minutes of "news" filler twice a year!
It's a conspiracy to sell more smoke alarm batteries--each for ONE FREAKING DOLLAR!

 

by umfumdisi
10-25-03
200 Kilometers Later...
Welcome to Schnauzer Hut. May I interest you in our house special?
No, but I'd like a container of your best KimChihuahua to go. Oh, and add...

 

by umfumdisi
10-26-03
I'm lovin' it. I'm workin' at McDonald's.
That's nice, can I order now?
These rhymes are Darryl's, but the burgers are Ronald's.
Hey, you stole that from RUN-DMC!
I'm lovin' it, and I ain't tellin' no lies, Cause with every meal I eat--I get free fries!
Sweet, I'm a desirable demographic.

 

by umfumdisi
10-26-03
I've killed my best friend! That Korean food really did make me Kim Jong ill. Now what?

 

by umfumdisi
10-26-03
Stripcreator Board Game Expansion Pack (board2)
"DexX In The City" SPACE:
Each player guesses what city DexX is destroying. Each correct player moves into and takes over the nearest occupied space.
"Forum Score 'Em" SPACE:
FORUMS OPEN! Everyone takes a Kaufman (since he's a "card").
FORUMS CLOSED! Only donors play until further notice. Blame Canada.
"EVERYTHING'S A DOLLAR" SPACE:
Make a strip about the stupid customers I encounter at my job.
How much for the Van Gogh?

 

by umfumdisi
10-27-03
Hi, I'm Gene Eric Johnson, the host of ABC's latest reality smash hit...
MYSTERY BACHELOR!
We've taken compromising photos of 20 beautiful women...
and blackmailed them into appearing on our show.
And now we'll darken the studio lights to introduce our MYSTERY BACHELOR...
Hello America! I bet you can't wait to meet me.

 

by umfumdisi
10-27-03
Hello, again. Gene Eric Johnson here to talk about MYSTERY BACHELOR.
MB is the newest reality smash brought to you by ABC...
and the good folks at TOBOR BAKERY who remind you that...
"Mmmmm, Mmm. Nothing warms your bottom like a TOBOR CORNROLL."
CUT!
Sorry. Did I read that wrong?
Well, what the hell is a CORNHOLE?

 

by umfumdisi
10-27-03
We're back, assaulting you with more info about MYSTERY BACHELOR. We'll let MB tell you a bit about himself.
So, MB, what does it feel like to have 20 beautiful women vying for your hand in marriage?
It's almost embarrassing. I'm not that handsome. I make a modest income. I'm sort of wondering what all the fuss is about.
Actually, MB, they're mostly media whores and wannabe actresses.
Well, as long as they're here for the right reasons...and they're all beautiful, right?
That's right, MB. And hopefully they're just as shallow as you.

 

by umfumdisi
10-27-03
Gene Eric Johnson back with you to remind everyone that the first episode of...
MYSTERY BACHELOR will be a two-hour special chock-full of advertising and product placement.
Oh, and it will debut opposite of "Will & Grace" since we're obviously going for the straight audience.
Now, let's go over the basics of MYSTERY BACHELOR...20 beautiful women! 1 eligible bachelor!!
And here's the kicker! Our beautiful, beautiful bachelorettes will get to hear, taste, smell, and touch our bachelor.
However, they will NOT SEE the MYSTERY BACHELOR until he has narrowed the field down to the 5 most beautiful women.

 

by umfumdisi
10-27-03
Hey, ledy, cun I burroo sume-a muney tu booy sume-a cereel?
Are you making fun of my language?
Pleese-a, I'm hoongry fur Cruunchy Sters!
Why don't you go to Bum College and learn how to speak English, you bum!
Su I seys, "Vell, zeem rutur toorbeenes eeen't gunna generete-a grefeetuns by zeemselfes!"
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by umfumdisi
10-28-03
Thursday on "Friends"...
Joey has sex and says something stupid!
Phoebe says something off the wall and sings about her vagina!

 

by umfumdisi
10-28-03
Variation on that old "Texan visits Australia" joke...
This here's Ayers Rock. It's a symbol of Australian strength and fortitude.
Rock, huh? Back home in TEXAS, we call that a pebble!
And here's our Great Barrier Reef. It's houses one of the most diverse underwater biosystems on earth.
Shit, son, I got a bigger aquarium in my MOTORhome!
Holy Hell, Bruce! What is that?
I'm an Australian grasshopper. Now give over the wallet, mate.

 

by umfumdisi
10-29-03
All Hallows Eve! A time period reserved for collecting glucose and sucrose-filled consumables!
With all the undeveloped humans in costume, we may operate inconspicuously.
Hail thee, ROBOTJIM, we seek permission for NIcK to join our revelry and abandon!
Sorry, that fool Ernest P. Worrell mistook us for evil trolls and shot us both...ROBOTNIcK DIED!
It was my understanding that Ernest was in the habit of preserving holidays.
Horror! Now I will never feast upon the chewy goodness of Slowpokes, Bit-O-Honeys, and Toblerones!

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
Hey, you suck. You didn't make your "daily" comic yesterday.
Well, I tried to make one, but I couldn't.
Stripper's block?
Nah, Internet Explorer kept shutting down on me.
Well, you probably did something stupid. What was the last thing you installed on your PC?
A Microsoft Security Update!

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
Microsuck, eh? You should have known better.
Yeah, but it had been a while since I'd updated my machine.
Turns out the update also included "n-Case" Adware. I had to spend another hour deleting all that crap and cleaning up my registry.
So now you're wasting valuable employment resources by making comics at work?
I'm doing it for my tens of fans.

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
This was the coolest thing that ever happened.
Wow. You're a real live lesbian?! That's SOOO cool!
You are SOOO sad! Now where the white bitches be at?!
Here we be!
Here we be!

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
Hiya, Joe.
Howdy do, Ern.
Seen Ed around?
Not since sensitivity training.
"Ed. It's easy to love me now, but would love me if I was down and out, Ed, would you still have love for me?"
"Uh, I'll axe 21 questions, and they all about us?"

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
Me and the boys have been working on something special just for you, Santa.
For me? Aw, you guys are too much.
Umfum, what are you doing? Christmas is almost two months away!
Somebody better tell fucking Wal-Mart--I walked in there today and heard "Jingle Bells."
Well, I made up something special for you elves, too. ----------------------------- Cool! Thanks Santa. Hey, is this venison!?!

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-03
October 31st...
...the day most cartoonists make those lame Halloween-related strips...
...featuring vampires, werewolves, Frankenstein monsters, and the like...
...and don't forget the stupid jokes about hyperactive kids and candy.
We're only here in the graveyard because our friend died.
And there's nothing funny about the death of Tsum-Yon Gye.

Showing page 7.

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