All comics by MikeyG

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by MikeyG
4-14-04
Rule #7: If you want a job at Wal-Mart, don't be gay.
Although your repeated requests to take me to dinner have made me uncomfortable in the past, sir, I've decided to take you up on the offer.
Aha! You're fired.
Rule #8: No matter when you shop there, they never have any more of YOUR brand of deodorant.
Excuse me, do you have anymore Right Guard Sportâ„¢?
We're out, sir. All we have left is Jimmy Joe Bob's Famous Armpit Detergent.
Rule #9: Even though they are displayed prominently, asking a Wal-Mart employee in the midwest where the condoms are will garner disdain.
Excuse me, where are your condoms?
The devices of Satan are in aisle four, sir.

 

by MikeyG
4-14-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? We're in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
Um...celebrate?
No time, "Savior". You've still got one more witch to fall on.

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? We're in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
The Dance of Joy?
Fuck off, Balki.

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? We're in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
Clean out my spacesuit?
Break yoself, fool! I'm the Wickedest Witch 'round here!

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? Were in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
I'd like to go back, but I'm not sure witch way I came from.

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? Were in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
I don't know.
For starters, you can get the fuck off my lawn!

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? Were in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
Phone home?
No, put your hands behind your head, human. Methane gas is a controlled substance here.

 

by MikeyG
4-15-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? Were in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
Find a 24-hour dry cleaner?
Nah, just wipe it off on the dead bitch's clothes.

 

by MikeyG
4-19-04
Oh, man, Christie is half-naked! I've never really done this before...
So, do you want to lie down and turn off the light?
*click*
If my hero, Pee Wee Herman were in this situation, What Would Pee Wee Do?â„¢
Mmmm...come here for a minute... Yeah that's good, take your pants off...
*FAP FAP FAP FAP*
Are you...? EWWWW!

 

by MikeyG
4-19-04
Dum De Dum De Dum...
Steven, aren't you supposed to be typing up that memo?
Oh, man, I am so caught! What Would Pee Wee Do?â„¢
This is the third time today I've caught you goofing off! What do you have to say for yourself?
*click*
*FAP FAP FAP FAP*
What are you...? Well, I guess we could work something out...

 

by MikeyG
4-19-04
Man, I could live at this ranch for the rest of my life.
Uh-oh. That bull looks REALLY mad. What Would Zeus Do?â„¢
Hey baby. Us Greeks aren't that picky with the whole 'gender' thing, you know.
Mooooh?

 

by MikeyG
4-19-04
Listen, Rick. You've been valuable to us here, but lately your work ethic has been suffering.
Oh, man! I'm gonna get fired!
That's why we've decided to let you go. Clear out your desk in five minutes.
Shit! If my hero George 'W' Bush was in this situation, What Would 'W' Do?â„¢
YEEEEEEE HAW!

 

by MikeyG
4-19-04
Oooh, looky! An Ay-rab! Ahma chop me up some Ay-rab chitlins!
Please being kind, sir. I am here as person of peace and lovingness only.
That's great, Ay-rab. Ah'm here as a person o' Choppin Up Ay-rabs!
If my hero MikeyG were in this situation, What Would Mikey Do?â„¢
Oh PLEASE Mr. Bad Guy! PLEASE don't rape me! Oh no! Whatever shall I do?

 

by MikeyG
4-20-04
Dat sentence not finish! What wood Pontius Pirate what?
Me was tord Pontius Pirate was a Pilate.

 

by MikeyG
4-20-04
I've got a great idea for a comic series, but I know posting too many of them in a short time will get me banned.
I wonder, in this situation, What Would Dcomposed Do?â„¢
*banned*

 

by MikeyG
4-20-04
My boss just called and invited himself and his cronies to dinner in an hour! How am I going to feed them all in such a short period of time?
Hmmm...I wonder... What Would Martha Stewart Do?â„¢

 

by MikeyG
4-20-04
1
Yup, I called you a pussy. Whuchoo gonna do about it?
2
I bet you can't kill me!
3
I think I'll just skinny dip all by myself in the cold, dark woods in the middle of the night.

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Are you ready for another round of lovemaking, my dear?
:)
Aaaah, left hand, I've never met anyone like you before. I hope we can be together forever.
:)
*FAP FAP FAP FAP*
*CRACK!*

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Aaaaah! Noooo! I think I broke my left wrist!
x x
Speak to me, Left Hand! Don't die on me! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to have to look for an actual girlfriend now. If I was a righty this wouldn't be a problem.

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Well, here's a pretty girl in the park. I've got nothing to lose.
Hi there! I'm Mike, I was just noticing you.
Hi, Mike. I'm Rachael. What happened to your wrist?
Uh...nothing. I really just want to wrap your face in Saran Wrap and take a shit on it while you give me a reach-around.
You've got Tourette's Syndrome, right?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Uh, no, I was just going straight to the point. I thought chicks liked forwardness and honesty.
You were serious? Look, I like to be punched in the twat and called a "Filthy Cumwhore", but that Saran Wrap thing is just too much. Good DAY, sir.
Man, I'm no good at this. I'll give it another shot with that blonde over there.
How would you like to drink a Roofies cocktail and let me perform a Chicken Soup enema on you?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
I was just wondering if you'd mind duct taping your tits together and letting me run a belt sander over your labia.
You sicko! Duct tape? That's so fucking tacky!
The next one has GOT to work!
Would you mind if I shaved your head, flushed your face down the toilet while I attach diodes to my nuts, zap them, piss on your back, and snort coke off the back of your bald head?
You've got coke? Let's go.

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
...and Rover went to heaven in mommy's arms, Daddy.
Well, I couldn't bear to see it. I loved Rover sooo much.
I'm sorry Rover died, Daddy.
My dog is dead?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Daddy! We just got into a car accident and mommy got decapitated, Fido was smashed, your Ferarri was totalled, and Grandma chewed her leg off to save me, but my left eye is poked out!
Oh my GOD!
My dog is dead?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
My penis will represent the slaves, and your hands will represent the Underground Railroad.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've been exposed to Gamma Rays.
My dog is dead?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Boinky, because I love you so much I've decided to make the ultimate sacrifice for you. I traded my life to the devil.
In exchange, you will receive a young girl with which to have unpunishable sex with for eternity. I leave this world and you....now.
My dog is dead?

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Woops! Forgot to open my eyes and wound up pissing in the glass in my hand again.

 

by MikeyG
4-21-04
Where are you going, FiFi?
Oh, I forgot to tell you I'm going out.
Oh, ok. What are you doing?
I've got a hot date with Kobe Bryant.
My dog is dead?

 

by MikeyG
4-22-04
Ever eaten a bowl of vomit, tobasco sauce, Amaretto Liqeur, and Jelly Beans?
It goes down my throat like silk.
Ever drink a cocktail of Donkey piss, eyeball juice, ballsweat, orange kool-aid, and skim milk?
Motherfucker, I drink it like milk.
Ever eat some Cheerios?
You sick fuck!

 

by MikeyG
4-22-04
Have you ever bit the skin-flakes off a Rhinocerous' penis?
Yup, and I stir 'em in my coffee.
Have you known the caress of an oiled-up shaven, aroused Buffalo in a Spandex jumpsuit?
Yes, and his penis tastes like toffee.
Have you ever French-kissed a woman?
My GOD, you filthy beast!

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Excuse me, can you tell me what time it is?
It's probably time to fuck a rich guy into buying you a watch, blondie.
Could you point me to Glastonbury?
Could you inquire first as to whether I give a fuck?
I need two bits for a local call, can you spare?
No, but I feel two shits coming on that I could give you.

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Excuse me, have you seen a cat around here?
I'm not sure. I'm definitely looking at a pussy.
Take me to your leader.
Fuck you.
Welcome to heaven, my dear.
How am I supposed to take a shit in a bunch of clouds?

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
I'm Corey Feldman. Can you point me to a restroom?
Why, are you looking for your career?
Welcome to Grub on the Run, may I take your order?
Yeah, let ME get behind that counter and put YOU on the fucking menu.
I've come to liberate you from your Carno-centric oppressors.
How about you liberate some of that underarm hair from your pits, sweetheart?

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
I am the Milkbot 4000. May I relieve you of your milky bounty?
You know what would be a relief? To fart.
Want to take a swig?
No, I want to take your face and rub it against a chipper-shredder blade
What's the good word?
Cunts, bitch. The word is cunts.

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Everything's $1
Excuse me, miss?
Yes, sir?
I was wondering, how much is that cup?
Are you kidding me? It's....
Yes?
...Welcome to Everything's $1, where everything we sell is the low, low price of one dollar. Thank you!

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Everything's $1
How much is that over there?
ONE...excuse me, one dollar, sir.
How much is this right here?
....one dollar, sir.
How much for a blowjob?
I wonder if I could fit $10 worth of merchandise up his nose?

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Everything's $1
Can you tell me how much this can of 'Instant Neuter' is?
Keep it together, Chicka. You're kindler and gentler these days.
It even says a dollar on it, but I just want to make sure.
Resist...urge...to... rip...out...trachea...
***SQUORCH!!!!***
I think I'll just be nicer to my FRIENDS.

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
I walk near and then into place of business costumes.
I am observing of this and will making gestures for purpose.
Oh no, I am a clown.
Humorous! A maker of merriment has become of you!
Mentos, the Flavorness!
This is a situation of much comedy laughter!
Together we will partake of Mentos!

 

by MikeyG
4-23-04
Ja, ja! Chewy chewy choco!
Und der choco chew!
Ja! Yum und der choco!
Cocoa choco yum yum chew!
Ve is der gay.
Riesen taste like scheisse.

 

by MikeyG
4-24-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Ow, Kobe Bryant! You done pissed in mah eye!
Whoops! Guess ahma hafta kill you now, bitch. Sorry.

 

by MikeyG
4-26-04
Next, on FOX, the premier of new reality show...
...Inside the Modern Church! Today's episode: Supple Young Lads and the Priests Who Love Them.
That's the last straw! OW! OW!

 

by MikeyG
4-26-04
Have you ever fucked a sheep with explosive diarrhea in the ass?
Probably.
Have you ever snorted powdered semen off a Vietnamese ladyboy's erect penis?
Why, yesterday in fact.
Have you ever walked hand-in-hand with your lady on a moonlit beach?
You fucking pervert!

 

by MikeyG
4-26-04
Damn, I'm stoned and horny!
Awwww yeah! A little white bitch!
Marijuana. It makes black people rape children.
Take it ALL, bitch!
AUUUGGGGHHH!!

 

by MikeyG
4-26-04
Johnny, you'll write on the board 'I am an naughty boy' 800 times for your punishment.
damn son of a ##@%#$!! I can't wait to go smoke a fatty.
Later...
I'm all smoked up and this bitch be ready to die!!!
Marijuana: It makes students butcher the elderly.
HA HA HA HA HA!!! DIE, BITCH, DIIIIEEEE!!!!

 

by MikeyG
4-26-04
Yo yo yo, son! Word up in dis piece! Chillin like a villain?
Nigga, please! I's be mo' chillin' than a ice cold muthafucka in a FREEZA!
Fo'shizzle? You BEST not be bringin' that flava up in DIS hizzy!
Son, dis shit so off da chain it gone raise da roof!
Marijuana: It makes white suburbia think they're ghetto.
Shit, I'm starting to talk normal! More weed!
For rizzeal, playa! Spark me up dat jay before I begin to speak....HURRY!

 

by MikeyG
4-27-04
Hey, aren't you the avatar that usually represents StripCreator impresario mmyers?
Why, yes. Yes I am.
I've always been attracted to celebrities.
Well, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a celebrity.
Well, I only give SuperCowtongue Blowjobs to celebrities.
Try not to get blinded by my star power.

 

by MikeyG
4-27-04
Was it good for you?
Yes, but...
But what?
I think you may have sucked too hard.
Why do you say that?
My ass appears to have become a null vortex.

 

by MikeyG
4-27-04
I've created a black hole in your ass?
Yes, there is now a black hole in my ass.
What are you going to do?
I'm not sure, but I've really got to fart.
Well, your ass was kind of a bottomless pit before, I hear, so now it's just eating space and time as well.
Yeah, it's a good thing my ass is used to the importing and exporting of lots of mass.

 

by MikeyG
4-27-04
Maybe if you farted, it would negate the effect of the black hole!
Let's give it a shot!
Don't aim the black hole towards me!!! Noooooooo!
Oops! Sorry, I have a reflexive habit of farting on the person next to me.
*SCHWUMP!*
no o o o o o o o .....
*poot*

 

by MikeyG
4-27-04
Hi. I'm Beyonce Knowles.
And I'm Kelly Rowland.
We wanted to tell y'all about a new product especially for all y'all who loves nachos.
Y'all will love the authentic Mexican flavor that spices up yo life!
Introducing Destiny's Mildâ„¢ Salsa!
Enjoy the mediocrity we've perpetuated and exploited, now in Salsa form! Destiny's Mildâ„¢ Salsa!

Showing page 8.

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