All comics by Spankling

Profile

 

by Spankling
8-29-02
Your boxers are older than your date.
This is the pussy you most want to pet.
You have more hair in your ears than on your head.
Gay men stop hitting on you, right Gabe?
Your tattoo is viewed as a historic work of art.
You include a set of gardener's kneepads in your "love kit" for comfort.

 

by Spankling
8-29-02
You use the shower massage mostly for getting the soap out of your fat, hairy, ass-crack.
Putting on a bra is like lifting the top stones onto a pyramid.
Your collection of technology fits in well with the Thomas Edison exhibit.
Your idea of cool was last seen in a Dick Van Dyke rerun.
You remember when 5 dolla was a lot of money.
I have you on my backlog.

 

by Spankling
8-29-02
I won?
Yes miss! This is your lucky day!
Yep.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE ONLY SOBER WOMAN THAT LOOKS LIKE A BUSH TWIN!!!
Just sign here and the case of Mad Dog 20/20 is yours. Of course I'll need to keep... I mean SEE your driver’s license.

 

by Spankling
9-14-02
Noel, how could you? And just before an election!
Sorry dad.
Where did you get it from?
From Uncle W. He said it was from his own stash so it only went to fund our terrorists, not the bad guys.

 

by Spankling
9-15-02
Oh dear! Is it that time already?
What? OH! Fuck no lady! I'm just here for yer dog!
Well that's a relief. You'll find him tied up in the corner. Lock up when you leave.
Sure thing. See you Tuesday.
Okay Sparky, this wont hurt a bit.
Wrong corner fly-boy. She meant the bitch in the kitchen.

 

by Spankling
9-15-02
So what are you going to do? Cut the poor mut in half?
No. That would be cruel.
I saw him wiz on the steps at St. Patricks the other week...
Hmmm... Maybe I should let my evil twin take this one.
You got a gig for me?
I want a full swing job on this one. And I hope that blade is dull.

 

by Spankling
9-15-02
So. They took Sparky while I was gone?
Yes granny. I’m so sorry. Should I clean up the mess?
I’ll take care of it. I’ll just stuff this cane up your ass and us your face for a mop.
Oh granny! You're so good to me.
Sparky NOOOO!
Put a lid on it Tinman, and spread Spankling's cheeks for me!

 

by Spankling
9-15-02
Umph... umph... umph... OHHHH!
Little man? don't you think it's time you stepped out of that closet? Your friend is here for your party.
That's all right granny. I don't think this is going to be worth the $5 he promised me.
She left? Well mom, do you think you could do the favors again?
Wel.... okay honey I've got a couple of seconds to spare. Just let me get my knitting needle out.

 

by Spankling
9-17-02
Vichy? Is that you?
Spankling? I thought you only existed online!
You know... I don't mean to bring meaning into sub's existence. But he did sort of introduce us. Wanna go make out at his party, mess up his couch, drink_his_beer_and_leave?
But you're like... 100 years old!!!
ok

 

by Spankling
9-17-02
What's the mission?
We're supposed to raz some butt-snorkle called sub_m7. He's having a lame party.
I can't be arsed. I never heard of the drip.
But in the interest of good sportmanship we should do something...
Then there is only one thing to say.
sub sucks wirthling!

 

by Spankling
9-22-02
We make our cases...
I'll live longer than you.
I get more money for less work.
She has me reeling...
And you spend it on me in the hope that I might let you touch me.
I... I ah... I...
And she goes in for the kill.
Multiple Os.
I can't compete [grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-22-02
There must be another odd and amusing site I can post to T-Barbie...
*click* *click* Google Search: lemon-scented anal plugs for gay mice___________ no match
Why do I keep searching for depravity and silly crap? What is my problem? What keeps me stimulated in this direction?
It is now relatively safe to turn off your computer.
If you're finished fucking around I have some work for you. Bring your knee pads and a fresh feather duster.
Oh... Right!

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
I ripped this off from eponine...
Which makes me the mask-boy and her the nail-head, I guess.
Bitch.
Bastard.

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
Are you the man of the house.
No. I'm the family pet.
Have you accepted Jesus into your life?
No sale. What have you got by way of a virgin Mary to offer?
Who was that?
Not sure. But he made some lovely promises regarding my future in hell with my own personal demons.

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
Head Shots
Of course, I'm smarter than you. But more importantly, I use my intelligence more wisely. And I'm well read and personable.
Ah...
Body Blows
Yes, I am dating and older man. But he has qualities that set him apart. Lackluster mopes need not apply.
Oh!
The Quietus
Multiple Os.
[grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
[blink]
[blink blink]
WELL?!?
[grovel grovel grovel grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
The tease approach...
o/` I'm waiting... o/`
Well, you can just...
Gets me every time...
o/` You know you wanna. o/`
Who am I kidding?
And she knows it.
Dammit! More Tongue!
[grovel] Sorry! [grovel] Yes, miss!

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
It'll cost extra, bub.
Perfect! I wouldn't have it any other way!
Cool. It's your dime. Get busy.
Yes mistress!
Hey, clean the TOPS of my shoes while your at it, dog-boy.
[grovel] UHG! Can you tell me what you've stepped in lately?

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
I banged Bix Beiderbecke for a week straight in the basement of a New Orleans flophouse.
[grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
I am like water torture.
You come at me over and over!
You cannot resist me.
You are a force of nature!
I am nature itself, wrapped in a 5 foot tall, 5 dolla package.
[grovel] (Yum... organic!)

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
Well Frank settled down in the Valley and hung his wild years on a nail that he drove through his wife's forehead.
oops...
Idiot.
His wife was a spent piece of used jet trash made good bloody marys kept her mouth shut most of the time.
How 'bout a drink.
And just the right time of the month for the blood, too.
One night Frank stopped at the Shell station, he got a gallon of gas drove home, doused everything in the house, torched it, parked across the street, laughing, watching it burn, all Halloween orange

 

by Spankling
9-23-02
I love The Gal Who Invented Kissin’, I don’t recall her name, But I do believe that gal should sit high in the Hall of Fame.
I think I've hit on something here. Wanna try it?
I'll try anything once.
She showed the girls how to pucker up and roll their pretty blue eyes, She showed them how to kiss hello and how to kiss goodbye.
Fuck goodbye. Show me how to kiss hello again!
Okay!
She taught the fellows how to smooch instead of holdin’ hands; She showed them how to steal a kiss like they do in foreign lands.
Steal nothing mister!
No money, no kissy!

 

by Spankling
9-24-02
Wanna make out...
...
...with my butt?
Ya-freaking-hoo!
See? It's not so hard for a noob to fit in around here!
[grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-24-02
Thanks for showing off my comics. It is nice to be read.
You're welcome. Your comics are a delight.
You know, I'm still going to kick your ass in Fuzzyman's Photoshop contest.
[gulp]
Just so you know where you stand.
[grovel] I know. [grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-24-02
What gives, Spanks? I've been telling you how bad you suck for ages? Why not a grovel strip for me?
Sorry. [grovel] Please forgive me!
Get up you simp!
Sorry.
On second thought, you look better on your knees. More natural...
Thank you! [grovel]

 

by Spankling
9-24-02
BAAAA-WAAAAAAAAAAA
BAAAA-WAAAAAAAAAAA
I AM IRONMAN!

 

by Spankling
9-25-02
One day off the wall...
So then Spankling just drops down and grovels!
Ha ha!
"generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by Spankling
9-26-02
The coverage is complete, Mr. _m7. Any act of stupidity on your part that results in bodily harm to you will be covered.
That's crazy! I don't need no stinking coverage!
If someone Fucks with my I'll just hack their site!
Can I see that policy again?
Too late. I've decided you're too great a risk.

 

by Spankling
9-26-02
Okay - you convinced me. I'll pay the high premium for minimal coverage. Just sell me the policy!
Sign here.... and here... and initial next to the devil's head... And we're done!
HA! Now you can't trash me bitch, or your company will have to pay! UP YOURS!
... but I thought ...
Here's your payout. And by the way, your premium just went up, a-hole.

 

by Spankling
9-26-02
Someone's knockin' at the door. Somebody's ringin' the bell.
*BANG BANG BANG*
Someone's knockin' at the door. Somebody's ringin' the bell.
Police! Open up stiff man!
Do me a favor. Open the door and let 'em in.
Come out with your hands up!

 

by Spankling
9-29-02
*knock knock*
Open up Spanks! You got an honorable mention!
Go away! I'm busy!
Well get yer head out of her ass and get out here and take a bow! This is the closest you've come to victory in ages!
*whimper* No one understands me.
Fine! Be that way! Don't expect to get another moment like this anytime soon, lap puppy!

 

by Spankling
9-30-02
But Uncle Dick, didn't I just take a month long vacation? Why am I back at the ranch?
Target practice, my boy! See those "detainees" blindfolded and tied against the split rail fence? Take yer best shot!
BLAM!
YEEEE-HAAAAW! I winged 'em Uncle Dick! Did 'ja see?
He he... nice shootin' boy. Now reload that shotgun and try again. I'm going back to my undisclosed location to continue running the war.
BLAM!
Wow! I took out quite a few that time. Hey Uncle Dick! Round up some more evil doers, 'k?
I'll have Ashcroft send over a batch. Aint nobody gonna track 'em down anyhow.

 

by Spankling
9-30-02
On the cellphone...
Where am I? I'm sitting with a dozen square-bottomed yokels, stranded in East Stumble-Fuck, just_60_miles_from_the_dead center of Noplace with a dead Boxster S.
Say.. mister?
Now I got Gomer's cousin leanin' his gross ass-crack all over it tryin' to figure out where the flint is! I would KILL to fly Nigel out here to fix it.
... ! ...
So... NO I don't find this long drive in the country as god-spankin-wonderful as you said it would be! When I get back from vacation, ho, I'm cuttin'_your_crack_allowance.
I guess he wont notice if I cut his brake cable...

 

by Spankling
9-30-02
So this is Club Hedonism...
Yes. Is there anything sir would like sent up to his room? A young woman? No? A dozen young woman? No?
I don't think so. I just...
A young boy, perhaps? Or maybe a masked stranger tied to a square of iron nailed to your wall?
Actually I was hoping for an extra pillow and a 10:30 AM wake up call. I'm beat.
We're all out of pillows. You gross pervert.

 

by Spankling
9-30-02
10 bucks Mr? I'll make your slide rule explode...
H... hello? So you wanna blow job or...
TOO LATE!
Shit! I gotta stop husslin' around Microsoft HQ.

 

by Spankling
9-30-02
Where the hell have you been?
Madison, WI - Rolling wirthling while he lay face down in the gutter.

 

by Spankling
10-01-02
*sigh* I wonder how many more of those we'll all see.

 

by Spankling
10-01-02
Our critics seem to think that business-as-usual -- doing what was done before and nothing more -- would keep America safe...
From terrorists, he means.
Right. History instructs us that caution and complacency are not defenses of freedom: caution and complacency are a capitulation before freedom's enemies.
Again, he means the terrorists.
Why do you keep saying that?
Pa-LEEEEEze.

 

by Spankling
10-01-02
I like cheese.
I don't want to hear about it.

 

by Spankling
10-02-02
Hey Spankenstien, get up! You're closing in on your 400th comic!
[grovel]
Don't you want to plan something special?
I know just the thing!
*sigh*
[grovel]

 

by Spankling
10-02-02
If you insist... but I don't see what all the fuss is about.
Just stand there and get your picture taken! Is that so hard?
Welll.... no....
Smile... Good. Wait for it...
And take yer damn hand out of yer pants!

 

by Spankling
10-02-02
Eat your heart out, bitch.

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
Father... Forgive me for I have sinned.
I don't want to hear about it, you filthy bastard.
Maybe it is better if I don't go into the details... But there is something I must know.
Yes, you tuna-covered demon from the groin of evil?
Why, oh WHY will they not leave Martha Stuart alone?!?
If he doesn't leave soon I'll drown him in the holy water.

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
Why do they attack the High-Bitch Priestess?
It is my fault...
Introducing Zoe as Martha
I should have been her human shield!
A half-naked submissive alone in the woods just when I need something to beat on? It's a good thing.

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
[grovel] Oh High-Bitch Priestess! I am unworthy! [grovel]
Well, that's sort of the whole point isn't it?
[grovel] Do with me what you will! I am your slave!
Hmmm... I do need a flesh colored end table next to that love seat in the sun room...
[grovel?]
And his ass would make the perfect mount for that 14th century lance I've been wondering what to do with!

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
________* SPLOOOOOOGE *________
Damn!
I win again! What's a matter, Spanks? You tired? You sure aint hungry!

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
Hand over the purse, bitch!
Kids these days got no manners!

 

by Spankling
10-03-02
I'm here to give you Super Sex!
I'll take the soup.

 

by Spankling
10-04-02
So the lance didn't fit quite right. And it clashed with the blood dripping from your rump. Maybe you will go better down here in my_damp_basement.
[globol]
Some weathered hemp rope tying your neck to that support and a cast iron trivet tied to your sack with gardening wire might look nice...
[globol]
Why are you mumbling, worm?
you'we thtandin on my pung!

 

by Spankling
10-04-02
Did I say you could get up? On your belly, NOW!
I've seen the error of my ways, bitch. And I'm here to take you to task. Prepare for the spanking of your life, bad girl!
Now where was I? OH! Maybe I could stuff the cracks in my garden wall with your battered corpse!
[grovel]

Showing page 8.

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