All comics by umfumdisi

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by umfumdisi
11-01-03
man, the weirdest thing happened to me today
lay it on me
after i first woke up, the song "Honestly" by the band STRYPER was going through my head--and it wouldn't go away
that's not too weird. some guy's even come up with a term for songs that get stuck in your head--earworms
that's all well and good, but i haven't heard STRYPER since, like, 1985
damn, that IS weird

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-03
damn, umfum, you've only been doing this daily thing since October 16th, and you've already screwed up twice.
look, i was in the middle of making yesterday's comic last night when my computer froze.
was the comic any good?
no, but you're missing the point--i had to reinstall windows and everything.
i thought my point was that you suck and you're falling behind.
touché.

 

by umfumdisi
11-02-03
Yes, we are identical twins.
Yes, we are identical twins.
Kind of eerie, huh?
Kind of eerie, huh?
I'm tired. Can we go home now?
I wish Mom and Dad had never had you.

 

by umfumdisi
11-05-03
Undalay, undalay, aypa-aypa!
Sheesh! What makes that Speedy Gonzalez go so fast?

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
AUTOMATIC
Drive
Try Not To Breathe
The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite
Zzzzzz.

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
FOR
Everybody
Hurts
New Orleans Intrumental No. 1
Why won't you leave me alone, little girl?
Sweetness Follows

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
THE
Welcome to Hell.
Monty Got A Raw Deal
Ignore
land
Star Me Kitten

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
PEOPLE
Man On The Moon
Night
swimming
Find The River
After I find the river, should I fjord it?

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
Damn, umfum, first you're two days behind; then, you're two days ahead. What gives?
Pressure, man. I've got a pregnant wife who can't do much of anything. I've got to get everything at work caught up so the place doesn't shut down while I'm gone...
Frankie say, "Get off the Stress Bus at RELAX Street!"
Plus, I'm moderating the CD Swap! This daily comic is truly the LAST thing on my mind.
Well, at least you remembered to tell everyone that the WORLD SCRABBLE CHAMPIONSHIP will be televised on ESPN at 3:30pm (EST) on Sunday November 9th.
I did?

 

by umfumdisi
11-06-03
Sunday, at the World Scrabble Championships (TABLE 12)
A-HA! TOBOR PLAY "CORNHOLE" OFF 2ND R IN "ROTOR." THAT'S TWO TRIPLE-WORD SQUARES AND A BINGO FOR A TOTAL OF...176!!
*whistles* Nice play, Tobor. But watch this!
"GRAVITON" NOT SOUND LIKE WORD. RARRR!!!!!!!!! TOBOR CHALLENGE!!!
Sucker!

 

by umfumdisi
11-07-03
President Bush?
In the flesh. How are you doing?
Pretty well. A better job would be nice considering I have a new baby on the way.
Congraducations! If you knew anything about big oil or defense contracting, I could get you a great job. Still, I bet you have big plans for your future.
Well, I do, but they require two bowling balls, a length of twine, a three-toed tree sloth, the ears of Vincent Van Gogh and Evander Holyfield, 1/2 tsp baking soda, and an L-shaped wooden box.
Sugar-Nips, do we have any baking soda?

 

by umfumdisi
11-14-03
Not Logged Out: Day 1
*typing* umfum, just wanted to check and see how things were going for you. later, Brad.
Not Logged Out: Day 3
*type* umfum, i guess you've been busy since you didn't answer my pm. i need you to do a favor for me, so RSVP, eh? BRAD!
Not Logged Out: Day 7
*type* umfum, you maggoty piece of rotten flesh, you suck more than Electrolux ever thought about!! if i could reach into the Ether and grab your virtual essence...
i would stop it up in a little bottle for all ETERNITY!!! HOW DARE YOU IGNORE MY QUERY FOR A SIMPLE FAVOR!??! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE BANNED, DUDE!!!! :(( bRAD.

 

by umfumdisi
11-14-03
*RING!* *RING!* *RING*
Damn phone! Can't a man eat a meal in peace?
*RING!* *RING!* *RING*
Hello?
Hello sir. I am a college student conducting a telephone poll of people whose dinners have been interrupted by recent phone calls. May I ask you a few questions?

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-03
Regardez this highlight from today's Grey Cup...
There's Doog Si'darB skating down the sidelines toward the goal line.
And so the Edmonton Eskimos plucked the Montreal Alouettes 34 to 22!
That's 26.05 to 16.86 for our friends south of the border, eh?

 

by umfumdisi
11-19-03
Biff McBarf here...I'm interviewing new fathers to get their take on current events. Tell me Mr. Disi, how do you feel about General Wesley Clark entering the Presidential race?
Who is he, and when did that happen?
Very interesting...And what about that Kobe Bryant case--should he be playing basketball?
You're not listening to a damn thing I'm saying are you?
That's just great, sir! Now for a personal question posed to endear me to the folks watching on TV...What's the best part of being a new Dad?
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S POOP!

 

by umfumdisi
11-19-03
Aye.
Ay.
Good e'en to ye.
An' to yer.
Your Kiss Is On My List.
Maneater!

 

by umfumdisi
11-21-03
Mysteries of LIFE Revealed...
Dad, where do babies come from?
Wal-Mart.
Dad, why are giraffes so tall?
So they can change the lightbulbs in traffic signals.
Dad, why are you so full of shit?
I don't eat enough fiber.

 

by umfumdisi
11-21-03
Haulin' Ass...
Where we goin' Neal?
Daddy says I have to take you to town and trade you for food.
But I worked my LITERAL ass off this summer helping you guys plow and reap and all that shit.
I know, buddy, but Winter's coming on, and we need meat cause all the cows done died.
What an insult! The family could at least eat me.
No offense, buddy, but you LITERALLY taste like ass.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Hey, it's Afghani Stan! How are ya?
Not so good, my friend. I came to America for opportunity. Now, I find only prejudice and fear.
Gee, what's the problem?
Me and some fellows from the International House started a band. We're pretty tight, but none of the local club owners will give us a gig.
Well...I DO work for the university radio station; I have SOME connections. I'll see what I can do. Say, what's the name of your band?
Allah and The Boxcutters.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Okay, class, today we're going to learn about antonyms. An antonym is a word that means the opposite of another word.
I'm the antonym of "Good!"
Yes you are, Shirley! Betsy, what is the antonym of "Dark?"
Um, I think it's "Light."
Excellent! Now, Todd, here's a tricky one. What's the antonym of "Gingerly?"
"MaryAnnly?"

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what do you want for Christmas?
I Want You...To Want Me!

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
So you guys got ALL the items I requested?
Everythin' but the belt sander--Home Depot wuz plumb out.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Christmas Eve...time to complete our trade. I will harvest our youth whom you have raised and taught a trade.
And I get to deliver toys in the Super Sexy Space Sled!

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Okay, here's the scene. You're two normal high school kids walking, talking, and just being buddies. Got it?
No probs, man.
Cool.
And by "normal" high schoolers you mean we're...
undersexed, overaggressive, foul-mouthed potsmokers with bad skin?
Damn, you guys are good.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Hey, Sid, you do your Algebra homework?
Shit no, I forgot to go to class yesterday!
I was wonderin' where teh hell you was--haha.
It's awright. I'll just tell Otis I had the shits and was afraid to leave the can. I'll need to copy your homework, though.
Damn, Sid, I was gonna copy YOUR homework!
We suck.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Chill. We'll just hit up Wheelz for his papers and copy them.
There he is!
*pick*
Gawd! Teo, man, did I just see you pick your nose?
So what? Like you never do it! I'll just throw it over there in the corner. Damn Nose Goblin never hurt nobody.
What if somebody slips on that snot and falls, man? I'm gonna make a warning sign an' embarrass your ass!

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
But young Teo was wrong about the threat level of his flung booger...Enter the Nose Goblin!
YES, I AM FREE!
I'm the Nose Goblin; I'm on the Loose--Wreaking much havoc on Man and Moose!
CUT!!
"Man and Moose?" What the HELL is that. The reference bears no relationship to the story. There aren't any mooses in this picture!
Don't you mean "moose?" You don't add an "s" to moose to make it plural.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Who the fuck are you again?
I'm the screenwriter and script consultant.
Can you offer me a valid reason why the Nose Goblin says "Man and Moose" when there are no MOOSES in my film?
Er, it rhymed with "on the loose."
You're Fired!! Bring in the backup.
Call me Deacon Blues...

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
The last writer was a total whack-off. Can you fix his mistakes?
They don't call me Ken the Kleaner for nothin'!
Kleaner, eh...do you do windows, too?
No, I prefer Linux.
Don't make me fire you.
I'll have your corrections in 10 minutes.

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Oh, that was great baby. You're the best "assistant" I've ever had.
Thanks. I was pretty impressed, too. I mean, I thought you'd at least take off your costume before doing me.
Costume?
?
Five minutes, Mr. Goblin!

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
ACTION!
ENTER THE NOSE GOBLIN!
YES, I AM FREE!!
I'm the Nose Goblin; I'm off my leash--Wreaking much Havoc on Man and Beast!
Six Months Later...outside a movie theatre in Kenosha, Wisconsin...
I can't believe we paid $16 to see "The Nose Goblin."
I could have shown you one for free!

 

by umfumdisi
11-24-03
Erm, it's been a couple of years, but people are still pretty upset about 9-11. That might be your band's problem.
Yes, I see your point.
Did you guys discuss any other band names?
Sure, we were going to go with Osama Bin Rockin'.
Ulp. Let me spell this out for you. You're in a college town, sure, but it's smack in the middle of the Bible Belt. People love their God, their Guns, and their Trucks. Do you have ANY other names?
Ah, the Bible Belt--why did you not say that earlier, my wise friend. We will call ourselves Quran Quran!

 

by umfumdisi
11-26-03
Phantom(myers) of the Opera...
~\ I see the silhouettes of some little men! /~
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the fandango?
~\ Tobor and Spankling very, very frightening -- me /~
Gallileo.....Gallileo, Gallileo.....Gallileo, Gallileo Figaro -- Magnifico-oh-oh-oh-oh.
~\ But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me. /~
He's just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare him his life from this strip activity!

 

by umfumdisi
11-26-03
Welcome to McFoodJoint. May I take your order?
Yeeee-ah, I tried to talk to that Speakerboxxx outside, but I couldn't get any Love Below. Knamean, G?
Wow, you're that trippy hippy space dude from Outkast!
Yeee-ah, boy, I'm Andre3000, but you can call me A3K.
Thanks, Mr. A3K. Breakfast is on me--what would you like?
Eggamuffin.

 

by umfumdisi
11-26-03
Happy Hate-giving Weekend!
Hullo, this is dcomposed (for all you ignorant bastards unaware of my identity).
And remember this Thanksgiving...
Just because I haven't made a comic about you turkeytasting...gravyboating...piesniffing thanksgivers, it doesn't mean I DON'T hate you! G'day.

 

by umfumdisi
11-26-03
Post-Thanksgiving Sale-a-Thon!
AUUUUUUUUUUGH!!! Just because turkey magnets are 2/$1.00 and you have a $1.00-off coupon and you're only buying one magnet--it doesn't mean you get fifty cents back!
So I get fifty cents minus sales tax?
That night at Discount Psychiatry...
And that's what happened, Doc. I swear I almost strangled that precious littlegirl. What do you think is wrong with me?
I'd say it's D.T.S.D. You know, Dollar Tree Stress Disorder. Fifty cents, please!
Um, I DO have your 2/$1.00 Nutjob Special coupon.
AUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!

 

by umfumdisi
11-28-03
So, what did you do for Thanksgiving, umfum?
First, I ate your cousin Tom. Then, I watched the Dolphins humiliate the Cowboys!
Dolphins humiliating cowboys? I wonder what that would look like.
I'm an eighth-level black belt; you probably got your brown belt at K-Mart. HA! You couldn't punch a cow to save your life!
*sniff* I'm taking my saddle and going home.

 

by umfumdisi
11-28-03
So you guys decided on Quran Quran after all. I think that'll be an okay name. What kind of music do you play?
Well, we take a little hip hop, of course, and mix it with a Eurasian sensibility. We have myself on guitar and vocals...
a Paki who plays bass, an Indi on sitar, a Japanese keyboardist, and a crazy Frenchman who bangs on skulls...
Frappon!

 

by umfumdisi
12-01-03
Me and my buddies wuz on a bender one night and Limpy Joe rolled this huge doob, yaknow. An' we all gots real hungry.
Thing wuz, we didn't know where the hell we wuz cause we wuz piss blind drunk. It looked like we wuz in some shitpot town--'bout this big, reckon.
Damned if the only thing we'uns could see wuz a big yellar star. "Aw shit," said Wayne, "It's Hardee's." Yeah, we all got the squattin' trots somethin' fierce, but them wuz some big-ass burgers.
Hardee's...when you're drunk, high, and hungry, and there's nothing else around.

 

by umfumdisi
12-01-03
THE JAZZ STANDARD: Wherein I play different jazz discs for my baby to make sure he's really mine.
'Kay, here's a good starter and a classic--"Time Out" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet.
ga, goo, ga-ga
Excellent. Now we'll go a little avant garde with Eric Dolphy's "Out To Lunch."
WAAANH!
Sorry, I didn't like it the first time I heard it, either. Now for Miles Davis and "Filles de Kilimanjaro."
don't you have any Fiddy Cent?

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-03
Ah'm fixin' tah eat this here bug!
Notice the relaxation of the tongue, teeth, and mandibles when you read that sentence. Sometimes this speech pattern or tendency is called "lazy" speech.
Ah hain't never heared nothin' like 'at.
Also notice the lack of rules and structure. In his previous statement, he used "this here" when "this" would suffice. Now, the "th" is totally dropped from "that!"
Eat me, city boy.
Finally, note that "eat" is used exclusively instead of "ate" and "eaten." "I eat it yesterday;" I'm eating it now;" "I'm gonna eat it tomorrow;" and "I've eat it before" are all common uses. Amazing.

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-03
Head For Backstage Pass?
Love Is Green.
Play With Me, Sophie.
Blue Wind.
Come Dancing, Led Boots?
Goodbye Pork Pie Hat!

 

by umfumdisi
12-03-03
Ah, Keith, thanks for coming up to my office on such short notice. I ran into a little trouble yesterday when my laptop died and my Blackberry ran out of juice--heh, heh--so to speak.
Ha, good one, sir. So what do you need from me?
I need you to come up with some way that I can keep track of all my contacts--something light, portable, easy to operate, and fast that doesn't require electricity. Can you do it?
How about a notepad and pencil?
Nobody likes a smartass, Keith.

 

by umfumdisi
12-03-03
Ah, Muttonhead, my favorite little sheep. How are you?
Pretty good.
I was wondering if you could help me. I've been trying to think of the name of a certain type of curtain--not the heavy ones, but the kind that are thin, light, and almost transparent...
Sheer?
I thought you'd never ask! Now turn around.
I wouldn't feel so bad, but he gets me like that every year.

 

by umfumdisi
12-03-03

 

by umfumdisi
12-03-03

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-03
Why would I want to marry you when I don't know you?
I'm pregnant.
Did we have sex?
No, but I was thinking of you when I did it with that guy from the bar.
Another Kajun_Bastard!

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-03
Ads By Barney Google:
PENIS Not Enough Long? Exercises and Incantations available from www.PENIS_WITCH.com
Lurn 2 Wright Comix G00D: Class offerred by asiangurl1 & 2. TODAY'S SPETIAL--$5!
So are you mad at me for putting a little advertisement on stripcreator?
Not if you're getting paid. I can understand that.
Then what's the problem?
Does the ad have to be at the TOP of the page?

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-03
Call me Ishmael!
Hey, Ish, you're a big, strapping guy. Would you like to learn how to bowl. I'll be your manager. You can call me Mr. Munson.
Oh no, I broke my hand trying to punch out Bill Murray. You'll have to bowl in the Championship now, Mr. Munson.
I can't bowl with this rubber hand!
Okay, I can see that you like the movie "KINGPIN" and that it was on TV last night, but this comic isn't funny at all.
I know. I just thought it was cool that "tyler" sort of looks like Roy Munson and that "amish" is taller than "tyler"--just like Randy Quaid and Woody Harrelson!

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-03
In a startling development, everything at stripcreator.com has reversed--except that comics still read from left to right, of course. We now join reporter/host rekraB boB in the field (background)...
I'm here with isidmufmu who today actually made a comic that was funnier than the comic title! mufmu, do you realize that your actions have totally broken stripcreator?
Wouldn't be the first time, boB.
isidmufmu made a funny comic? You better pack your bags, evildoer!
Yeah, it's been a good run, but this place will be a hockey rink any second now.

Showing page 8.

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