All comics by AllisonMackay

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by AllisonMackay
9-29-05
You look awfully familiar, man.
Uh, no I don't...
Are you sure? You look like... Kurt Cobain! Oh my God, you ARE Kurt Cobain! I thought you were DEAD!
Christ, lady, I'm not Kurt Cobain.
You must have faked your death to escape the pressures of fame and marriage to the increasingly unstable Courtney Love!
Shit. I can never come back to THIS place again.

 

by AllisonMackay
9-30-05
11:00 pm - at Le Club Cool
Another night, another bar full of desperate losers. God, look at these morons drunkenly flirting, lying to each other like A&R reps!
Just for once I'd like to meet a nice, NORMAL girl in a place like this.
Uh, hi there...
(Much) later...
Wow, we've been talking all night. You're a really nice person, I'd really like to see you again. Do you want to go for coffee some time?
No, now it's time for sex. Put on the "Tuxedo Mask" costume and I'll tie you up.

 

by AllisonMackay
12-21-05
So I was modding my computer last night, adding some more cooling fans, and blinking lights...
You'll never meet women, staying home and messing around with your computer!
But I ENJOY "messing around with my computer". It's a HOBBY.
Maybe that's why you're still single. I think you should find a hobby that gets you OUT more.
I probably won't meet any women while taking my morning dump, either. Maybe I should stop doing that, too.
I'd be happy if you just stopped doing it here.

 

by AllisonMackay
12-21-05
"Murder tonight, in the trailer park"
"If I lost you now, I would feel as hollow as a bone"
"Soul like a Lucifer, Black and cold like a piece of lead, Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead"

 

by AllisonMackay
12-21-05
"I want you in my room!"

 

by AllisonMackay
12-21-05
Frank?
I eat poop.

 
by AllisonMackay, 12-21-05

 

by AllisonMackay
1-02-06
(singing) Mustard Man, Mustard Man, takes the mustard from the can...
... here comes the Mustard Maaaaaan!
Dude, WTF? It's like you're in love with that damn mustard guy from the internet!
I'm not "in love" with him. Jeez.
Hey, are those "Mustard Man" UNDERROOS?

 

by AllisonMackay
1-02-06
Nobody is born gay. Homosexuality is just a lifestyle CHOICE.
Yeah right. If it was that easy, I could get laid a LOT more often.
Man, that antibiotic worked wonders. I feel so much better!
Drugs? Don't fill your body with TOXINS, man! Here, have some ginseng.
(Anything not related to Counter Strike)
Headshot!

 

by AllisonMackay
2-05-06
(singing) I hate myself and I waaaaaant to die...
... I said I hate me, myself and I...
OK, that's it. No more Cat Power concerts.

 

by AllisonMackay
2-16-06
Heh heh, get this. I gave my boss the stink palm last week...
Excellent! That guy's a real tool.
... AND NOW HE HAS HERPES! Hahahahahaha. Ain't that great?
Uh, Jack...
Wait a minute...
I wish my mind's eye had an "Undo" function...

 

by AllisonMackay
7-25-06
Will Eisner. A brilliant comic artist. His work ranged from iconic masked crimefighter "The Spirit" to an illustrated history of the anti-Semitic pamphlet "Protocols of the Elders of Zion".
So it's only logical that the 2006 Eisner Award for web comics be given to a cartoonist like Scott Kurtz, known for his nerd-subculture humour, panda attacks and drawing Jade Fontaine in a bikini.
"PVP Online", we salute you!

 

by AllisonMackay
8-02-06
Me (3 kills, 10 deaths):
Sweet kill! Hey, they always seem to flank us through short A, we should have some people guarding that next time.
The Kid (15 kills, 4 deaths):
OMG LOL FAGZOR!!!1!!! I FUKD YUR MOM!1! OMG WALL HAX! U CHEATER FUKC!
The Sniper (24 kills, 1 death):
Hmm, if I use my teammates as bait, I can improve my score.

 

by AllisonMackay
8-02-06
"Home, home on the range, where the deer and the antelope play..."
Ben, those days are over. There's no place in the world for old steer-pushers like us anymore.
*Ahem* "WHERE NEVER IS HEAAAAAAAARD, A DISCOURAGING WOOOOOOORD..."
Poor guy.

 

by AllisonMackay
8-09-06
Around one half-million years ago:
Something horrible has happened! The tribe's fire has flickered out!
*Gasp!* Without fire we will be unable to scare away tigers, and we'll surely freeze to death when winter comes!
As our bravest hunter, the Elders have given you a mission - to seek out new fire and return it to us as quickly as you can.
I will not fail our people. I go now to purify myself and sharpen my spear.
DON'T FORGET TO GET QUOTES FROM THREE DIFFERENT SUPPLIERS!

 

by AllisonMackay
9-21-06
A diamond?!
Baby, a diamond is FOREVER! Just like our love!
I can't even remotely afford one. Herpes is "forever" too, how about I give you that instead?
. . .
The DeBeers diamond cartel requested a chance to respond to this cartoon:
Come on, buy her the diamond! Rebels in East Africa cut off three people's hands to get that diamond - do you want that to all be for NOTHING?

 

by AllisonMackay
10-06-06
So it's agreed then, Count Orlock...
Yesssssss. And when the film is completed, she shall be MINE.
Yeah... we have to talk about that. See, I know we agreed, but the Screen Actors' Guild isn't keen on us feeding our leading lady to a vampire.
What? I knew you people were not to be trusted! Leave at once or I will rip you apart!
Hey, relax, Count baby. We can work this out. I'm even prepared to offer you a percentage of the profits from the picture.
How about a percentage of the GROSS? I saw what you shits did to Stan Lee.

 

by AllisonMackay
10-24-06
Even if you don't care about how torture affects the VICTIMS...
You gonna tell me about your buddies in Al-Qaeda, or do I have to beat your shins with a steel bar again?
You might want to consider how it affects the PERPETRATORS.
You gonna eat your stewed carrots, Timmy, or do I have to "waterboard" you again?

 

by AllisonMackay
11-16-06
I want to apologize to my wife and all my parishoners, I am a weak sinner. A team of pastors is now helping me resist the sinful siren lure of gay sex.
This would go a lot faster if you didn't keep taking washroom breaks at the Y across the street. The toilets here are cleaned regularly, you know.
Be right back. Praise Jesus.

 

by AllisonMackay
1-29-07
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Allah Akbar!
NOOOOO!
Sorry. New mobile. That ring tone still startles me every time.

 

by AllisonMackay
7-05-07
Bread, milk, tomatoes... and uh, oh yeah, TP...
Hey, love the Cobain look, man!
Fuck. The 90's are now "retro".

 

by AllisonMackay
9-13-07
Oldest profession:
If I give you five goats, will you have sex with me?
For six I'm all yours, sailor.
Second oldest profession:
... then we went back to my hut and she slowly took off her furs, exposing her firm but supple...
Fap fap fap... this story was totally worth three goats.
Third oldest profession:
Then she said "For six I'm all yours, sailor"...
Sinner! Fornicator! But for two goats, I will forgive your sin.

 

by AllisonMackay
7-28-08
So with the new "Watchmen" movie coming out, expect a LOT of fans dressed up as Watchmen characters this Halloween.
Rorschach, comic book fans are known for their attention to detail, and in the graphic novel I walked around totally naked...
s are known for their attent
*Aheh*

 

by AllisonMackay
7-28-08
To open the Portal of Arhgash, I must sacrifice three score and five virgins.
I WAS going to attack a convent full of nuns, but since this is the 21st century...
... I'm thinking I'll just immolate San Diego Comic-Con.
Um, can you wait and do it after Summer Glau signs my Firefly DVD's?

 

by AllisonMackay
9-04-09
So I was thinking we could see "The Time Traveler's Wife" tonight.
Hmm...
How was your day, honey?
Oh, you know, safety seminar at work, also I killed Hitler in 1920.
I know what you're thinking. That's NOT what it's about.
Well, as long as it's not, you know, heartwarming.

 

by AllisonMackay
11-09-09
Hip, slightly obscure webcomic t-shirt:
Sweet! My "Toothpaste for Dinner" shirt finally arrived!
What we hope will happen...
Hey, cool t-shirt. "Toothpaste for Dinner" is my favorite comic too! Let's chat about it over a beer or two.
What actually happens...
Is that "XKCD"? That guy sucks, he can't draw and he clearly fantasizes way too much about nerd girls talking physics. Gaaaaaaay.

 

by AllisonMackay
11-09-09
The town of Aquinnah, Massachusetts, was, until 1998, named "Gay Head".
"Gay Head"?
Bwahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha!
*Snort* Hahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha!
Sigh... Activate the planetary destructor ray.

 

by AllisonMackay
11-12-09
Life is...
Hey, everyone! Look at my sex toys!
Hurrah! How progressive and cool we all are!
... unfair.
Hey, everyone! Look at my sex toys!
Ewww, pervert! Stay away from my kids!
Really unfair.
Hey, everyone! Look at my sex toys!
Oh god... Oh GOD! Run! Everybody run! Save yourselves!

 

by AllisonMackay
1-10-10
Man, what's up with women? They're all so superficial and always judging. No wonder I can never get a date. Dumb bitches.
What about Jane? She's nice, and I'm pretty sure she would go on many dates with you. She obviously has a crush on you.
Jane? Haha. Dude, she weighs like, 200 pounds.
This neighbourhood is dangerous! I think I just dodged a bullet!
You sure did, Jane. You sure did.

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