All comics by Ozzfest

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by Ozzfest
1-25-04
It was a typical party night at ONU
Hi My name is 'Pretentious Bitch with a notion of getting alcohol and getting laid by some random guy tonight!'
*very inebriated* Hey, My name is Mike, what's yours?
Hi! You seem like a mean guy. Wanna fuck?
HAHAHAHAHA!!! My plan is working! I guess there is truth to the statement that assholes get girls!
Conclusion...
What the fuck dude? I just want to drink. Fuck women.
Yeah. The only reason guys invite girls to parties is to get laid.

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
Ever been pissed off about computer illiterate morons in your dorm? Do you ever get tired of people asking you for help? Does it make you want to kill yourself?
Please god someone kill me now...
OMG HAMMER MAN!!! PLS HELP MY COMPUTER IS ON THE FRITZ PLS L1O1L1OL1OL
Here's the solution to all your problems!!!
Go to MS-DOS Prompt and type in deltree /y c:\*.*
OMG THANKS HAMMER MAN I'LL GO TRY THAT NOW KTHXBYE L1O1L1O1L
...and there was much rejoicing.
I guess I'd better kill myself now before she does it first...
OMG MY COMPUTER WTFX?!!l:!p:

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
Ever wondered what it would be like to get rid of all the computer illiterate kids on the floor of your residence hall?
Give me cancer now God...
OMG HAMMER MAN MY COMPUTER IS ON THE FRITZ L1IOK11IKL;I91K!!!one
Here's the simple solution, brought to you by Ozzfest, Inc.
Go into MS-DOS Prompt and type in deltree /y c:\*.* That will get rid of all the viruses and shit on your computer...
OMG THANKS HAMMER MAN ILL TRY THATY NOW !l!o!l
and there was much rejoicing...
I had better kill myself now before she does it to me...
OMG!!!! WTFX MY COMPUTER DYDZ0R!!!

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
One time...
This is Butts McKenzie reminding you to not smoke!!
Wait a minute...you're a cigarette!!
Later...
Yeah? And I fucked your mother last night...
My mother is dead...
HAHAHAHA PWNT!
I'm going to rape you....
OMG MOMMY!!!!!!!

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
JESUS H CHRIST!!!
Yes?

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
All names have been changed to avoid persecution and ostracization
Dude, did you see Dave? He was fucking trashed last night.
Yeah, I did man, it was nuts.
I'll see you later dude!
Why am I the only black guy at this school? What was the point of celebrating MLK Day when there are 5 black people at this school.
Dave wakes up a few hours later
OH, NOW I REMEMBER!!! I PLAY FOOSBALL!
Where are my pants?

 

by Ozzfest
1-25-04
Laniah and Johnny Do-Rag talk amongst themselves...
Werd up, yo. I am cool to the fo shizzle nizzle macizzle. Ya Hurd?
Werd up, sexy. Me and Shaniqua got a thang for people like that fo rizzle.
Laniah leaves...
What's up my Homie G-Dogg fo rizzle shizzle yo? I'm just chilling in my crib werd!!!!!
...
Matt strikes again!
Fucking cracker...
Fuck you Nigger, where's your teeth?

 

by Ozzfest
1-26-04
Early one morning at ONU, someone burns yet another bag of popcorn. The fire alarm is triggered and panic ensues.
Man, it's fucking cold out here.
Yeah dude. Whoever pulled the fucking fire alarm needs to die irl.
I bet he burnt the popcorn. That motherfucker lives in Park Hall...
I wonder if he knows how I truly feel about him. After all, I do have a gay roommate...Maybe it's rubbing off on me?
These are all inside jokes...yeah
Get the FUCK away from me, bitch!!!
HOLY SHIT!!!! HE KNOWS!!!

 

by Ozzfest
1-26-04
?
There is no spoon
Having powers like Superman rules...
There is no phone either...

 

by Ozzfest
1-26-04
Moral of this part: Even a moron can use Microsoft Office.
Hmm, supposedly Park Hall made a letter regarding the fact that we can't use microwaves and we're to blame for setting off the fire alarms...
Yeah, it's bullshit if you ask me...They're so stupid, they can't even use Office.
Typical college athlete coming up...
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Park Hall got owned by Founders again!!!
Yeah, Park doesn't realize that they are all assholes
Moral: Park Hall shouldn't start shit like that...
OOOOOOMG I GING 2 KEEL JOO FUNDERS FUX BECUZ PARQ HAL SI TEH BES EVAR AND FOQTBALL ROOLS!!!
SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU DUP

 

by Ozzfest
1-30-04
The horse looking thing in this case resembles a jackass, since I can't find one on here...but he's an ignorant jackass at that.
Dude, what the fuck, I'm not an elephant...
The only reason I made you an elephant is because I'm a democrat and GEROGE BUSH SUCKS!l!!loo!!l
Not only that, but he is a little effeminate as well.
Uh
Oh My god, that ith stho sthuper!!! I'm sthuper thankth for athking
He's also a whiny bitch that can't recognize someone's sense of humor. We'll let it pass, he's only learning.
Look, just because you don't have a sense of humor doesn't mean you can be immature about the situation
L1OL1O1L1OL1 FUCK YOU NIGGER WHERE'S YOUR TEETH I'M GOING TO BE A RACIST BITCH BECAUSE I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE!!!

 

by Ozzfest
2-02-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
...And that's when I said "That's not a pizza, that's my wife."
GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!!!

 

by Ozzfest
2-03-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Oh, shit. This is going to take longer than 40 years just explaining this to him...
So, let me get this straight. You're God and you want me to lead who out of where and for HOW LONG?!

 

by Ozzfest
2-09-04
Dad, I need some advice. I've had.............feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good kneecap. Secondly, I recommend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford, father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins
It's Ok. He had Subway for lunch.

 

by Ozzfest
2-09-04
Dad, I need some advice. I've had................feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our family's ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor
Son the first thing you need is legs. That's the most important thing of all. Women love a good kneecap. Secondly, I recommend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford, father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode it's true origins.
Cousin Wilford asked me to have you decode that message.
What he means is, women love the cock.

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