All comics by TEDA

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by TEDA
5-12-01
So...
I hear you're some sort of escape artist?
Go suck a cock.

 

by TEDA
5-12-01
UHHH UHH UNN URRR GUHHH COME ON! GET ME OFF YOU WORTHLESS SLIT
GGGG UHH? AHH! UHHH OH FFFFFFUCK! UH! UH! OHHH...Ohhh...oh shit on a cock...fuck yeah UH...chad
So I'm your new roommate-
MOVE OUT ALREADY

 

by TEDA
5-12-01
SO I WAS TITFUCKING YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER LAST NIGHT
I JUST SLIPPED IN BETWEEN THOSE DRIED DESSICATED SAGGY TITFLOPS AND POUNDED IT PURPLE PRICKED AND CANDIDLY IT WAS LIKE POUNDING TWO BAGS OF WORMS AND MICE FILLED PARTIALLY FILLED BAGS OF FLOUR
WHO IS TELLING THIS STORY ME OR YOU
SO SORRY PLEASE CONTINUE

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
meanwhile, backstage at the National Country Music Awards
Look, I'm your agent and I'm here to help. This is why I'm telling you it might not be such a good idea to steal Faith Hill's award and launch into a tearful tirade about you not getting it.
I don't quite follow...
To wit, your not exactly award winning lyrics: "Boot scoot/toot root/scoop a little boogie"-
And?
"YEH YEH WHAT IT IS/GO RAT A TAT WITH MY GAT/MUTHFUKKA WU TANG IS FO THA MUTHAFUKKIN CHILREN". I don't see your lyrical army and navy here turning Garth Brooks to gravy this year, Ol' Dirty.
For the last time, when we're in public you will refer to me as BIG BABY HANK WILLIAMS

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
hitting the streets...
What?! FUCK me?! No, FUCK you! FUCK you! You know who I am?! You know who the FUCK I am?! FUCK you! That's who, FUCK you, you relish slappping big red FUCK! Here's mustard in your PRICK,you dumb FUCK!
YOU GIVE ME HAMBURGER
between the sheets...
Ey!You don't do the FUCKIN here!You're not in the porn business, you're in the getting FUCKED by me business, you got that you empty CUNT FUCK?!I'm gonna give you a lesson in FUCKOLOGY PROFESSOR FUCK!
ANUS EXPANDING...INSULTS STINGING...RAGE...GROWING...DONT WOLF OUT!!!!!
a glimpse of the future, and sympathy for future Frank Stallones and Joe Mantegna Juniors...
Ey! You and your fucking cup of soup. You can eat that cup of FUCKIN soup, you SOUPFUCKING COOZELY BITCH! Lick a fat FUCKING bambino DICK, you LIPTON CUP OF FUCK! I got a DICK SOUP waitin for ya FUCK!
And that's how you and mom met? FANFUCKINGSPECTACULAR.

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
HERE I GO HERE I GO HERE I GO AGAIN THEN WHATS MY WEAKNESS?!
WHAT IT IS
Dude, we left the fucking house with you swearing up and down you knew the radio edit version of SHOOP! without the yelling retard line, and NOW YOU'RE YELLING LIKE A RETARD TWELVE INCHES TO A YARD
MARTIIIIIIIIIIIIN MARTIIIIIIIIIIN SAY IT AGAIN
We're totally never going to make it unless you get FOCUSED.
HE SO CRAYZ- hey, go play Freebird while I gather a cornucopia of sweaty dicks for this year's FAGSGIVING and pray you don't fat cheeked gobble them up, for all I care. I'm in it for the POO-SAY.

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
You have woken me from my ancient imprisoned slumber, and in gratefulness I will grant you one wish! But beware, for it may hold dire consequences for the unwary! HAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!
I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BIT TALLER I WISH I WAS A BALLER I WISH I HAD A RABBIT IN A HAT AND A SIX FOOT FALLER
VERY WELL.
Okay?
You now shall force yourself into my piss-hole until my tender velvety urethra is packed with your shredded sinew and viscera. Oh, and the honeys still laugh at your yellow hatchback.
I guess it's kind of poetic. CONSIDER ME PRICKHOLED SIR

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
"Slit my cunt from t`aint to lips" that whore begged, and that young boy, the young lad with the tender smile,he took that nickel pocket knife his father gave to him and spread that hole like Moses...
*gasp* and like his mother taught him,he slid that old tired whore onto a stick sharpened at both ends as he was told,and in front of God and everyone in that house of ill repute he came in her organs
And that boy with the soft easy smile, string of beaded flaxen semen trailing from cockhead to spilled cooling small intestines on the paneled floor, he grew up to be none other than...Tom Hanks.
WOW.

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
So when does Nice Guy Godot show up? He shows up when he shows up? I've been sittin here for a fuckin hour and if he ain't gonna show, fuck Nice Guy Godot I'm fucking split!
No, no, I'm fucking gone you got me? I just left. Why am I still here. I TOLD you why, I'm waitin on fucking Nice Guy Godot to show up so he can rectify Blue's super-70's cock up you got me? Hang on-
HOW ABOUT SOME FIRE, FUCK-O
WAITWAITWAIT NO FU-

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
BOO BOWPABOW BOO POW POW BOO BOO BOO POW POW POW BOO BOW BOW BOW POW BOO BOWWWWWW BOO BOWWWWWWW
BOO BOW BOW BOW BOW BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO POW POW BOO BOO BOO POW POW BOO POW POW
OH MY GOD THAT'S THA FUNKY SHIT
This sounds nothing like "Day-0".

 

by TEDA
5-13-01
Alright, we're going to break this perp. We go in there and I shine the light on him and say "Look pal, we can throw the book at you, you end up some Bubba's sweet ass pancake in the joint."
Meanwhile, I'm the one NOT holding him while you and the chief force him to drink patrol horse urine until he's jaundiced?
Right. Meanwhile I get the boys from Vice all sweaty in their silk boxers before they all fart on each other's hands and take turns rubbing it all over the perp's face. Your role in the meantime?
Well, once you make him eat the ooky cookie and the soggy biscuit soaked with our on the spot made Special Jackoff Task force, I kindly offer him a piece of gum in an act of goodwill.
Did you squeak out a fat quacker fart onto it in the other room?
Hey, give it a rest Serpico, I know the score.

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
AH! GGGHH ACH! OH NUTS ON A JESUS CHIN YOUR SICK FUCK FUCKHOLE GAAHH GLGLBBPP COME ON YANK MY NUTS YOU WALKING SKINHOLE OH HATE THE COCK HATE IT SO GOOOOD FFFFUUUUCKKK
SHIT SHIT GGGG OH YOU WORTHLESS COOZE IM GONNA CREAM ON YOUR WORTHLESS FUCKING PILLOW UH! UHHH! UHHH HOPE YOU LIKE ASPARAGUS YOU C-C-C-CUUUUUNT...AH...oh...oh yeah gonnapunchyouwithmycumfist
Did I wake you?

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
Yo! Streetwise! Wanna buy a Streetwise? News fo the streets!
Yo! Streetwise? Muthafucking Streewise? YO MUTHAFUCKA I TALKIN TO YA MUTHAFUCKA WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WONT CUT YOU, BLOOD?
Hmm...news for homeless people, by homeless people? I'm sold! One Streetwise, please!
***NEWS FLASH: WE'RE STILL STARVING***

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
I think we can co-write together. Think of it: Tom Clancy and Judy Blume's take on a high tech tale of espionage and the awakening of the female body through the awkward onset of puberty.
I don't see it, I just don't see it. Nor do I think my readers can relate to a girl named Zenith Wendermarcht, a German-Prussian Interpol spook and inexplicably referred to as "the big dyke" so often.
Look it's a well known fact that the Skorpion-9 is the smallest submachine gun in the world, which gives it a tremendous controlability issue under sustained automatic fire-
red hot barrel temperature rating raised to near melting points blah blah blah, exactly why does she menstruate out a wiretap again?
It's quite possible to cap off a 100 rounds from a Tec-9 and bang the holy whorehole right off your mons pubis with the ported barrel, madam. Proven fact..

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
Okay, so we got one scene left to go here which is the big finish and I'll be doing the sensitive camera work and this shot can only be done once so LOOK ALIVE PEOPLE
whats my motivation
Okay, in this scene Russ here is going to bind and gag you with barbed wire, cut off your tits and wear them as earmuffs, then pound your gee bloody with a piece of broken glass. Ready? O-kay!
i get to put this on my resume right
CHOP CHOP STAB HACK SLICE HEMMORAGE UNF SQUIP SQUIP BLCHH
does my hair look right in this shot

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
HEY, WHAT KIND OF DANCE TO ROBOTS DO?
MY GUESS WOULD BE THE HUMAN WAVE!
10 HA HA HA HA HA 20 GOTO 10
OH, MY FERRO-TUNGSTEN ALLOY POLYCARBONATE MESH ARMORED SIDES.
HA?
C:\\WINDOWS\MEDIA\POLITELAUGHTER.WAV

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
i like trent
i like trent to
i like you
no
im gonna cry
stop talking

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
GREETINGS, MORTYL. PLEASE TELL ME THE DARK DELIGHTS WHICH TANTALIZE THE EMPTY MOURNFUL VOID WITHIN. ALSO IF YOU PLAN ON PURSUING A FOOLISH XTIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE EDUCATION AFTER GRADUATION
Well, I like math, and-
YOU ARE A FOOL,YOUR PITIFUL SHEEPLIKE SHACKLES KEEP YOU MIRED IN THE CONSERVATIVE WASTE THAT KEEP YOU FOOLS IN THIS DREADFUL MATRIX WHICH TEACHES THE SCHOOL TO MOCK ME. IT IS COLUMBINE AGAIN, CHYLDE
Oh.
FEEL FREE TO TAKE A JOLLY RANCHER FROM MY GARGOYLE CANDY DISH IF THIS PLEASES YOUR INNER DAEMOIYN DARKNESS
Would I be considered a poser if I kept my options open and went to the PLUR Fair?

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
Greetings young shallow East Beverly Hills socialite, I am known as The Wishmaster. I have assumed my true djinn form on the strength of captured souls from wishes, and I offer you the same! HAHAHAAA!
Normally I don't take offers from creepy goblin looking things pooped out of gems and throw away my soul on the first thing that pops to mind , but okay! I wish for massive wealth and prosperity!
VERY WELL. Oh, did you say wealth and fame? I thought you said wealth and FLAMES! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
JESUS NO IT BU- wait a cock rotting minute, I said prosperity, not fame. It's a p-word not even remotely phonetically close!
I CALL THEM AS I SEE THEM. Now I will put you out with smart bombs filled with gold! GOLD! HAHAAHAHAHAAAA!
That fucking Wishmaster.

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
BUTS GO POO POO
sup joey

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
PERSONAL AD: RUB THIS PUPPY LOVER'S TUMMY FOR HAPPY TIMES
STOP TALKING TO THE CALL GIRL AND HOLD HER WHILE I CUT OFF HER LEG AND GLORYHOLE HER VENIAL ARTERY
I MIGHT ADD MADAM I AM LOOKING FOR FRIENDSHIP AND MAYBE MORE LEAVE A MESSAGE IN BOX #48172 IF YOURE DISEASE FREE DISCREET AND ARE WILLING TO MEET A CHAPTER 10 BANKRUPTCY FILER
THIS BODY ISNT GETTING KNIFEFUCKED ON ITS OWN SIR STAB STAB SLASH SLICE BEAT BEAT OOF SPRRITZ
ANOTHER TIME, ANOTHER PLACE MAYHAPS
NO ONE WILL MISS A WHORE

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
So you see, Biblebot, I'm not sad about what happened to me, because I love all of you so much I gave myself to you so you can go to heaven. I will rise in three days and you can live with me forever.
DESTROY THE DOOMED FLESH MEN
That's a good boy.

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
PLEASE PISS ON ME ONLY FIVE DOLLARS...
...LET YOUR URETHRAL FLOOD GATES OPEN ALL OVER MY FACE AND CHEST ONLY A DOLLAR...
...PISS ON ME, TEN DOLLARS

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
I like to rock out to Everclear, did you know that? Yeah, I put on one of their songs and turn it up as high as it can go, relishing in the smooth vibrato backbeat and songs of pain from a broken home
Uh huh.
Then when my parents come in complaining it's shaking the windows, I pop on the MegaBass equalizer,pointing at them and mouthing the words about how they abandoned me and turned me into a ball of hate
Uh huh.
dedicated to the memory of Gibbs
Then when the song reaches its big crescendo,I scream "YES IT WOULD KILL ME TO WEAR A SHIRT WITH A COLLAR ONCE IN A WHILE" and dash the picture frame of my girlfriend as hard as I can against the wall
Then you fall on your bed sobbing and snotting all over your Gunsmith Cats until they leave. Wow, that hits a little too close to home. LETS MAKE OUT

 

by TEDA
5-14-01
I have cancer.
I'm sorry, what kind do you have?
LOTS OF IT

 

by TEDA
5-15-01
Well, you certainly have an average minimum of semester credits for this spring,but maybe you want to consider declaring a major early and taking on 3 more credits?It'll save you lots of hassle later.
Are you even looking at me?
Get out Get Out GET OUUUUUUUUUT!
Snag a Mini-Snickers on my way out? DON'T MIND IF I DO

 

by TEDA
5-15-01
eat lots of citrus
so when you piss in my face
it will sting my eyes

 

by TEDA
5-15-01
Knock knock. Uh, hey.
GGGGGGG NNNN FFFFFFRRR BRRRR (plip glp) GJIGJGBLL (brp)
So...
HINNNNNN NURRRRR GG (plip gllrp frrt) AGGGHHH! UNHHHHH (bloop dribbledribble plep) AGGHH UNN pant pant pant GLLL (FRRP GLOP BLOOP)
Any luck on finding my keys in there yet?
AGGGGHHHHHNNNNHHNNNNNHHHHHH JESUS AGHHHH! (POOP PLOP BSSSSSS FRRRRT POOOOOOOP SPLASH ALL OVER BUTTOCKS AND TAINT)

 

by TEDA
5-16-01
poke poke poke poke poke poke poke
stop it.
POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
Is it your wish that I stop? HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Wes Craven's Wishmaster, you are the stumpfuckiest.

 

by TEDA
5-17-01
*gasp* the young black youth, well he took six in the chest but he kept coming, filled with the vengeance of the black race and a concoction of speedball and angel dust, roaring as he charged...
*hgss* he splattered the wall of the 7-11 with the brains of that first officer, and the next he used the officer's own billy club as a widening clamp, climbing right into his bleeding anus before us.
And as he wore the gurgling, now-headless policeman's husk like a poncho, he filled our hearts with love and understanding that day, and the crowd remarked "that boy will go far...that Colin Powell".
WOW I DON'T BELIEVE!

 

by TEDA
5-17-01
back the fuck up cuz im gonna get nauseous/comin to your synagogue and bringin all the ruckus/so allayah goyim betta step off with that schmutz/cuz my rhymes gonna tear down this little kibbutz/
rockin like a meshuggena with my freestyle/while my homey spinnin dreidel dub all the while/poppin your J.A.P.'s lap latke, frontin the mad bucks/keepin it real wit AM WHO AM allaya matzo crackah fuck
EVERYBODY SAY "HO, WITH THE SHOOTING AND THE PIMPING? THIS IS A MISCHIGATZ"
If I were 30 years younger, I'd be crying.

 

by TEDA
5-23-01
Tremble, young dying child, for I am the Wishmaster! I offer you any wish of your choice, but be warned! Your life may be lost in the future, but your soul will be lost to me! HAHAHAHAHAA!
Oh...Mister...Mister I'm so scared to die. I know this is silly and you can't do it, but I sure wish that I could be cured of this disease...
VERY WELL.
Really? REALLY?! Oh, thank you kind sir! I can feel the strength returning to my body and...wait...OH GOD MY GENITALS ARE INFLAMED AND COVERED WITH CHANCRES
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
OH YOU-...well, I guess it's a lot like meeting a baseball player.

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
My name is TEDA.
And I am an Army of One.
Mostly because where I lived didn't have any girls or places to masturbate.

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
GOOD GOD AM I GETTING THE BIGGEST DONG RATTLIN OF MY LIFE
JESUS CHRIST WITH THE TUGGING AND THE CHOKING AND THE HONKING AND OH NOW IT'S WRANGLING MY DANGLE IN TIME TO A BERLIN SONG ON THE CLASSIC ROCK STATION
FOR FUCK'S SAKES I JUST BLEW MISTAKEPUDDLE ALL OVER THE FRONT OF MY COVERALLS DURING THE HIGH PART OF BARRACUDA
HOW SWEET RETARDED HYDROPHOBIC MEAT

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
OI YEH PACK OF SODDY YANKS WIT YEH DOZY BIZZLE BANGER PINGLE TINGLE TOOM RUMPY BUMPY TUM TUM, WOT
I REFUSE TO ENTERTAIN THIS EXCHANGE FURTHER WITHOUT AT LEAST A CURSORY NOD TO THAT WHICH I UNDERSTAND (GREEN LANTERN, NOT MUCH ELSE)
JESUS CHRIST CAN WE JUST KNOCK COCKS TOGETHER TWICE AND CALL IT A NIGHT
SEEING AS I AM THE BALDEST MAN CURRENTLY IN THE ROOM I DEMAND FIRST CRACK AT LYING ON THE BABY CHANGING STATION WITH AS MANY HOLES AS POSSIBLE IN THE AIR
SO THAT WAS LIKE WHEN I TOLD THE GUY "HEY BUDDY, I HATE TO GO OOC HERE BUT I MUST REMIND YOU THAT I HAVE FIVE DOTS IN BRAWL WITH A SPECIALIZATION IN CAPOERIA (THAT'S BRAZILIAN DANCE FIGHTING) AND"
I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN ANY MORE

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
HEY CHINKY MC CHINK WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO CHINALAND WITH GOOKY GOOK AND THE SLANTY BUNCH AND PRACTICE A LITTLE KARATE
I wonder what the devil he was talking about.

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
Look at this place, it's a pigsty! Everything is a mess, and let's not get into all those clothes hangers all in a pile in the corner of the closet there!
THAT IS NOT A PILE OF COAT HANGERS THAT IS A GROTTO SHRINE TO THE PATRON SAINT OF BACK ALLEY ABORTIONS
BITCH

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
You must realize that when one traverses back through the fabric of time that the slightest alteration to what already is, no matter how small, can have long reaching and pervasive consequences.
I AM LOSING MY TIME HARD
You must understand that even with well meaning of say, killing Hitler, it may have unforetold and perhaps calamitous effects rippling through time so you must promise me you will be most careful!
CAN DO
AND SO HISTORY IS MADE
FRRRRRRRRRPPT
(LINDBERGH BABY)

 

by TEDA
3-06-04
MISTER FRODO YOU ARE LEAVING HOW SHALL I LIVE IN THE SHIRE WITHOUT YOU
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND SAM IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY THE BURDEN OF THE RING HAS MADE ME AN OUTSIDER IN MY OWN HOME
I WILL GO WITH YOU MISTER FRODO I CAN'T BE WITHOUT YOU HOW CAN I GO ON IN THE SHIRE WITHOUT MY MISTER FRODO
YOU WILL FIND A WAY NOW THAT YOU HAVE A WIFE AND CHILDREN SOMEONE HAS TO CONTINUE THE STORY WHERE I LEAVE OFF JUST LIKE HOW BILBO LEFT ME TO LEAVE OFF HIS STORY AND
JESUS CHRIST ALL ABOARD THE HMS BABY BOO HOO YOU HAIRFOOTED FAGGOTS

 

by TEDA
5-01-04
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKES I MUST BE THE ONLY TOTALLY HETERO MAN IN THE WORLD THAT HAS OCCASIONALLY FANTASIZED OF PUTTING HIS VIENER IN ROGER DALTRY'S TURDTUNNEL
HEY BUDDY YOU CAN TOUCH PEEHOLES WITH ANY GROSS FAG DUDE YOU WANT JUST MAKE SURE THAT LOS LADIES UNDERSTAND THAT I MAJORLY DIG TWO THINGS: EATING PUSSY AND ROBBIE WILLIAMS (NOT IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE)
WHOA MAN THAT GAME LOOKS LIVE WHAT IS THAT A TOM CLANCY GAME OR LIKE HITMAN THREE OR PSSH WHATEVS I AM JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO TAKE A PISS BREAK SO I CAN SNIFF YOUR SEAT
CLEARLY I AM DISTINGUISHED WITH THAT RARE SUBSET OF OUR ENTERTAINMENT SUBCULTURE KNOWN AS "INTELLIGENT GAMERS" AS I CONSIDER IT AN ACCOLADE TO FIND A GIRL GAWKY ENOUGH TO LIKE GAMES INSTEAD OF ANAL
MY GUY IS A WAR TOREADOR YOU KNOW? HE HAS FIVE DOTS IN BRAWL WITH A SPECIALIZATION IN CAPEORIA (THAT'S BRAZILLIAN DANCE FIGHTING) AND LET ME STATE WHILE I'M STILL OOC THAT HE WILL KILL YOUR CHARACTER
I HATE SEX BECAUSE I WAS RAPED EIGHT YEARS AGO

 

by TEDA
5-01-04
I LISTEN TO NICKELBACK AND NOT MUCH ELSE BECAUSE MY AUNT DIED ONCE AND I CAN RELATE BEING SORRY FOR BEING A FUCKUP BEFORE AND AFTER SHE DIED, ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO SET PRETTY GIRLS' TITS ON FIRE
MY NEXT BIRACIAL BABY WILL BE NAMED "PAYDAY" WHICH WILL KEEP ME IN PIPE STEMS AND WHITE CASTLE UNTIL I FIND A MAN TO SHOW ME THE BETTER THINGS IN LIFE (RALLY'S)
I UPDATED MY MYSPACE PROFILE AND LONG STORY SHORT ANY DAY NOW I WON'T JUST BE INVITING MY PLATONIC FEMALE FRIENDS OVER TO TAKE PICTURES OF MY CATS WHICH ARE 8 AND 7 AND 6 1/2 AND 12, RESPECITVELY
I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! LOL! OH MAN ONE TIME I HAD MONO FOR A STRAIGHT MONTH AND MISSED OUT ON THE WHOLE WHASSUP THING AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING TO MAKE UP EVER SINCE
AND YOU SAW AMERICAN HISTORY X RIGHT? WHERE THEY CURBSTOMPED THE GUY? THAT'S WHAT I TOLD THE GUY I WAS GOING TO DO IF MY TOREADOR GOT HIM OUTSIDE AND THAT'S BEFORE THE CAPEORIA YOU KNOW?
I HAVE A CANADIAN BOYFRIEND I SEE ONCE A YEAR AND HE TREATS ME OKAY

 

by TEDA
12-24-05
Fuck yeah I'm clinching on my big fat veiner on Christmas Eve
CHING CHING CHING CHING CHING CHING CHING SQRRPPPPPLLPPPPP
Oh you fat son of a bitch.
nnnngh...ho ho, my goodness!
Christ. it still has little chunks of cookies in it.
I ATE A HANDFUL OF LAXATIVES ON THE WAY HERE AND I COULDN'T QUITE GET TO YOUR STOCKING SO I SMUSHED IT NEXT TO THE FIREPLACE THERE

 

by TEDA
12-25-05
Hey people, let's really remember what matters on this day.
After all, squeezin' is the reason for the season.
I'LL BE HONKING IT FOR THE HOLIDAYS
I am of course referring to my fat holiday nuts here. HNNNGH

 

by TEDA
12-28-05
I would like to make a retraction of my previous statements implying I masturbate on the reserved day of the birth of Jesus.This is misleading and I apologize for saying something that is just untrue.
In fact, the only times of the year I don't pound my dumb faggoty nuts is on Christmas, Easter, and by extension the whole weekend leading up to Easter (Good Friday and what have you). Here is why:
(Sunday morning)
Hey, I'm back! What have you been up to since I've been,uh, away?
Well, uh. Er. Hoo. Awkward.

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