All comics by Ubik

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by Ubik
1-30-01
Should I call, or not?
I've only known her for a week...
Still, how can I resist the wiles of my math prof?
Whore.

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
Well! Been a while, hasn't it?
Yeah, I guess so.
Then again, there's a good reason for that.
So we got a little drunk! What's wrong with that?!
The Lord of Darkness does NOT forget playing "Altar Boy and Father Wang" in the back of a hearse.
Shit... you mean you were conscious?

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
"To Whom It May Concern:"
"Due to recent funding cuts, we will no longer be able to provide transport from Triton to anywhere else in the solar system. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."
Oh well... could be worse.
"Did we mention we trashed all of your porn?"
Ohhh.... FUCK.

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
So... did you get the goods?
Of course I did! I don't screw around with my customers.
Sweetness! How much is it gonna cost me?
You with a strap-on and a can of Pam.
Oh good lord... can't I just pay cash for once?
With an ass like yours? Hell no. Besides, the vibrator you gave me last week broke already.

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
That's not it...
That's not it either...
How am I ever going to be cool if I don't get any piercings?
You're doing it all wrong!

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
Hey there.
...
...
WHAT?!
I just have this incredible craving for calamari all of a sudden.

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
One night at the club...
WOO! This party rocks!
I'm tripping my ass off!
You do realize that acid doesn't do anything for robots, right?
Then how am I flying up to heaven with you?
Dammit, I thought I TOLD you not to go on Napster with 3000 mp3s shared!

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
Dear lord, I can't take the torment of my existence anymore! It's far too painful to-
*RIIIING*
Ye GODS! Could it be that... somebody's reaching out to me?
*RIIIING*
FUCKING telemarketers.

 

by Ubik
1-30-01
So God...
Yes, my child?
Why always the burning bush? Couldn't you manifest as something else once in a while?
Well... I don't want to talk about it.
C'mon, old man. Fess up.
FIVE BILLION YEARS OF VENEREAL DISEASE, OK?! "Burning bush" was a euphemism and it caught on!

 

by Ubik
1-31-01
Hey, I heard you were going to perform at our rodeo this weekend!
Yeah, I'm looking forward to working with you!
Clowns are evil.
Cowboys are gay.

 

by Ubik
1-31-01
o/` I called the witch doctor and this is what he said: He said "ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh, ching chang walla walla bing bang... o/`
!
AAAAGH! AAAAAGH! STOPPIT! LEMME GO!!
THE SQUIRRELS! THE SQUIRRELS!!!!
You sing that song again, "Alvin," I'll make sure you'll only be singing soprano with the Chippettes!! ...lousy little fucking punk.

 

by Ubik
2-25-01
Can't... move... my... arms!
Shit, now I know how my brother's blow-up dolls feel.

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