All comics by djsparkydog

Profile

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Greg Derrick Likes Puppies.
Whoa... a naked white house intern!
I used to be an intern
Don't YOU like puppies?
I wish I had that kind of pull...
I miss blowing influential people...
Greg Derrick for Mayor.
I'll blow you if you let me call you Mr. President.
Deal

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Can anyone guess the punchline here?
C'mon... Guess!
That's right! The Cthulian Monstrosity is past School Girls... He's middle-aged, lazy and surfs his pr0n now!

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Nitzche
God is Dead.
Damn right I am.
H.P. Lovecraft
BLAAAAAAAARGH... (slobber) (drool)
Daddy?
Harry Potter
Magical wizards blah blah muggles blah blah third quarter profits enough to buy your soul blah blah
Somebody call ASPCA... Harry uses me to light his joints... and treats me like a scotsman treats his pet sheep.

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Smooth talker...
....
Damn it feels good to be a gangster...
Sparky talks his way out of a ticket...
....
Muggs in a funk fest someone's talkin junk
and right into a holding cell.
Do you really expect me to believe you're sober enough to drive?
I AM THE MOTHER FUCKING LIZARD KING!

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Hi... I'm Sparky. I wanted to write a comic strip about techniacl support and gaming and sex and music. All the panels will look something like this.
Unless they look like this
In any case, I'm a good artist, but too lazy to draw. The guy in the beret for lack of better choice will be me.
W3rd j0

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
Hi Computer
Hi Sparky... how are you today... I missed you.
I've been playing with my new G-4 Macintosh
AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!
Kidding
Don't tease me like that.

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
I'll be right back... I need cofee
Cool
I'm Sparky's boss, a clear cut rip off of The Dark Lord of Ubersoft. I'll just twiddle Sparky's settings a bit...
No I think not... touch not this keyboard, Notorious Dr. J... or face my wrath...
Why is the Boss on fire?
Remember that USB compatible taser you installed?

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
One brief explanation later...
So YOU set the Boss on fire...
He wouldn't let go of the mouse Sparky... measures had to be taken...
Good computer... you get extra RAM this week
Damn skippy I do.

 

by djsparkydog
1-26-02
We've dropped a whole sheet of acid into Sparky's coffee... let's see if he notices...
Aaaaaahhh... time for the hourly smoke... sweet nicotiney goodness...
Smoke me and I kill your entire extended family with my Rapid Fire Shiny Disco Ball Cannon(tm).
Yup... he noticed.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

 

by djsparkydog
1-29-02
It's a hardware problem, but that's okay, we can fix it. Do you have a sodering iron, a masters in electrical engineering, and an industrial grade clean room?
Customer: Are you mocking me?
Damn right I am
Customer: Just checking

 

by djsparkydog
1-29-02
My colleauges believe that I ... am ... wasting my time with you ... But I beleive that you wish to do the right thing...
Customer: Wait I --
Mr. Anderson, I believe you will find it difficult to tech your issue if you cannot.... speak.
Customer: Can I talk to someone normal?
Sorry ma'm, we don't have anyone like that here.

 

by djsparkydog
1-29-02
AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Sweet mother of god!
The pain, the burning mind numbing pain...
ummmm.... AAAAAAAGH
It might be overkill for you folks, but it's still funny for me.
You know I'm going to fire you as soon as I have a convenient ecuse right?

 

by djsparkydog
1-30-02
The Place: The Boss' Office
You wanted to see me Boss?
Yes Sparky...
Is this about that whole flaming-taser-burning-thingy?
Well... Yes.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Welcome to my world Bitch-boy.

 

by djsparkydog
1-30-02
You know once the majority of your flesh gets seared off this isn't too bad...
Soooo.... How did you cram a burning, desolate wasteland full of the keening Souls of the Damned into your tiny corner office?
This place is a conflux for suffering and pain... I draw it here with sheer force of will...
Cool.
And I Photoshopped some of the Damned in.

 

by djsparkydog
1-30-02
Doom Doom Doom...
Doom Doom Doom...
Doomy Doomy Doom!
Shhh!
Doom Doom Doom
Okay all Done!

 

by djsparkydog
2-01-02
Who's your daddy?

 

by djsparkydog
2-01-02
We here at Tech Fu would like to apologize for whatever the hell that last comic was.
Apparently one of Sparky's co-workers wanted to toy with his computer while he was away.
So we've covered his entire computer with sticky notes. And kidnapped his dog.

 

by djsparkydog
2-02-02
I origin much appreciation of the hard penetrations of my deep parts.
The blood of the invader functions through my veins as GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS! THE PANTS COMMAND ME... IT DOES NOT IGNORE MY VEINS!
It loses something in the translation from Portuguese
Minha senha é binladen!!!!
VONTADE CORNHOLE de TOBOR VOCÊ COM 733t WANG!

 

by djsparkydog
2-05-02
Feel his torment
We know you killed your wife, bongo.
I didn't do it... it was the one-eared man. Wait a minute, that doesn't work.... I plead the fifth
Feel his Fear
We're gonna search every doughnut shop, pastry shop, Burger King, strip club, and crack house till we find him!
I'll find that bastard... and I'll make him pay!
Fugitive Part Deux: Search for the one eared man!!!!
FREEZE OR TOBOR CORNHOLE!!!
Don't even think I'm going to get a headstart on jailhouse love! I will find the one eared man... I'm inooooooceeeeeent...

 

by djsparkydog
2-05-02
Every Kevin Smith Movie... EVER
Maybe I can use my jedi force powers to give him a wedgie...
smokin blunts, smokin blunts, drinkin beer, drinkin beer... WHOOOOOOO FUCK! Cut it out fatass!
Edgar Allen Poe
Darkity-Dark-Dark-Gloom, Angst, Enuui... pain ... nevermore... OOOH! Is it just me or is my thirteen year old cousin all hot and stuff?
Back off you absinthe drinking pedophile.
Disney Anything
Tobor is sad... no one will let Tobor cornhole them. Tobor will sing award winning song about it with the voice of Whitney Houston
Look I'm cute... just shut up and buy the fucking merchandise already.

 

by djsparkydog
2-06-02
Bongo disn't want to know...
So I says those rotor tur... I can't do this anymore....
Speak your mind cowboy...
But he's here to help
Look Bongo... It's all a sham... a shallow lie... there never were any gravitons... and there never will be. I just wanted attention. *SOB*
It's okay Cowboy let me introduce you to someone else who's been living a lie.
This would be heartwarming if it wasn't so creepy.
Tobor???
Tobor not really like cornhole... Tobor just want to snuggle and watch foreign films and drink nice cup of earl grey

 

by djsparkydog
2-09-02
What's up my brothers and sisters I'm the Magical Kawanza Pimp, and this is my homey The Notorious St. Nick.
Word em up you bitches
I'm here to tell you about the True winter holiday... The one Whitey has been keeping down. That holiday is Kawanza
Let those bitches know magic pimp
You see, Jesus and gift giving, and menorahs, these are the tools The Man uses to keep us opressed. So put on your multi-colored tribal robes, light a candle and celebrate the blackest of holidays
Because Martin Luther King Junior's birthday just isn't festive enough. You bitches.

 

by djsparkydog
2-09-02
Something to do with Gravitons?
Give sucky-sucky for free because Jesus was born?
Using tinsel for hot bondage love because... ummm... Jesus was born??
Hi kids... I'm Saint Nick. Christmas isn't about love or Jesus. It's about being guilt-tripped into inadequecy by your friends until you buy them expensive shit they don't need.
And that is the true spirit of christmas. That and running a slave labor camp in the frosty reaches of the north pole, exploiting elves and making the PHAT cash.
Help me.....

 

by djsparkydog
2-09-02
Wazzup all my peeps... Magical Kawanza Pimp back again with a special holiday deal... Celebrate Kawanza this year and get a free underage asian hooker.
five dolla sucky-sucky me love you long time
And if THAT isn't good enough, we'll send you your very own jaded 50's beatnik poet.
I hate you, I hate god, and this coffee is awful.
And if that's not enough, we'll send a well hung steely robot to your house to sodomize you until you DO celebrate Kawanza... Bitches.
TOBOR CORNHOLE IN NAME OF KAWANZA... YOU BITCHES!

 

by djsparkydog
2-12-02
Hi, Bob Robertson here on the 42nd annual "I'm Killing You In The Name Of Religion" Day!
Alright you little heathen, I'm gonna part your head like Moses, and then kick your ass till the Messiah finally comes.
You DIE now... you not down with Zen!
It's going to be exciting... Can you feel the tension, competition and hatred?
I'm gonna whup your ass so bad there won't be nuthin left for the Holy Ghost to drop the elbow on!
Oooohhhh... I'd be scared if I didn't know God was dead, and our race was actually created by porcine space aliens from the planet Kleptok!
Well that ends the 42nd annual "I'm Killing You In The Name Of Religion" Day... too bad everyone is dead.

 

by djsparkydog
2-27-02
And now Mastercheese Theater Presents: Egar Allen Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak an...
Hi Eddie.
Lenore?
Yup. There was a bird outside. So I killed it and we're having barbeque raven wings for dinner.
If you're wondering about the whirling noise, that's my lierature teacher spinning in his grave.
Well... nothin spells lovin like your thirteen year old cousin. I'll get the absinthe. Hey what are you doing here?
I came down with the pox and decided not to go to the ball.

 

by djsparkydog
2-27-02
Don't touch your sister there!
Don't touch the dog there!
Get that out of your nose!
No we can't keep it for a pet... it's dead already!
No you can't start a satanic hardcore porn heavy metal band! How do you think we got you in the first place?
"Dear Dad, I stole the car. Piss off. Love, Your Son

 

by djsparkydog
3-14-02
We've replaced sparky's morning coffee with a Morphine... let's see if he notices!
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....
blaaaaaarggg.....
Morphine... It's better than Folgers!(Morphine has been proven to cause nausea, death, dyslexia, constipation, homosexuality, heterosexuality, and back acne in lab rats and Viet Nam vetrans)
*drool*

 

by djsparkydog
3-14-02
CUZ THIS IS THRILLER!!!! THRILLER NIGHT... HOOO!!!!!

 

by djsparkydog
3-14-02
Recognize skank ho, Kwanza in the mother fuckin' hizouse!
But I don't believe in Kwanza Silky
Then Silky doesn't believe in you. Eat hot 45 slug trick!
Stripcreator splat prop, when you absolutely positively have to insuate you killed every underage asian hooker in the room. Accept no substitute. You bitches.

 

by djsparkydog
3-14-02
SatanMon.................Sucky-Sucky Mon
5000 dolla gold foil printed sucky sucky
Cthulumon......Cardboard Heroin-Mon
Pika-BLAAAAAARGH....
MOM!!! I gotta catch 'em all... so you gotta buy em all for me. Or I'll tell daddy how you touch my special no-no place!
Physicist-mon............Sodo-mon
ROTOR TURBINE! I Choose YOU
pika? pika? CORNHOLE!!!!!!!!!!

 

by djsparkydog
3-16-02
We've replaced Sparky's morning coffee with Lapsang Souchong tea... lets see if he notices
JESUS MOTHER FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS THIS SHIT?
Oh yeah... he noticed.
It tastes like bushfire... oh god I feel like I just swallowed a month old pile of horse manure...

 

by djsparkydog
3-19-02
He's a giant angry red robot with an anal love obsession from the mean streets of L.A.
RAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
He's a saucy art critic with a penchant for beatnik poetry from the classiest parts of New York.
It speaks to me of pain... sorrow... darkness... and a hint of moral ambiguity coupled with a struugle against a dark addiction... It BURNS with genius!
I'm just a bench the art exhibit is inside.
TOGETHER... THEY FIGHT CRIME!!!!!!!
It's obvious to me the killer had no idea how to juxtapse the blood in conrast to the concrete. The splatters are wild and erratic, not primal, not even full of passion. He must be stopped.
RAAAAAR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE HOMICIDAL NUTJOB!!!

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
What DOES it take to push regulars over the edge?
SUCK IT!!!!!!!
Glad that's finally done with.

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
Hi folks Sparky here to tell you about a revolutionary drug that'll change you life!!
That's right, I'm talking about CRACK!!!!
Crack is the amazing new superdrug brought to you by our fine associate Silky the Kwanza Pimp
Wassup.
Crack will make all your pain float into the etherium. You'll be more popular. More likeable. You'll have more zest for life!
and if you don't believe me speak to our satisfied customers!!!

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
Here's Selma, long time crack user and transvestite hooker.
Crack grew all my hair and teeth back. Now I can make more money on the streets to buy crack!
Back to work crackhead.
Here's Bob. Bob was a long time workaholic with completely unmanageable stress levels, and ulcers on top of his ulcers! Look what crack did for him!
Before Crack, I had all kinds of problems... Now I only have one... CRACK!!!
Now let's do some on the spot interviews, and free trial giveaways!
When you say "Free Trial Giveaway", you mean "I'm gonna pay Silky for every last rock", right? This shit don't grow on trees man.

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
Excuse me, Miss! Would you like to try some free Crack?
I don't know... I like the drugs I have right now... what the hell, it's free right? Pass me the light bulb!
So how do you like it?
My heart... feels.... funny...
Another satisfied customer! Silky, come get the body and put it with the other ones!

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
AND to prove the unbelievable power of Crack, I've used a flame thrower to set this schoolbus full of children on fire...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
But because of the unbelievable power of our product, they all think theyre roasting marshmallows around a camp fire!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Yo Sparky! We didn't give 'em any crack, we already handed out all the sample bags.
Uhhhh... CUT TAPE! What do you mean we're live? Shit! Go to the stock footage!

 

by djsparkydog
3-26-02
Dial 1-800-CRAK-ROK Now!!!!!!
Well, thanks for joining us today, and learning about the beauty of Crack!
Damn fine shit, I'll tell you that much. You bitches.
Dial 1-800-CRAK-ROK Now!!!!!!
Crack. Supermodels will love you. Your dick will get bigger. You'll never grow old. You'll be rich. Gold will drip from your fingers like spring rain. Jesus will love you even more.
And if that shit doesn't happen you'll be too damn strung out to sue us.
Dial 1-800-CRAK-ROK Now!!!!!!(You bitches)
Word.
You bitches.

 

by djsparkydog
5-08-02
What up Santa, long time no see my brother of another color
Oh, I'm not Santa. I'm the fictious Santa God believed in by those who are not cubic in thinking.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You see, I only exist in one day inside of the day that has four days in it that's part of the time cube.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Teach Time Cube you fools.

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