All comics by Spiffy415

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by Spiffy415
9-24-01
Gabe learns the horrors of blubber.
Crickey! That's a crick in me neck!
Oh! My organs!
I guess I shouldn't have tried to open a can of whoop ass on that fat man
I demand your acorns!

 

by Spiffy415
9-24-01
When hookers desperately need monster truck rally tickets
So you're sayin' if I sell my soul to you I can get all the free monster truck rally tickets I want?
That is corr---rr---rrr---ect
Uh...is something wrong?
You'll ha---aa---ve to excuu---uuu--se my sttttt---uu-tter--er
We'll you'll have to excuse my gonorrhea-infested soul
Oh what's that? Mom? Yes, I'm coming!

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
You said you were the bitchinest crime-fighting bee from the class of '93!
There's that taco joint!
But some old lady is getting robbed down the street!
Does she have tacos?
No
Bitch!

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
Well hello there little girl...
Wait a minute, you're not a little girl!
Nah, I reckon I ain't.
I wonder if maybe I'm losing my touch
Nonsense! I'd do ya!

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
Damn hangover! Can't concentrate on Survivor! You are the weakest link! Fuck!
Chris won immunity!
What! That ass couldn't immunity himself out of a paper bag!
They voted off Dawn!
Incredible! No more hangover! Just a faint, spinning...light-headed...pain
Fuck! Tony Danza endorsing Survivor gear! Give me that damn hammer!

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
So anyway, I was standing in line, when this GODDESS walks in. I mean, she was, like, the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. So I was just standing there, staring at her.
Then, after about 5 minutes, I looked up at her face, and she was staring back at me!
So I looked at the guy she was with, and he was staring at me too. So I ran.
Is that right? Did you happen to get his number? License plate? Date of birth? House of Spaghetti card number?

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
You know, the great thing about Las Vegas is everything is legal!
*Hack* *Spuzz* (Spuzz?) I have STDs that have just been discovered within me
Maybe I'll hit the casinos...
I have cable
Let's go!
Hope you don't mind scurvy-infested bed sheets

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
Just chop down the tree!
I think the Politically Correct way to do it these days is lethal injection.
What?!
Okay, fine, give it its last cigarette and shoot it.

 

by Spiffy415
12-29-01
That keg of beer wasn't going to just drink itself!
I had to find out how Blue's Clues ended!
You know how crack dealers love to just sit and chat!
You're not helping yourself.

 

by Spiffy415
12-31-01
Say something
George Bush in 2004!
If I had a knife, I'd shoot you.

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
American-British Relations continue to improve...
Prince Charles, did you hear about Bush?
Oh this should be good
He choked on a pretzel
Egads man!!
I hope the pretzel is all right!

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
Y2K!! Bring me your women and children!
Too innocent looking. Not good for business.
Now off you go drum up some nice ladies. Who could resist you now.
Heeeerrrrreee'ssss SQUIRRELY!

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
Apartment
Loft
Gas
Petroleum
George Bush
Fuckin' wanker trying to bring about a Republican regime of narrow-minded idiots just like himself, also known as arch-enemy of the pretzel

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
George Bush
AHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHA!!

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
Thanks to Georgie, this is what's going on in Afghanistan
Wow, that's graphic
Where's your false patriotism?
I'm British. Where to next on the tour?
Georgie's future retirement home. WAAAAY down south
Hey! It's Bloody Mary! Can I get an autograph. babe?

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
I'd like you to meet a friend of mine
Sure thing!
AL GORE!!

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
Have you heard about George Bush's education reform plan?
Yes, yes...No child...what is it called?
No Child Left Behind
Ah, right.
Someone should tell him making today's youth isn't going to make him inversely more intelligent
Tsk tsk, Georgie. One should not preach what one does not know

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
I am George Bush! We will find Osama Bin Laden and make him pay!
We will show that we are true Americans by bombing the shit out of Afghanistan! Fear us! We are America!
ACK! Pretzel lodged in throat! Damn those Arabs! They've gotten to the salty confections!
God Bless that pretzel

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
Bless you for Monty Python!
Bless you for National Lampoon!
Bless you for The Who!
Bless you for O-Town!
O-Town?! Fuck you for the Revolutionary War!
Fuck you for George Bush!

 

by Spiffy415
1-19-02
I'm quite sorry, but I seem to have knicked your bumper parking.
No sweat. You have nothing to apologize for.
Well, except maybe the Spice Girls.
We're still trying to deport them. Bloody naturalization laws.

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
Ack! Lag! Damn dial-up! This page has been loading for the past twenty minutes! What?! More lag?!
loading...loading... loading...
Internet Server decides to lend a hand
Hello sir or ma'am! Because of the length of time your server takes to load, we have decided to give you the gift of something to occupy those long waits with!
Fron now on, you can pass the long load time with your brand new Bonzai Buddy...Regis Philbin!
Must...kill... something...

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
What did you do?
Um...
Did you sneak 13 items through the express lane again?
Worse.
You killed a man just to watch him die?
In the middle of the two but closer to the second one.

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
I'm a paper clip here to tell you of my amazing paper-holding-together skills!
What the fuck?! Why would I ever need paper-holding-together skills?
Why, my dear boy, after long study sessions at the library for school reports, you'll need me to fasten your pages of encyclopedic information together!
Calling community college!
Oh, that doesn't matter. I don't like encyclopedias. They have too many big words in them.

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
It's a leaf-blower.
Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
I want a divorce.
I also got you some myrrh.

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
I've been in a coma since November 2000! Tell me, who won the election!
George Bush
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

 

by Spiffy415
1-20-02
Felix received a letter with only a simple Douglas Adams quote
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
And it continues...
What an interesting thing to ponder. But where did this hammer come from? And why did I ask for the Michael Jackson nose removal surgery?
There was a point to this, but it has temporarily escaped the writer's mind.

 

by Spiffy415
1-21-02
*sigh* Television has succomed to so little in the past few years.
Doctor! Will she live?! I need her alive so the divorce can proceed!
All these mindless recycled scripts are really dampering the true spirit of what television once was.
Oh my! You tried to change your report card grades?! You're grounded!
Hey, look! David Spade is Satan. That’s good casting!

 

by Spiffy415
1-21-02
Troy McGregory continues the search for his past
Who are you?
My name is Troy McGrgory. I'm trying to find out about my past.
McGregory? Tom McGregory’s boy?
Yeah! He was my father! Did you know him?
Know him? He was delicious!

 

by Spiffy415
1-21-02
What did you take this time?
E, K, GHB, most of the letters on Sesame Street
You have a problem man
Nonsense! I'm just fond of letters! Watch out for that centipede!
I'm just going to back away slowly
You sound orange!

 

by Spiffy415
1-21-02
I'm lost, sir. Can you help me?
Isn't there an information booth that can help you?
I tried, but they said I have to be lost at least 48 hours.
So who am I to interfere with procedure?
Just get up and help me you lazy fuck!
Standing up is highly overrated.

 

by Spiffy415
1-22-02
Aren't you coming?
No, not just yet.
But the party's going to start! I don't want to be late!
Just give me a minute.
What are you staring at?
I'm still perplexed by your socks.

 

by Spiffy415
1-22-02
What are you doing?!
Muahaha! Burn!
AHH!
Yes! Yes! Burn! Melt!
Chickens don't melt.
Are you sure?

 

by Spiffy415
2-05-02
Did you catch the State of the Union? Georgie was pitiful as ever.
No, there was a rousing re-run of Felicity that I just couldn't miss.
Georgie is going to cause a huge deficit. he said so.
Felicity is dumping Scott!
Keri Russell looks like Bush in the right light.
You Americans are fucked.

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
I don't understand why I got an 72 on my chemistry test just because I didn't know the right answers!
Don will do that to you.
I think i was too distracted by his sexy new hair cut.

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
Let's go get our tongues stapled together after we spike the punch.
Oh real funny! You could have at least brought a coat to cover up with!
Dude! It's a llaaammmaaaa!!

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
I am one with my brothers now.
You joined a cult?
Yes, in our cult we sit around and watch Ally McBeal and talk about how our day went.
Okay, actually we worship Satan, wear black hoods, and chop off body parts that we stuff in the ground as sacrifices.
Oh okay, that’s better than.

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
An innocent walk down the street as the ignorant follow...
Heh heh heh...look at that queer!
The waste of vital organs taunts on...
Hey stop checking me out you big nelly! I didn't steal your purse!
The perfectly delievered comback...
Excuse me, do I need a muscle shirt to show you my manliness? I think not!

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
We had these air generators inside our suits so we could breathe but because of the thickness in our helmets, we had to wear these transmitters. I had no air.
I tapped an assistant on the shoulder saying through my helmet “AIR AIR.” I couldn't breathe. They thought I was saying “HAIR HAIR.”
So they brought over hair and make up. I said “No No-- AIR.” Luckily they figured it out and fixed my air tank before I lost consciousness.

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
What's a Croatian?
I think it's like a lobster or crab.
But I thought that was a crustacean!
Now see, that's why I'm in high school, and you aren't!

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
George Bush is at it again.
That's what you get for having a democracy.
That's how the system works. I sure didn't vote for him.
It's that bloody Florida.
You could only take that so far. Al didn't have a chance.
When you have 19,000 ballots thrown out and 3,400 votes for Buchanan, you know something is wrong.

 

by Spiffy415
2-20-02
Amber arrives home at 4 am...
I just got back from the best rave!
I love partying. How many shin-digs have you been to?
Does flicking the lights off and on in your room while listening to music count as a rave?

 

by Spiffy415
2-21-02
Today you're going to determine the volume of an empty flask!
That sounds easy enough...
Oh you'd think so...but not when I make you use Dalton's law of unchanged particles!!
Mr. Turner, calm down!
I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a dry martini.
Mr. Turner...Ed's on fire again.

 

by Spiffy415
2-21-02
Holy shit! The city is under attack by crazy cross-dressing chickens!
Never fear! I am here to save the day!
Form of...JUDE LAW!!
I will melt them with my sexy!

 

by Spiffy415
2-21-02
This is the Tom Green Show! It's not the Green Tom Show!
Hey every body! Watch me hump my dead grandmother's corpse! I need attention!!

 

by Spiffy415
2-21-02
This Enron ordeal is taking over the media. Georgie's in trooouuuble!
That's what you get for electing a vapid, confused presidential baby into office.
I pray for the day he's gone.
Don't worry, only 1063 days, 12 hours, 20 minutes, and 24 seconds until Inauguration Day 2005!
We should have our own sit-com on Fox by now!
Don't you mean a Brit-com?

 

by Spiffy415
2-22-02
A conflict is brewing...
Left-winged Republican regimist!
Elitist Democratic puke!
I'm tired of all the fighting. Let's end this petty dispute and be friends.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
It makes me SO happy to hear that hat-wearing people are reproducing.
I think I'm invisible now! Can you see me?

 

by Spiffy415
2-22-02
Georgie's rating are way up.
I guess that's what you get when you spend millions to drop bombs on one of the biggest homes for Feed the Children.
People love the man behind the desk when he goes a-killin'.
There must be some who don't fall for his fascist dominatrix fascade!
Teen Magazine voted him Most Irresistible Man of 2002.
Irresistible to what? Fire or bullets?

 

by Spiffy415
2-22-02
The stereo blares...
I'm too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy, yeah!
If that's Right Said Fred, I'll kill you.
Hey, I'm a porn star. Porn stars listen to Right Said Fred.
No, hockey refs listen to Right Said Fred!
Several minutes later...
You're still listening to it!
I'm still a porn star.

 

by Spiffy415
2-22-02
Where am I?
Welcome to my domain!
What the hell! What'd I do to get stuck down here?!
Whatever it was, you'll burn for all eternity!
AHH! You damn cock smoker! It fucking burns!
sigh...People are less friendly when they are on fire.

 

by Spiffy415
2-22-02
You drunk?
No.
Then what are you doing?
Lowering the blood content in my alcohol system.
Isn't that the same thing?
No.

Showing page 1.

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