Toyotaherder?

THE WONDERFUL LAND OF ME
by biped

Pork chop bushes and tater tot snow
And a menthol cigarette tree
Colombian coffee rivers flow
In the wonderful land of Me.

Reefer lawns that never get mowed
As far as the eye can see
And lily pads topped with pie a la mode
In the wonderful land of Me.

Here comes the mailman with bundles galore
Loaded with stuff that's all free!
Nudie mags, DVDs, pizzas, and more
In the wonderful land of Me.

The doorbell heralds a stripper-gram
A lapdance at ten and three
Nobody cares if I smell like ham
In the wonderful land of Me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

AngryAmerican wrote:

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I have escaped the strip club environs and am embarking on a new career of selling Toyotas.

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mandingo wrote:

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AngryAmerican wrote:

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I have escaped the strip club environs and am embarking on a new career of selling Toyotas.

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nice. getting a dealer car? my dad sold buicks when i was growing up and came home with a new riviera or somerset every couple weeks. then he moved to used cars on the buick lot, which i thought would suck, but then he started coming home with used caddies and jags

and then he was raped by a volvo. you just never know. every day is precious

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I exist.

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ain't dat da truth

politicallyuncorrect wrote:

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I exist.

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I think, therefore I think I am.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped wrote:

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I think, therefore I think I am.

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i made a song, dont bother listening to it here:

http://soundcloud.com/dannyrhymezandmattyb/almost-there

Looking through some old files, I found rules for a drinking game I made for watching the Big Lebowski. Perhaps someone here might put them to use and let me know how it went.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI DRINKING GAME RULES

TAKE ONE DRINK…

Whenever the Dude takes a hit off a jay.

Whenever Walter digresses to Vietnam.

Whenever anything unnatural happens to a bowling ball. (Discussions of natural and unnatural uses of bowling balls are encouraged)

Whenever a car suffers damage. (A drink for every stroke is not recommended)

Whenever the Dude has an otherworldly vision. (Discussion of worldly and otherworldly visions are encouraged)

Whenever toes feature prominently in the shot.

FINISH YOUR DRINK:

When a large black man makes a 6-10 split.

Whenever a bowling ball is rolled and returned in the same shot.

When the Dude soils Jackie Treehorn’s rug.

SPECIAL RULE:

On the occasion of the Dude’s last Causasian, those still drinking White Russians must perform his spit take and immediately begin drinking beer.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

I would have added that you must drink whenever the Dude orders or prepares a White Russian.

I sometimes find it weird that I'm living inside this body and looking out through my eyes as though I were in the cockpit of a living machine and operating it to the best of my ability on a moment-to-moment basis, and everybody else is doing the same thing even though, to me, they're all just "other people."  And I wonder how and why I ended up being me, living out a life inside this body and having to see it through to the end no matter what, good or bad, without any choice in the matter.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped wrote:

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I sometimes find it weird that I'm living inside this body and looking out through my eyes as though I were in the cockpit of a living machine and operating it to the best of my ability on a moment-to-moment basis, and everybody else is doing the same thing even though, to me, they're all just "other people."  And I wonder how and why I ended up being me, living out a life inside this body and having to see it through to the end no matter what, good or bad, without any choice in the matter.

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choadwarrior wrote:

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biped wrote:

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I sometimes find it weird that I'm living inside this body and looking out through my eyes as though I were in the cockpit of a living machine and operating it to the best of my ability on a moment-to-moment basis, and everybody else is doing the same thing even though, to me, they're all just "other people."  And I wonder how and why I ended up being me, living out a life inside this body and having to see it through to the end no matter what, good or bad, without any choice in the matter.

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Sounds like somebody's been reading andydougan's comics:

Exit by andydougan 2-02-05

I want to die, but I lack the physical courage to commit suicide. I wish I had cancer or something. If you pay me I can arrange for someone to kill you. I'm too shy to meet new people.

Hope by andydougan 9-12-08

Will the horror ever cease? Well, cosmologists posit that, in several trillion years, the universe will reach thermal equilibrium and reality itself will be unsustainable. So there's light at the end of the tunnel. Ach! That's ages away! Well, it's not a perfect world, okay?

...and more.

 

The existentialists would say you're dealing in bad faith by not acknowledging your ability to make conscious choice.

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---->HERE

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I've sold my apartment and put my crap in storage. I've bought an RV and I'm hitting the road to tavel America. Maybe I should change my username to FinnUSA.

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

FinnNYC wrote:

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I've sold my apartment and put my crap in storage. I've bought an RV and I'm hitting the road to tavel America. Maybe I should change my username to FinnUSA.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Personally I recommend you avoid Cleveland at all costs. But if you're unfortunate to end up here, hit me up and we drink some booze or something.

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Kill Whitey.

I like Finnebago.

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Kill Whitey.

AngryAmerican wrote:

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Tomorrow is my 5 year SC anniversary. Do I get 2 weeks of vacation now?

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A 2,700-year-old grave in the Gobi Desert has revealed the oldest known stash of marijuana. It was first thought to be coriander, but chemical analysis revealed it to be cannibis.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28034925/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/worlds-oldest-marijuana-stash-totally-busted/

My first thought: who's the lucky stoners who get to try it out and commune with our ancestors a la Faulkner's bottle of Jack Daniels? No such luck. The story says specifically that the THC is too degraded.

My second thought: who the fuck buries perfectly good pot? If I die, no one better put things like that in my grave. What a freaking waste!

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

El_Phen wrote:

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AngryAmerican wrote:

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Tomorrow is my 5 year SC anniversary. Do I get 2 weeks of vacation now?

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One week from today it's MY five year SC anniversary (Stripper-versery?). And, by my calculations, I've got one of the worst comics per year ratios in the WORLD! So...yay me. Also, I don't want a watch. Bacon will be more than acceptable.

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I had to stop and look to see how long I'd been here.  Apparently it's been six years since I was deployed to a sandy fuckhole of a country and had to find something to distract my mind from the sounds of people fucking camels outside my tent.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.