When I was a geek in high school, I had my own Xmen-like team. These are the characters I had:

1. Whisper - could control people's minds only if she whispered into their ears. Deaf villains are her weakness.

2. Opera - Could shapeshift into pretty much anything but could only do it by singing. Like she could turn into a dragon if she sang "Puff the Magic Dragon." Rap music is her weakness.

3. Chrysalis - He could turn into any insect that ever existed. Unfortunately, it was life size to the insect. Boots and Raid are his weakness.

4. ?? - Forgot his name, but he could stretch out and camoflage himself, but only large flat surfaces like walls, the side of barns, floors, etc.

Also, one of my gaming characters, Tally, is a vampire grocer. She was a grocer who was turned by some royalty vampire to join his legion, but she just wanted to be a grocer so she told him to fuck off and spends her days at a cash register and nights restocking. With the occasional fending off evil, of course.

This is really hilarious. You viciously attack me, totally unprovoked, for being prolific, when you can't even come up with a single idea on your own.

My advice, son, is write what you know. Do a comic book about a little pansy in high school who gets the snot beaten out of him every single day and can only make himself feel better by insulting his betters on the internet. Oh, and he spells "a lot" as one word.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Political humor has to be intelligent and insightful to be funny.

Sorry, that just slipped out.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

How about a superhero whose super power is coming up with the most inflammatory insults and retorts ever invented, but he fucks up and posts it on the wrong thread?

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AFROMANS MOVE

I love biped's Dog Man. I am stealing it so I have an excuse to make a series of strips where innocent kids get mauled.

The kids will be all the current trolls. Think of it as the Little Rascals starring the likes of SVKomix, Latios and whatsisface who wanted everyone in the world to e-mail him. And the loveable dog has gotten rabies and become a superhero called Dog Man.

Because I can.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Ha!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

How about Masturbation-Man and his sidekick Ejaculation-Boy. Masturbation-Man could go blind at will and Ejaculation-Boy has hairy palms. Some times when Ejaculation-Boy is bored he combs his palms.

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Get Your War On

How about a couple of guys who want to start their own band. Neither of them can play any instruments so they become their own roadies for a non-existant band. They spend their days loading and unloading equipment in small venues. Each time a new and funnier excuse/reason is given why a note is never played.
Sometimes they hire someone to play but fall out with them almost insantly and sack them within seconds.
A running gag is that word of mouth spreads about the band, everyone thinks they are meant to be great, but no one can remember ever actually hearing them play.
At some point they even get a write up by some lazy journo from Rolling Stone magazine trying to make a name for himself.
Both roadies are sad virgins but they delude themselves by creating encounters that never happened.
At some point in the series, one of the 'band' members actually learns how to play an instrument (guitar?) but loses a finger in a bizarre falling cymbal accident just before a gig.
You could parody a film like 'Almost Famous' by having a cub-reporter hassling them for sound-bites and interviews, and you can let them have one groupie who absolutely adores the band and follows them everywhere. But no one has sex with her for some reason or other.

And I want credited with the idea.

I have been toying with doing this for a while myself but tighter restrictions on internet usage at work and lack of free time due to my baby have pretty much stalled me indefinitely.

The whole premise shouts 'mmyers' to me but I think you would add an nice slant to it. I would be happy to collaborate, provide ideas, guest strip etc..

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

quote:

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1. Whisper - could control people's minds only if she whispered into their ears. Deaf villains are her weakness.

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And pretty much your average man, who hardly listen to a word women say anyway.

My favorite villain was in a "What the?!" comic of Marvel's, back when it had a sense of humor about itself.

I believe his name was Eugene, and he was struck by strange lightning. He had the power to shoot bolts of lightning from his fingertips. He wasted his entire power shooting pigeons in Central Park.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

DC was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for arch-villian concepts when they came up with that guy.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

As did I.

1. The Qualitizer - The undisputed leader of the team, despite his vicious temper and complete lack of superpowers (which was nicely covered up by his big honking shotgun).

2. Sgt. Power - An aging superhero from the WWII era, completely out of touch with modern times. Like a cross between Superman, Captain America, and Abe Simpson. His weakness was Twinkies.

3. Psi-Kid - Sgt. Power's bitter, 47-year-old sidekick, who, similar to both Cyclops and Wonderboy, can shoot a yak from 50 yards away with mind-bullets. That is, when he's not crying or masturbating.

4. The Sucktacular Goalie Man - Similar to Batman, Goalie Man was a washed up AHL goaltender until he used his scientific acumen to, ahem, tinker with his equipment. Now he has rocket-powered pads, a bullet-proof blocker, an automatic, radar and sonar equipped catching glove, and missiles hidden in his mask. Still dumb as a lamp-post, with Patrick Roy-like eccentricities.

5. Molecule Man - The size of a molecule. TMBG ripped my ass off with "Particle Man." Should've sued them.

6. The sixth position was rotating. Much like Spinal Tap and drummers, the sixth member of the team had an odd predilection towards getting killed in battle. Sixth members included: Depressing Grunge Man, Shoesaleia, Vibrating Ass Man, and the much-beloved Dude With One Large Ball Instead Of Two Regular Sized Ones.

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I has a flavor!

I also had a group of friends who we all gave ourselves stupid superpowers.

I was-
Kite Lad- I could turn myself into a big kite. That was it. Generally someone would cut my string and I'd fly into a tree and remain there for the rest of the battle.

And there was-
Topper Boy- He could top off any drink. He couldn't actually fill up a whole drink, but he could "top that off for ya?"

And-
Speed Ball(before there actually was a character named that)- He could run really fast but he couldn't stop running so he'd have to run himself into a tree or something to stop, usually knocking himself out.

And-
The Kung Fu Cowboy- He was exactly what his name impies. Also, he smoked a lot of pot (the guy who made up that character, that is).

And finally-
Uvula Man- No one knows what his powers were, but they felt compelled to stare at him and wonder what he could do.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I used to draw these when I was a kid, I guess they've got no better place to be than here. All right, here are my superheroes:

1.) Captain Stickybuns - The leader of the team (never got around to naming the team), who has the unique ability to summon pastries to do his bidding. Generally all they can do is fall.

2.) Verplanck Man - Able to teleport himself and up to 5 lbs to an obscure town in Upper Westchester County, NY.

3.) Soxxy Lady - Can manipulate the forces of space-time, but only in relation to socks. She can make socks grow, become more/less dense, turn them colors, make them fly, but only socks. Not even a pair of stockings.

4.) Beaverboy - Chews wood, can swim well, and probably could build a sweet little dam in a stream.

5.) Aunt Jemima - A sweet old Southern black woman who's got some great pancake recipes. (Didn't use this one much out of fear of copyright infringement)

6.) Joe Everybody - Is a normal human, but the team's reconnaissance expert because no one ever really listens or pays attention to him. He can get by all sorts of guards and stuff. He can only often help by writing the information he gathers on a piece of paper and throwing it at Captain Stickybuns.

7.) InsectiClyde - A man with an encyclopedic knowledge of every insect ever known, some that aren't, including mites. A valuable member of the team until Soxxy Lady won a PDA from a Hanes contest.

8.) Pepto - Can afflict anyone with mild heartburn. Only particularly effective against people with pre-existing acid reflux conditions.

That's my team. There were only a couple of bad guys, and here they are:

1.) The Evangelist - can hypnotize great hordes of people to give him money and gifts in the name of God. Also manages to bang a lot of hot chicks.

2.) Fashionista - Has the ability to make anything she wears turn into an instant, must-have, to-die-for trend.

3.) Chocoholic - more a danger to himself than anyone else, Chocoholic is hell-bent on stealing and hoarding anything remotely cocoa-ish. Carob is his bane.

Feel free to use any of that, boinks.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I used to played in a Champions campaign where we all made low powered bullshit characters. Some of them:

Ghost Girl: She had a psychic cloaking field that made her undetectable to any human sense. Unfortunately, she couldn't turn it off.

Turned out there was a Marvel or DC character of the same name with even stupider powers.

Pokerface: He was just really believable. He could tell any kind of stupid lie and people would fall for it. And he was a linguistics expert so he could lie in umpteen different languages.

Ice Stanton: Some blonde bombshell super-agent jack-off manga fantasy with a futuristic motorcycle and a stun pistol.

(Name Long Forgotten): A cop who fell into a vat of chemicals and gained the ability to adapt to any kind of damage or stress (fall into water, grow gills for example).

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Oh yeah, I also remembered that my buddy Gary and I were Microscopic Organism Man and the Swim. Microscopic Organism Man could control, well, microscopic organisms, but you'd need a microscope to see it. And the Swim has the ability to float (which I do not). So Microscopic Organism Man would ride on the Swim's back.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

All my made-up heroes were, like 8-Ball, just above-average guys with gimmicks.

Like Stingray, a gymnast who wielded a shock baton, which is basically a combo cattleprod-nightstick. He could hit you over the head with it or zazz your nuts off. Then he could do a mean floor exercise to the Flashdance theme.

This gives me an idea for a really boring team.

The Boxer: Punches people.

The Wrestler: Wrestles people.

The Marksman: Shoots people.

Flamethrower: Shoots people with a flamethrower.

Together they fight crime and play ping-pong.

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What others say about boorite!

I'd make a superhero named Jim Man who would run around in his boxers and a kitchen towel and would throw boiling hot coffee on villians. He'd also beat them with a rolled up newspaper.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Wasn't there a conversation we had in #SC one time where we made up a super-hero who all he does is kill hookers with a fork (i think) and had every disease known to man?

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Poop.

I forgot to mention that Masturbation-Man's only weakness is ejaculation poisoning.

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Get Your War On

Vomitory Man known for his ruthless penguin attack in which he throws up all over his opponents.

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

Like I said earlier, I have writer's block. I hope one day you get it so the front page won't be full of your shit comics.

P.S. Thanks to everyone else who is helping me.

BOO HOO HOO. So sorry. From now on, I'll do all your homework for you, OK, you lazy, stupid, talentless dumbass?

You know, the sad part is, you say you have "writers' block" and you flame (and never was the word "flame") me for being prolific. And when I point out the irony, you STILL DON'T GET IT, STUPID! Geez.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

CHUBBY you need to shut the fuck up. Forever. boinky has been here longer than you and is definately funnnier. So...................... SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING POSER TOOL!

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

It's not homework.
It's kind of sad how I said something about you and you won't let go of it.
You're acting like a child.

P.S. You're named after a slang term for an erection.