Santa Laws by TheGovernor 12-20-04

Dear Santa, its great to see you using computers these days, so as to get emails of kids present lists, well done on that, and please find attached my list. I also however assume you've extended the use of this new technology to other areas of your business, including databasing whose naughty and nice... In which case under the Data Protection Act of 1994, I demand you send me a copy of all information you have on record about me.

This is why I <3 TheGovernor.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

How Paris Hilton Stole Christmas by CHUBBY 11-29-04

All the Whos down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But Paris Hilton..... .....who lived just north, said, That's hot.

A Dick's Xmas Carol by CHUBBY 12-19-04

If you don't allow stem cell research..... Little Chris Reeve will die! NOOOOOOOO!!!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Too Much Christmas Cheer by biped 12-21-04

You know, Barbie, sometimes old Santa's awful glad he can see what you're doing all the time. Was I a good girl this year, Santa? Oh, bless my big, dangling jingle bells, no...no, that wouldn't have been any fun to watch at all... What did you bring me this year, Santa? Something we can both enjoy... crotchless panties, a see-through nightie...some of those clear "fuck-me" shoes...oh...oh my... OOOH, MY... HO-HO-HOOO!!! GOSH, Santa! You're making EGG-NOG in your PANTS!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Alien Office -Gift of the Season by d_Random 12-21-04

2:00 at the Office. What are you doing for Christmas? I was thinking of treating myself to a couple porno DVDs. You mean you are going to masturbate on Christmas, Jesus's birthday? Everybody does it. USA Today just published an article, Christmas is the most masturbatory holiday after Halloween. But playing with yourself makes baby jesus cry. He'll get over it.

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[br] ALIEN OFFICE -please kill my co-workers

A festive joke from the pub. by jes_lawson 12-21-04

And the guy says "Hold on Gawain, you can't park your warhorse there..." Hold on there, Knighty, I hear the delivery wench at the door. Pizza for Good King Wenseslas? Verily. Thank ye, miss. What did you get us? Deep pan, Crisp and Even.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

The Legend Of Santa Claus by biped 12-23-04

Rudolph, with your nose so bright -- won't you guide my sleigh tonight? Ahh, go fuck yourself, Fatso. Wanna screw?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Funny, biped.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

HEY!

I have a Christmas comic.

Who knew?

Clementine, the Chicken of Christmas by not_Scyess 10-19-02

...wha... where am I? You're at the North Pole, Clementine. Why did you bring me here? You've been chosen of all the chickens in the world to be this year's "Chicken of Christmas." If we're at the North Pole, why didn't you use the "snowscape" background? Sorry, question time is over. Into the oven with you.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

What It's Like Being The Youngest by choadwarrior 12-24-04

Oh, all these presents are lovely! Thanks, mom. Did you wrap these? Yes. All by yourself?

Read the Card! Read the Card! by CHUBBY 12-26-04

From all of us...... to all of you..... a Very Furry Xmas!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

White Xmas by CHUBBY 12-26-04

Happy Kwanzaa, brother! Say what now? Kwanzaa. It's an African holiday. You realize Africa is not a country, but an enormous continent with hundreds of millions of people who speak thousands of different languages and have different belief systems? Some are even white! Ah, Happy Kwanzaa, sister!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Christmas Comic (late) by boinky33 12-28-04

Why couldn't you join the reindeer games? I didn't pass the drug test.

Post-Christmas Piss-Off by biped 12-28-04

Well, one more SHIT Christmas to flush down the fucking toilet of life. FUCK, I hate little kids more every fucking year... You're the one who wanted to be Santa Claus. Can't really blame anybody but yourself -- Hey, FUCK YOU, BITCH! YOU'RE the one who pushed me into it because the idea of FUCKING SANTA CLAUS got you all WET! Why, you fucking BASTARD! I was the only one who would TOUCH your fat, hairy, zit-ridden, cottage-cheese ASS, you FUCKER!!! Santa -- I'm really your illegitimate son. You see, Mrs. Claus fucked a reindeer, and -- Well, that fucking figures. But at least now I don't feel so guilty about humping Shelley Winters back in 1957.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.