I just flew in from another board where the mods threatened to ban me for obscenity, and boy are my fingers tired! From typing FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

This one is actually true.

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What others say about boorite!

I have two confessions I'd like to get off my chest at this time. They are as follows:

1. GWYNETH PALTROW LIVES IN MY ASSHOLE.

Gwyneth Paltrow lives in my asshole. Sometimes she pops her head out and says "Is Shakespeare still in love?" and I say "Yes...with you, darling." She laughs girlishly and goes back in. For a few moments I get that "have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-real-bad" feeling, but it goes away as soon as she settles down.

2. I WENT TO SEE MY NEIGHBORS' NEW BABY ONE NIGHT, AND...

I took one of those little Fisher-Price piece of shit toys as a gift, but when they opened the door they barely noticed it. They were prancing around like a couple of idiots, gushing about the new baby and how wonderful it was. Well, when they showed it to me I couldn't help wondering what the fuck their major malfunction was.

First off, the damn thing was pretty much the ugliest little fucking toad I ever saw in my life. Second, it smelled like shit -- and not that almost-tolerable grown-up shit smell, but pure, blood-curdling baby shit. And lastly, it was screaming its fucking head off nonstop, setting every nerve in my body on edge.

We had drinks in the livingroom later, and I excused myself to use the bathroom. I passed the baby's room and went in there instead. It was still bawling its fucking head off, driving me out of my mind. So I pulled my pants off and climbed onto the crib, positioning myself right over the baby with my legs wide apart. With a tingle of anticipation, I felt my bowels begin to move. Presently a large, foot-long turd emerged from my asshole, dangled suspensefully for a moment, and then plopped right on the baby's forehead with a dull, firm *splat*. That really set it off, but its cries were humorous and satisfying to me at this point. I waited till its mouth was wide open and then launched the second turd right on target, shutting the little critter up with a muffled gurgling sound. Then I looked up to see the proud parents standing at the door, not quite so proud now -- more like utterly mortified and stricken with a paralyzing horror. With a cute little smile I put my finger under my chin and said, "Aww, look. Baby's first shitface."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'm surprised that Gwyneth Paltrow did nothing to stop you from taking a shit on that baby. I don't take her as the kind of person who would be into that kind of thing.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/shocked.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

Someone named Crabby, but I'm not saying who, MIGHT have forcibly raped me in a dirty laundry chute last night.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

She doesn't pay any attention to what I do when she's watching The Three Stooges.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I've visited biped's asshole. It's actually very well-decorated.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I am proud of my bowel movements.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

I live on Wisteria lane and I've kept Mikey G chained in my basement for the last ten months or so. I'm letting him go now. He's learned his lesson...

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

quote:

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First off, the damn thing was pretty much the ugliest little fucking toad I ever saw in my life.

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Babies look like little drunk Winston Churchills.

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What others say about boorite!

I've never seen a baby that didn't look drunk. Someone should look into the alchohol content of womb juice.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

I admit it, I sneak into pregnant women's bedrooms at night and inject their wombs with Wild Turkey.

I give 'em the old "hot beef" injection.

BLAHHHH-HA-HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

And if they ever find out about it, boy are they gonna be pissed.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

that was actually a bible shaped dildo. don't be embarassed i used to confuse them too until i saw Pat Robertson take one on Antique Roadshow

and boy did he

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what if nigger meant kite

quote:

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I have two confessions I'd like to get off my chest at this time. They are as follows:

1. GWYNETH PALTROW LIVES IN MY ASSHOLE.

Gwyneth Paltrow lives in my asshole. Sometimes she pops her head out and says "Is Shakespeare still in love?" and I say "Yes...with you, darling." She laughs girlishly and goes back in. For a few moments I get that "have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-real-bad" feeling, but it goes away as soon as she settles down.

2. I WENT TO SEE MY NEIGHBORS' NEW BABY ONE NIGHT, AND...

I took one of those little Fisher-Price piece of shit toys as a gift, but when they opened the door they barely noticed it. They were prancing around like a couple of idiots, gushing about the new baby and how wonderful it was. Well, when they showed it to me I couldn't help wondering what the fuck their major malfunction was.

First off, the damn thing was pretty much the ugliest little fucking toad I ever saw in my life. Second, it smelled like shit -- and not that almost-tolerable grown-up shit smell, but pure, blood-curdling baby shit. And lastly, it was screaming its fucking head off nonstop, setting every nerve in my body on edge.

We had drinks in the livingroom later, and I excused myself to use the bathroom. I passed the baby's room and went in there instead. It was still bawling its fucking head off, driving me out of my mind. So I pulled my pants off and climbed onto the crib, positioning myself right over the baby with my legs wide apart. With a tingle of anticipation, I felt my bowels begin to move. Presently a large, foot-long turd emerged from my asshole, dangled suspensefully for a moment, and then plopped right on the baby's forehead with a dull, firm *splat*. That really set it off, but its cries were humorous and satisfying to me at this point. I waited till its mouth was wide open and then launched the second turd right on target, shutting the little critter up with a muffled gurgling sound. Then I looked up to see the proud parents standing at the door, not quite so proud now -- more like utterly mortified and stricken with a paralyzing horror. With a cute little smile I put my finger under my chin and said, "Aww, look. Baby's first shitface."

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1) On nights with a full moon, I watch choadwarrior sleep in his bed.

2) I own a T-Mobile Sidekick 2 and I'm on AOL Instant Messenger 24/7. Message me sometime. ;)

3) That Hansel, he's so hot right now.

It's true:

(that's m' boy)

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I has a flavor!

1. I think professional photographs are a serious waste of money, especially in the age of photoshop and like programs.

2. I don't believe family history means anything when it comes to diseases/terminal illness/etc. If we're all only 50th cousins to each other (or 16th cousins, as some geneticists are trying to prove), then we all have a family history of everything.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I find constipation to be hugely erotic.

When I scratch my ass, I always smell my fingers

I voted for Ned Lamont today, and I'm proud of it.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I look at porn. A lot.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I masturbated in fuzzyman's vegetable garden today, and I'm proud of it.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.