First, thanks to everyone for posting the little person pictures. I'm sure my sister will see them in her dreams for weeks after Christmas. I particularly liked the Time Bandits pic since it was that movie that started her midget phobia in the first place. (When she was four, she fell asleep at a drive-in in the middle of watching Time Bandits. When she awoke after it had ended, she asked what happened. My brother, bless his soul, told her the midgets had eaten the kid.)
Someday, I'm going to hire a bunch of midgets, drive them over to her house, and have one stand at each of her windows and one stand at the door. Then I'll knock and hide.
Onto the contest.
I didn't disqualify anyone who broke the indy gender rule. Instead, I awarded a point to those that didn't.
Some feedback:
Spankling - It's been a long time since I've felt about a word the way I now feel about *snerk*.
Kajun Firefly - "my one, my only, my fruitbat" was my favorite line.
crabby - You frighten me. ...Wanna dance?
Big Evil Dan (Parallel President) - I almost joined Lesbians against Bad People once, until I remembered I was pro-bad people. (Also, there's that whole lesbian thing.)
fuzzyman - "Data Mining Your Cat: Building Your Own USB To Feline Brain Interface." How long before they walk straight again?
El Paso - Part XIII was probably my favorite single comic of this competition.
Bogart - I think that's the best use of the motion blur background I've seen. (The old television Batman motion-blur jingle reflexively jumped into my head.)
Kitty_Kat (Computer scene) - Animism always makes me happy. One day I'm going to do a series comic with just the backgrounds as characters.
DexX - The most creative use of the indy gender rule. (Also, I liked how you used Spankling as the voice of reason. ;)
Kitty_Kat (Hot date) - I, too, thought pools were only used to make love. My belief system is tumbling.
Namgubed - I liked this premise a lot. I might steal it just to have Barbra Streisand replace Charleton Heston in the end of Soylent Green. "Soylent Green is People who need People."
Big Evil Dan (Journey to the Center of the Earth) - The last bubble tied everything in perfectly. The ironic thing about this entry was that I came very close to making the theme of this contest multi-tiered comics. It was going to be a highrise comic contest, where each comic was a floor on the building. I was gonna call it the Edwin Abbot contest.
..Drum roll..
And the winner is...
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| Welllllcome to "Impaired Vision MatchMaker", I'm your host Cassandra Biggles, and welcome our lovely gal that one of these lucky lucky men get to go home with! Hello Kelly! | |
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| let's meet the contestants shall we? | |
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| Hi my name's Brian "Thirsty Beatnick" Morrison, I'm into abstract poetry, Dadaistic art and Acid Jazz. | |
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| I'm Lance Horndog, I like playing football and rugby, when I'm not boxing or wrestling or learning martial arts I'm helping out at the local church for deaf children! | |
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| so Kelly, what's your first question for these lucky lucky studs? | |
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| Well Cassandra, I'd like to know, if we met in an internet chat room and I asked you to talk dirty, what kind of things would you say to me? | |
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| I'd rhyme off some Haiku poems, maybe make some double-entendres about "playing my trombone" and invite you to my love shack! | |
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| I'd ask you to have Cyber sex with me, slow, pationate cyber sex, I'd talk about my member sliding across your leg and virtually fondle your breasts! | |
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| I'd invite you to read my comic strips about Donkey Sodomy and ass-obsessed sex robots, generally anything involving homosexual rape, All Your Base? | |
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| oh my, that Spankling certainly has a unique.....something or other, another question Kelly? | |
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| uh...yeah, I think that would be best. Gentlemen, if we were walking along a sunny beach in the evening, how would you make it an unforgettable night? | |
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| first I'd sketch a drawing of the sea with charcoals, then I'd smear sand over it and throw the paper into the sea before setting fire to my pants, extreme modern art baby, yeah *click click* | |
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| I'd pick you up and walk into the sea carrying you, then I'd strip you off and we'd have rampant animal sex in the brine! | |
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| I'd poke a hole in the ground and make sweet love to it. that would be unforgettable for me, why? what would YOU do? | |
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| um, rrrright....next question. If we were to get married, I would want us to read our own wedding vows, what would you say to show your eternal love to me? | |
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| "my love for you is like a warm glow of happyness that tries to escape from my chest but can't, there aren't enought words to describe the emotions I have for you, my one, my only, my fruitbat" | |
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| "The first night we shared was special, as were all the others, I guess I should have known you'd end up talking me into this" | |
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| Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me, Spank Me!! | |
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| Well Kelly, it's decision time, which lucky batchelor are you going to pick? Number 1 or Number 2? | |
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| What about the other one? Wirthling or whatever his name is? | |
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| Look bitch, just fucking pick 1 or 2, the other guy's what we call a "filler", he's there to make women watching feel lucky they have the useless slob boyfriends they have! | |
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| That's a tad unfair, does he know he's a filler or does he think he has a chance? | |
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| these chumps come along and we don't even pay them, ha ha, useless fucking moron, he was trying it on with me backstage! | |
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| you know Cassandra, I'm a little pissed off with your attitude, someone should teach you some manners!! | |
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[Click to view comic: 'CC81: Kelly's Labido'][Click to view comic: 'CC81: Kelly's Labido'][Click to view comic: 'CC81: Kelly's Labido']
Despite the fact that the ladyj character broke the indy gender rule, lines like "virtually fondle your breasts", "I'd poke a hole in the ground and make sweet love to it", and "there aren't enought words to describe the emotions I have for you, my one, my only, my fruitbat" win him the contest. (The stars must have aligned right for Kajun, because I just realized he used my sister's name in his series' title. Labido.)
Congratulations Kajun Firefly, Geniu$, and whatever the hell else your name is. Have fun with the next contest.
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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.
