CC 170: I made a funny. by Trippingbillee 2-13-03

I would like a stapler, please. That's not a stapler. It's a donkey.

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Sex Piano.

CC 170: staples of humor by NeoVid 2-13-03

I'll need that stapler I ordered Unit 3 to bring, but 3's been disobedient lately. Will he even do what I told him to? He's refused my orders, talked back, and called me names. In fact, I don't think he'll bring me the stapler at all. The damned bot'll just see it as another opportunity to make me look like a fool! Here is the stapler you requested, master. I DON'T EVEN WANT YOUR GODDAMN STAPLER, BITCH!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

If I were running this contest, I'd disqualify anyone who didn't know the difference between stationary and stationery. But anyway:

Recycling old jokes since 1973 ... by kaufman 2-13-03

11-year-olds find these funny: Why did the dead baby cross the road? I don't know, why? Because he was stapled to the chicken. Ha ha! Meanwhile: Damn.

CC 170: Genesplice by kaufman 2-13-03

And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God saw that it wasn't very good, so God decided to staple the waters back to the waters. But He couldn't find a Himself-damned stapler. Screw it. I'll just leave it as is.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hopefully this is better than my last try at a comic contest. And hopefully, I'm not going straight to hell or anything. ¬_¬

CC170: Divine Supplies of the Office Sisterhood by Chaly 2-13-03

Dammit, how am I gonna keep the Mackenzie files together? I'm out of paperclips...this is a million dollar client! Hey, I know. You got a stapler, man? Smartass.

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"You cannot lick the system. You can, however, fondle it."

CC 170: Broken Link by BigEvilDan 2-13-03

Johnson, where's the report you were working on? It's finished, but I can't find a stapler to bind it with. No paperclips either? None. I guess the world will never know about that asteroid we've been tracking. ...and then they went extinct. Sir, if you don't want me stealing office supplies, just say so.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

that was awesome.

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all your retarded comics are belong to me.

aah, a two-parter.

CC 170: pain part 1 by illyanadmc 2-13-03

are you okay? shit, man. this diarrhea is really killing me! oh, man... it's pretty damn painful! i have some immodium AD in the bathroom. do you want some? yah, that'd be rad. okay, i'll be right back. thanks....

CC 170: pain part 2 by illyanadmc 2-13-03

hmmm... i wonder if it would work.... hey! where'd he go! oh, i was wondering where you went. do you want that immodium AD now? nah, i found something better. i stapled my ass shut.

on a somewhat related note, i stapled my finger today. it hurt.

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all your retarded comics are belong to me.

We've got a winner!

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Sex Piano.

To see why there is a IV after it, check out my other comics.

CC 170: Marketing IV by Trippingbillee 2-13-03

Quick! I need a stapler! *Does not compute* Huh? You were built for only one purpose: Handing out staplers! *Does not compute* That's the LAST time I order something in my Amazon.com "Gold Box". *Now THAT computes. With great, can't-lose offers!"

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Sex Piano.

I would just like to say that mmeyers strip was superb.

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"I shall now explain to each and every one of you why I am your genetic superior, using only your first name as evidence." -- Something Positive

quote:

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A little teaser to wet your whistle:

CC 170: Coming soon to a contest near you... by mikeweeney 2-13-03

Meet Stella. She's a perfectly ordinary woman, except that she is filled with a burning desire... it keeps her awake, searching cemeteries for the dreaded serial killer known as- THE STAPLER "The Stapler Stalks Stella": A delightful romantic comedy coming soon to a forum near you.

More to come...

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God FUCKING dammit! Contrary to what my comic "First Date" would have you believe, I do know the difference between "here" and "hear", and I am not, in fact, retarded.

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"I shall now explain to each and every one of you why I am your genetic superior, using only your first name as evidence." -- Something Positive

Max Hackerton, Boy Computer Consultant by itsclark 2-14-03

May I borrow a stapler, Max? Sorry. I need it for this network uptime analysis. GIVE ME THE GODDAMN STAPLER OR I WILL TAKE IT BY FORCE! How are those steroids working out for you, by the way? I gained three pounds yesterday!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Thanks for the good tidings, mikeweeney. Big Evil Dan has raised the bar, I believe. Back to the lab.

CC 170: Kingdom Clone by mmyers 2-14-03

Don't worry, citizens, Staple Man is here! Stand back. I shall staple this airplane back together post haste! Hey Staple Man, quick question. Are you retarded? We're in an airplane that's being ripped to shreads. What the hell are you supposed to staple back together? Dumb ass. Sit down and shut up, dickhead. Does anyone have any papers they need stapled or anything like that? Any loose-leaf papers?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

170: fuck off you fuckers. by kingofthehill 2-14-03

Mah mah mah! I really want a stapler! For some random yet humerous reason! Mah! Fuck staplers. What i want to know is why you never even get an honourable mention in these CC things even though you've done loads Oh fuck you. It's because my comics are shit, altight? Jesus, you really are a complete bastard aren't you. You never even bother following the rules properly. Fuckwit. Fuck you, fuck staplers and fuck Stripcreator. Oh fuck off.

p.s. the one before mine is hilarious and should win. i love the middle section more than my own mother.

OK. This is a second attempt.

CC 170: In Need of a Stapler by Bargaintuan 2-14-03

QUICK! ANYBODY GOT A STAPLER?!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Yeah, I figured it out eventually.

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Dad was flammable

CC170: I've been sick, so you get what you get... by Buffylavalamp 2-14-03

Damn it! My will said "Bury the stapler with me, and don't play any stupid hiding games"...

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

CC 170: Dressing to the left (see attatchment) by jes_lawson 2-14-03

Quick! I need a stapler! What for? Zoe is coming over so I'm going to staple my penis to my leg to prevent any embarrasing erections. Are you sure that's a good idea? Later... So how did it go with Zoe? Bad. When I opened the door I kicked her in the head.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I was going to enter this, but the competition's too steep for my liking.

straight fight between Jes and Dan i reckon.

Wayyyyy beyond the level of "Funny" im capable of attaining.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC170: The Gospel According to Scyess by fuzzyman 2-15-03

An now, a reading from the newly discovered Gospel According to Scyess. *ahem* And lo, the Romans did condemn our Lord to death. "Let us staple him to a cross!" sayeth Pontias Pilate. "Alas," answered his servant, "We cannot find our stapler. Let us use this hammer and nails instead..."

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I'm rooting for the newbie underdog. Go Dan go!

CC170: Psychology Lecture. by Trippingbillee 2-15-03

In 1896, Sigmund Freud published his first major work. It claimed to find meaning in dreams that could unlock the secrets of the unconscious. He always called that book his greatest achievement, though he is most well known for his other writings. Such other writings included his idea of the "Freudian Slip," or loosely translated from the German as "Faulty Action." He claimed that all slips in speech or forgotten words had a deep, Oh my God, I killed my wife with a stapler meaning. I mean profound.

This actually happened in my Psych class yesterday.

Not really.

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Sex Piano.