My two-hundredth comic.

Two Hundred Sarcasms by cpausti 10-19-05

Have you ever seen those new Target commercials? They have that song, "Say something new, say something new, about you..." Because when you're introducing yourself to someone, the best new thing to say is "I bought these pants at Target!"

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

The guy from Queensryche has sex.

I'm sliding into youuuuuu with silent ri-gi-di-tyyyyy.

by UnknownEric, 10-21-05

Hush now, don't you cry...

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I has a flavor!

Our Continuing Educational Crisis by kaufman 10-21-05

Class, today we have a special treat. I am going to read to you from one of the great works of literature, The Iliad, by Homer. Chapter 1. D'oh!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Behind the Music: Iron Butterfly by kaufman 10-21-05

Stupid writer's block. Huh? Was that ... Later on, the lyrics changed slightly. o/` Abe Vigoda Da Vida, baby, Don't you know that I love you! Abe Vigoda Da Vida, honey, Dontcha know that I'll always be true!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

We Make Humor the Old-fashioned Way: We Urn It! by kaufman 10-25-05

Honey, let's go to OINKEA. I want to buy a shelf to put Grandma's ashes on.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Clothes Make the Man

Daddy?

by kaufman, 10-26-05

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

A bit of Halloween cheer.

Drugs And Halloween by areallystupidguy 10-29-05

HOLY SHIT! OH MY GOD! THAT PUMPKIN HAS A FACE! it hasn't been carved yet. AAGGH! AAIIIGH!

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It's grime time.

Surgical by TheGovernor 11-01-05

Look on the bright side Mr Smith, at least you no longer need to buy shoes Ok who's next to see the surgeon? Hi Im here from Microsoft, Im sorry there will be no more patients why? The Doctor performed an illeagal operation and was shut down

NFL Network is a Gift from God by Zimri 11-01-05

You're starting to get more recognition on the site. Yeah...it makes me a bit uncomfortable, actually. I've got to be funnier now. Yeah, no more half-ass comics just for filler. And also no more duct taping my penis to my dog's hind leg and scratching his belly furiously.

Meat and two Vogue... by DexX 11-04-05

Ahhh, Luigi, my good man. What does my favourite cannibal chef have cooking tonight? Ahh, my friend-a Butch! I have-a something very special for-a tonight's dinner! I'm-a cooking a celebrity! Oooh, sounds exciting... tell me more... I found-a Madonna and knocked her out. You know how I like-a to roleplay; I dressed up as a sheep! May I present-a... Madonna dressed as-a lamb! *sigh* Getting eaten, and subjected to insulting puns...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

The back of a comic book, circa early 80s. by UnknownEric 11-04-05

Ha ha! A bird cage can't keep me from the delicious taste of Hostess Fruit Pies. Stop right there! Captain Homosexual! Some assholes will do anything for a goddamn fruit pie.

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I has a flavor!

The Bad News Blairs by biped 11-04-05

Tony, there's a gent from the newspaper to see you. Oh, bother. Another interview, and me all set to take Mr. Chips for walkies. I say, they must be hiring you journalist chaps right out of grammar school these days. Duh, I'm the paperboy. You owe me ten bucks -- DUMBASS. And now, Prime Minister Blair will speak about economic conditions in Great Britain. But first, a word for my paperboy. "Dumbass" YOURSELF.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

A golden circle - the cure for nymphomania... by DexX 11-07-05

You know, I just haven't been feeling horny at all lately. It's like I have no sex drive at all. GAH!!! Call Mulder and Scully! My friend has been replaced by an alien replicant! ...a married alien replicant!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Ha! It hurts because it's true!

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I has a flavor!

Godzilla vs. Kasparov by kaufman 11-22-05

Hmmmmm ... he sure is taking a long time to make his move. His clock's going to run out. I'm going to win by default! Maybe I shouldn't have eaten him.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Unintelligent Design by DexX 11-23-05

Intelligent Design? God, what a stupid term. What do you mean? If we were "designed" then there was nothing "intelligent" about it. I have all kinds of devolved bits and pieces on me that haven't been useful for eons. Oh yes... the appendix, a withered vestigial second stomach that serves no purpose apart from getting infected and killing you. Yeah, the appendix, nipples on men, the way your hairs stand up when you're cold... this shit is like legacy code. You know what this means? If Intelligent Design is true, then God is Microsoft.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Baby's New Discovery by biped 11-28-05

MOMMY!!! I got SHIT comin' outta me!!! It's okay, sweetie! That's SUPPOSED to happen! It IS? What the FUCK?

Baby's New Discovery 2 by biped 11-28-05

MOMMY!!! There's TINKLE spewing out of my WING-DING!!! Don't worry, pookums. That's where tinkle COMES from! Great. I wonder what ELSE I have in common with the fucking dog.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Toilet Humour by TheGovernor 11-29-05

I wouldn't go in there kid, the Toilet is out of Order Hey Mustache I ain't done yet you pussy-whipped, father-humping, asshole-licking, toe jam-gobbling, pimple-popping, cunt-headed wankstain!

Best Rhyme Ever! by kaufman 12-13-05

... so I need to put an Elder Sign here. Which means, over here I ought to put either a tentacle, a map of R'lyeh, or a Necronomicon. Yo, Mike, what are you doing? Cthulhu Sudoku.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

A "Dog And Pig" Movie Moment by biped 12-15-05

Did you know that "Lassie" was played by a boy dog? Yeah. Why? I just wonder why they never admitted that he was a boy dog. Why should they do that? Well, then they could've made a movie called "Lassie's Big Dick."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Gorgeous Goat-Face by biped 12-30-05

Hi! I'm Gorgeous Goat-Face, the sexiest woman in the world! That is, among women who have a goat-face. Well, you don't look so sexy to me. But, you see, you're erroneously comparing me to women who don't have a goat-face... Look -- "sexy" and "goat-face" are two words that just don't go together, no matter how you look at it. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. BUT...BUT I WON THE "MISS NUDE 'GORGEOUS GOAT-FACE'" PAGEANT! WELL, YOU STILL LOOK LIKE A FUCKING GOAT!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Return Of The Tiny Mel Gibsons by biped 1-07-06

...and that's when the tiny Mel Gibsons came out. AND THERE WERE HUNDREDS OF THEM!!! THOUSANDS!!! GAAAAAAAA!!! THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!!! Thank you, Billy, but I don't think there were any tiny Mel Gibsons in "Moby Dick" -- Wrong, Mrs. Hudson. They were ALL OVER HIM.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Dog Poop And Shitto by biped 2-21-06

Hey, Shitto! Have you tried any of this new "Horse's Ass" coffee yet? It's f*cken GREAT! No Dog Poop, and stop calling me SHITTO! You know very well my name is TAD LINCOLN! Whatever you say... SHITTO! AHH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! COME BACK HERE, YOU MORPHADITE SUCKING...SCUM BUCKET!!! GRRR!!! "...and here's a cool picture of Shitto's dad getting shot in the back of the head 'execution-style' at Ford's Theater..." Wha -- WHY YOU F*CKITY-F*CK F*CKEN F*CKER!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

University Challenged by The_young_scot 2-24-06

Hello, welcome to Communications and the Internet, Before we begin I'd like to let you know this is probably the hardest class you'll do this year, so a serious attitude is required to pass this class But without further ado, lets get started FREQUENCY MODULATION!! WOOMPFH!! I'M A ONE! WOOMPFH!! I'M A ZERO! I'M A LOW FREQUENCY! weeeeeeee! NOW I'M A HIGHER FREQUENCY! WEEEEEEE! WEEEEEE!!!

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

W has a Thought by Spankling 3-03-06

Unca Dick! I heard your daughter is... ulp... gay. That's old news Jr. But... aint that... jiy-ne-tic That's what I hear. Then don't that make you like... part gay? Damn! He's catching on!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet