Post your commercial parodies, or vicious attacks on general advertising stupidity here. Let's have some fun!

That Bleeping Durango Commercial I by UnknownEric 4-23-04

Can you say "Hemi?" Hemi! Can you spell "Hemi?" H-E-M-I! Good, cause daddy can't spell because he never made it out of the fourth grade. Jeez, what a surprise... I almost couldn't tell. Did your short bus have a hemi?

That Bleeping Durango Commercial II by UnknownEric 4-23-04

Jeez, Liz, what are you doing? Are you trying to suggest a man should care about something other than the fact he needs an oversized engine to compensate for a small willie? I'm just showing Little Billy our new Dur-ain-goh. What did you just say? Dur-ain-goh. Say it one more time and it will no longer be a crime to kill you... Dur-ain-goh!

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I has a flavor!

Another Commercial I Despise by UnknownEric 4-23-04

"...with rings in their bellies and ears..." Did they just say "rings in their bellies?" "...cause it's one, two, three nights a week... my bros and beer!" Did they just say "my bros?" That made me feel slightly better, now to murder the ad exec who created that.

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I has a flavor!

Just two more from me and then I expect you guys to take over... dammit. ;)

More Crappy Adverts by UnknownEric 4-23-04

Honey, did you eat my last Lean Pocket? Holy crap. Am I that big of a dumbass that I (a) didn't notice the different label design AND the significantly different taste and (b) that I just indiscriminately eat things that aren't mine? Uhhh... no, I haven't seen them anywhere. Then what's that sauce all around your mouth? YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!!! NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!!!

They're in your grocer's freezer! by UnknownEric 4-23-04

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... Can I help you? Yes, you're my grocer. A commercial told me I will find Eggo Waffles in your freezer. *SLAM*

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I has a flavor!

I love when foreign companies like to attempt English. That's where Engrish.com comes from.

Mentos - For People These are Tasting Fresh by MikeyG 4-23-04

I walk near and then into place of business costumes. I am observing of this and will making gestures for purpose. Oh no, I am a clown. Humorous! A maker of merriment has become of you! Mentos, the Flavorness! This is a situation of much comedy laughter! Together we will partake of Mentos!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

UE, we must've been soulmates in another life because I hate those Durango and Coors commercials too. Cheers.

Here's some of mine, they're all old though.

Dayquil Gelcaps by niteowl 1-09-04

I heard you were sick...did you take those Dayquil gelcaps I recommended to ya? Yeah, that stuff really works! It took 3 days to open the package, so by the time I got 'em open I wasn't sick anymore.

Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 94 by niteowl 12-30-03

"It's the all-new Now That's What I Call Music...Volume 94!" "Featuring boring pop songs that get played every hour on the hour! You know you can't get enough of these overplayed and soon-to-be forgotten tunes!" "And when you do get tired of the music, the CD makes a great coaster! Handy when you're shotgunning that Kool-Aid on a Saturday night!"

That Darn Durango by niteowl 12-16-03

There's only one thing you need to know about the Durango, Joey. Hemi. Can you say Hemi? HEMI! Oh and the big backseat that Daddy will use for his illicit fling with the girl in accounting. But you didn't hear that...right, Joey? HEMI! That's my boy. HEMI!

Express Yourself by niteowl 8-17-03

"Hi! I'm Psycho from Totally Awesome Tattoos! Are you tired of those bare arms? Are you lacking in the piercing department?" "Then it's time for you to express your INDIVIDUALITY by getting the barbed wire tat or eyebrow piercing that everyone else has!" "Remember kids, normal people are boring. You don't want to be BORING, do you?" Hell no!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Capital One by boinky33 2-20-03

What's in your wallet?

Dell by boinky33 2-20-03

Dude, you're getting a Dell.

Lays by boinky33 2-20-03

Bet ya can't eat just one.

Huh? by niteowl 4-23-04

Having sex with a seaman in a life boat increases your chances of getting sea sickness. Trust me, I know. Dude! DUDE! You dropped the roach! I get a little nervous when I encounter bugs. "The all-new Honda Accord. Yes, this commercial has nothing to do with the car, but take our word for it, it's a great car. Go buy one."

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

that anti drug bullshite by xxausrottenxx 4-23-04

i am so high yeah that was good shit hey i know where my dad's gun is, wanna play with it no...im high...not on angel dust

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Subway, Eat Fresh! by Rabid_Weasle 8-26-03

Here's your sub, sir. Thank you. Wow! This sandwich is really fresh! It almost makes up for the fact that it's made with Grade Q produce!

Dempster's, Fresh To The Last Slice by Rabid_Weasle 8-26-03

Hmmm... this Dempster's bread says its fresh to the last slice... it's gotta be BS. Wow! It's the last slice and it's still fresh! Here lies Robert Smith. Died of preservatives overdose.

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Poop.

Chocolate Riesen - Chew On Me, Goodness! by MikeyG 4-23-04

Ja, ja! Chewy chewy choco! Und der choco chew! Ja! Yum und der choco! Cocoa choco yum yum chew! Ve is der gay. Riesen taste like scheisse.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 1 by MikeyG 4-26-04

Damn, I'm stoned and horny! Awwww yeah! A little white bitch! Marijuana. It makes black people rape children. Take it ALL, bitch! AUUUGGGGHHH!!

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 2 by MikeyG 4-26-04

Johnny, you'll write on the board 'I am an naughty boy' 800 times for your punishment. damn son of a ##@%#$!! I can't wait to go smoke a fatty. Later... I'm all smoked up and this bitch be ready to die!!! Marijuana: It makes students butcher the elderly. HA HA HA HA HA!!! DIE, BITCH, DIIIIEEEE!!!!

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 3 by MikeyG 4-26-04

Yo yo yo, son! Word up in dis piece! Chillin like a villain? Nigga, please! I's be mo' chillin' than a ice cold muthafucka in a FREEZA! Fo'shizzle? You BEST not be bringin' that flava up in DIS hizzy! Son, dis shit so off da chain it gone raise da roof! Marijuana: It makes white suburbia think they're ghetto. Shit, I'm starting to talk normal! More weed! For rizzeal, playa! Spark me up dat jay before I begin to speak....HURRY!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Anti-Drug Ad K1 by kaufman 4-28-04

Amy, let me tell you about nucular weapons. Yes, Monica, suck harder! Marijuana: It makes you grow up to be president. I'm sure there are weapons of mass destructation in Iraq.

Anti-Drug Ad K2 by kaufman 4-28-04

This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. This is the brain of the idiot who thinks that frying an egg proves anything.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Thanks to Kaufman for pointing this out. Boorite, I think you've got yourself a genuine catchphrase.

Anti-Marijuana Ads Spoof 4: The Boorite Edition by MikeyG 4-28-04

Damn, I'm stoned and horny! Awwww yeah! A little white bitch! Marijuana. It makes black people rape children. I'm black. AUUUGGGGHHH!!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Truth about marijuana by mmyers 4-28-04

Marijuana- It makes you play video games all day. Are you just going to sit around and play video games all day? Shhhhhhhh. I'm busy.

Geico and the gecko by mmyers 4-28-04

Hi, I'm a gecko, not to be confused with... Ahhhhh! A lizard. *STOMP**STOMP* What are you yelling about in here? There was a lizard in here so I stomped him to death. Throw him in the trash while I go see who's at the door. Yes, I'm looking for my son. He was in this area telling people the difference between geckos and Geic...dear lord! Is that man throwing my Herman into the trash bin??? He is, but I've got some good news. I just saved a shitload on my car insurance.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Geico-Roman Wrestling by kaufman 4-28-04

I just saved XXV% on my chariot insurance. Oh yeah? I just saved XXXIII I/III% on mine. Oh yeah? Well, I have $X liability coverage. ________________ I have a $CCL deductible. I have full towing and glass. Let's make out.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

If I made commercials, they would look like this.

Thanks, Granny Kraken by boorite 2-02-04

My kitchen smells like a dumpster full of baboon ass festering in a Bengali swamp. Let me check it out, dearie. Yep, sure does.

That's why I'm a librarian.

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What others say about boorite!

Anti-Drug Ad K3 by kaufman 4-28-04

Welcome! You've got mail! What the hell?! I don't remember signing up for AOL! You don't have AOL. You have a malignant brain tumor that is causing you to hallucinate that your PC is talking to you. Marijuana: It makes classic comics a lot less funny. It's inoperable, but your prospects are decent if you can survive a strenuous chemotherapy program. Luckily, there is a way to avoid the worst of the side effects ...