Now fortified with extra jokes.

Flip Flop by CHUBBY 10-03-04

Republicans are against abortion, right? Vice-President Quayle, if abortion was illegal here, what would you do if your daughter, Sanquentin Quayle, was knocked up by a big, uncircumcised black rapist? She's always wanted to visit Switzerland. In fact, I better get her to bone up on her Swiss. Republicans are against stem cell research, right? I'm sorry, Mrs. Reagan. There's nothing more we can do but try to make him comfortable. If only stem cell research was legal-- Oh yeah? GET THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS OUT OF THE FREEZER! I'LL THAW THEM IN THE MICROWAVE MYSELF IF I HAVE TO! SO WHAT IF RONNIE'S 124 YEARS OLD! Republicans are against gay marriage, right? My daughter, Mary Cheney, is a lesbian, and I wouldn't want her to have to have a marriage of convenience with a rich white guy and be miserable all her life. Like her mom. Like me. If you're two-faced, why would you wear that one?

Fantasy Vice-Presidential Debate League by CHUBBY 10-01-04

Hey, Junior! I hope we're not keeping you up past your bedtime! Harharhar! Why, not at all, "Dick". But I usually do have a snack about this time. I hope you don't mind if I nuke this burrito. No, kid, not the microwave! My pacemaker! My heart! ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!! *THUNK

Fantasy Debate Analysis League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

Good evening, and welcome to Faux News Network's coverage of the vice-presidential debate. With me as always, is Ferdie. That was something, eh, Ferdie? It sure was, Mart. "Dick" clearly the winner tonight. He stayed on message, he showed that he would be ready to lead the country if (God forbid) anything happen to Dubya, he demonstrated a mastery.... Uh, Ferdie-- "Dick" had a massive coronary before the debate even began. Oh. We can edit that out, can't we?

Fantasy Assassination Conspiracy League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

The Scalia Commission released its preliminary findings today that "Dick" was accidentally killed by Senator John Edwards (D-NC) nuking a burrito. That's right, Bob, but the findings are already being disputed by some, notable Sen. Arlen Specter (Nazi-PA). I knew "Dick". I love "Dick". I also love the junior senator from PA, Santorum. "Dick" couldn't have been killed by one burrito. What was this, some kind of "Magic Burrito"? "As evidence, Sen. Specter offered this computer-enhanced blowup of the debate video. He claims a grainy image in the background is stagehand Darnell Jefferson nuking a second burrito."

Fantasy Eulogy League by CHUBBY 10-05-04

Hey, Dubya! Yes, Karl? You're delivering the eulogy at "Dick's" memorial service tomorrow. That would be a great time to announce your new running mate! Awright. Who is he? Um, I don't know-- you haven't picked one yet. Oh. I thought it was that Nader fella.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

More "Dick"!

Fantasy State Funeral League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

All day long, I've been trying to think of a word to describe Vice-President "Dick" Cheney. I bet it's "Shithead". It'll bring the house down.

Fantasy Running Mate League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

Now, I'd like to introduce the next speaker, who by the way, is also going to be my new running mate. ME! ME! PICK ME!!!!! Siddown and shaddup, Arlen!

Fantasy Republican Ticket League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

My new running mate was a divorced, disgraced, washed-up, has-been, 2d-rate lame duck who, much like me, rode this whole 9/11 thing back to fame. The former Mayor of NYC, Rudy Giuliani! Thanks, Dubya. Great to be here. Well, it's great to have you on the ticket. I really feel confident that we're gonna win now. Why? Cause I'm runnin' as vice-president.

Fantasy First Lady League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

Dubya, wait up. You're running as VICE-PRESIDENT? That's right, Laura. You know, don't you, that Dick was doing your job the last four years? The Vice-President usually just waits around for the President to die. He does NOTHING. Yeah? You think I can't handle that? No, I think you're overqualified.

Fantasy Cryogenics League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

Well, anyway, it was a lovely service. When is "Dick" being buried? He ain't bein' buried, Laura. He's been frozen. WHAT? Yep. That's what he wanted. To go to one of them, uh, cryptofascist places. Meanwhile.... Must... thaw... out... Must... find... Turkish... bath...

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The last of "Dick"

Fantasy Stem Cell Liberation Army League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

"Dick"! Is that you? Yep. I thought you was frozen! I was, but... Sometime earlier, at Cryptofascistco, Nancy Reagan and her gang have breached security... OK, the little tadpoles must be in here. Shut down the coolers! Hey, little guys! Have no fear, Nancy's here!

Fantasy Coup D'Etat League by CHUBBY 10-04-04

Dubya, I'm back on the ticket! That's great news, "Dick". "Dick" & Dubya-- together again! Just like, uh, Dumb and Dumber. But I don't know how to tell Giuliani. It'll break his tiny, flinty li'l heart. I already told him. Yeah? How'd he take the news that you and me is runnin' together agin? Who said anything about you?

(curtseys)

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

On the first comic in your thread, I think you're a little confused on political issues.

Most Republicans, including the current President have several times presented to Congress a compromise on the abortion issue where it would be illegal to use abortion as a form of birth control, but abortion would be legal in cases of rape, incest and medical threat to the mother.

On stem cell research, Bush presented a compromise keeping stem cell research, but disallows the use of stem cells from aborted fetuses. It should also be noted that no actual disease cures or treatments have really stemmed from stem cell research. Some say Reagan could have received some miracle treatment from stem cell research, but that's not the case.

And on Gay Marriage, almost every state in the union has passed their own laws (for whatever reason) making gay marriage illegal. Kerry said he supported it, but then the Catholics harped on him, and now he doesn't. He said the constitutional ammendment was a big campaign issue, and then he didn't bother to vote on it.

And for the record, I'm not a Republican. I just hate people who misrepresent facts. Most tests of political views classify me as a Democrat. And on the above issues I believe in the abortion compromise, the stem cell compromise, and I think anyone of age who wants to get married should be allowed to be married. At the very least, we should have a civil union compromise.

If you want to blast the current administration, then blast them for their actual platforms or actions. Your comics seem to be fueled only be media lies and common misconceptions rather than any semblence of factual information.

As we move towards one of the most highly debated elections in history, I think perhaps there is some slight moral responsibility on the American public to not intentionally spread lies and misinformation that may actually deter people from the cause that you believe in.

I know several Democrats who are seriously considering voting for Bush on the grounds that the campaign for Kerry has been built on lies and waffles up to this point.

It's just my two cents.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

I think you're a little confused about satire.

In the vice-presidential debates back in the day, L. Danforth Quayle was asked what he would do if his daughter was pregnant and abortion was illegal, and he said he would send her to Switzerland and have it done. Look it up.

The rift between the Reagans and the GOP over stem cell research is so serious that Ron Reagan fils spoke at the Democratic convention and has written at least one article skewering Bush, and "Dick" has made some unkind remarks about Nancy. Again, you could look it up.

The Dubya administration, pandering to the Religious Right, came out against gay marriage and even got a constitutional amendment put before congress, which had no chance of passing.
But "Dick's" daughter is a gay, so he came out in favor of gay marriage. Again, look it up.

The point is not whether one is for or against something. (For the record, I am for, against, and against.) My point is that each individual Republican is against something unless it interferes with his personal agenda, in which case he's suddenly for it. They're lying, self-serving, bottom-feeding crooks. It's called satire. Check into it.

If you're against people who misrepresent the facts, why not go fight the real enemy, the Republicans? They've raised it to an art form.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I've never heard the Dan Quayle quote before.

Ol' Ronnie Reagan Jr. has always been a die-hard Democrat.

He also said in his speak that no one in the right mind can find any objection to stem cell research. I'm not sure he's in his right mind.

Why would there be any contraversy if no one had any reason to object?

Some are just frightened of modern advances, and see stem cell research as a lead-in to cloning. Others object at how 50% of stem cell research was done initially on stem cells obtained from aborted fetuses. There are people who are so anti-abortion that they would not want their medicines or treatments to come from aborted fetuses.

Republicans asked for Stem Cell research to be made illegal. Bush responded saying that he supports Stem Cell research, but that as a compromise Stem Cells are not to be harvested from aborted fetuses.

Your comic still basically suggests that the Republicans are stopping the Reagans from Stem Cell research, which isn't true. There are some Democrats who say that Ronald Reagan may still be alive today if they had used Stem Cell research. That's also a lie since Stem Cell research has been done for nearly 10 years right here in Nebraska. They have yet to develop any treatments, any even so, the brain damage had already taken set in Ronald Reagan.

My grandmother just passed away from Alzheimer's last month. I also watched a man I admired and cared about lose most of his mental and physical facilities due to Parkinson's. I really hope cures and treatments are found soon.

If Stem Cell research helps, I'm all for it. But I respect people's desires not to use aborted fetuses.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

The POINT is not whether or not stem cell research is bad, but that Republicans are against something unless it benefits them.
Criminetlies.

"Hey, who should we give tax cuts to?"
"How about rich white guys?"

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

No, that's partisan lies on your part.

Tax cuts to the rich occur under both parties. When one party tries to shift the blame wholly to one side, then you have partisan bullshit.

As I recall, Kerry voted for the tax-break for those over $200,000, as well as 98 tax hikes in general. Funny, that.

Yet, it's all the Republicans fault that a bipartisan Congress passed that bill. Have the Republicans denied passing the bill? Have the lied about the bill?

When did they lie about any of the topics you've mentioned considering that you're blaiming one party for lies?

If you really believe that the Democrats have been honest to you, you're either severely in denial, or stupid.

Both parties are self-serving, and it's an injustice (as well as manipulative bullshit) to claim that one party is to blame.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

You are too stupid to understand my comics, so please do not read them any more.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Ok, Enderandrew. You got me. Time to come clean.

1. Dan Quayle's daughter is not really named "Sanquentin".

2. There is no Swiss language. Swiss speak French, German, Italian, and Romany.

3. Ronald Reagan did not live to be 124.

4. Thawing out stem cells in a microwave is not recommended by the manufacturer (of the microwave or the stem cells).

5. Vice-President "Dick" Cheney does not really have two faces! Haha! That would be physiologically impossible!

6. Sen. Edwards' bedtime is 11:30.

7. He did not microwave a burrito onstage during the debate.

8. "Dick" did not die.

9. "Darnell Jackson" is a fictitious character.

10. There is no "Faux News Network" with Mart & Ferdie.

11. Arlen Specter is not a member of the Nazi party, to the best of my knowledge.

12. Rudy Giuliani is not on the Republican ticket this year.

13. Dubya is not running as VP.

14. "Dick" was not cryogenically frozen.

15. Nancy Reagan is not now, nor has she ever been, a member of the Stem Cell Liberation Army, much less its leader.

16. There is no such corporate entity as "Cryptofascistco."

17. It has not been proven scientifically that a frozen person can be brought back to life. Just shutting off the power to the coolers probably wouldn't do it, and a Turkish bath would probably be no
help at all!

18. Rudy Giuliani's heart is not small for a man of his age and size, nor is it technically "flinty" in the geophysical sense of the word.

18. "Dick" & Rudy did not kick Dubya off the ticket.

19. The Vice-President of the United States does not do "nothing". He is President of the Senate, and casts a vote in the event of a tie.

20. Dubya did not really think Nader was his running mate, nor did Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) lobby for the job.

21. Specter does not love "Dick" or Santorum, but he has a keen professional respect for both gentlemen.

22. There was no Scalia commission, so how could Specter have disputed its findings! Haha! Specter was the attorney on the Warren Commission who developed the "Magic Bullet" theory. Hey, now I get it!

23. The President, his advisors, the First Lady, and the Vice-President rarely hang hang out on the sidewalk in front of the White House.

24. Dubya is most definitely not overqualified to be Vice-President.

So you see, Enderandrew-- if that's your real name-- it was all a tissue of lies!

For further reading, I would suggest:

NANCY
CATHY
LUANN
MOOSE
FERD'NAND

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The Republicrats are just two sides of the same coin. None of them actually give a shit about anything except who can do the most for them and their buddies, while looking like they're doing something for the American people.

The Bush Administration, however, passed the "Patriot Act". That's the only reason I need to want Bush out of office fast. First off, Enderandrew, you need to look up the word "satire".

Second, you say nothing has come of stem cell research as of yet. First off, this is quite untrue, as shown here. Second off, if it WAS true, it would be because the RESEARCH is what's being HALTED by the government. It's hard to get some results when you can't even do the experiment. Scientists speculate that stem cell research is promising, and may hold the keys to a host of cures or treatments. There, as of yet, is no proof that embryonic stem cells are any better than adult stem cell lines. Also, there are proven cases in which adult stem cell treatments have worked. ALREADY TESTED.

Bush is quite outspoken in the gay marriage issue, and even his supporters know this. As a Christian, it runs quite contrary to his beliefs. As a President, it shouldn't matter one fucking bit what he personally believes. Gay people are people, and NOTHING that they do makes them any less than that. They deserve all the rights anyone else does, and the fact that "gay marriage" is even an issue is fucking preposterous. Whether or not you LIKE the idea of two men or two women kissing, fucking, making love, living together, or even getting married should have no goddamn bearing on your politics. So you don't like watching two guys being affectionate with each other as if they were in love. So what? No one should be telling them what choices they should make in life, especially when it does not affect them. And believe me, if it DOES affect you, you need a therapist. Your kids will not become gay because they see gay people any more than your kids will become a ninja just because they've seen them. This should be a non-issue.

And as for abortion, I think it's just sick and sad that anyone would use it as a method of birth control. But WHO THE HELL ARE WE to tell the mother of an unborn child what she can and can't do? Or women in general? Let's say you look at it from a Christian perspective. "It's a baby from the moment its conceived, it has life." Well, okay, so you don't want it dead. Maybe God does. God is omnipotent, right? God gave women the gift/curse of being able to gestate and nurture new life. A mother is responsible for her child. Would you rather she kept the child, since she is obviously not ready to be a mother, and just fucked the kid's life up? Maybe the kid WON'T be fucked up. But isn't it HER choice? If it wasn't a choice she could make, why aren't fetuses beamed into special incubation chambers the moment they are conceived? Why hasn't God given women the ability to incubate children externally?

Unfortunately, these aren't the only issues our right-wing nutjob President has fucked with. We've got the entire Afghanistan/Iraq problem, and everyone in that fucking Presidential seat should be carrying guilt from all the other heinous shit that has been perpetrated under the banner of the American Flag.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

You guys are getting spittle all over my monitor.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You might have a white substance on your monitor, but it sure ain't spittle.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

My monitor is capable of accomodating a variety of substances at any given time.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped for president!

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Get Your War On

Everybody loves "Dick" but they sure as hell dont like CHUBBY.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

In Switzerland they speak Romansch not Romany. Romany is the gypsy language.