We've been enduring another wave of new strippers. Some are good, but some are truly awful. How to screen them and determine who actually has their chops would certainly save the rest of us a lot of pain and suffering, no?

Luckily, the good folks in Princeton, NJ have come up with the Stripcreator Aptitude Test, which is sure to separate the wit from the chafe. Their questions are in comic form, some easier than others. Like:

SAT: A nun, a Mexican and a goat walk into a bar ... by kaufman 11-04-04

LAST CHANCE SALOON What is the correct punchline? A: This tastes like goat piss!. B: Where's the robot? C: You'd think the goat would have seen it. D: Guinness. E: At these prices I'm not surprised.

And that's not even one of the better questions, I'm sure.

Your mission is to provide us with some of the other questions from this admission test. There doesn't have to be an obvious right answer (as in the example above); getting there should be half the fun. Format is up to you, and questions, when needed, can be in the form of a series, rather than a single comic.

So get out your #2 pencils; I'll ask you to put them down, oh, probably around Friday the 12th.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Is multiple entries OK?

Wow. I'm such a dyslexic 'tard. I need to slow down and check my comic more often.

---
Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Multiples are fine, up to a point. The point is somewhere below 86,281,309,442.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Fill in the Blanks by fzh 11-04-04

So I says, "Well, them _____ ________ ain't gonna ________ _________ by themselves!" Ha, ha! ________________ __________________

Best efforts of from a brain shot by three consecutive twenty-four hour work shifts and Dairy Queen ice cream cakes.

CC264: SAT #1. Answer in a yes/no format. by quodlibet 11-04-04

Yesterday I discovered this really cool site called StripCreator.com. I'm making my very first comic. I'll blow their socks off! They won't know what's hit them! Move aside, boorite, kaufman, fzh! Make way for your new daddy! Rats! Hit the wrong button. How do I delete this comic?

CC264: SAT #2: Identify the anomalous panel by quodlibet 11-04-04

A truncated version of Terminators 1-5000 TOBOR rules the world! Death to John Connor! Death! Death! Death!

CC264: SAT #3: The Geography of Comic Spaces by quodlibet 11-04-04

Name the continents. Urinary and anal. What are peninsulas? Swinger states where a few people get to screw American democracy over. A nun, a Mexican and a goat walk into a bar. Where is the bar? Set pretty low so far, I say.

---
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

CC 264: "Hilarity For Dummies": An Instructional Video -- 1 by biped 11-04-04

Look! Me found kitty cat! Are you glad me found kitty cat? I, uh...hmm... Helen's brief hesitation -- and failure to provide the correct response -- proved fatal to a potentially comic dialogue. And now, Blaine and I will demonstrate the correct procedure. Six hours later... ...me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad... ...you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you found kitty cat!

CC 264: "Hilarity For Dummies": An Instructional Video -- 2 by biped 11-04-04

HEE HAW!!! ME DOG ON BALL!!! ME TAKE OVER STUPID CLASS NOW, SO SHUT UP, BUTTFACE!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! HONK-HONK!!! OUT ME WAY!!! HERE ME COME IN BRAND NEW RACE CAR!!! BOING-BWOING!!! BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, YOU SUCK!!! Uh...me, uh...me get chainsaw and...err...kill you with it? Umm...hee haw? Very good, Debbie. You may now lick my balls. W-will that be on the test?

CC 264: "Hilarity For Dummies": An Instructional Video -- 3 by biped 11-04-04

We hope you have enjoyed the preceeding dramatizations. And now, it's time for you to apply what you have learned. Ha ha, that's right, Blaine. So students, please respond to the following set-ups with an appropriate punchline... SET-UP #1: Look! Me found kitty cat! And THIS "pussy" reminded me of YOUR hairy pussy, Grandma! LET'S FUCK!!! SET-UP #2: Debbie, you don't have to worry about this silly old test. Just keep licking my balls, and I'll give you five nice, pretty stars.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC264: The Left vs. The Right by seattlesque 11-05-04

Which is funnier, the left character or the right character? Mr. Clean had a full schedule today. I'm Mr. Dirty, and I'll be filling in for him. Ima FAg then I'll stickit tittyfucker haha fuck you Which is funnier, the left character or the right character? lookat my hary PUSSY I'm gonna rape ya with a STICK dildo!!!!!!!!!! Mrs. Dirty had a full schedule today. I'm Mrs. Clean, and I'll be filling in for her. The same characters are used on the left and right for each frame: spankling1 and then witch-r. Weren't you booked up today? Just leave me alone, I'm trying to figure out if F is funnier than M.

CC 264: Deleted! by BigEvilDan 11-05-04

OH NO I AM ON FIRE HELP ME JESUS I HELP THOSE WHO BJHKL:" You have just accidentally made this comic and want to delete it. How do you end your request for help? A: "Please" B: "plz!!!1" C: "COCKSUCKERS" D: I read the FAQ, so I don't need to ask for help. E: That's pretty damn funny. Why would I delete it?

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

CC264: Question #256321 by seattlesque 11-05-04

Pssst...I can't figure out #256321! "asiangirl1-2 is to bird-l as news-2 is to _______." Why don't you try visualizing it? Ah screw it. I'm just going to leave it blank.

CC264: Racking Pete's Brain by seattlesque 11-05-04

No, not according to the book. "Obscurity makes them funny. By contrast, better-known particles (such as those carrying electric charge) lack intrinsic humor." Who cares, I hate the verbal section anyway. How about we move on to math questions? Well, all right. "Stripcreator comics contain 3 panels. You've used 1 panel for an introduction, and 1 panel for a set-up..." All right, I'm with you so far. "...using photos of tribal women from National Geographic and an upside-down calculator, compute the punch line to the nearest whole number." 5318008. Geesh, even third graders could do that one.

CC264: Explain why each frame fits a "Feeling Horny" theme. by seattlesque 11-05-04

ANSWER KEY: Both goats and devils have horns, literally, on the top of their heads. Sacrificing goats is also an aspect of Satanism, making Hell an appropriate context. All right! Score one for team goat! D'oh! If I'd only looked in a mirror, I'd have had this one. ANSWER KEY: Widely-publicized molestation cases suggest priests are made sexually "horny" by young boys. Police would presumably intervene at some point. What?!? Couldn't the cars just honk, or something?!? I owned *this* one all the way. ANSWER KEY: In the now-extinct Massalat language, "fee-lung horr-nay" is equivalent to what would mean--in English--"Monkey General on Your Anus". But bananas ARE phallic! How many ethnographic linguists read stripcreator, anyway? You're just sore. Phallic bananas... what a Neanderthal!

CC264: 99 Percent Ill by seattlesque 11-05-04

Humor is a completely subjective thing. How can it be *quantified*? As if comedians can sit up there atop their Ivory soap piles, handing out numbers saying what we should laugh at. That's preposterous! If you're worried about your scores, relax. It isn't even a real test, it's just a joke. Well it certainly isn't funny.

256387[/comic]]

---
"Mediocre people do exceptional things all the time." --OK Go

CC 264: Graded on a Recurve by Zaster 11-07-04

Choose a recurring character that will still be funny after 1,047 uses. _______________________________ Your choices are A: terminally ill comedian... I'm dyin' out here. B: "foot up your ass" Jesus... How can I attain the kingdom of heaven, my Lord? Accept my size 9 where the sun don't shine, my child! C: trick question -- no recurring character is still funny after more than 1,024 uses. My eternal reward awaits! Actually, I'm just going to cut your head off.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

CC 246: Fuck this Spelling Test by BigFrank105 11-07-04

Okay class, for the next part of the test you will need to incorrectly spell the following words: Rape, comic, never, people, continuum transfunctioner... I M GOIN TO FUCKIN ROOL ON THIS ONE!!11!!1

I could have sworn that I'd posted these already.

CC264: So You Want To Be A Stripcreator User? 1 by quodlibet 11-07-04

StripCreator Recruitment Centre Tell me, sonny, do you have trouble feeding yourself?. No, sir. Where many aspire... Good, good. Can you retain control of your own sphincters or do you soil yourself when reading StripCreator? Why...yes, sir. ...and few pass. THEN YOU HAVEN'T LAUGHED HARD ENOUGH! GIVE ME TEN, RIGHT NOW! ON THE FLOOR! Sir YES SIR! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!...HA! HA! ...HA!...HA!

CC264: So You Want To Be A Stripcreator User? 2 by quodlibet 11-07-04

StripCreator Recruitment Centre What's wrong with this sentence? 'Kaufman put his cat before his cart.' Um... You stupid? It's blindingly obvious! I...uh...can't... IT'S NOT FUNNY! HA HA HA! HA HA HA! NOW GET DOWN AND GIVE ME TEN! Uh...HA! HA! HAA!...HA! HA! ...HA!...HA!...HA! HA!...HA!

CC264: So You Want To Be A Stripcreator User? 3 by quodlibet 11-07-04

StripCreator Recruitment Centre: The Final Test Spell 'fucking asshole.' Eff-you-see-kay-eye-en-gee eh-ess-ess-haitch-oh-ell-ee. What's the contraction for 'could have'? Could of. Congratulations, you've come this far only to fail! Report to the principal's office for your letter of exile and get out of my face!

---
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

CC CCLIV: wehn a man teeches a women by habnem 11-10-04

wehn a man loves a women, he _____________ i dont no. i'm a dum bich of a hoar. *sigh* i nwe i sohulda maed dis multpile choice. ah! i am lerning.

golly, i love that guy.

---
- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

CC264: Cultural Bias by seattlesque 11-10-04

Accusations of bias on the Stripcreator Aptitude Test run rampant. He eats the lasagna, or there's no lasagna and he doesn't. Everyone knows how to make fun of that. Easy target. Question not fair! No syndicated Garfield on Planet XJ6-GR! Only get Cathy and Dilbert, and Dilbert not even FUNNY! The controversy rages on, bringing racial hostilities to the surface. I don't see how you can say THAT one is racially biased. On the contrary, isn't it a question about *your* people? Whoa whoa there..."*MY* people"? What's THAT supposed to mean? Like if one of us crosses a road, all of us do? Still, like every other standardized test, small Asian girls score best. We study hardest every night, show up earliest...and always get in before other characters do. They so lazy!

...also, reference the RAPP U 11! SAT.

CC264: Mathematics question by mmyers 11-11-04

Question 1: If Kaufman leaves Maryland by trolley, travelling west at 35 mph, and he has a detective following him on a scooter at 36mph, and... Detectives pack their own 'case'. Ivy the plant is hitting golf balls at a rate of 78 mph off a building located in Wisconsin. Assuming the rate is constant, at what point will the golf balls hit the detective? I'm slicing to the left a little today. Ummmm...Wirthling sucks? *sniff* You kids grow up soo fast. Let's move on to the reading portion.

CC264: Rate x time=drunk by mmyers 11-11-04

If Kajun is drinking lager at a rate of 1.5 lagers every 20 minutes and Boorite is drinking two beers every 25 minutes, how long would it be before Boorite surpasses Kajun? Yew're fookin' craz-eh, mate! I'd fook the girls frume the Coors waayy before I'd fook the Dixie Chicks. No-no, no-no, becuz tha' Dizzy Chicks are eh better croz sectun of ladeez. You got tha fat one for leveruge, tha cute one for bonin', and tha smart one for pillow talk. Maybe I should switch the question to, "How many beers before the conversation becomes unintelligible and results in a fist fight?" Tha foookin' Coors, mate, tha fookin' Coors!

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I refuse to answer, based on the principle that I'm stupid. by smamurai 11-11-04

Did you take the SC test today? No, I left it on the desk. Why would I steal a test? Ha! let's hope you were funnier than that on the actual test. How do you think you did? That test raised a lot more questions than answers I thought. Ah! So you are one of these people that think comedic talent cannot be quantified or tested? No I meant I couldn't think of any answers. I failed didn't I?

---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

CC- What is wrong with this picture? by xxausrottenxx 11-11-04

---
xx( o Y o. )xx

5th place: quodlibet, for "So You Want To Be ..."
4th place: habnem, for "Next Time, Do Multiple Choice."
3rd place: seattlesque, for "It all adds up to 5318008."
2nd place: xxausrottenxx, for the simple and sweet "What is wrong with this picture?"
And first place for laugh-out-loud presentation goes to mmyers for "Rate x time=drunk". I, for one, am hoping those battling beer boys show up again as recurring characters.

Good job, everyone.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ah, many thanks to 2K Kaufman and the other fine folks in this CC. I wasn't going to enter anything but then I started reading all the other entries and laughing and it inspired me. New contest up soon.

I too would like to see more Kajun vs. Boorite wisdom.

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Hee hee. I forgot to post my second entry. I guess that, just for Ss and/or Gs, I'll post it now:

CC CCLIVb: Nightmare Exam Board by habnem 11-11-04

Dean Trout... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a tree fell in the forest? Professor Donkey... Have you seen my dentures? ...and, of course, Dr. Sticks-His-Dick- In-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking- In-The-Other-Direction. Oh my! I seem to have dropped my calculator! Running start in 3...2...1...

---
- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Toilet Humor by Valentina 1-30-05

...so I was saying to Eileen, when do you ever STOP menstruating? And she said, when I stop being a feminist! 'Cause, you know, those bitches just won't quit. I see that you have refined the art of tacky comments and visual snafu. Well, if you're going to be like that-- Am I smiling, or frowning? Maybe I just have to pee.